Tales From The Old Bald One-Eyed Salty Red Dog Tavern! (chapter 1, now closed)

OCC: I'm going into rage for the next paragraph.

Berserker Bill slaps the wrist of whoever he just put in the chair just as the man reaches for a turkey leg, since it is obviously not Ranger Rick's character, as he had intended. Bill then grabs him however he can, while frothing at the mouth, eyes wild, and hefts him as high as he can, and walks out of the bar to toss him out in the street as far as he can.

He returns, brushing his hands together, breathing hard, a bit exhausted and sits back down. "Crimany, what's going on around here?" he says to no one. Then turns to the guy in PATCHWORK clothing (sorry) and says, "So, what's yer name, and what'cha haulin'? Have a drink."
 

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An imposter revealed!!! (Not really)

Gray Shade said:
OCC: I'm going into rage for the next paragraph.

Berserker Bill slaps the wrist of whoever he just put in the chair just as the man reaches for a turkey leg, since it is obviously not Ranger Rick's character, as he had intended. Bill then grabs him however he can, while frothing at the mouth, eyes wild, and hefts him as high as he can, and walks out of the bar to toss him out in the street as far as he can.

He returns, brushing his hands together, breathing hard, a bit exhausted and sits back down. "Crimany, what's going on around here?" he says to no one. Then turns to the guy in PATCHWORK clothing (sorry) and says, "So, what's yer name, and what'cha haulin'? Have a drink."

The few patrons who bother to watch this spectacle do so with wide eyes, and as you walk back into the bar they quickly turn back to their tables.

Seeing you throw, literally, one of his customers out of the tavern, Sunderkeg walks over to you with a grim look on his face. He holds a breath, clasps your shoulder, and after a short pause, says, solemnly and in a whisper: "Thank ye fer dooin what I cannae do meself. That soddin' lout owes me a week's pay, 'e does."

===============

OOC: Nice way to handle that! ;)
 

Wystan said:
::Notices that my drawing is being watched::
"Thank you, what my good man would your name be? You appear to be interested in that which is around you. Your attention appears to flutter back and forth from active to passive. Do you have a trade?"
::Not stopping to listen again::

"Tr...tr...tra..tra..trade...well I ..I...I...I...I have n...n...n....n...n...noth...th...th...th...no th...I have no trade to trade."


Gray Shade said:
He returns, brushing his hands together, breathing hard, a bit exhausted and sits back down. "Crimany, what's going on around here?" he says to no one. Then turns to the guy in PATCHWORK clothing (sorry) and says, "So, what's yer name, and what'cha haulin'? Have a drink."

"Hau...Hau..hauling? I cary nothing but me. I ..I...I...I am drinking wa...wa...water. I am called Desert"
 

"Would you be called desert because your reparte is so dry and vast and you have such an expanse of..."

I seem to be at a loss of words...SO I go back to doodling::
 





That's it? That's it.

"Er, sure, but I think it's okay if we let the locals to their business in peace, eh, Desert? Your family's got lovely, gentle names. I'm sure you're all lovely, gentle souls. Would you like to come with us, Desert? We seek to . . ." Berserker Bill makes a fist in front of himself as if grabbing the very air by it's collar and shaking it down " . . . vanquish evil forces and cast them aside. But if that does not appeal to you, then consider that along the way we may find personal fortunes." When that doesn't seem to impress him, Bill nods over toward Ranti, "he's going. You wanna follow him don't you? He's awful shiny."

"And the way you threw that table about, we're all sure of your strength. Do you know how to use a sword? Or axe? Perhaps a glaive-guisarme? Perhaps you could just help out where you can."

"In any case, I will go ahead and deputize you all now."


Berserker Bill then abruptly leaves the tavern, only to return a moment later carrying a saddlebag. He clears space on the table, sets it down, opens it, and pulls out 5 sacks and distributes them one to each person at the table (Ranti, Speaker, K., Richard, and Desert). He then pulls a similar bag from his own backpack.

"What you have before you, honorable friends, is a bag containing most everything you will need to operate as a Deputy in the high Duke's sheriff force. Soon, you will be enabled, NAY, [highlight]obligated[/highlight] to enforce the laws and governances thereof. As for learning what the laws, bylaws, and such all are, well, you'll have to head to Delm's Heap, the very seat of Duke Sahazarred's power and high bureaucracy, and seek the legal arm of governance in the third sub-basement of the twenty-third tower, in the second district. There you will find a Sergeant of Papers named Wallace and his Deputy-Barrister Gromit. They are the keepers of the book of law."

"If, however, you do not wish to make such a journey, as I hope you don't because we're in a hurry and I don't think I'd be here to deputize you when you got back some time late next week, then just use your common sense. When in doubt: ask me if I'm around, I've been doing this for years."

"Now for the ceremony."
He moves a nearby candle to the middle of the table, places a small vial down in front of himself from his pack and uncorks it. He takes a deep cleansing breath and closes his eyes. He opens one a little and looks at everyone. "You can hold hands, but you don't have to." With a tap on the top of the vial, he looks through his slit eye at Richard and says, "Don't worry--just pure, mountain spring water."

He then takes a foot long twig from his backpack, lights it on the candle and without a look throws it over his shoulder as it billows a choking thick smoke. In a quick movement and flick of the wrist, he grabs the vial and splashes it over everyone at the table. It is cool and refreshing, like the mist of a mountain stream. "ALLALLLAAAAA!!!!" he chants, then utters the words passed down from generation to generation in the Duke's Royal Sheriff's Agency: "sdaf a h uha fuiog ahgu rg ugn vjknljkzvn a! dksjf iuhg ew78 w47t gh84jsnv !!" He pauses to peek through a slitted eye at K. and adds "sdaf dfifjbiitr8 89uyRufus" then with eyes closed, "ghh jg nvdpolb boi!"

*OOC this is obviously a language other than common. I dunno who speaks what. Some of you may recognize bits and pieces. Lazlow, see spoiler, no one else, though, please*

After that he wipes sweat from his brow, looks at Speaker and says, "whew! Doin' ceremonies is tough mental work." He then takes a pen (with ink) and a small scrap of paper from his bag. He hands it to K., and says "Write your name and title on it and pass it around, pretty thing. Everyone, please do the same. I'll add the official seal and signature and send this in to the office by carrier pigeon for registering."

He then brushes his hands together and takes another deep breath. "That's it. You're all in. Congratulations. Normally, you'd all have to . . . you're in! All right!"

[sblock]Lazlow, please mark one smokestick and the vial of pure, mountain water off my character sheet. Also, Bill was speaking Giant and Undercommon, alternating the languages every three words. What he said was: "Might the might of the manly Duke's men at arms arms be in our arms, and with might may the smite! And may we be granted the wisdom and blindness of justice!" After the pause, he added, "Dang, she's hot, eh, Rufus? . . . but she ain't the one."[/sblock]
 

"Now. If you'll each open your deputy kit, you'll find the following." Here, he opens his bag and narrates as he removes items one at a time.

"Your badge of course. It's silver *ahem*colored*ahem* and is the proof to citizens of you authority. When wearing, try to maintain your command presense. Do not let anyone get the best of you while you wear this. And under no circumstances are you to panic while wearing this badge. Remember," he indicates his own badge on his strap, "this is what keeps us humanoid." He stops with his hand reaching for the next item and adds, "and don't try to throw it like a throwing star. It won't work. It will only embarrass you, especially don't do it in front of your fiance's family. Crap. What else is in here?"

"You should also find a signal whistle, on a lanyard." He indicates the lanyard (rope necklace) and then puts it around his neck. "If there is trouble, and you cannot handle it on your own, blow in this. This is very important when you are on watch or patrol, but NOT to be used when sneaking or when a companion is sneaking, unless the trouble is very bad and you panic, which you won't do. If you hear a whistle," he blows whistle, "run toward the sound and assist as you can. I try to start by saying, 'what is the trouble? how may I be of assistance?' You can say what you like, but those are proven as combat ready. When you use the whistle, try to blow 3 times. Do not suck. That, too, is just embarrassing."

"Let's see . . . you also have a quarter pound bar of soap. I think Ranti will appreciate this. Despite his first impression of me, I try to stay clean. As a representative of the Duke, you will be expected to be hygenic. I don't think I need to say anything more about that." He tosses the bar of soap he was holding in front of Richard and continues.

"Silvered Dagger. Important for many reasons. Good against werewolves, ghosts, lycanthropes . . . uh . . . elementals, I think. All kinds of stuff. Basically, if the regular stuff isn't working, try this baby."

"Cube of wood. This is about 4 inches each side. You can use it for whatever you need to. It's nice for whitling on while you're on a long trip. Goes hand in hand with the dagger, see?" He whitles a curl of wood off the block. "You could also whittle maybe a door stop or something that might be useful . . . maybe a . . . It's not really big enough to carve a wooden stake out of, but I think silvered daggers work on vampires, so we shouldn't need that anyway."

"This is all standard-issue stuff. Uh . . . oh! You got a whetstone, of course. To keep your dagger sharp. You can use that on pretty much any edged weapon."

"Nice, thick pair of wool socks. Just in case we find ourselves somewhere cold."

"Piece of chalk. This is good for both drawing on rocks or tables." Here he tries to draw a line on the table to illustrate, but there's beer perspiration and it doesn't really draw. He tries a few more times until it makes a white mark. "Like so. Easy. You could draw a map, or a monster you saw, or a dog you saw the monster eat, or whatever. Also, if we get caught in any kind of maze: this! THIS is what you'll want more than anything . . . and, as deputies, you'll have it."

"That's about it, really. Oh, and the sack itself. Very important for carrying loo-er, evidence. Good sturdy sack for each of us, because carrying capacity becomes SO important."

"Now, of course you'll want to supplement all this with your personalized gear, weaponry and armor. But I urge you all not to overlook the items which can become so much more useful than a sword . . . heh . . . well, not more useful than a SWORD really, but you know, useful. Some people like the 10 foot pole, some like the pitons, the rope, grappling hook, so on, so on. Myself, I trust in the bucket." He shows off a very nice, sturdy bucket. He kisses its side. "This bucket's saved my life. It will again."

"And here's your money." He then pulls out 5 bags of gold. "This is for your time and talents. There's 200 in each bag. Once we've retrieved what we're looking for, and it's out of evil hands, you'll get twice that on top of it."

"We're going after a magical device called the Chromium Orb of Frobozz. It's hidden underground near Lizard Spit. Now, I know the general direction, and I know we're gonna have to go through the goblins that have been terrorizing this town. I also know that this may get ugly, but if you take my money and deputy kit and I don't see you here in the morning it's going to get even uglier. I am a member of the tracking corps, that's how I got here. So if you're in, you're in, and you'll be ready tomorrow to head through goblins and underground to protect this item from evil hands and protect the citizenry of this fine Dukedom . . . also from evil hands. All those who are in, swear fealty to the Duke. Then I'll hand out the cash and you can do some shopping to prepare."

He stops and awaits responses.

OOC: Each Deputy kit weighs 3 pounds, and I might not be in until Tuesday, so once your character swears, if Lazlow's okay with it, you've got the money and you're free to shop about the town. Enjoy! :)
 

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