Hashmalum
Explorer
Oops! I'd forgotten that I'd disabled the feature that allows people to email me through the message board. Anyway, the address is hashmalum@msn.com
The Rape of Morne [Final Update]
- Thread starter Sepulchrave II
- Start date
Lela
First Post
Hashmalum said:
Ah yes! Yet another victom has fallen pray to Sep's--unintentional--trap!!!!! Gather together and prepare for war mighty SPAM worshipers. For now we attack Hashmalum. He will be broght to his knees by offers for everything from succubi to free satyr transformations; devils and celestials will fight for his business. And who will profit? I WILL!
That is to say, um, BUMP.
Last edited:
Ancalagon
Dusty Dragon
a customer walks in the door.)
Customer: Good Morning.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Fiend Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the Sensate library on Clerk's Lane just now,
skimming through "Rogue Hurron" by Herkel Darkstep, and I suddenly came over
all peckish.
O: Peckish, sir?
C: Conjurian.
O: Eh?
C: 'Ee, Ah wor 'sumonin-loike!
O: Ah, Summonish!
C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little nasty fiend will do
the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and
infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some fiendish entertainment!
O: Come again?
C: I want to buy a fiend.
O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the
Terpsichorean muse!
O: Sorry?
C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
O: So he can go on playing, can he?
C: Most certainly! Now then, some fiend please, my good man.
O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
C: Well, eh, how about a little red Abishai?.
O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Abishai, sir.
C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Ice Mephits?
O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it
fresh on Monday.
C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Canoloth, if
you please.
O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this
morning.
C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Beial Please?
O: Sorry, sir.
C: Red Slaad?
O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
C: Ah. Gablerzu?
O: Sorry.
C: Fire Elemental? Goristo?
O: No.
C: Any Norweigan demon, per chance.
O: No.
C: Danish Achairai?
O: No.
C: Double Demogorgon?
O: <pause> No.
C: Rutterkins
O: No.
C: Lemures, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Lemures, yessir.
C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the diable de la Belle Enfer! Mmmwah!
O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
C: I don't care how
ing runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.
O: Oooooooooohhh........! <pause>
C: What now?
O: The cat's eaten it.
C: <pause> Has he.
O: She, sir.
(pause)
C: Barbazu?
O: No.
C: Yagnoloth?
O: No.
C: Nightmare?
O: No.
C: Smoke Mephit?
O: No.
C: Japanese Ugulu no Oni?
O: No, sir.
C: You...do *have* some fiends, don't you?
O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a fiend shop, sir. We've got--
C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
O: Fair enough.
C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
O: Yes?
C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir.
Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.
(pause)
C: Uuh, Graazt?
O: no
C: Nycaloth,
O: no
C: erinyes ,
O: no
C: Bone devil,
O: no
C: thoqqua,
O: no
C: Xill,
O: no
C: Dretch?
O: Not *today*, sir, no.
(pause)
C: Aah, how about Imps?
O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular fiend in the world!
O: Not 'round here, sir.
C: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular fiend 'round hyah?
O: Faratsu, sir.
C: IS it.
O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
C: Is it.
O: It's our number one best seller, sir!
C: I see. Uuh...Faratsu, eh?
O: Right, sir.
C: All right. Okay.
'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
O: I'll have a look, sir...
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
C: It's not much of a Fiend shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it's so clean, sir!
C: It's certainly uncontaminated by fiends....
O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Nalfeshnee, sir.
C: Would it be worth it?
O: Could be....
C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
O: Told you sir....
C: (slowly) Have you got any Nalfeshneer?
O: No.
C: Figures.
Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have
posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
O: Yessir?
C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any fiends here at all.
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?
(pause)
O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven't.
O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cleave you in twain.
O: Right-0, sir.
The customer takes out an axe and hacks the owner's head off.
C: What a *senseless* waste of human life.
Customer: Good Morning.
Owner: Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Fiend Emporium!
Customer: Ah, thank you, my good man.
Owner: What can I do for you, Sir?
C: Well, I was, uh, sitting in the Sensate library on Clerk's Lane just now,
skimming through "Rogue Hurron" by Herkel Darkstep, and I suddenly came over
all peckish.
O: Peckish, sir?
C: Conjurian.
O: Eh?
C: 'Ee, Ah wor 'sumonin-loike!
O: Ah, Summonish!
C: In a nutshell. And I thought to myself, "a little nasty fiend will do
the trick," so, I curtailed my Walpoling activites, sallied forth, and
infiltrated your place of purveyance to negotiate the vending of some fiendish entertainment!
O: Come again?
C: I want to buy a fiend.
O: Oh, I thought you were complaining about the bazouki player!
C: Oh, heaven forbid: I am one who delights in all manifestations of the
Terpsichorean muse!
O: Sorry?
C: 'Ooo, Ah lahk a nice tuune, 'yer forced too!
O: So he can go on playing, can he?
C: Most certainly! Now then, some fiend please, my good man.
O: (lustily) Certainly, sir. What would you like?
C: Well, eh, how about a little red Abishai?.
O: I'm, a-fraid we're fresh out of red Abishai, sir.
C: Oh, never mind, how are you on Ice Mephits?
O: I'm afraid we never have that at the end of the week, sir, we get it
fresh on Monday.
C: Tish tish. No matter. Well, stout yeoman, four ounces of Canoloth, if
you please.
O: Ah! It's beeeen on order, sir, for two weeks. Was expecting it this
morning.
C: 'T's Not my lucky day, is it? Aah, Beial Please?
O: Sorry, sir.
C: Red Slaad?
O: Normally, sir, yes. Today the van broke down.
C: Ah. Gablerzu?
O: Sorry.
C: Fire Elemental? Goristo?
O: No.
C: Any Norweigan demon, per chance.
O: No.
C: Danish Achairai?
O: No.
C: Double Demogorgon?
O: <pause> No.
C: Rutterkins
O: No.
C: Lemures, perhaps?
O: Ah! We have Lemures, yessir.
C: (suprised) You do! Excellent.
O: Yessir. It's..ah,.....it's a bit runny...
C: Oh, I like it runny.
O: Well,.. It's very runny, actually, sir.
C: No matter. Fetch hither the diable de la Belle Enfer! Mmmwah!
O: I...think it's a bit runnier than you'll like it, sir.
C: I don't care how
ing runny it is. Hand it over with all speed.O: Oooooooooohhh........! <pause>
C: What now?
O: The cat's eaten it.
C: <pause> Has he.
O: She, sir.
(pause)
C: Barbazu?
O: No.
C: Yagnoloth?
O: No.
C: Nightmare?
O: No.
C: Smoke Mephit?
O: No.
C: Japanese Ugulu no Oni?
O: No, sir.
C: You...do *have* some fiends, don't you?
O: (brightly) Of course, sir. It's a fiend shop, sir. We've got--
C: No no... don't tell me. I'm keen to guess.
O: Fair enough.
C: Uuuuuh, Wensleydale.
O: Yes?
C: Ah, well, I'll have some of that!
O: Oh! I thought you were talking to me, sir.
Mister Wensleydale, that's my name.
(pause)
C: Uuh, Graazt?
O: no
C: Nycaloth,
O: no
C: erinyes ,
O: no
C: Bone devil,
O: no
C: thoqqua,
O: no
C: Xill,
O: no
C: Dretch?
O: Not *today*, sir, no.
(pause)
C: Aah, how about Imps?
O: Well, we don't get much call for it around here, sir.
C: Not much ca--It's the single most popular fiend in the world!
O: Not 'round here, sir.
C: <slight pause> and what IS the most popular fiend 'round hyah?
O: Faratsu, sir.
C: IS it.
O: Oh, yes, it's staggeringly popular in this manor, squire.
C: Is it.
O: It's our number one best seller, sir!
C: I see. Uuh...Faratsu, eh?
O: Right, sir.
C: All right. Okay.
'Have you got any?' he asked, expecting the answer 'no'.
O: I'll have a look, sir...
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnno.
C: It's not much of a Fiend shop, is it?
O: Finest in the district!
C: (annoyed) Explain the logic underlying that conclusion, please.
O: Well, it's so clean, sir!
C: It's certainly uncontaminated by fiends....
O: (brightly) You haven't asked me about Nalfeshnee, sir.
C: Would it be worth it?
O: Could be....
C: Have you --SHUT THAT BLOODY BAZOUKI OFF!
O: Told you sir....
C: (slowly) Have you got any Nalfeshneer?
O: No.
C: Figures.
Predictable, really I suppose. It was an act of purest optimism to have
posed the question in the first place. Tell me:
O: Yessir?
C: (deliberately) Have you in fact got any fiends here at all.
O: Yes,sir.
C: Really?
(pause)
O: No. Not really, sir.
C: You haven't.
O: Nosir. Not a scrap. I was deliberately wasting your time,sir.
C: Well I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to cleave you in twain.
O: Right-0, sir.
The customer takes out an axe and hacks the owner's head off.
C: What a *senseless* waste of human life.
Last edited:
Mathew_Freeman
Adventurer
*baffled, but laughing too*
Word doc
Greetings,
If the compiled Morne SH .doc is handy, I'd love to have a copy. I need some inspiration
matkinso@edcenter.egusd.k12.ca.us
Thanx!
Mean DM
Greetings,
If the compiled Morne SH .doc is handy, I'd love to have a copy. I need some inspiration
matkinso@edcenter.egusd.k12.ca.us
Thanx!
Mean DM
Warrior Poet
Explorer
A testament to the power of this story: there hasn't been an update in weeks, and we continue to mind the hall, sweeping it clean on occasion, making sure everything is up to snuff, the thread is bumped, the rugs shaken out.
Waiting for the next thread is like the anticipation of waiting for the next Neal Stephenson novel.
Cheers to Sepulchrave and fellows!
Warrior Poet
Waiting for the next thread is like the anticipation of waiting for the next Neal Stephenson novel.
Cheers to Sepulchrave and fellows!
Warrior Poet
Samnell
Explorer
I have heard that this story hour is like the second coming of Piratecat's, Sagiro's, and Wulf's half-field love child (and I don't want to get into the mechanics there). I have also heard talk of a compiled file of the whole thing. Could someone be so kind as to hit my email over the head with it? It's in my profile.
Thanks.
Thanks.
