THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS
SESSION I- Part 6.
Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark
Where Rat?
Dramatis Personae
Felix Dwarf Deep Druid 1, will eat anything.
Endrin Human Bard 1, one for the ladies.
Liandri Elven Rogue 1, born bad.
Bob, Human Ranger 1, a simple country lad.
The next day the group are roused (not aroused) by the


’s (male chicken, not a hen but a) crow a little the worse for wear after last nights celebration.
Endrin “Sod Paracetamol get me a Para-Medic.”
Liandri “ My head’s come off… MY HEAD’S COME OFF.”
Bob “That’s my head.”
Liandri “Thank the Lady for that.”
Bright and early they complete their ablutions.
<RRRRRRaaallllpphhhh>
<HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee>
<RaLPH>
And descend for breakfast.
“Oh Pelor no… I think I’m going to be…”
Five minutes later Captain Jarrek arrives at the Birchwhistle Inn in search of the hardy souls. Captain Jarrek, Chief Guarder… er boss of the Amberdale Guard, is a fifty-year-old dick that lives by a little book with a set of rules in it. The book tells him everything- how long his hair should be, what he should wear and where he should wear it- a military man. It is said that he urinates to attention….
“Aahhh, at ease Private.”
Anyway he marches into the groups lives- Felix who is eating Liandri’s breakfast (he’s already had Endrin’s, Bob’s and his own) meets him and on behalf of the Wednesday Knights accepts their next mission. It seems their fame is spreading.
“The others... Oh they’re up the stairs practising their swordplay and the like.”
To which Jarrek nods “Damn fine men. Damn fine.”
And the story is Rodney Dirt (Bob’s Pinocchio Pal- a halfling Ranger that taught Bob everything he has since forgotten) has reported that there is a rat infestation at the nearest Ranger Tower. The Ranger Towers dot the Amberdale woods, safe havens back to which the Amberdale Rangers and Guard can retire when on patrol. The group then is to travel to the tower and clear the place out- make it fit for Human habitation (which will necessitate Mallaria’s continued absence). Also Xeolus has sent a note from his mum saying that he will not be able to play out as he has a sniffle and a verruca, and besides he has forgotten his sports kit. The effect is somewhat spoiled by the fact that Xeolus is an orphan- brought up (badly) by Monks.
Several hours later the group assemble, they’re as sober as they’re going to get without having to wait till tomorrow. Bob leads them off, he’s been to the tower before, a few hours later after some marathon dawdling they half-creep, half-saunter half-arsed into a clearing and espy three large (Dire) Rats, frolicking in the long grass outside the tower door- which seems to have been gnawed through. The group crouch down and stay hidden, they then aim missiles and fire, everybody rolls eighteen plus and six seconds later all the rats are dead. This is all done by signals in true Special Forces style, believe me it can’t continue.
Bob pushes open the half-gnawed (the lower half) door and looks inside, the others file in- an abandoned guardroom and kitchen- all the food has spoiled and the place is full of rat droppings- a real mess. A set of stairs file up into the darkness… A brief search is conducted in silence- lots of Rat tracks and maybe some human sized footprints.
Liandri listens a while, nothing. Two steps at a time he silently climbs the stair Endrin behind with Felix and Bob following on. On the first floor an open doorway, the door lies broken on the floor, beyond a darkened chamber, the stairs continue up.
Liandri creeps in to a large-ish bed chamber full of tatty bunk beds, moments later another Dire Rat skitters out and is swiftly skewered, Endrin moves on in followed by Felix, Bob remains on the stair listening.
Another Dire Rat is sliced before Felix discovers a nest of a dozen or so normal (house?) rats, he begins to waddle after them stamping on them as he goes (no longer house rats now flat rats).
“Good eatin’.”
Every now and then Felix stops to marvel at the a) “bloody lovely cornicing”, b) “fantastic mortar work”, and c) “great grouting- just great”. He has a thing about quality stonework. The rats, for the record, were bothering nobody till Felix arrived. Endrin mooches about the room examining stuff-
“I look at the bed”
DM “And?”
Endrin “Do I see any treasure?”
DM “No”
Endrin “Ok, what’s over here?”
And thus it continues until he finds a mirror on one of the walls, and spends some quality time gazing into the eyes of his true love.
Liandri (thank Pelor) meanwhile has opened up a locked cabinet and discovered (2) longswords and (3) daggers which have Silvered edges.
“Hey, Bob what are these for?”
And then quietly “there for me…” He begins to hide them away.
But Bob the Ranger has moved on climbing the stair as quietly as he can. He does however wake the bushy haired side-burned hirsute character that was previously lying on the bed on the top floor- who then quietly descends the stair (in a rodent-like manner) oblivious to Bob who is now standing stock still behind the door to the room. Not wanting to give away his position, or warn the others downstairs, Bob has a look in the Ratman’s (for it is inevitably he) room. He finds a few trinkets before Endrin’s screaming breaks his reverie.
Downstairs the fight is going badly, Endrin is caught in the doorway fighting the creature on his own as Felix & Liandri jostle to see what’s going on (while trying to avoid the fight) behind him. The creature looks like Noddy Holder from Slade, Endrin is half-heartedly waving his longsword in the creatures direction, having already taken a deep wound.
“Make it go away. Somebody.”
Felix ignores the rats for a moment and saunters over to Endrin and over his shoulder aims a Flare spell right between the creatures’ (hereafter known as Noddy) eyes- momentarily blinding it. Liandri grabs a silvered Longsword and charges barging through the crowd.
“Aaaaaarggghh… Get out the way.”
A marvellous blow running Noddy through and spiking him onto the tower wall, Noddy thrashes about a while, while Liandri dodges his flailing claws grinning inanely, giggling as the blood flows and Noddy expires his last words through his tears-
“I wish it could be christmas… every… day.”
This for Liandri is a formative experience, the others- Felix and Endrin remember Liandri’s cruel leer and are shaken by it, Liandri remembers the dying moment in Noddys eyes- when the lights finally go out. It makes him feel warm inside, he likes it.
The rest of the Tower is explored and a few more gewgaws are nabbed, as are all the Silvered weapons- the Rangers can get some more.
The group rests and heals, Endrin seems to be ok, and then shuffles back to Town. There they are met at the gate by Captain Jarrek who pays them immediately, $5 each- a fortune. Jarrek then treats them all to a slap up dinner at the Birchwhistle Inn- Jacket Spud and “enough Cheese to choke a Dire Rat, just my idea of a joke you understand. Haw-haw, stout fellows. Haw-haw.”
And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 1.
Next week… Chop Socky, now with added Xeolus.
SESSION I- Part 6.
Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark
Where Rat?
Dramatis Personae
Felix Dwarf Deep Druid 1, will eat anything.
Endrin Human Bard 1, one for the ladies.
Liandri Elven Rogue 1, born bad.
Bob, Human Ranger 1, a simple country lad.
The next day the group are roused (not aroused) by the




Endrin “Sod Paracetamol get me a Para-Medic.”
Liandri “ My head’s come off… MY HEAD’S COME OFF.”
Bob “That’s my head.”
Liandri “Thank the Lady for that.”
Bright and early they complete their ablutions.
<RRRRRRaaallllpphhhh>
<HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee>
<RaLPH>
And descend for breakfast.
“Oh Pelor no… I think I’m going to be…”
Five minutes later Captain Jarrek arrives at the Birchwhistle Inn in search of the hardy souls. Captain Jarrek, Chief Guarder… er boss of the Amberdale Guard, is a fifty-year-old dick that lives by a little book with a set of rules in it. The book tells him everything- how long his hair should be, what he should wear and where he should wear it- a military man. It is said that he urinates to attention….
“Aahhh, at ease Private.”
Anyway he marches into the groups lives- Felix who is eating Liandri’s breakfast (he’s already had Endrin’s, Bob’s and his own) meets him and on behalf of the Wednesday Knights accepts their next mission. It seems their fame is spreading.
“The others... Oh they’re up the stairs practising their swordplay and the like.”
To which Jarrek nods “Damn fine men. Damn fine.”
And the story is Rodney Dirt (Bob’s Pinocchio Pal- a halfling Ranger that taught Bob everything he has since forgotten) has reported that there is a rat infestation at the nearest Ranger Tower. The Ranger Towers dot the Amberdale woods, safe havens back to which the Amberdale Rangers and Guard can retire when on patrol. The group then is to travel to the tower and clear the place out- make it fit for Human habitation (which will necessitate Mallaria’s continued absence). Also Xeolus has sent a note from his mum saying that he will not be able to play out as he has a sniffle and a verruca, and besides he has forgotten his sports kit. The effect is somewhat spoiled by the fact that Xeolus is an orphan- brought up (badly) by Monks.
Several hours later the group assemble, they’re as sober as they’re going to get without having to wait till tomorrow. Bob leads them off, he’s been to the tower before, a few hours later after some marathon dawdling they half-creep, half-saunter half-arsed into a clearing and espy three large (Dire) Rats, frolicking in the long grass outside the tower door- which seems to have been gnawed through. The group crouch down and stay hidden, they then aim missiles and fire, everybody rolls eighteen plus and six seconds later all the rats are dead. This is all done by signals in true Special Forces style, believe me it can’t continue.
Bob pushes open the half-gnawed (the lower half) door and looks inside, the others file in- an abandoned guardroom and kitchen- all the food has spoiled and the place is full of rat droppings- a real mess. A set of stairs file up into the darkness… A brief search is conducted in silence- lots of Rat tracks and maybe some human sized footprints.
Liandri listens a while, nothing. Two steps at a time he silently climbs the stair Endrin behind with Felix and Bob following on. On the first floor an open doorway, the door lies broken on the floor, beyond a darkened chamber, the stairs continue up.
Liandri creeps in to a large-ish bed chamber full of tatty bunk beds, moments later another Dire Rat skitters out and is swiftly skewered, Endrin moves on in followed by Felix, Bob remains on the stair listening.
Another Dire Rat is sliced before Felix discovers a nest of a dozen or so normal (house?) rats, he begins to waddle after them stamping on them as he goes (no longer house rats now flat rats).
“Good eatin’.”
Every now and then Felix stops to marvel at the a) “bloody lovely cornicing”, b) “fantastic mortar work”, and c) “great grouting- just great”. He has a thing about quality stonework. The rats, for the record, were bothering nobody till Felix arrived. Endrin mooches about the room examining stuff-
“I look at the bed”
DM “And?”
Endrin “Do I see any treasure?”
DM “No”
Endrin “Ok, what’s over here?”
And thus it continues until he finds a mirror on one of the walls, and spends some quality time gazing into the eyes of his true love.
Liandri (thank Pelor) meanwhile has opened up a locked cabinet and discovered (2) longswords and (3) daggers which have Silvered edges.
“Hey, Bob what are these for?”
And then quietly “there for me…” He begins to hide them away.
But Bob the Ranger has moved on climbing the stair as quietly as he can. He does however wake the bushy haired side-burned hirsute character that was previously lying on the bed on the top floor- who then quietly descends the stair (in a rodent-like manner) oblivious to Bob who is now standing stock still behind the door to the room. Not wanting to give away his position, or warn the others downstairs, Bob has a look in the Ratman’s (for it is inevitably he) room. He finds a few trinkets before Endrin’s screaming breaks his reverie.
Downstairs the fight is going badly, Endrin is caught in the doorway fighting the creature on his own as Felix & Liandri jostle to see what’s going on (while trying to avoid the fight) behind him. The creature looks like Noddy Holder from Slade, Endrin is half-heartedly waving his longsword in the creatures direction, having already taken a deep wound.
“Make it go away. Somebody.”
Felix ignores the rats for a moment and saunters over to Endrin and over his shoulder aims a Flare spell right between the creatures’ (hereafter known as Noddy) eyes- momentarily blinding it. Liandri grabs a silvered Longsword and charges barging through the crowd.
“Aaaaaarggghh… Get out the way.”
A marvellous blow running Noddy through and spiking him onto the tower wall, Noddy thrashes about a while, while Liandri dodges his flailing claws grinning inanely, giggling as the blood flows and Noddy expires his last words through his tears-
“I wish it could be christmas… every… day.”
This for Liandri is a formative experience, the others- Felix and Endrin remember Liandri’s cruel leer and are shaken by it, Liandri remembers the dying moment in Noddys eyes- when the lights finally go out. It makes him feel warm inside, he likes it.
The rest of the Tower is explored and a few more gewgaws are nabbed, as are all the Silvered weapons- the Rangers can get some more.
The group rests and heals, Endrin seems to be ok, and then shuffles back to Town. There they are met at the gate by Captain Jarrek who pays them immediately, $5 each- a fortune. Jarrek then treats them all to a slap up dinner at the Birchwhistle Inn- Jacket Spud and “enough Cheese to choke a Dire Rat, just my idea of a joke you understand. Haw-haw, stout fellows. Haw-haw.”
And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 1.
Next week… Chop Socky, now with added Xeolus.
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