Tales From The Old Bald One-Eyed Salty Red Dog Tavern! (chapter 1, now closed)

[Gray Shade]

Berserker Bill nudges Ranti and bobs his eyebrows up and down. "Eh? Eh? We're in!"
In the hall, he stops to examine the gargoyle mask suspiciously, then follows the man, saying, "Yes, yes, the hand that washes each other's back and all that. I understand. We're in on this sort of game. But where is Sir Dudley?"

 

[Ranger Rick]

As Desert walks in he stares at the gargoyle head. Desert than sloftlydrawls in a most coherent fashion, "Should we not know where this gentlemen itches before you commit to scratching? For all we know his itch is caused by a disgusting STD."

 

[Gray Shade]

" . . . ummmm . . . errrr . . . " Berserker Bill wonders if there's a NON-disgusting STD. He concludes there isn't but continues to follow the wizard.

 

[Lazlow]

"Sir Dudley?" He stops a moment and thinks, then looks back up at you. "Oh, he's around, don't worry. He's a stand-up guy - always on the square." He then giggles, evidently pleased with himself.

He speaks as he continues down the hall. "As I said, my task is a simple one. I need you to find my dear boy Rocky for me. I let him out last night to chase off a band of those annoying hob-goblins and he didn't return. Quite unlike him. Oh, I'm sure he's fine, but still, I'd like him home. Ah, here we are."

Stopping towards the end of the hallway, he gestures upward at a large painting hanging on the wall. It is a portrait, with Al the Wizard obviously being the main subject. He is standing, wearing similar clothing, with one hand resting on a crystal ball, the other on the head of a strange looking beast - reptilian, rust-colored, with eight legs and a long thick tail. Several dozen spikey barbs jut out from the top of its head, continuing down its back. In a similar fashion, several sharp, pointy teeth jut out from it's lower jaw (which has a pronounced underbite) - and unbelievable as it seems, the beast seems to be smiling. Its eyes are a peculiar bright whitish-silver, even though they don't appear to have pupils or corneas of any sort.

"My dear, dear beloved boy Rocky. I'm sure he's fine, but he's getting along in age now, and he needs his medicine before too long. Blind in one eye, don't you know. Which reminds me, you'd do well to come up on his right side if at all possible." He opens a drawer in a nearby side table and gets something out. "Here is a spare hood and leash, young lady," he says, handing the apparatus to K.

"I imagine he'd be off to the East a ways - that's where the hob-goblins have made their camp. I suppose you could just follow the trail of statues... Well, I have much work to do, and we're burning daylight. I bid you adieu." He raises his hand toward the door, inviting you back down the hall and outside.

 

[Wystan]

I pull Bill aside and state:
[sblock]"Based on this fellows comments abour dudley and the additional comments about the beast he has us looking for I would assume that Sir Dudley is now statuary in the garden of this mad imp"[/sblock]

I then turn to the 'mage' himself and state:
"Good sir Al, we come seeking information. It appears that you have lost your pet and we would be willing to try to assist, at least I assume we will assist. That of course is up to Captain Sherriff Berzerker Mister Bill here. However I do feel the need to point out that the building in which you reside is dready and dull and needs livening up. I think that you need spice in your wardrobe and color in your drapes. A skilled Engineermagus should be able to add windows to the upper stories and banners proclaiming your greatness and irritability to amaze and keep others away. Maybe make them in mages light so that they can flow like water and keep the night sky alive as well. You could then charge admission and make a small to middling fortune on the small minds of others, you could eventually retire to a small cottage by a lake with someone to watch the tower and funnel a percentage of the proceeds to you. I can assist in making the costumes and the clothes used by the servants and caretakers.

I think that a nice bright orange-yellow ensamble for yourself and a more subdued ochre for the staff and such. You could then open a gift shop where you sell small magical trinkets, such as a button with an image and a statement that they toured 'Al's amazing tower'. Then a food area where you could sell sausages and ale and lemon water and the like for an exhorbitant markup. I mean where else in the area would they get food.

As the god R'ngl'ng said 'There is a Sucker born every minute and a business man every 5 to take advantage of them', I would like to help you be that business man. Based on your comments about the statues, yu could also have a topiary/statuary garden where you can show off marvels of carving and listen to people say how 'lifelike' they are."

 

[Gray Shade]

Berserker Bill gives Ranti a knowing look and touches the side of his nose, then says, probably too loud. "You may be right, elf. Gods, how I hate wizards."

To Al the Wizard he smiles and says, "Trust me, I can sympathize with you wishing to get back your multi-legged friend, especially with him getting older and handicapped and all; however, I have need of Sir Dudley, not just information on the orb. If you agree to produce Sir Dudley, and provide the information, then we will bring back this 'Rocky,' in exchange . . . for Sir Dudley and the information on the location of the orb."

If he agrees, then Berserker Bill, not having pieced it together quite yet, will ask, "What does this Rocky look like, anyway?"

 

[Lazlow]

Al listens to both Ranti and the Sheriff, all the while never changing the look on his face nor his position. When they are both finished speaking, he drops his hand back down to his side, and his head onto his chest. He heaves a great sigh, then looks back up.

"This," he says, waving at the portrait, "is Rocky. And this," he says, waving toward the door, "is the door. I bid you: ADIEU."

As he waves his hand the second time, a great flash of light and smoke erupts all around you. When the smoke clears, you find yourselves back outside the building, door closed. (You notice the gargoyle is back in place.)

 

[Lazlow]

After a moment of stunned silence, another flash and puff of smoke erupts, and you find yourself back inside the house, with Al.

"Oh, I do apologize," he states flatly, "but I am prone to irritability. To answer your questions: I like my house just the way it is, thank you good sir Elf. But you should be glad to know that I already own a nice bright orange-yellow ensemble for myself. I like wearing it on the weekends, when it's sunny.

As for the whereabouts of Sir Dudley, I can only say that you are much more clever than you appear to be... CAPTIAN SHERIFF BERSERKER MISTER BILL. Do not be surprised - yes, I know your name. There is much that I know that you do not know I know." He looks Bill right in the eye when he says this, then looks back at the group. "My offer of help stands as is. Take it or leave it. Now. Are there any more questions?"

 

[Gray Shade]

Berserker Bill jumps in place, turning from left to right, obviously confused by all the teleportation. "What the--?"

But when Al talks, he turns and focuses on him. "That's your deal, is it? Well, here's OUR deal: you're going to give us the information on the orb and we're gonna get your damned dirty, freakish, 6-legged, ugly dog, and you can take THAT or leave it!" He then turns in a dramatic huff to leave, but stops when he can't recall how he got into the place.

 

[DrZombie]

Hmm. Catching a basilisk so he can turn more people into stone. I don't think so. And he seems to know where that orb is. Maybe we should catch that basisisk, then see if we can get him to tell us where that orb,is, and what it does. I just hope that the sheriff keeps control of his temper..... OK, that didn't work.

Gruaamsh takes a quick sip of his hip flask, then loosens his sword in it's sheath, hopefully without getting noticed.