However, my comment about "rule-playing" (Hey Psion!

) was not about what you mention above. What I was trying to get across was that the 3.x rules not promote role-playing (but they don't not promote them either). What the ruleset does promote is more along the lines of meta-gaming, of over planning a character to the point that a shift in the campaign can very much make the character you were (over the course of numerous levels) developing almost useless. That to make a useful character, most players (and please note that I find EN Worlders to be the exception to this in general) will spend more time pouring over the rules trying to find the best twink or tweak or Prc or Feat or whatever, to make their characters the best possible.
In other words, the gamers (again, EN Worlders seem to be the execption) spend more time worrying about the rules and how they aply to their character (or how their character can use them to their best advantage) than to role-playing the character itself.
So, does that mean that you are not playing in any game that is based on the d20/3.x ruleset?
3.x promotes a very specific style of play. By doing that, it actually IS telling you how to play. Some specific examples include things like the alignment restrictions on Paladins and Monks. Those alignment restrictions are "dictating" how to play.
The experience system is heavily biased towards killing things and taking their stuff. That is another method of dictating how to play. Yes, I know that is not the only way of gaining xp, but it is the predominant method, and as such it reinforces the implicit style of play that 3.x promotes.
As a counter-example, look at the the experience system for HARP. In HARP, you gain xp for accomplishing goals, and it is possible for just about anything to be a goal. Get the ambassador to sign the treaty - goal. Go kill those orcs - goal. Rescue the princess who got lost in the woods - goal. By being goal based, and allowing the GM (and sometimes even the players) to determine what constitutes a goal, it doesn't promote a specific style, thus it is not "dictating" to to you, telling you how to play the game.