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The Font of Useless Knowledge
- Thread starter Thurbane
- Start date
meomwt
First Post
24. Wizards are easy to identify. Look out for the pointy hat.
25. If you are a Wizard and wish to disguise yourself, first take off your pointy hat.
26. Always carry a 10-foot pole, in case there's something you don't want to touch with it.
27. A bird in the hand is liable to crap in your palm.
25. If you are a Wizard and wish to disguise yourself, first take off your pointy hat.
26. Always carry a 10-foot pole, in case there's something you don't want to touch with it.
27. A bird in the hand is liable to crap in your palm.
green slime
First Post
fenixdown said:
Now that is just simply not true.
31. The average lifespan of a human adventurer does not exceed 100.
32. The far side of the moon, may, or may not, be made of cheese.
33. Drinking water may be dangerous for your health. It sort of depends what else is in the water.
34. Smoking is hazardous to your health.
35. Living is very dangerous. It always ends with a death.
36. Mud. Glorious mud. Do you like mud? I like mud.
Huw
First Post
- Kobolds cannot catch diseases off goblins
- 3% of swear words in common originally came from orcish
- Some sages theorise that Dragons are not actually reptiles, but are more closely related to the shark
- Elf sweat is the secret ingredient of a popular dwarven ale
- Halfling archaeologists have confirmed that not long ago, halflings were fatter, hairier and lived on small farms
- Two of the most feared lower planar fiends, Juiblex and Graz'zt, actually took their names from a Netherise comedy double act
- You can tell the species of a bat the guano for a fireball came from by careful analysis of the colour, sound and exact temperature of the resulting fireball
- The verbal component for meteor swarm originally including the word "pwned". A team of archmages spent 3 years of research to remove this component, as it was unprofessional and no-one could pronounce it quite right
- 3% of swear words in common originally came from orcish
- Some sages theorise that Dragons are not actually reptiles, but are more closely related to the shark
- Elf sweat is the secret ingredient of a popular dwarven ale
- Halfling archaeologists have confirmed that not long ago, halflings were fatter, hairier and lived on small farms
- Two of the most feared lower planar fiends, Juiblex and Graz'zt, actually took their names from a Netherise comedy double act
- You can tell the species of a bat the guano for a fireball came from by careful analysis of the colour, sound and exact temperature of the resulting fireball
- The verbal component for meteor swarm originally including the word "pwned". A team of archmages spent 3 years of research to remove this component, as it was unprofessional and no-one could pronounce it quite right
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- Elephants are expert climbers
- You don't actually need to sleep.
- Meryl's frequency is on the back of the CD case.
- Tiamat is color blind, hence no Orange or Yellow Dragons
- The speech center of a Dwarves brain cannot develop further than producing a scotch accent.
- Do not wear the magic belt.
- You need approximately 1/4 of a giant slugs weight in salt to quickly dispose of it. So always carry large amounts of salt, and a large, slime-proof scale.
- If you punch a shark on the nose, you'll really piss it off.
- You don't actually need to sleep.
- Meryl's frequency is on the back of the CD case.
- Tiamat is color blind, hence no Orange or Yellow Dragons
- The speech center of a Dwarves brain cannot develop further than producing a scotch accent.
- Do not wear the magic belt.
- You need approximately 1/4 of a giant slugs weight in salt to quickly dispose of it. So always carry large amounts of salt, and a large, slime-proof scale.
- If you punch a shark on the nose, you'll really piss it off.
Kahuna Burger
First Post
59) Most pirates wearing eye patches actually have two good eyes - they switch the patch from one eye to the other to avoid the adjustment period when going belowdecks.
27) The Druidic language is not a language at all, but a specialized Tongues like ability which allows any druid to understand the intent of any other druid's speech, even if the other druid is babbling in deliberate gibberish.
73) Due to the rates of infidelity, prophecies and magical destinies tied to actual bloodlines tend to be eliminated from royal families within 5 to 8 generations and instead are likely to appear randomly among their subjects. While it is more complicated to tie such a destiny to legal succession, prophets have quietly agreed to do so while using bloodline language in official proclamations.
6) No one expects the Thayan Inquisition.
27) The Druidic language is not a language at all, but a specialized Tongues like ability which allows any druid to understand the intent of any other druid's speech, even if the other druid is babbling in deliberate gibberish.
73) Due to the rates of infidelity, prophecies and magical destinies tied to actual bloodlines tend to be eliminated from royal families within 5 to 8 generations and instead are likely to appear randomly among their subjects. While it is more complicated to tie such a destiny to legal succession, prophets have quietly agreed to do so while using bloodline language in official proclamations.
6) No one expects the Thayan Inquisition.
roguerouge
First Post
53. Many evil wizards, under duress, will admit that they turned evil due to bullying by fighters during their formative years.
54. Many fighters feel inadequate after prolonged exposure to evil wizards.
55. There is currently a glut in the pole arm market.
56. There could be more exotic weapons, you know.
57. You haven't written your mother this month, have you? HAVE YOU?!
58. If you use critter bits to make potions, it's possible you are a closeted cannibal.
59. There are currently nine people in the world who have thought, idly, of killing you.
60. Magic missiles cannot target the darkness.
61. Elven Peach Mist™: it's light, refreshing, and won't stick to your thighs. Buy some today.
62. Your armor could use more buckles.
63. Your one true love can be found in ... oh, I'm terribly sorry.
54. Many fighters feel inadequate after prolonged exposure to evil wizards.
55. There is currently a glut in the pole arm market.
56. There could be more exotic weapons, you know.
57. You haven't written your mother this month, have you? HAVE YOU?!
58. If you use critter bits to make potions, it's possible you are a closeted cannibal.
59. There are currently nine people in the world who have thought, idly, of killing you.
60. Magic missiles cannot target the darkness.
61. Elven Peach Mist™: it's light, refreshing, and won't stick to your thighs. Buy some today.
62. Your armor could use more buckles.
63. Your one true love can be found in ... oh, I'm terribly sorry.
roguerouge
First Post
64. Zombies: Not Morning People.
65. You never hear of half-gnomes, do you? FoUK is just saying....
66. If you do not run your subconscious mind yourself, somebody else will.
67. The greatest danger could be your own stupidity.
68. Now is the time to make circles with mints, do not haste any longer.
69. Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom.
70. Freedom has a price, which you will soon learn is money.
71. Choice is your eternal curse.
72. Act natural. Don't turn around.
73. You will die a horrible, painful death.
74. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
75. You foolishly believe in the goodness of mankind.
[66 through 69 were actual fortune cookie messages]
65. You never hear of half-gnomes, do you? FoUK is just saying....
66. If you do not run your subconscious mind yourself, somebody else will.
67. The greatest danger could be your own stupidity.
68. Now is the time to make circles with mints, do not haste any longer.
69. Never wear your best pants when you go to fight for freedom.
70. Freedom has a price, which you will soon learn is money.
71. Choice is your eternal curse.
72. Act natural. Don't turn around.
73. You will die a horrible, painful death.
74. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
75. You foolishly believe in the goodness of mankind.
[66 through 69 were actual fortune cookie messages]
