Stupid Player Syndrome

[Kilmore]

We have one incredible idiot player in our group.

1. He spends a lot of time standing around in combat basically doing nothing or useless s**t like throwing non-poisoned darts at a troll.

2. He ran a non-monk character and tried to b!**h slap a huge earth elemental (unarmed attack) and was killed by the resulting attack of opportunity.

3. He ran a sorceress who ran up in front of an iron golem and tried to cast burning hands. She was killed by the attack of opportunity. :\

4. In non combat situations he wastes time on stupid actions like sitting around and eating a zombie foot.

5. One time he sat down and played solitare during a melee.

If Natural Selection applied, this individual would be removed from the D&D gene pool. He is a nice guy but when playing D&D he is an annoying useless retarded turkey. Frankly, I feel he is a gold and XP vampire, draining our resources while contributing almost nothing.

I would wonder why that person is playing. Then I'd wonder why the party kept him. Also I would discuss the player recieving XP for encounters that he ignored or acted totally useless in, whether it was in character or not. If the character deserves XP for acting in character, let him get character XP, NOT group XP earned from the encounters he had better things to do during.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

Nope...He would NOT be getting XP or cash for crap like that.

 

[Kilmore]

Nope...He would NOT be getting XP or cash for crap like that.

I would let the party determine how they split the cash. Personally, if I was a player, he'd be lucky if I gave him 10 copper to bug off.

 

[TheAuldGrump]

Yes, it was randomly generated. If you were very "lucky", your only offensive spell would be friends (+2d4 charisma). That isn't that great now - it was even worse in those days. I wasn't that "lucky", though. I had shocking grasp.

Heh, one of my first characters (generated at 2nd level) had affect normal fires and unseen servant as his spells.

He managed to use them to convince the rest of the party that he was the hottest wizard around... Torches flaring just before he enters the room, the pitcher floating off the table and poring him a drink, while he calmly asks ' so why should I work with you?'

Of course the first combat we faced didn't go so well...

Another I will always treasure is in one of the first games I ever ran, where the party was sneaking up on a castle under siege. "Aha!" Says the wizard, "I have Feather Fall memorized, put me in one of the catapults and launch me over the castle walls!" The problem of course is that rocks travel better from a catapult than wizards, and so while a rock of his weight went over the wall he just went into them.

And the number of parties fried by the same player using fireball in confined spaces would fill a morgue. (1st ed AD&D's fireball filled a 33,000 cubic feet area. Cast it in a 30x30x10 foot room and the rest of the blast would travel 240 ft. down the corridor, and if the only corridor was the one that the party was standing in, well...) Yet he always played a wizard.

Then there was the convention game where the ranger untied the rope holding the chandelier and tried swinging on it. The chanalier weighed more than he did, so up he went to the ceiling. Because of the stupid falling rules that the DM used made falling so incredibly lethal (taken out of the original Unearthed arcana) he decided that the best thing to do was wait until we rescued him. Unfortunately we forgot about him. Not deliberately, not to harm his character, we just forgot he was up there, and when things went against the party we left, leaving him up there.

The Auld Grump

 

[fredramsey]

Sometimes my players won't ask NPCs questions. For example: They met a former adventurer/now "good" vampire who, 500 years ago, helped defeat the BBEG who is now back for more. She told them this. Not one of them asked, "Gee, how did you defeat him then?" nor any other questions...

I still shake my head at that.

 

[MerricB]

Because of the stupid falling rules that the DM used made falling so incredibly lethal (taken out of the original Unearthed arcana) he decided that the best thing to do was wait until we rescued him.

Ah yes, the UA falling rules.

You know, they're the original D&D falling rules. They got mistakenly edited to the form we know today (1d6 per 10' fallen) - probably because Gary didn't explain them well enough.

For those unaware of the original falling rules, they were meant to be:
10' - 1d6 damage
20' - 1d6 + 2d6 (=3d6) damage.
30' - 1d6 + 2d6 + 3d6 (=6d6) damage.
40' - 10d6 damage
50' - 15d6 damage
60'+ - 20d6 damage (capped at 20d6)

Unfortunately we forgot about him. Not deliberately, not to harm his character, we just forgot he was up there, and when things went against the party we left, leaving him up there.

Hehe!

Cheers!

 

[Berandor]

Well, this is me:
I was playing a wizard who had already attained 7th level or so. The party opened a dungeon door to see into the next room. Chained to a wall are two hungry dogs, while six arrow slits cover the side walls. Across the room is another door. My wizard, having a scroll of "protection from arrows", casts the spell and enters the room with outspread arms as an invitation to the archers. I mimick said outspread arms as an invitation to the DM.
The archers were long gone. The dogs, weren't. One critical and one normal bite later, my wizard had only 3 hit points of 25 left (the crit was for 16 damage, as I recall).
We're still making jokes about that.

 

[DungeonmasterCal]

The archers were long gone. The dogs, weren't.

Bwaahaaahaa!!!! I can just see it! Thanks--I needed a good Mt. Dew spew out the nose to get my day started!

 

[Jalkain]

And the number of parties fried by the same player using fireball in confined spaces would fill a morgue. (1st ed AD&D's fireball filled a 33,000 cubic feet area. Cast it in a 30x30x10 foot room and the rest of the blast would travel 240 ft. down the corridor, and if the only corridor was the one that the party was standing in, well...) Yet he always played a wizard.
The Auld Grump

This was the reason I always played the wizard in my old 1st Ed gaming group - I was the only one who could consistently manage to cast Fireball without including party members in it's area of effect. However, if I ever missed a session, my character would be looked after by a guy called Steve.

Jalkain: So, how was last night's session?
DM: Oh, Steve fried the party with Fireball, twice, and then sent your magic-user into melee against 4 manticores, so you didn't run out of spells. Oh, and he's filled all your 5th level slots with Passwall again.

 

[VirgilCaine]

Ah yes, the UA falling rules.

You know, they're the original D&D falling rules. They got mistakenly edited to the form we know today (1d6 per 10' fallen) - probably because Gary didn't explain them well enough.

For those unaware of the original falling rules, they were meant to be:
10' - 1d6 damage
20' - 1d6 + 2d6 (=3d6) damage.
30' - 1d6 + 2d6 + 3d6 (=6d6) damage.
40' - 10d6 damage
50' - 15d6 damage
60'+ - 20d6 damage (capped at 20d6)

Cheers!

Thats a LOT more realistic! I like 'em!