Stupid Player Syndrome

[Evilhalfling]

I had one player that scared me for life - I giggle every time I watch a certain type of dramatic moment in movies-
2nd Ed the party is coming down a spiral stair into a dungeon- they find an anchient man in platemail dying on the staircase he starts whispering -
"at the bottom of this stair case there is a ghost....."
One player jumps up " you tried to fight a ghost? no wonder your so F***ed up what were you thinking ......" and he rants for 5 minutes about how dumb this old guy was. The man gave up and died before whispering his last words, which were of course a valuable clue.
Everytime I watch a movie where characters are gathered around a dying man waiting for his importatant last words, I imagine this reaction.

 

[MerricB]

I posted some stories earlier in this thread about stupid things my players have done.

Here's something I actually did. Bear with me - it was one of my first times of playing D&D, ever.

Back in the halcyon days of AD&D, I decided my favourite class was the magic-user. Unfortunately, AD&D had a lot of things in it designed to completely frustrate the novice magic-user. One of these things was the way your initial spell book was determined.

Yes, it was randomly generated. If you were very "lucky", your only offensive spell would be friends (+2d4 charisma). That isn't that great now - it was even worse in those days. I wasn't that "lucky", though. I had shocking grasp.

One thing about being a 1st level wizard with 3 hit points and a AC of 10 - shocking grasp ain't the easiest spell to use. As the game went on, I progressively was getting more and more bored. I believe I cast my spell, and couldn't hit anything with it.

So, I persuaded one of the fighters to come with me, and we approached a previously unremarked door. I touched the doorknob and discharged my shocking grasp spell. Not unsurprisingly, no monster happened to be touching the other side of the door - and there was no thump of my first kill.

Instead, entering the room, we found an extremely large and unhurt ogre. It decided we were lunch. My fighter friend charged into melee, and turned to me.

"What spells can you use on it?" he asked.

This is AD&D. I had one spell only, and I'd just used that on a door.

Ogres kill lone fighters with a useless magic-user for back-up real easily, I found.

There's another stupid player story with myself in the starring role that I can think of, but I'll leave that for another day.

Incidentally, that story is one reason I think the 1E DMG is overrated - it has the idiotic system for randomly determining magic-user spells.

Cheers!

 

[kigmatzomat]

This is particularly stupid since making ranged attacks draws attacks of opportunity, the same as spellcasting.

Except, of course, that with spellcasting, he has the option to make defensive casting checks, and with ranged weapons, he doesn't.

*I* know that and *you* know that.....

To be honest though, I disallow some AoO's based on situation. A sightless worm with virtually no intelligence is incapable of recognizing someone dropping their guard by casting a spell or using a bow, especially if they do so without moving around.

Of course, they will pay attention to the direction painful arrows and spells came from so they can enact revenge.

 

[Piratecat]

At the first gaming con I ever went to (Council of Five Nations in upstate New York, back in 1989) I had made it to the final round of the 3 round RPGA tournament. It had been a weekend with very little sleep. At the end of the module we had tracked down the demon who was killing people and we managed to bind him with a potion of demon control; It had to do exactly whatever we ordered it to do. It was too tough for us to kill, but at least we had captured it to show the authorities! In a fit of pique, the demon cast darkness on itself just to be stubborn.

"Stop that!" I told it.

"I can't," the demon replied smugly from within its globe of darkness.

"Well, can't you just dispel it or something?"

It was the fatigue talking, and I knew as soon as the words were out of my mouth that I had made a horrible mistake. I said "Noooooooo!" but the DM just grinned. "The demon casts dispel magic on itself. The darkness goes away, and so does the effect of the potion. Roll for initiative."

The look the other players aimed at me was withering.

 

[Argent Silvermage]

It's Me...

I have to admit I pull off some very ill thought out moves as Bolo (and every other character I play.) The latest you can read about in Wizardru's story hour probably tomorrow.

We even have joke about a special spell voteing/vetoing ability when Bolo tries something unusual.

Case in point.

The Meepites are all in the lair of a half Marilith/half Kyton. The room is filled with chains that she has animated (causing a huge amount of damage to all inside automaticly.) Bolo decides to cast the spell Mandragora (from Masters otW) The spell grants true seeing to all of the casters allies as long as they make a saving throw. no sweat we make most saves as long as we don't roll a one....

Sure enough Both Bolo and Aethramyr (the only allies in the area of effect) roll a 1 for the save. Now the side effect if you don't make your save is confusion... we walked around in a daze it was awful.

 

[Kilmore]

Thing gamers have taught me during roleplaying.

1. Taunting Darth Vader over the holographic communicator can be a breathtaking experience.

2. You can always find your friends at a table of well armed mercenaries by blowing his plasti-flesh disguise off with a concussion grenade.

3. Allowing the ship's unstable doctor access to your gametes is a method of reproduction.

4. Busting a terrorist swordswoman out of the city's most secure prison does not guarantee you a trusting friend and ally in the future, no matter how cute she is.

5. Letting said terrorist swordswoman go her own way is a surefire road to fame when she writes her autobiography.

6. The big red rope hanging from the ceiling is for pulling upon.

7. Burning Hands is a painful but effective treatment for crabs.

8. The dwarf is a missile weapon.

 

[Stormrunner]

Thing gamers have taught me during roleplaying.
...
2. You can always find your friends at a table of well armed mercenaries by blowing his plasti-flesh disguise off with a concussion grenade.
....

So, I'm guessing the scene went like this?

Player: Which one of the mercenaries is my friend in disguise?

DM: You don't know, he's in disguise.

Player: OK, I throw a grenade into the middle of the table, and the one whose face blows off is my friend.

DM: Not anymore he's not.

Oy!

 

[Kilmore]

Actually, he was just bored and wanted to pick a fight. He didn't know that Doc was there. I worse than killed him for it... I had them shoot him up so bad he had to spend 3 months in the bacta tank, and then he got reassigned to administration duty for the next 6 months. He came out of that with a wicked Admin skill.

 

[Kalen_Darkstar]

Dont yell boo at the rats

I made this mistake while going through the temple of elemental evil. My character looked up and saw the hind quarters of a large rat going around a corner down a hallway so i walked down there and figuring i could scare it off being a six foot three inch figure carrying a broad sword i stepped around the corner and screamed booooo! The dm thought this was funny as waiting around the corner were several dire rats and their young. The rest of the party having watched me walk to the corner then watched as i was latched onto by the oversized vermin.

 

[Ogre Mage]

Too stupid to live

We have one incredible idiot player in our group.

1. He spends a lot of time standing around in combat basically doing nothing or useless s**t like throwing non-poisoned darts at a troll.

2. He ran a non-monk character and tried to b!**h slap a huge earth elemental (unarmed attack) and was killed by the resulting attack of opportunity.

3. He ran a sorceress who ran up in front of an iron golem and tried to cast burning hands. She was killed by the attack of opportunity. :\

4. In non combat situations he wastes time on stupid actions like sitting around and eating a zombie foot.

5. One time he sat down and played solitare during a melee.

If Natural Selection applied, this individual would be removed from the D&D gene pool. He is a nice guy but when playing D&D he is an annoying useless retarded turkey. Frankly, I feel he is a gold and XP vampire, draining our resources while contributing almost nothing.