The top 10 D&Disms you want to see in a D&D movie?

[David Howery]

how about "Beginning DM" things:

a 200' long dragon in a 20' x 20' room...
an orc who has 30,000 gp, 6 magic items, and an artifact...
a barbarian wielding a two handed sword in each hand...
vast dungeons with no water or food sources...
the characters don't have to worry about encumbrance, so they walk around with a million gps, a golden throne they looted somewhere, and 6 extra suits of plate mail...
the characters sleep in their armor and never get sores or rashes...

 

[sniffles]

I can't believe nobody said a Fireball spell! Or Magic Missile!

When the characters get into combat, all of their attacks should be completely hit or miss. If they hit someone they hurt them, as though the opponent wasn't wearing any armor.

All armor comes in full head-to-toe suits. When they find a breastplate and put it on, suddenly they've got pauldrons, greaves, vambraces, a helmet, etc.

Someone should suffer a spate of snapped bowstrings, or a bow breaking in two for no reason, or a sword suddenly flying out of their hand - preferably impaling one of their buddies who wasn't anywhere near at the time.

A paladin, who goes around constantly asking people, "Are you evil?" and then casting Detect Evil.

The party never splits up, no matter how reasonable it would be. They also never leave anyone behind to heroically cover the rear. Everyone insists on staying back to help, until soon there is no "rear" to cover.

Everyone always checks the ceiling when entering a strange room, and they check for traps everywhere they go.



[Edit] I forgot - someone has got to have Heward's Handy Haversack or Bag of Holding!!

 

[AdmundfortGeographer]

Ah, thought of a couple more...

10-foot pole: The "party" would be using this to try to trigger traps throughout the entire dungeon before they take a single step further.
Staking dungeon doors open: Easier to flee all the way out of the dungeon if the doors can't be shut by wandering monsters in the dungeon... Speaking of...
Wandering Monsters!: The random encounter that makes zero sense to the story or the environment.

 

[sniffles]

1. The movie should be 6 hours long, but only entertaining for 30 minutes.
2. The characters should stop with whatever they are doing and argue about physics now and then.
3. The first scene is a tavern. It's two hours long.
4. When you least expect it, someone will tell a joke. A bad one only the director will understand.
5. In the first combat in the movie, the protagonists will do something obviously stupid. A combat later they are more comfortable with their abilities.
6. A few of the actors should have a problem to stay in character, preferably combined with point 4.
7. The movie ends with the characters going to sleep, preferable in the tavern from 3.
8. A good portion of the movie takes place directly after an enemy is slain, where the wizard sits quietly looking at a sword or necklace for a good eight hours.
9. The movie is the first part of a about two hundred. The final movie will be released in about fifteen years, in which the characters will disappear for reasons unknown.

This list is just awesome (and scarily familiar) but a friend of mine offered a couple of additions:
* The scene in which the characters argue about dividing the treasure
should be 2 hours long and end with multiple hurt feelings.
* Deciding who gets healing spells should likewise be 1-2 hours long.
* Simple tasks such as figuring out how to open a door will require 30
minutes of dialog

 

[shadowbloodmoon]

10. Druids. I mean the 'I summon an Elemental then Wild Shape into one' Druid.
9. Multiclassing... I'll just leave that one there.
8. Wish spell...
7. Main characters must spend 2 hours of the movie haggling with merchants
6. In addition to 7, PCs must spend as much time as possible talking to NPCs that have NO relevance to the story.
5. In accordance with some of the above, a wizard that actually flexes his/her mystical might. Time Stop/ Meteor Swarm anyone?
4. A Rogue that is NOT a thief
3. Oozes of any sort would be cool
2. Rings of Sustenance. I have yet to see, except in one scene that I remember, the characters actually eat or sleep...
1. The Number One thing I would like in a DnD movie? A cheesy plot that actually makes sense.

Of course there are others and I completely agree with most of the above....

EDIT: one more thing, outside of the movie. It absolutely has to have a CAMPAIGN GUIDE for those of us crazy enough to attempt a game in the kingdom of Ismir...

 

[sniffles]

At some point someone spills a drink on one of the characters, and he vanishes, only to reappear a few moments later slightly altered.

(thanks for that one, Devo!)

 

[Tonguez]

I want to see the Nymph
and a heroine in a chainmail bikini
oh and taverns with ample ale and flowing bussoms

 

[Thanee]

In no particular order...

Iconic Party (Human Cleric, Dwarf Fighter, Halfling Rogue and Elf Wizard)
Typical low-mid level spells
Mordenkainen's Magnificient Mansion (likely from a scroll)
Bag of Holding
Mind Flayers
Trolls
Some kind of Ooze, like a Black Pudding or Gelatinous Cube
Multiple smaller episodes tied into one big plot
5-ft. Steps
Attacks of Opportunity

Bye
Thanee

 

[Thanee]

A nice one for the not overly serious approach... a dragon in a room with no exit large enough to get out.

Bye
Thanee

 

[Haldarin]

1) Everyone has an an animal of some sort.
2) Even the awakened lion ranger.

3) The party has one heavily armored fighter and four people who like to hang back.
4) The bad guys rush past the tank and chop the rest of the party into bits.

5) The rogue insists on taking 2 minutes to inspect every five feet of hallway.
6) The toughest person in the group pushes past the rogue and takes point.

7) Characters with no magical background start giving advice to spellcasters.
8) "I can cast it tomorrow" becomes an official slogan.

9) Someone stops in the middle of a conversation to ask, "Does anyone smell..."
10) "Its bat guano."

11) The virtuous knight is kicked out of the party.
12) The thief stays.

13) Dirk Benedict plays the bard.