I would like to propose a moratorium on the use of lockets and rings as synecdoches for character motivations within films. It's lazy.
Spider-Man 3 is also fairly lazy, though there are some good scenes in it, and it does look like the filmmakers have learned a few things. The film was a fairly decent little romantic comedy about a love triangle involving the frequently concussed and mentally ill, but then a bunch of superhero stuff happened and whatnot.
The movie starts off fairly well: Spidey is the King of New York, but Harry Osborne, the "New Goblin" (as he is called on the credits and on a cereal box I saw yesterday) wants him dead. The first fight scene is actually engaging due to the decision to keep Tobey Magurie unmasked. We got some emotional currency that way, so it was more like watching a movie and a lot less like watching someone else play a video game.
Anyhoo, New Goblin bangs his head, causing what the doctor calls a loss to his "short-term memory", though he actually means long-term memory. So all is hunky-dorey in Harryville, but there is more trouble for Peter. A meteor crashed nearby and it's full of evil melted licorice, and the heretofore unknown second shooter of his Uncle Ben has escaped prison, received a locket from his precious dying daughter, and then fell right into one of those inexplicable late-night open-air particle physics experiments involving sand that scientists always seem to be throwing instead of orgies. Wazzambo, he's the Sandman!
The licorice knits Peter Parker a new suit, and as my mother warned me black clothing would do back when I was a child, it turns him crazy and evil. The filmmakers here take a page from Ron Howard, who in A Beautiful Mind had the laziest method of portraying madness ever - when Nash was insane, his bangs fell across his forehead. When he was normal, his hair was neatly combed.
Another thing swiped from Howard: daughter Bryce Dallas, a great actress given nothing to work with and a horrid blonde dye job. She plays Gwen Stacy, also known as Random Girl #3.
Mary Jane, upset about being a Broadway flash in the pan, alienates Evil Banged Pete, who gets even the only way an evil nerd knows how: he eats too many cookies, yells at his slumlord for being a slumlord, and dances at a jazz club. (Told ya it was the devil's music!) Oh yes, and he also stands up for journalistic integrity, like all Dark Heroes. It's sort of like the bit in one of those Superman movies. In fact, I'm sure someone said "Hey, remember that Superman movie when they were fighting in the junkyard and stuff. Let's do that, but also mix in Satruday Night Fever and Revenge of the Nerds!" For all its derivative nature, it's actually pretty amusing.
Evil Pete also takes on the Sandman in a New York City subway station that is hundreds of feet deep and had a half dozen wooden rail tracks criss-crossing a cavernous, yet oddly rat-free, expanse. Remember Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom? You know, that mine? Yup. As it turns out, if you pour water on sand, you make it upset and trigger an indentity crisis, so Spidey KILLS the man who KILLED his uncle. No, not the guy from the first movie, the guy from just right now. You know, like in Batman.
Thanks to a coincidental church bell, the licorice suit ends up on That 70s Show, who becomes Venom, and like all monsters with big mouths, says "AAAARRRRR!" before doing anything. Well, not quite anything. I mean, it's not like we see him pick up his dry-cleaning and then when the clerk asks for his ticket he hangs open his jaw, goes "AAAAAAAARRR!" and hands it over, then complains about the blueberry speck left on his lapel. But it's close.
That 70s Show and a reconstituted Sandman decide to team up to beat Spidey, and use the never-fail (and by never-fail I mean always-fail) method of kidnapping Mary Jane and placing her somewhere really high up. Spidey gets squished, but New Goblin shows up ready to help his pal kick ass with his Spencer's Gifts inventory of deadly weapons. Spidey defeats Venom with the help of an improvised vibraphone and then defeats Sandman with the smug moral superiority of a Boy Who Learned.
New Goblin gets skewered and conveniently dies, so that the film can end with a funeral (like in the first movie) and because, let's face it, the only reason that kid was in the first movie was because he had a passing resemblance to Willhem Dafoe, who ain't gonna keep doing voice over work and two second cameos salvaged from second unit shots indefinitely. Also, Peter and MJ start boning again.
I will say that this movie was better than the first two, primarily due to the extended comic elements which were missing in the humorless installments, and because the action scenes were crisper. The masks were often off, which is SO handy in maintaining my interest, and the Z-axis was well used in the fight choreography. I have no idea what the hell anyone who wasn't a big nerd back in 1985 will make of the alien licorice/Venom subplot, but That 70s Show does know how to crank up the Eddie Haskellesque smarm, which works.
But God, get rid of the lockets, get rid of the Stan Lee cameos, and for the love of Pete (Parker that is), stop hanging Kirsten Dunst off the side of major landmarks.
