The Villainous Team Building Retreat [Topic 1]

[jdrakeh]

Okay, so I just watched The Amazing Screw-on Head last night and was very impressed (and a little disappointed that it wasn't picked up for a series by Sci-Fi). Anyhow. . . the main villian therein (Emperor Zombie) does away with an innocent victim in a very unusual manner. . . he smokes him. Literally. In a giant water pipe. After which he gains the sum total of said victim's knowledge. That's pretty weird, right? Why aren't more of us (villains) breaking new ground like Zombie? What new and interesting ways can you think of for dispatching the innocent?

[Edit: To make this more interesting, picture yourself as a villain, this thread as a villanous team-building exercise, and your answers as contributions to the betterment of villainy everywhere.]

 

[Altair]

That must have been one wierd comic book. I can just imagine the protagonist shouting

"How did you know that being smoked alive in a giant water pipe was my one weakness! DAMN YOU EMPEROR ZOMBIE!"

 

[InVinoVeritas]

Ramp Charm magic up to 11.

Compulsion magic makes them do whatever you say.
Charm magic makes them want to do whatever you say.

The applications are left as an exercise for the reader.

 

[DMH]

Killing the innocent is boring, the killing or humiliating the annoying (ie heros) can be fun.

Drowning in molten sugar, removing bits like teeth or ears and applying anti-coagulants, feeding them to lampreys, hagfish or those little Amazonian parasite fish, forcing them to decide which friend will die, dropping them into the Arm Pit*, using them to grow parasitoid minions** (even better if they are awake the whole time), giving them a view of the Far Realms, putting them into the Far Realms for a minute or two and destroying their home village with minions altered to look like the heros.

*Will anyone get this reference?
** Or this thread: http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=128562&page=1&pp=30

 

[jdrakeh]

"How did you know that being smoked alive in a giant water pipe was my one weakness! DAMN YOU EMPEROR ZOMBIE!"

Well, it wasn't the protagonist. The protagonist is a screw-on, metal, head. That probably wouldn't make for good smoking. He smoked a librarian, instead. On the other hand, Emperor Zombie is. . . well. . . a zombie. He probabaly doesn't have to worry about heavy metal poisoning.

Gung: Foolish mortals!
Emperor Zombie: Do I look mortal to you?