The Heroes of Tanar (Triple Update!!! 7-17-02!!!)

[DM with a vengence]

Kick Ass!

Kick Ass!
(No donkeys were harmed in the writing of this segment)

Milo peeked round the doorframe into the darkened first floor. The held up his hand and waved it forward. He pointed at Kit, and then left, and pointed to himself and then right. He held up one finger, then two, then three, and burst into the room rolling to the right behind a crate as Kit followed behind him and slunk off to the left, crossbow at ready. The room was empty of life, with just rubbish to fill it. In the corner a dark hole with a ladder leading down lurked ominously. Milo padded to the ladder and looked down, waving his hand horizontally over his head as he began to climb down. Kit slid over to the hole and looked down as Milo crawled down the ladder and moved off into the darkness. Suddenly, the whirring of throwing axes and the ululation of his battle cry broke the silence. Kit looked back toward the doorway. “Oh crap. Backup, move in now!” She jumped down the hole with a wordless scream as Nikki and Ladinya clanked into the room.
Milo lifted his shield just in time to deflect a black arrow as he sent another ax towards the drow elf crouching behind a pile of planks. Kit landed behind him and rolled agilely, tracking the dark elf and firing the crossbow in one motion. The bolt winged the Elf and he staggered back. She flung the useless weapon aside and drew her rapier, charging and nimbly leaping over the elf and boxes in one motion as Milo threw his second to last ax and pulled out his melee combat axe, leaping after Kit with magically enhanced speed. They struck as one, Milo slashing the elf’s arm as Kit drove her sword into his kidneys and hamstrung him on the backswing. The drow slumped to the ground, lips in a grimace of agony as his life-blood flowed out onto the dirt floor of the cellar.
Ladinya leapt off the bottom rung of the ladder and walked over to Kit and Milo. “Nice job, quick and efficient.”
Nikki finally clanked down the ladder and instant flung herself between the party and a Dark elf that was leveling an arrow at them. The arrow hit her in the shoulder plate and ricocheted away as she slammed sideways into the ground, grinding to a stop a few feet away. She pulled herself up and shook her head, pointing at the drow with her right hand. “In the name of my father’s people, I swear that I shall not suffer your blasphemy to exist a day longer.” She looked back to the party. “This one’s personal, mind if I handle it?”
Milo looked up from where he was collecting his axes. “No problem with me.”
Nikki unstrapped her mace and smiled as the elf tremblingly nocked another arrow.

“I like that move where you smashed his arm with your mace, and then used the same mace to bash in his scrawny ribcage. And when you jumped on his head and stuffed the mace down the broken remnant of his throat. That was just awesome.” Milo said admiringly.
Ladinya looked up from organizing her collection of scrolls by level and use. “I may not know much about fighting, but that moment where you grabbed his head, and then cast Searing Light into his eyes, perfect use of magical firepower. Let’s see how much he likes his super-duper elf vision now.” She laughed the nervous chuckle of someone who knows she hasn’t told a very funny joke.
Kit looked up from the bit of wall she was searching for secret doors. “Is anybody slightly concerned that our cleric just proceeded to brutally kill a more or less innocent Drow?”
“No.” Milo said. “The Elves and drow have had a thousand year history of mutual hatred and brutality. It’s not senseless violence, it’s cultural.”
“Oh, okay”
They sat there in silence for several more minutes, and then Kit walked over to the rest of the group “Uh, guys, I think I found something over there.”
“What is it?” Nikki asked.
“Secret door. Watch this.” Kit walked over to the wall she had indicated and slid her dagger into a gap between two stones. With an agonizing rumble, the door ground open, revealing a long narrow passageway. Milo Bookbender stood up, brushing dust off his armor. He held up one finger and pointed at himself, added another and pointed at Kit, held up three fingers and pointed at Ladinya.
“Cut it out, Milo. We all know where everybody goes.” Nikki said, as she clattered over the portal and gestured everybody in.

 

[Horacio]

Still ROFLOL

Funniest. Story Hour. Ever.

 

[Horacio]

Still ROFLOL

Funniest. Story Hour. Ever.

 

[DM with a vengence]

Kick Ass! (con't)

The bolt arced overhead as Milo threw himself to the slimy stones of the corridor. “Everybody down!” He screamed as another one bounced off the wall somewhere above and behind him. “Ladinya, get a light spell down there, ASAP.”
Kit crawled up behind him, crossbow in hand. “Ladinya’s down.”
Milo looked behind, where Nikki was crouched over Ladinya slumped body, praying to Ehlonna. She turned towards, a black bolt grasped in her hand. “Poisoned, looks like the standard unconsciousness poison. She won’t be out of it for at least a minute.”
“Crap, we need magical firepower right now.” Milo cursed.
“I think I can handle that.” Kit pulled a slender stick out of her sleeve. “Wand of Magic Missile. Ladinya left it back at Mrs. Olina’s house. If Nikki can get a light spell down there, I’ll fry whoever pops up.”
In answer, Nikki cast a light spell on the bolt loaded in her crossbow and fired it down the corridor. The small pool of light sailed down, finally hitting a wall 100 feet away and dropping behind a table where a pair of drow were sheltering. Kit waved the wand and sent a barrage of Magic Missiles down the corridor. The party had enough time to see one of the drow drop before the other one panicked and cast a globe of darkness in the corridor.
Milo stood up, checking the positions of his axes. “I’m going through that darkness, when I come out on the other side, that elf is going to be very sorry. Let’s move.”
“What about the poison.” Nikki asked.
“I’ll take my chances. Besides, if I can get close enough, I can settle him for good.” He pulled out an ax, testing the edge on his finger tip before starting down the corridor at a silent jog. Kit hesitated a moment and then followed.
“Suicidal halfling moron.” Nikki mumbled under her breath as she hefted Ladinya’s body and followed them.

The slowed as they entered the area of the darkness spell, Nikki gently dropping Ladinya’s body to the floor and grabbing her mace. Seconds later Milo exited first, with 30’ between him and the surprised drow. The last thing the drow saw was a very angry halfling and very precisely aimed throwing axe. Kit exited the darkness, followed closely by Nikki.
“I really wish you didn’t have to kill them all.” Nikki said, surveying the drow with an axe buried between its eyes. “I mean, can’t I have a little fun once in a while.”
Milo looked up from where he was pulling the axe out of the drow’s skull. “Okay, next time, you get to lead. Deal?”
“Deal.”
Suddenly a burst of screams from within the darkness startled them all. “I’m blind! Gods almighty, they blinded me!”
“It’s okay, Ladinya, you’re in a darkness spell.” Nikki consoled. “Just move towards the sound of my voice. This way, over here, come on, there you go.”
Ladinya stumbled out of the wall of darkness with her hands held in front of her, eyes blinking against the light. “What the hell happened? I thought I bit the big one.”
“We were fighting drow and they hit you with unconsciousness poison.” Nikki explained. “We managed to take them out, but not before they dropped a darkness globe in this area.”
Kit came back from around the corner and held a finger up to her lips. She padded over to the party and whispered. “Drow behind a door around that corner, sounds like 3 or 4 of them talking. What do we do.”
“Excellent, we do a stealth infiltration. Kit picks the lock, Ladinya hits them with a lightening bolt, and I mop up the survivors. Plain vanilla assault, take out in seconds.” Milo plotted, he looked over a Nikki, who was pouting, and suddenly revised his plan. “Damn, then we go for a smash and fry. Nikki, you bash the door in and go right, engage the nearest drow, Ladinya, lightening as soon as Nikki clears the door, I move in to the left and attack anybody hiding that way while Kit follows closely and back stabs anybody who she can reach. Problems? No. Then lets go.”

 

[Horacio]

Re: Kick Ass! (con't)

You use a post mine as signature! Wow! I'm flattered

 

[The Furious Puffin]

Top story hour, love the players!

Halfling senses, if there is any beer within 100 feet, we’ll find it

Very funny

 

[DM with a vengence]

Breaking and Entering

Breaking and Entering

Nikki threw herself at the door frame again. “Smashing down doors is harder than it seems.” She grunted. She drew back and flung herself at the door. The ancient timbers cracked under the stress and gave way, she burst in with a triumphant battle cry, darting to the right and smashing at something with her mace.
Ladinya coolly stepped up and sent a 10 foot wide bolt of lightening through the door and into a table with two drow hiding behind it. She limbered her spear and followed Nikki to the right.

“Wazzzzzzup!” Milo whooped as he rushed the door and rolled to the left. A drow with a sword sent a blow down at Milo, but he caught it with the inside of his throwing axe and sent it back at him. He feinted high, cut low, and finally sent the blade arcing up in a deadly move that orc warriors fighting halflings had termed “The Emorculator”. The drow just managed to thrust his parts out of the way as the razor edged blade sliced up along his breastplate to bury itself in the ceiling.

“Behind you!” Kit screamed, and Milo raised his shield over his head on instinct. Kit vaulted onto the shield, staggering him for a moment before gracefully pushing off and spinning over the elf’s head to land behind him. Before he could turn, a foot of deadly steel burst from his mouth. He slid bonelessly off the rapier to crumple onto the floor, blood spurting from his mouth and a gaping wound in the back of his neck. Kit looked down in disgust. “Amateur.”

The drow battling Nikki and Ladinya feinted at the cleric before sending a snake of steel darting towards Ladinya. The blade snuck past her warding spear and stopped on the invisible field of her mage armor just moments before it would have cut her from neck to groin. Ladinya stepped back and cast a flaming spear right on top of the drow. He nimbly ducked, rolled, and came up right into Nikki’s arms. His arrogant grin faded as he realized he was trapped in the arms of an angry woman with a background of thousands of years of intense hatred against anything even vaguely like him.

“He’s dead!” Milo screamed, trying to drag Nikki off the pulped corpse of the drow by the leg.

“You killed him!” Kit shouted as she tried to roll Nikki to one side.

“He does not represent a threat to you or your people.” Ladinya said, using her spear to lever Nikki up and off.

Nikki looked up from trying to gouge the drow’s eyeballs out with her teeth. “How can you tell.”

“The crushed bones, profuse bleeding, and lack of movement seem to indicate a non-living state of existence.” Kit said dryly.

“He could be faking.”

“Get up.” Ladinya said. As if under a spell, Nikki obeyed, blood encrusting her armor.

“Good.” Milo said. “Now next time, Kit picks the lock, Ladinya hits them with the artillery, and I mop up. Nikki is not allowed in the room until everybody is dead and burned. Agreed.”

“Yes!” Both Ladinya and Kit said simultaneously

“Then let’s do it now people.” Milo said, pointed at the door in the far wall.

Kit gave the thumbs up sign, and pulled the door open. Ladinya was already swirling her arms in an arcane pattern, then suddenly stopped short. “Oh my Gods!” She burst out.
Milo peaked round the door jamb and looked into the horrific room. 4 mutilated children’s bodies hung upside down on the walls, throats cut. Their blood ran down the wall and into a grate in the floor. The vaulted ceiling arced into a darkness that seemed to permeate the room. Shoved into one of the corners away from the blood a chest, bed and desk carved in black wood with a strange squid-like motif lurked ominously. Standing incongruously in the center of the room was a young boy. The party filed into the room, glancing around in horror.

The child spoke first. “Hello, my name is Jymmi. Master Udronualith told me to give you this.” He opened his hand, exposing an amber glowing bead.

Kit was already asking questions. “Who is Master Udronuali-”

Ladinya looked at the bead, a dreadful expression of understanding spreading across her face. “Get down!” She screamed, flinging herself at Nikki.

 

[Horacio]

Funniest. Fantasy Story Hour. Ever.

 

[DM with a vengence]

Breaking and Entering (con't)

The entire room blasted white hot as the party hit the stone floor. A wave of heat rolled across them, picking up Milo and flinging him against the wall like a leaf in the autumn wind. The heat died and they stood up, metal items glowing red hot on their armor and weapons. The children and furnishing were nothing but blackened spots on the wall. Above them, something laughed an evil, slippery laugh.
“Holy Feces!” Ladinya screamed, “I’m getting that bastard right now!” She fired a lightening bolt towards the ceiling, sending a shower of rocks down on everybody and exposing a small hole in the roof. “Everybody through that hole, Milo get over there so I can levitate you up and you can drop a rope for the rest of us.”
Nikki looked up from where she was repeatedly zapping Milo with her wand of cure serious wounds. “Milo’s hurt.”
Ladinya didn’t pause a moment. “Kit, get over there.” Seconds later Kit was through the hole in the roof and lowering a rope down. Ladinya skinned up followed by a rapidly resurrected Milo and a clumsy Nikki. They were standing at the end of a long, twisting masonry corridor.
Ladinya pointed ahead. “Move, let’s run him down.”

They jogged down the corridor, growing no closer to their mysterious enemy, who could be heard always one bend ahead. Finally after around 5 minutes of running the tunnel ended in sunlight at a small grove of trees edging on a cultivated field. About 40 feet from exit a man dressed in farm’s garb was lying on the ground. Ladinya walked over and turned the man on his side. She put a finger in the two inch hole in his empty head.

Ladinya looked up, a deadly blank look on her face. She pointed at the dead man. “Mindflayer.”

 

[DM with a vengence]

A Friendly Meeting

A Friendly Meeting

“Leaders of Tanar.” Ladinya addressed the four people sitting at the table before her. “You have, as they say a serious problem. Nikki, the body please.” The cleric entered, carrying something wrapped in a large white sheet. She placed it on the table and began to unwrap the shrouds. Ladinya continued on. “Mistriss Al’Veran” She indicated the mayor’s wife. “Charged myself and my associates to find and rescue several missing children. We found traces of there disappearance at-”
“Why wasn’t the guard informed of this?” Commander Zimmer demanded.
“Because your group of drunken yahoos would have merely terrorized these poor old ladies and then concluded that there was no way to solve the case.” Lelanna snapped back.
“Well I don’t see any children here.” Zimmer said, gesticulating around the room. “I don’t see why this group of adventurers,” He made the word sound like a curse. “Are more trustworthy than the watch. In the past two days the halfling alone has been charged with over 32 counts of-”
“Ahem.” Ladinya cleared her throat. “As I was saying, we found traces of the disappearance at the old unused mill. When we investigated the basement, we were attack by drow. We killed these, and followed them through a conceal series of tunnels, where we fought two more groups of dark elves. Then we arrived in a room that I will not trouble you with a description of. The children had been sacrificially killed, for what purpose we do not know. In that room we were attacked by what is presumably the mastermind of the operation. He gave a dangerous spell effect to the only surviving child, in the ensuing explosion, all evidence was destroyed and several of us were severely wounded. We pursued the mastermind through a second maze, and at the exit, in one of the outlaying fields we found this.”
She gestured at the recently unwrapped body.
“He’s dead.” Mayor Al’Veran said.
“Yes, but notice the cause of death.” She indicated the hole in the side of his empty head.
“He was so stupid he stopped breathing.” The mayor said. Everybody else in the room glared at him.
“Commander Zimmer, according to the information we were able to pick up, you were once part of the 3rd Spelunkers. What type of subterranean monster bores a hole in someone’s head and then sucks their brain out?” Ladinya asked.
Commander Zimmer went ashen faced, wheezing for breath. “Holy crap! Mindflayers!”
“What’s a mindflayer?” Lelanna asked.
“Nasty monster. It stuns you, then sucks your brain out. They have a bunch of freaky mental stuff. You know, charms, flying, this freaky thing where they shift to another plane and then come back with a fake body that can’t die. Back in the 3rd, we heard rumors about a secret demi-plane where they kept a bunch of their important people, who only communicated with the real world through astral projection. If something really bad is going on Down There.” He pointed at the ground, “Then you can be sure they have their tentacles in it some where.”
“Situation assessment, Commander.” Lelanna asked.
“If they attack now, we are screwed.” Zimmer stated frankly. “Just one of those can rip our militia to shreds in minutes, and Heironeous forbid if they are working with Warlord Zahn. I recommend we call in reinforcements, maybe the Spelunkers and the 2nd Hussars.”
“Warlord Zahn?” Milo asked.
“Some half-breed who set himself up about 10 miles out side of town. He’s collected a good sized retinue of angry drunkards around him. We’ve always been worried that he might do something rash.” Lelanna said.
“Sounds like a guy I might want to pay a visit to, one way or the other.” Milo mimed drinking, and then drew a finger horizontally across his throat.
“You and me both, brother.” Rudiger said, drawing angry stares from everybody a second time.
“Well then, we’ll be going, have a nice day.” Milo said, edging out of the room.
“But be back tomorrow, we’ll have some letters for you.” Lelanna said, smiling sweetly.
“Why?” Ladinya asked.
“Because who else to go and tell the Spelunkers than the people who found the problem.”
“Damn, we always get pulled for every damn job anybody wants. Remember those damn zombie-rats in the temple basement.” Kit said as they left