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The Knights of Ill Fortune (or the Chronicles of Kale, Agent of the Empire)
- Thread starter Morrow
- Start date
I, Bold Sir Cedrik, rode forth with three lackeys, a half-breed a warrior of "good" (clearly good and evil are archaic peasant concepts), stubby a halfling of low moral character and a powerful but clearly insane mystical warrior.
We were commanded by their liege, well actually his proxy (an inn keeper), to find what mischief the residents of bell hold had gotten into. The half-breed reported some wild tale of a dead dragon and goblins, clearly he was not made of the stuff to be a knight. But it came out finally that the peasant were working for the goblins. They were, for some reason, doing the bidding of goblins. Our clearest course of action, killing the townsfolk who had aligned themselves with the goblins and then hunting down all the goblins was decided against. I knew our kind hearts would come back to haunt us but still I could not convince myself to kill the whole village. More to the point I was worried that my lackeys would not have the will to do what was needed, and killing the whole village on my own would be very time consuming.
So we rode till we tired then stopped off at a local farm. The locals were away (probably too lazy to keep at work). So, assuming they would have opened their home to us if they were there, we took up residence in their house. The peasants had thoughtfully left stew simmering for us to enjoy. We set watches and the halfling decided to take a look at the town. I suspect he wanted to see if there were any valuables left unattended, but I saw no harm in letting him roam.
In the middle of the night a bear attacked our building. Luckily our insane mystic was able to engage It in a staring contest. A strange but effective tactic the bear was frozen in his tracks. We then easily managed to arm ourselves and kill the bear. Later the halfling returned with a tale that the townsfolk were loading a wagon with valuables. We decided to track the wagon to it’s destination.
We followed the wagon till it unloaded it’s loot into a mine shaft. Stupid peasants, they put gold into a mine. Once they were done we silenced them in a quick skirmish. Since they were just peasants we merely administer a sound thrashing to them and did not kill them (Although one might have died beneath the hooves of my mighty stallion).
We eventually found the peasants offerings. I took a sack of about 200 gold. Clearly the peasants did not need the gold if they abandoned their farms and offered it to goblins and a dead dragon.
We then proceeded through the mine till we came upon 2 human warriors, some Goblins and a dead dragon carcass.
We were commanded by their liege, well actually his proxy (an inn keeper), to find what mischief the residents of bell hold had gotten into. The half-breed reported some wild tale of a dead dragon and goblins, clearly he was not made of the stuff to be a knight. But it came out finally that the peasant were working for the goblins. They were, for some reason, doing the bidding of goblins. Our clearest course of action, killing the townsfolk who had aligned themselves with the goblins and then hunting down all the goblins was decided against. I knew our kind hearts would come back to haunt us but still I could not convince myself to kill the whole village. More to the point I was worried that my lackeys would not have the will to do what was needed, and killing the whole village on my own would be very time consuming.
So we rode till we tired then stopped off at a local farm. The locals were away (probably too lazy to keep at work). So, assuming they would have opened their home to us if they were there, we took up residence in their house. The peasants had thoughtfully left stew simmering for us to enjoy. We set watches and the halfling decided to take a look at the town. I suspect he wanted to see if there were any valuables left unattended, but I saw no harm in letting him roam.
In the middle of the night a bear attacked our building. Luckily our insane mystic was able to engage It in a staring contest. A strange but effective tactic the bear was frozen in his tracks. We then easily managed to arm ourselves and kill the bear. Later the halfling returned with a tale that the townsfolk were loading a wagon with valuables. We decided to track the wagon to it’s destination.
We followed the wagon till it unloaded it’s loot into a mine shaft. Stupid peasants, they put gold into a mine. Once they were done we silenced them in a quick skirmish. Since they were just peasants we merely administer a sound thrashing to them and did not kill them (Although one might have died beneath the hooves of my mighty stallion).
We eventually found the peasants offerings. I took a sack of about 200 gold. Clearly the peasants did not need the gold if they abandoned their farms and offered it to goblins and a dead dragon.
We then proceeded through the mine till we came upon 2 human warriors, some Goblins and a dead dragon carcass.
More! More! More!
Good show. Keep up the good work.
Coming Soon (I hope)
Good show. Keep up the good work.
Coming Soon (I hope)
- Kicking Some Goblin Butt
- Amateur Surgery
- Ego Whip?!
- Never Split the Party 1 (or, Ambush!)
- The Burning of Bellhold
- Never Split the Party 2 (or, Griffons Have Pounce?!)
- Never Split the Party 3 (or, But I got a 40 Spot!)
- Party Conflict (or, Meet Duh, the Retarded Gnome Farmer)
Re: Re: More! More! More!
You're going to love Duh, he's the man. He's a surly, clearly unhinged former farmer who weilds a mean sickle.
Duh's stats were generated with 3d6, rolled six times, and he still ended up with a 20 Con. He put all of his skill points into profession (farming).
Morrow
Gez said:
You're going to love Duh, he's the man. He's a surly, clearly unhinged former farmer who weilds a mean sickle.
Duh's stats were generated with 3d6, rolled six times, and he still ended up with a 20 Con. He put all of his skill points into profession (farming).
Morrow
Re: Re: Re: Re: More! More! More!
I dunno. Ever since he tripped over his shovel and landed face-first into that giant pile of manure (in which his face lay submerged for over five minutes -- talk about your lack of oxygen to the brain), Duh just hasn't been the same.
But look at these stats! And these were 3d6, baby. No rerolls.
18-15-13-13-10-6. I usually don't get stats that good with 4d6. Oh yeah. Duh, with his Skill Focus: Farming and Toughness (x2) feats, is ready to rock.
(Heh. Maybe I should have tried to use the Survivor prestige class instead.)
Gez said:
I dunno. Ever since he tripped over his shovel and landed face-first into that giant pile of manure (in which his face lay submerged for over five minutes -- talk about your lack of oxygen to the brain), Duh just hasn't been the same.
But look at these stats! And these were 3d6, baby. No rerolls.
18-15-13-13-10-6. I usually don't get stats that good with 4d6. Oh yeah. Duh, with his Skill Focus: Farming and Toughness (x2) feats, is ready to rock.
(Heh. Maybe I should have tried to use the Survivor prestige class instead.)
Memo IK2NE1/8
To: Isinwyll, Assistant to His Honor the Duke Morgan
From: Kale, Imperial Agent
Re: Second Northlands Expedition, Days 1 – 8
As related in memo IK1NE4/14, previous group met with untimely end at hands of rebel/bandit forces after (presumed) betrayal by Goody Klemper (1). Wish to reiterate own suggestion, overlooked by the now-dead sentimentalists, to execute Goody Klemper for crimes against the Empire, rather than “rescue” her.
Upon death of rest of team, made way back to Cauldron (archaic: “Kalderon”), wherein residence of the Imperial agent Nicodemus (2). After three days recuperation leave, met Nicodemus in his inn (3), introduced to other two members of new group.
Throgdizurg, barbarian, and Amid, clerical primitive. Hold both in low esteem: Throgdizurg overly violent, displays lack of concern for maximal efficiency. Amid worst kind of superstitionist – spouting empty platitudes unprovoked and again, showing no though to the greater, Imperial, picture.
Briefed on most recent developments w/r/t Bellhold situation. Instigator revealed to be psionically-active rock, inanimate and powerful, clearly superior to our weak flesh. Previous agents squandered precious Imperial resources, burned down most of Bellhold in attempt to draw out foe. Thousands of gold pieces worth of property damage. Previous agents all dead or fallen to mind-control, save single priest, who made report and then retired from active service. Rumor of goblins carrying blue mind-stone north to Cauldron.
Nicodemus revealed then that goblin bodies had been found recently not far from Cauldron’s southern gate. No investigation had been performed, as it had not been deemed significant, but in light of current events full Imperial investigation warranted.
Immediately proposed exhuming goblin corpses, using necromantic techniques to determine cause of death and connection with mind-stone. Nicodemus, however, questioned the ability of Throgdizurg and Amid to function in an urban environment. Instead assigned us task of liberating village in Empire’s name. Said village birthplace of Throgdizurg (4), unpronounceable local name. Village said to be terrorized by frog-monster. Previous putative rescuers, led by noted gladiator Kid Presentable, fell in combat. Frog-monster allegedly moved from temple in center of village to tower on outskirts.
Questioned wisdom of possibly squandering limited Imperial resources by sending another small team to accomplish what one small team could not. Requested Nicodemus provide further assistance: men-at-arms, a sorcerer, anything. Nicodemus gave Amid three scrolls of protection from evil and a scroll of sending with which to contact Nicodemus for further instructions once the monster had been defeated.
Informed of primitive cult possibly active in area: several (4-5?) priests killed or found dead by Imperial agents, bearing blank holy symbols. Was informed of local backwards cult, worship of “god of secrets.” Cult tired, old, fallen into disfavor. Single major shrine/archives site remains. Have been told to continue on past unpronounceable local village to this shrine, once monster defeated. Goal: show blank holy symbols to librarian/sages at shrine, in hopes secret may be revealed.
Given provisions and horses, traveled to village. Three-day trip uneventful, evidence that increased Imperial activity in region is having positive effect. Arrived in village in early afternoon. Village appeared deserted. Some looting had taken place. Captured a local seamstress, who confirmed: One, current team not the first or even second to attempt to liberate village in name of the Empire. Two, most in town scattered and/or deceased. Three, frog-monster believed to have moved from the temple in the center of the town to the wizard Dretch’s tower on outskirts. Everything Nicodemus had said, then, confirmed. After a cursory examination of the temple, went to tower. Tower was at one time a three-story structure, but partially demolished by unknown action. Remains little more than a shell, with only the ground floor partially intact. Ground floor consisted of kitchen, pantry, and stairs down into basement complex.
Based on previous reports via Nicodemus and Imperial Intelligence, believed frog-monster’s primary attack modes to be acid breath and melee with a trident carried by the beast. Amid used magic to protect the three of us from acid. Tapped animal affinity tattoo to boost strength, skate tattoo to boost speed, and invisibility tattoo for stealth. Light provided by Amid.
Plan: down into complex, find frog-monster, snatch trident from monster, rush back to ground level, allowing Throgdizurg to smash monster with assistance from Amid. Scouted out complex, found frog-monster in storage room behind underground lab. Successfully disarmed monster, ran back to team. Throgdizurg made short work of the disarmed monster when monster attempted pursuit. Excellent display of teamwork. Hail the Empire!
While Amid took care destroying the frog-monster’s remains, searched the remainder of complex. Determined based on circumstantial, material, and written evidence (5), the following:
1. Dretch summoned the frog-monster (a devil, in the technical parlance) but it was too much for Dretch, and escaped summoning circle, proving once again that magic is a dated and outmoded means of manipulating reality, while psi is the wave of the future.
2. Dretch’s goal in this summoning was to send the devil against a personal enemy of Dretch’s: Robert the Bald, another local wizard.
3. The impetus for this rash deed was Dretch’s imp familiar, now departed with several missing items from among Dretch’s stores.
4. There was no reason to believe any additional devils were present, nor that any would be arriving as a result of these actions. Therefore the mission was completed, in the name of the Emperor.
Several items of unknown worth were identified by Amid as magical, including a psionic bastard sword that written evidence revealed to be a recent acquisition of Dretch’s, and unknown in value. Claimed the hell-forged trident of the devil as own, despite Amid’s claims the trident detects as evil. Foolish superstition: trident will be used in service of Empire, ergo not evil.
Returned to village at dusk, and congratulated surviving inhabitants on luck at having Empire around to protect them. Amid contacted Nicodemus and informed Nicodemus of group’s success. In morning set out for backwoods shrine of secrets. Multiple-day trip along semi-Imperial road. Night of first day, attacked by small band of pulpy humaniform plants of unknown origin. Throgdizurg easily dispatched humaniforms, however. Second day uneventful.
Third day, passing roadside shrine to primitive nature-god not worshipped in more civilized sections of Empire, heard scuffling from within. Despite own warnings against antagonizing backwoods primitives, Throgdizurg and Amid insisted on investigating. Upon entering open-air shrine, immediately attacked by two wild animals. Eerie keening filled air. Magical sonic attack stunned self while Throgdizurg and Amid dispatched dire weasel attackers. Amid conjured sonic protection, but evil spellcaster appeared. Evil spellcaster seemingly unhindered by sonic protection, possibly due to range, and holds Throgdizurg. Self charged spellcaster, bowled spellcaster over using spiked shield, but mental defenses soon overpowered by fell magics, and forced to flee.
While self fleeing, Amid and Throgdizurg report, Amid attacked by a second combatant, a fighter. Evil spellcaster moved to support fighter, but Amid’s defensive spellcasting and protections able to withstand fighter’s blows, despite fighter’s natural advantages (6). Throdizurg soon enough shrugged off effects of holding, attacked fighter, defeated him handily. Spellcaster retreated into woods, where self has recovered control of body. Slam-tackled spellcaster, goring spellcaster with armor spikes, and (assisted by Throgdizurg, who chased the spellcaster) incapacitated the foe. Hail the Empire!
Currently the team is recuperating from the assault. Will send further updates as events warrant; now quite close to primitives’ shrine-of-secrets.
Loyal servant of the Empire,
K.
(1) Dowda “Goody” Klemper, peasant farmwife, wife of Erdo Klemper (deceased), mother of Jeorj, Talla, and Izzy Klemper (all deceased), grandmother of Vin, Lud, Ned, Kerr, Tabba, Polk, Su, Eb, and Timulty (all deceased). Old, if not venerable.
Rescued from rebel/bandit camp on day 12 of first expedition, released. Ambush occurred next day, clear indicator of good intelligence – rebel/bandits knew where were. Obviously betrayed by Goody Klemper.
(2) Have revised opinion of Nicodemus. Still a lazy boor, but undeniably well-connected in the area and familiar with current events. The high turnover rate among his agents not due to man’s incompetence, as previously assumed, but to superstition and sentimentalist inefficiency rampant among agents.
(3) While recuperating was harassed by peasant: farmer named Duh. Was able to drive him off without resorting to violence.
(4) Questioned Throgdizurg’s capacity to remain neutral and dispassionate in face of local, personal connection. Throgdizurg did not appear to understand concern. Let it pass.
(5) Dretch’s journal found among other books scattered in disused laboratory, corpse in summoning chamber.
(6) Fighter a member of the race of Imperial citizens known by the pejorative “ogres” and thus possessed of massive strength and great reach.
To: Isinwyll, Assistant to His Honor the Duke Morgan
From: Kale, Imperial Agent
Re: Second Northlands Expedition, Days 1 – 8
As related in memo IK1NE4/14, previous group met with untimely end at hands of rebel/bandit forces after (presumed) betrayal by Goody Klemper (1). Wish to reiterate own suggestion, overlooked by the now-dead sentimentalists, to execute Goody Klemper for crimes against the Empire, rather than “rescue” her.
Upon death of rest of team, made way back to Cauldron (archaic: “Kalderon”), wherein residence of the Imperial agent Nicodemus (2). After three days recuperation leave, met Nicodemus in his inn (3), introduced to other two members of new group.
Throgdizurg, barbarian, and Amid, clerical primitive. Hold both in low esteem: Throgdizurg overly violent, displays lack of concern for maximal efficiency. Amid worst kind of superstitionist – spouting empty platitudes unprovoked and again, showing no though to the greater, Imperial, picture.
Briefed on most recent developments w/r/t Bellhold situation. Instigator revealed to be psionically-active rock, inanimate and powerful, clearly superior to our weak flesh. Previous agents squandered precious Imperial resources, burned down most of Bellhold in attempt to draw out foe. Thousands of gold pieces worth of property damage. Previous agents all dead or fallen to mind-control, save single priest, who made report and then retired from active service. Rumor of goblins carrying blue mind-stone north to Cauldron.
Nicodemus revealed then that goblin bodies had been found recently not far from Cauldron’s southern gate. No investigation had been performed, as it had not been deemed significant, but in light of current events full Imperial investigation warranted.
Immediately proposed exhuming goblin corpses, using necromantic techniques to determine cause of death and connection with mind-stone. Nicodemus, however, questioned the ability of Throgdizurg and Amid to function in an urban environment. Instead assigned us task of liberating village in Empire’s name. Said village birthplace of Throgdizurg (4), unpronounceable local name. Village said to be terrorized by frog-monster. Previous putative rescuers, led by noted gladiator Kid Presentable, fell in combat. Frog-monster allegedly moved from temple in center of village to tower on outskirts.
Questioned wisdom of possibly squandering limited Imperial resources by sending another small team to accomplish what one small team could not. Requested Nicodemus provide further assistance: men-at-arms, a sorcerer, anything. Nicodemus gave Amid three scrolls of protection from evil and a scroll of sending with which to contact Nicodemus for further instructions once the monster had been defeated.
Informed of primitive cult possibly active in area: several (4-5?) priests killed or found dead by Imperial agents, bearing blank holy symbols. Was informed of local backwards cult, worship of “god of secrets.” Cult tired, old, fallen into disfavor. Single major shrine/archives site remains. Have been told to continue on past unpronounceable local village to this shrine, once monster defeated. Goal: show blank holy symbols to librarian/sages at shrine, in hopes secret may be revealed.
Given provisions and horses, traveled to village. Three-day trip uneventful, evidence that increased Imperial activity in region is having positive effect. Arrived in village in early afternoon. Village appeared deserted. Some looting had taken place. Captured a local seamstress, who confirmed: One, current team not the first or even second to attempt to liberate village in name of the Empire. Two, most in town scattered and/or deceased. Three, frog-monster believed to have moved from the temple in the center of the town to the wizard Dretch’s tower on outskirts. Everything Nicodemus had said, then, confirmed. After a cursory examination of the temple, went to tower. Tower was at one time a three-story structure, but partially demolished by unknown action. Remains little more than a shell, with only the ground floor partially intact. Ground floor consisted of kitchen, pantry, and stairs down into basement complex.
Based on previous reports via Nicodemus and Imperial Intelligence, believed frog-monster’s primary attack modes to be acid breath and melee with a trident carried by the beast. Amid used magic to protect the three of us from acid. Tapped animal affinity tattoo to boost strength, skate tattoo to boost speed, and invisibility tattoo for stealth. Light provided by Amid.
Plan: down into complex, find frog-monster, snatch trident from monster, rush back to ground level, allowing Throgdizurg to smash monster with assistance from Amid. Scouted out complex, found frog-monster in storage room behind underground lab. Successfully disarmed monster, ran back to team. Throgdizurg made short work of the disarmed monster when monster attempted pursuit. Excellent display of teamwork. Hail the Empire!
While Amid took care destroying the frog-monster’s remains, searched the remainder of complex. Determined based on circumstantial, material, and written evidence (5), the following:
1. Dretch summoned the frog-monster (a devil, in the technical parlance) but it was too much for Dretch, and escaped summoning circle, proving once again that magic is a dated and outmoded means of manipulating reality, while psi is the wave of the future.
2. Dretch’s goal in this summoning was to send the devil against a personal enemy of Dretch’s: Robert the Bald, another local wizard.
3. The impetus for this rash deed was Dretch’s imp familiar, now departed with several missing items from among Dretch’s stores.
4. There was no reason to believe any additional devils were present, nor that any would be arriving as a result of these actions. Therefore the mission was completed, in the name of the Emperor.
Several items of unknown worth were identified by Amid as magical, including a psionic bastard sword that written evidence revealed to be a recent acquisition of Dretch’s, and unknown in value. Claimed the hell-forged trident of the devil as own, despite Amid’s claims the trident detects as evil. Foolish superstition: trident will be used in service of Empire, ergo not evil.
Returned to village at dusk, and congratulated surviving inhabitants on luck at having Empire around to protect them. Amid contacted Nicodemus and informed Nicodemus of group’s success. In morning set out for backwoods shrine of secrets. Multiple-day trip along semi-Imperial road. Night of first day, attacked by small band of pulpy humaniform plants of unknown origin. Throgdizurg easily dispatched humaniforms, however. Second day uneventful.
Third day, passing roadside shrine to primitive nature-god not worshipped in more civilized sections of Empire, heard scuffling from within. Despite own warnings against antagonizing backwoods primitives, Throgdizurg and Amid insisted on investigating. Upon entering open-air shrine, immediately attacked by two wild animals. Eerie keening filled air. Magical sonic attack stunned self while Throgdizurg and Amid dispatched dire weasel attackers. Amid conjured sonic protection, but evil spellcaster appeared. Evil spellcaster seemingly unhindered by sonic protection, possibly due to range, and holds Throgdizurg. Self charged spellcaster, bowled spellcaster over using spiked shield, but mental defenses soon overpowered by fell magics, and forced to flee.
While self fleeing, Amid and Throgdizurg report, Amid attacked by a second combatant, a fighter. Evil spellcaster moved to support fighter, but Amid’s defensive spellcasting and protections able to withstand fighter’s blows, despite fighter’s natural advantages (6). Throdizurg soon enough shrugged off effects of holding, attacked fighter, defeated him handily. Spellcaster retreated into woods, where self has recovered control of body. Slam-tackled spellcaster, goring spellcaster with armor spikes, and (assisted by Throgdizurg, who chased the spellcaster) incapacitated the foe. Hail the Empire!
Currently the team is recuperating from the assault. Will send further updates as events warrant; now quite close to primitives’ shrine-of-secrets.
Loyal servant of the Empire,
K.
(1) Dowda “Goody” Klemper, peasant farmwife, wife of Erdo Klemper (deceased), mother of Jeorj, Talla, and Izzy Klemper (all deceased), grandmother of Vin, Lud, Ned, Kerr, Tabba, Polk, Su, Eb, and Timulty (all deceased). Old, if not venerable.
Rescued from rebel/bandit camp on day 12 of first expedition, released. Ambush occurred next day, clear indicator of good intelligence – rebel/bandits knew where were. Obviously betrayed by Goody Klemper.
(2) Have revised opinion of Nicodemus. Still a lazy boor, but undeniably well-connected in the area and familiar with current events. The high turnover rate among his agents not due to man’s incompetence, as previously assumed, but to superstition and sentimentalist inefficiency rampant among agents.
(3) While recuperating was harassed by peasant: farmer named Duh. Was able to drive him off without resorting to violence.
(4) Questioned Throgdizurg’s capacity to remain neutral and dispassionate in face of local, personal connection. Throgdizurg did not appear to understand concern. Let it pass.
(5) Dretch’s journal found among other books scattered in disused laboratory, corpse in summoning chamber.
(6) Fighter a member of the race of Imperial citizens known by the pejorative “ogres” and thus possessed of massive strength and great reach.
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