D&D 5E Survivor Core Classes- Fighter Wins!

[rgoodbb]

Foghorn slid down a tentacle and splashed into the water. He had so much fun, he had to do that again. He athletically climbed back up to repeat the waterslide adventure.

Penelope spotted more wriggly mites on the boat and decided to address them all telepathically.

“Wriggly mites. Have you brought me the gift of this boat?”

Pur-Ging, being a Monk of the 4 elements, spoke Primordial and so understood.

“What’s he saying?” Asked Gucci.

“It thinks we’re the Riglamites.”

“Who are they?”

“Damned if I know……………..Mighty Kraken.”

“Penelope.”

“Pardon me?”

“My name is Penelope. Why do I have to be always reminded of how big and mighty I am? It’s not easy hiding these curves.”

“What’s he saying now?”

“She.”

“He’s saying she?”

“No he is a she”

“How do you know?”

”She’s wearing a bloody bikini what do you think?”

At this point they all heard a whooping and a splash and Foghorn hit the water.

“….Penelope. We wish to trade this bottle of Retisna wine and a small bag of olives for your aid.”

“Ooh. Is that the one that tastes like pine?”

“Urhm. Yes. It’s bloody awf…Awesome! Here…..Tell me Penelope, what are your thoughts on the Gods?”………………………………….

 

[BoldItalic]

"Gods? I'm not sure," thought Penelope, "aren't they a kind of herring?"

"That's quite not what I meant," replied Pur-Ging diplomatically, and he projected a though-image of Poseidon looking important.

"Oh, him. I created him to frighten the fishes. Well, I was bored. He hasn't been worrying you, has he?"

"No, no, he's no trouble at all. Quite the opposite. Um, do you know what I mean by Atlantis?"

"Oh yes, a big piece of missing sea. I put Poseidon there and told him he was to stay there, but he's a naughty boy and doesn't do what his mummy tells him. I mean, children today, what can you do?"

Pur-Ging was struggling to cope with size of the Kraken's thoughts. She had a brain the size of the Crete, after all. "We'd like you to put sea where the missing bits are," was the best he could do. "To make the sea nicer."

 

[BoldItalic]

Penelope set to work, re-arranging the hexagonal tiles on the battlemap and replacing Atlantis with sea. This meant that she had a lot of coastal and rocky tiles spare, so instead of putting them back into the box she made a pretty shape with them further to the west and called it North America. Some whales were quite annoyed because it meant they had to swim a long way south to the Antarctic Ocean and back up again to get to their summer feeding grounds, and there were some squirrels that turned grey with worry because all the trees were suddenly wrong, but you can't make bricks without breaking eggs, can you?

With Atlantis gone, there wasn't any arcane magic in the world any more and wizards and sorcerers couldn't do spells. No matter how much they twiddled their fingers and mumbled, nothing happened. Scrolls crumbled to dust, and some other magic items stopped working altogether when their batteries eventually went flat. Also, a surprising number of potted plants turned back into embarrassed-looking men in silly robes who slunk away, bought suits and became accountants.

"Well," said Foghorn from the deck of the barge, "we certainly altered the course of history that time."

"Point is, though," mused Cholmondeley, "How do we actually get home?"

 

[Lanefan]

"Well, we've still got this barge" said the ever-wise Sister Jericho, "if home's anywhere we can reach by sea; and I can plane-shift us - well, most of us - if home's on another world. Problem is, in all this bouncing around we've done lately I've become quite disoriented, and I'm not quite sure exactly where home is."

Then an awful thought struck her: "Foghorn, sinking Atlantis - that DID only take out arcane magic, right, and not divine as well? I ask because, you see, in the seminary they taught us that arcane and divine magic were kind of two branches of the same thing..." and she tried casting a simple spell. It simply failed.

And at about this point Gucci and Freedo each turned a sickly shade of white (when your skin is normally green, turning white is not good) and slowly collapsed to the barge deck. It was Keyes who made the connecton first: "Foghorn! Sister Jericho - they're dying! They're magic-based creatures and can't survive in a world without it! Get that Kraken back and get her to undo what she did or they're doomed! We'll take our chances with the taxwoman."

Realizing this had become a situation where someone had to Take Charge, Cholmondley stepped to the bow of the barge and at the top of his rather booming voice bellowed "PENELOPE! YOU MADE A MISTAKE! WE - WE MADE A MISTAKE! COME BACK!!!"

And Penelope, magic-starved herself and in all kinds of difficulty, barely heard him......

Hermes turned to Thor: "Good job, buddy - I think you just broke the game."

"No problem" said Thor. "I got this."

 

[rgoodbb]

"No problem" said Thor. "I got this."

"Dad!"

"What?"

"Can I take Munin out for a spin?"

"No."

"Plllllllleeeaaaaeease."

"Humf"

"Thankyou."

"Just make sure it comes back with no scratches."

"OK."

"And make sure your home before axe throwing hour"

"See ya'"

Thor took Munin (Memory) the Giant Raven and soared around the earth skimming the waters and flying under the earth when he got to the end bit. It was a sharp turn at the edge but now flying upside down underneath. he spied Hela, Hades and all the other inhabitants of the underhell.

Thor used lightning to fly/slide accross to speed up his journey. He was getting thirsty and luckily for him, this latest model came with a beer holder. As he ended his journey the memories should have faded.


At this point they all heard a whooping and a splash and Foghorn hit the water.

At this point they all heard a whooping and a splash and Foghorn hit the water.

At this point they all heard a whooping and a splash and Foghorn hit the water.

At this point they all heard a whooping and a splash and Foghorn hit the water. ter. ter. ter..........

“….Penelope. We wish to trade this bottle of Retisna wine and a small bag of olives for your aid.”

“Ooh. Is that the one that tastes like pine?”

“Urhm. Yes. It’s bloody awf…Awesome! Here…..Tell me Penelope, what are your thoughts on the Gods?”…………………

 

[BoldItalic]

On the western coast of Atlantis lay the City of the Sea Turtle, so named because sea turtles from all over the ocean passed by there, on the long journey back to their hatching grounds in Africa. In the local dialect, the name was pronouned Sea_xt^xxtle. A few miles from the city, on a promontory overlooking the ocean, there was an important wizards' tower, one of the four Primary Elemental Towers of Atlantis. The other three were thousands of miles away in remote fastnesses of the interior, but this one related to the Element of Water and so it naturally had to be near the ocean. To distinguish them from their distant colleagues, the wizards who worked there were called "Wizards of the Coast".

When the ripples in time that were about to have been going to have been caused by Penelope's re-arrangement of the world reached the wizards, they immediately called a Gathering to decide what to do. A junior wizard was sent to the library to look for a Hold Kraken scroll but he couldn't find one. The safest option seemed to be to shift the whole of Atlantis onto a different plane of reality temporarily, then shift it back when the danger was over. It took a prodigious amount of primal energy, but they did it. Luckily, they escaped just moments before Penelope re-positioned Sea_xt^xxtle into the United States. Everyone congratulated the Archmage, whose name meant He Who's Done It All because he had done everything and that's why he was chosen for Archmage. He was affectionally known to all his people as Who's Done for short.

Hanging in the void of alternate reality, the wizards prepared to restore Atlantis and pump arcane energy back into the mundane world. But just when it seems that nothing could go wrong, a crackly voice from a crystal orb reported "Problem, Who's Done" and all the cantrips went out. Atlantis was stranded.

Thor sensed trouble and wheeled to a stop. This was not going to be so easy ...

 

[BoldItalic]

Thor quickly slipped on a set of blue overalls, slung his #1 Universal Repair Kit over his shoulder and reported to Who's Done. "Maintenance," he grunted authentically.

"We have a total system malfeasance," declared the Archmage. "It's urgent. Fix it."

"Have you tried hitting it with a hammer?"

"Wut?!"

"Works for me."

The archmage turned away, thinking who is this idiot? and started to operate a scrying globe. As he chanted out co-ordinates, it lit up and showed a beaked face staring unconcernedly out at him. He did a double take. "Okay men," he called out, "I've found the problem. We've got a turtle blocking the #3 bypass."

"It must be a very big turtle," commented a middle-ranking wizard quietly. "Those by-pass tunnels are five miles across."

Ignoring this technicality because it didn't fit with what he had made up his mind was happening, the Archmage ordered Chimes of Opening to be brought up from the store-rooms. On a chant of "Doh, a deer, .." the chimes were struck in unison and gigantic bronze doors decorated with sea serpents began to swing open ponderously to release the trapped turtle. It swam away slowly into the ether, carrying five giant elephants on its back.

With the magic thrumming through the tower again, the Archmage started shouting orders. It was time to push Atlantis back into the Prime Material plane. Thor slipped away. As it turned out, he left not a moment too soon ...

 

[Redthistle]

Hanging in the void of alternate reality, the wizards prepared to restore Atlantis and pump arcane energy back into the mundane world. But just when it seems that nothing could go wrong, a crackly voice from a crystal orb reported "Problem, Who's Done" and all the cantrips went out. Atlantis was stranded.

Thor sensed trouble and wheeled to a stop. This was not going to be so easy ...

The allusion took me a moment on this one.

"Who's Done, we have a problem."

A pun that sneaks up on you, and subtly points a finger at Apollo.

That's good. Blame it all on that other pantheon.

 

[BoldItalic]

The allusion took me a moment on this one.

"Who's Done, we have a problem."

A pun that sneaks up on you, and subtly points a finger at Apollo.

That's good. Blame it all on that other pantheon.

One of the space shuttles was called Atlantis but nothing memorable ever went wrong with it so I borrowed the line from somewhere else. Can't think where ...

 

[BoldItalic]

"Welcome home, gentlemen. We have splashdown," announced the Archmage.

"Er ... where?" asked Moore The Lesser.

"What?"

"According to my calculations, we are thousands of miles too far west in an undiscovered continent beyond Greenland. Did anyone allow for the earth's rotation while we were away?

There was a moment's silence, before the Archmage rounded squarely on everybody at once and started handing out blame.

"Sir! Sir!" called an urgent voice. It was Under Ling, the oriental dwarf, who was peering at some Argand Diagrams. "We've twisted through 90° in the Complex Plane! We've been multiplied by the square root of minus one! We have become imaginary!"

"Do I look imaginary to you?" growled the Archmage. "Well, do I?"

"No, sir."

"Then stop trying to be clever. Haven't you got some logarithm tables to be varnishing?"

"Yes, sir, sorry sir."

"Right!"

So saying, the Archmage stepped out of the tower and walked over to the outlook to check that the sea was correctly seaworthy. Except it wasn't. Where there should have been the sea was a lake and on the lake there were some small wooden boats bobbing up and down, crewed by what looked like large goldfish. A fish called Knoah has sensed that something cataclysmic had been about to happen and had built lifeboats. They were carp arks.

---

"Did you feel that?" asked Foghorn. "A sort of distant thud?"

"I think the magic is coming back," said Sister Jericho. "Only, it's not the same." As she said this, the two goblins started to recover their colour but at the same time they became less real. "Everybody," she cried in alarm, "We have to believe very hard in goblins!" and she got out some pieces of paper and wrote Goblins exist on them very firmly in green ink.