The Wednesday Knights Story Hour

THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION I- Part 6.

Sunday 2nd Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Where Rat?

Dramatis Personae
Felix Dwarf Deep Druid 1, will eat anything.
Endrin Human Bard 1, one for the ladies.
Liandri Elven Rogue 1, born bad.
Bob, Human Ranger 1, a simple country lad.

The next day the group are roused (not aroused) by the :):):):)’s (male chicken, not a hen but a) crow a little the worse for wear after last nights celebration.

Endrin “Sod Paracetamol get me a Para-Medic.”
Liandri “ My head’s come off… MY HEAD’S COME OFF.”
Bob “That’s my head.”
Liandri “Thank the Lady for that.”

Bright and early they complete their ablutions.

<RRRRRRaaallllpphhhh>
<HHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEWWWWEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee>
<RaLPH>

And descend for breakfast.

“Oh Pelor no… I think I’m going to be…”

Five minutes later Captain Jarrek arrives at the Birchwhistle Inn in search of the hardy souls. Captain Jarrek, Chief Guarder… er boss of the Amberdale Guard, is a fifty-year-old dick that lives by a little book with a set of rules in it. The book tells him everything- how long his hair should be, what he should wear and where he should wear it- a military man. It is said that he urinates to attention….

“Aahhh, at ease Private.”

Anyway he marches into the groups lives- Felix who is eating Liandri’s breakfast (he’s already had Endrin’s, Bob’s and his own) meets him and on behalf of the Wednesday Knights accepts their next mission. It seems their fame is spreading.

“The others... Oh they’re up the stairs practising their swordplay and the like.”
To which Jarrek nods “Damn fine men. Damn fine.”

And the story is Rodney Dirt (Bob’s Pinocchio Pal- a halfling Ranger that taught Bob everything he has since forgotten) has reported that there is a rat infestation at the nearest Ranger Tower. The Ranger Towers dot the Amberdale woods, safe havens back to which the Amberdale Rangers and Guard can retire when on patrol. The group then is to travel to the tower and clear the place out- make it fit for Human habitation (which will necessitate Mallaria’s continued absence). Also Xeolus has sent a note from his mum saying that he will not be able to play out as he has a sniffle and a verruca, and besides he has forgotten his sports kit. The effect is somewhat spoiled by the fact that Xeolus is an orphan- brought up (badly) by Monks.

Several hours later the group assemble, they’re as sober as they’re going to get without having to wait till tomorrow. Bob leads them off, he’s been to the tower before, a few hours later after some marathon dawdling they half-creep, half-saunter half-arsed into a clearing and espy three large (Dire) Rats, frolicking in the long grass outside the tower door- which seems to have been gnawed through. The group crouch down and stay hidden, they then aim missiles and fire, everybody rolls eighteen plus and six seconds later all the rats are dead. This is all done by signals in true Special Forces style, believe me it can’t continue.

Bob pushes open the half-gnawed (the lower half) door and looks inside, the others file in- an abandoned guardroom and kitchen- all the food has spoiled and the place is full of rat droppings- a real mess. A set of stairs file up into the darkness… A brief search is conducted in silence- lots of Rat tracks and maybe some human sized footprints.

Liandri listens a while, nothing. Two steps at a time he silently climbs the stair Endrin behind with Felix and Bob following on. On the first floor an open doorway, the door lies broken on the floor, beyond a darkened chamber, the stairs continue up.

Liandri creeps in to a large-ish bed chamber full of tatty bunk beds, moments later another Dire Rat skitters out and is swiftly skewered, Endrin moves on in followed by Felix, Bob remains on the stair listening.

Another Dire Rat is sliced before Felix discovers a nest of a dozen or so normal (house?) rats, he begins to waddle after them stamping on them as he goes (no longer house rats now flat rats).

“Good eatin’.”

Every now and then Felix stops to marvel at the a) “bloody lovely cornicing”, b) “fantastic mortar work”, and c) “great grouting- just great”. He has a thing about quality stonework. The rats, for the record, were bothering nobody till Felix arrived. Endrin mooches about the room examining stuff-

“I look at the bed”
DM “And?”
Endrin “Do I see any treasure?”
DM “No”
Endrin “Ok, what’s over here?”

And thus it continues until he finds a mirror on one of the walls, and spends some quality time gazing into the eyes of his true love.

Liandri (thank Pelor) meanwhile has opened up a locked cabinet and discovered (2) longswords and (3) daggers which have Silvered edges.

“Hey, Bob what are these for?”
And then quietly “there for me…” He begins to hide them away.

But Bob the Ranger has moved on climbing the stair as quietly as he can. He does however wake the bushy haired side-burned hirsute character that was previously lying on the bed on the top floor- who then quietly descends the stair (in a rodent-like manner) oblivious to Bob who is now standing stock still behind the door to the room. Not wanting to give away his position, or warn the others downstairs, Bob has a look in the Ratman’s (for it is inevitably he) room. He finds a few trinkets before Endrin’s screaming breaks his reverie.

Downstairs the fight is going badly, Endrin is caught in the doorway fighting the creature on his own as Felix & Liandri jostle to see what’s going on (while trying to avoid the fight) behind him. The creature looks like Noddy Holder from Slade, Endrin is half-heartedly waving his longsword in the creatures direction, having already taken a deep wound.

“Make it go away. Somebody.”

Felix ignores the rats for a moment and saunters over to Endrin and over his shoulder aims a Flare spell right between the creatures’ (hereafter known as Noddy) eyes- momentarily blinding it. Liandri grabs a silvered Longsword and charges barging through the crowd.

“Aaaaaarggghh… Get out the way.”

A marvellous blow running Noddy through and spiking him onto the tower wall, Noddy thrashes about a while, while Liandri dodges his flailing claws grinning inanely, giggling as the blood flows and Noddy expires his last words through his tears-

“I wish it could be christmas… every… day.”

This for Liandri is a formative experience, the others- Felix and Endrin remember Liandri’s cruel leer and are shaken by it, Liandri remembers the dying moment in Noddys eyes- when the lights finally go out. It makes him feel warm inside, he likes it.

The rest of the Tower is explored and a few more gewgaws are nabbed, as are all the Silvered weapons- the Rangers can get some more.

The group rests and heals, Endrin seems to be ok, and then shuffles back to Town. There they are met at the gate by Captain Jarrek who pays them immediately, $5 each- a fortune. Jarrek then treats them all to a slap up dinner at the Birchwhistle Inn- Jacket Spud and “enough Cheese to choke a Dire Rat, just my idea of a joke you understand. Haw-haw, stout fellows. Haw-haw.”

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 1.

Next week… Chop Socky, now with added Xeolus.
 
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THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION II- Part 1.

Moonday 3rd Jankers 2000
The Year of the Dark

Farmer Palmer’s Root Cellar Ruckus.

Dramatis Personae-
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1, drunk & daft.
Endrin Human Bard 1, combing the ladies from his moustache.
Xeolus Human Monk 1, bright eyed and bushy tailed.

Ensconced within the snug of the Birchwhistle Inn the intrepid explorers sup and quaff and sup some more- Felix is in a drinking competition with himself and losing badly.

“Come on ya baztud…”

Xeolus looks on amazed at the Dwarves constitution throwing down pint after pint of “Old Scrotum”, with shots of “Knacker” (fermented from snakes venom, sugar cane and size 7 winkle-picker shoes- just add flavour to taste). Xeolus makes do with milk-squiffies and sports a froth moustache, he giggles to himself when the others are not looking.

Over the other side of the bar Endrin has his arm around a stunning caravan guard called Sam Fox who is blonde, bubbly and top heavy to say the least (sexist but happily true). He is searching for her bra strap within the heavy cotton shirt, this is more like adventuring he thinks to himself.

The others, well they’re elsewhere, doing other things.

There are dozens of drovers and caravan guards in the bar and all is well with the world.

That is until Farmer Palmer comes staggering in out of the rain.

Endrin is the first to spot that something’s up when he sees Birchwhistle (the landlord) pointing directly at him, Farmer Palmer following his direction. Soon after the group sit down with Palmer somewhat away from the noise- they soon discover that although they’ve had a few, they would have to spend the whole day on the ale to approach the level of inebriation currently being experienced by the mad Farmer. Farmer Palmer tells them about the Ghosts “what ‘ave taken up residin’ in ‘is back passage- that be by way of me root cellar, young ‘uns”. Palmer continues to bring a bad name to country folk everywhere- “all this used to be fields”, and, “you townies don’t understand our country ways” etc. The conversation rattles on going nowhere the party certain that it’s just the ale talking.

Endrin makes his excuses and heads to the bar trying to spot Sam Fox on the way, while ordering a drink he talks to Birchwhistle, who while confirming Palmer’s spectacular ale head reputation, also states that “he’s not a liar though.” Endrin takes note and heads back to the table.

Fifteen minutes later the four stagger from the Birchwhistle, and in mud and rain make the 2.5 mile journey to the Palmer farm- a run down affair which if the front porch is to be believed grows whisky bottles.

Felix sings as he saunters-

“Eating trifle, eating trifle,
Hello, hooray, what a nice day for-
Eating trifle, eating trifle.”

Until by popular demand Endrin thumps him in the chops, the Dwarf looks bemused but staggers on, the volume down.

Palmer points out the entrance to the cellar and shoves the party down, his parting words- “careful it b’aint be ‘ardly ‘uman.”

Adjusting to the light takes some time as Endrin’s torch flutters and flares. A slow search of the area begins- a cluttered cellar with piles of farming equipment rusting and unused and a great deal of other junk. Xeolus shushes the party- he can hear something. With the group at different corners of the cellar (or at least three corners)- a curtain is pulled back (which a moment ago appeared to be a wall) and two crossbows fire- both miss. Vagabonds and scoundrels leap out onto the intrepid party, three in total, Endrin quickly remembers seeing their faces before. At least one of them a wanted man in Tinderbox (a small town nearby), for murder- he’s seen the poster in Captain Jarrek’s guardhouse. The fight suddenly gets serious.

Xeolus goes all Jackie Chan leaping over bags of Chicken Feed and Barrels of Muesli. He kicks the pooh out of Hort (the murderer and leader of this desperate bunch), who is “Entangled” by Felix- (to the DM) “it’s a root cellar- there must be some roots- good Entangling material roots, look at trees.” Having contributed Felix then slumps to the floor to sit the rest out- still singing the trifle song. Endrin comes over all Douglas Fairbanks Jnr. and fences with a longsword soon another lies dead. This leaves one bandit left who swiftly calculates his chances and surrenders to Xeolus. The guy is securely tied up and left with Felix to play with- on Endrin & Xeolus’ return it will be apparent that he has learnt the “trifle” song, by knife point. Xeolus is sent topside to find the mad Farmer and get the authorities while Endrin mooches about.

In “the room behind the secret curtain” (now available on Magic Lantern, Video & DVD) Endrin discovers a number of coffins (sans corpses), and a pile of loot. He takes the loot figuring his conscience would never forgive him if he left it to be shared out, and while the Awful Good (sounds like a good name for Diet food) Monk Xeolus is not about.

An hour or so later, the grave robber (for that is what he is) is singing like a canary.

“Eating trifle, eating trifle…”
“No more I’ll tell you everything, make him stop.”
“Hello, hooray, what a nice day for-“
“Kill me please, kill me.
“Eating trifle, eating trifle- once more.”
“Arrgghhh.”

Captain Jarrek arrives and is overjoyed; he has to be prevented from going down on Xeolus there and then. There is a reward for each of the criminals the party has defeated, while the survivor is to be shipped out to Tinderbox for trial. All told they have just made over $50, more than a years wage for most.

The party comes out of the encounter feted by their expanding public and without a single scratch on them- even though the crossbows were flying.

Just as the clear up is in progress Bob turns up, he’d been back home at the family (turnip) farm, and had been told by Birchwhistle that the others had headed off to Farmer Palmers.

He is just in time to help to carry Felix home.

“I wuv you I do.”
“Yes Felix.”
“I do.”
“That’s nice, isn’t it… ahh.” Xeolus blinks back tears.
“I do, I wuv you.”
“Ok, let’s get you home to the Inn.”
“Can I haff a drink den?”
“No, you’ve had enough.”
“You’re me best pals.”
Bob and Endrin take it in turns to nod, Xeolus still looks a bit blubby, he bites his lip.
“See this.” Felix comes to a sudden halt, necessitating all others to suddenly halt. “This”, he shoots his arm out, pointing everywhere, “all this used to be field.”
“It’s still fields.”
“Yeah. But diff’rent fields.”
Felix scans the horizon (as best he can) and looks sad, then looks up at Endrin.
“I need a wee can you help me get my winkie out?”

And so ends another adventure of the Wednesday Knights- next session Mr. Muyagi and the Monk Initiation Training Cave Hideout.
 


THE WEDNESDAY KNIGHTS

SESSION II- Part 2.

Chewsday 4th Jankers 2000
The Year of the Dark

Monkie Business.

Dramatis Personae
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1, hung-over.
Endrin Human Bard 1, enchanting.
Xeolus Human Monk 1, bright eyed and bushy tailed.
Bob Human Ranger 1, a pleasant enough lad.

The next day Xeolus is knocked up early (F’narr) by a small bald man wearing a stereotype Mr. Muyagi (yes of Karate Kid fame) is here to ask a favour.

After a quarter of an hour spent bowing, a short Tea Ceremony (no biscuits); the two inscrutable fellows enjoy a brief, but almost entirely incomprehensible, conversation.

Mr. Muyagi “MMMMmmmm”
Xeolus “Ahhhhhh”
Mr. Muyagi “MMMMmmmmuuuaahhh Daniel-san.”
Xeolus “Ahhhhhh Sooo. MMMmmm”
Mr. Muyagi “Hai”
Xeolus “Hai”

Xeolus turns to the other members of the party (they share the same bed didn’t you know) and says-

“This is Mr. Muyagi he has been sent from Master Wen at the Moon Temple to direct a young Monk, known as Daniel-san, to undertake a traditional Monk-like initiation test. Anyway I digress, but the old man rattles on.” At this point Xeolus smiles and nods at Mr. Muyagi who reciprocates. The party look on amazed.

“Anyway, where was I- Mr. Muyagi also said that they had travelled to the area yesterday morning and then spent some time in the Amber Forest preparing Daniel-san for his test. They picked the third leaf of the flower we call “Elermall” and crushed it between the fore and index fingers to prepare… oh once again I digress, but Mr. Muyagi’s story was so compelling and full of detail.”

“Anyway, as I was saying Daniel-san entered the Monk Initiation Test Cave Hideout, or MITCH as the Spirit Dragon ‘Gong Lee’ was known to have called it (actually she did so only once- and has ever since lived to regret it). Mr. Muyagi waited outside of MITCH but so far Daniel-san has not returned- it has been over 12 hours and Mr. Muyagi is frightened- as he said previously, if you were listening to us speak, and I hope I translate this correctly. Mr. Muyagi said, ‘I am cacking it- Master Wen is going to have my testicles for ear Muffs’. Mr Muyagi then went on to say that the Temple of the Moon would obviously reward those who would ‘go beyond themselves and journey into the greater unknown’.”

Xeolus winks and bows low to Bob and whispers “I think he means enter the cave”, and shrugs.

“So what’s it to be comrades?”

The room is silent, only Felix farting.

“Just out of interest Xeolus- what did you say to him?” spoke Endrin.
“Oh I asked him if he knew the Spurs score.”

There follows a brief flurry of activity and an hour or so later the group head off to MITCH with Mr. Muyagi in tow- pointing out ALL of natures wonders- even Felix the Deep Druid wants him dead by the time they get to MITCH. The journey takes a little over four hours.

The cave is protected by a wild-plant like thing that waves its tentacle like pseudo-pod (not real pod’s just pseudo-pod’s) at the approaching hero’s (behind the party- in the far distance, oh somewhere else then). Mr. Muyagi explains that the creature that guards MITCH can only be placated at certain times and after certain rituals, and he hasn’t brought his whistle- so the players will have to batter the thing to get in. So much for the wonders of nature then.

The fight is unevenly balanced- the plant cannot run away, the adventurers however can and do repeatedly. Felix at one point is reduced to throwing stones at the plant (he’d kill it but it would put him off his vegetables for a while). Bob is wrapped up in the creature’s tentacles while Endrin and Xeolus try to rescue the Ranger. Eventually they all get missiles out and shoot at the central stalk of the thing until it goes a bit limp- at which point they scamper into the cave and MITCH itself.

They emerge into a circular chamber with five doors leading from it- Endrin and Bob open one door and from the darkened corridor beyond two very poorly looking and extremely smelly Monks stagger towards them- one seems to have a hole that goes all the way through him/her. The creatures plod toward the pair arms outstretched. They are obviously dead but seem not to have been informed of the fact- Zombies.

Zombie #1 “Brains.”
Endrin “Get ‘em Bob, you’re immune.”

Xeolus (the sensible one) opens a different door and the floor falls away beneath him leaving him on his backside in a pit with a Skeleton standing over him, he is unarmed. While at the same time Felix discovers that the door they came in has gone- vanished completely.

Rough-housing ensues- Endrin and Bob lure the Zombies out of the corridor one by one and swiftly hack them to pieces although both of them are wounded in the assault.

Xeolus in the pit switches to Chop Socky mode, leaps to his feet and kicks the Skeletons head off- he also takes a wound for his trouble.

When the dust has settled Endrin discovers an ancient looking key on a chain around the second Zombie’s neck, he nabs it and goes to try it in the next door. The door creaks open.

The group follows a long passage into a small square room, the walls are covered in 6-inch diameter stone buttons marked “PRESS ME”, in common. A hollow echoing voice sounds in their heads it urges them to “Pick one”. Each member of the group takes his/her turn to press a button- after a brief contretemps with a combination Grease spell and Flame Trap they tramp back to the central chamber, a little as they say at BK ‘Flame Grilled’. As they pass through the doorway there is a loud click and the next door opens.

Back in the chamber they spend a moment or two healing up before they press on.

A short passage leads to a room in the centre of which is a carved stone idol- a fat-bloke sitting under a tree smoking a (medicinal) fag, they file in, in various states of apprehension. The idol greets each party member by name (spooky) and says in a rich haunting voice-

Xeolus “Smash the false idol.”
The idol looks momentarily put out.

The others turn as one to look at Xeolus, who wafts his club in the air a bit and then takes up a position behind Endrin.

The idol puts its fag out and tries to speak again-

“What is bound and yet helps others to escape…”

“A book”, says Endrin.

“You have one guess ea… Er, yes that’s right… Er pass on mighty warri…”

But the group has already left the room.

There is a final clack, the last door is open an inch or so- darkness beyond, and with that the session ends and the players have to go home to their Mum’s, Wives, Children, Pets and Individual Meals for One.

And so endeth SESSION that is numbered 2.

Next week… Slip slide away.
 

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION III- Part 1.

Chewsday 4th Jankers 2000
The Year of the Dark

Monkie Business Part 2.

Dramatis Personae-
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1
Endrin Human Bard 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Bob Human Ranger 1

The last door clicks open and Felix and Endrin push inside- Endrin’s torch illuminates a musty cobwebbed room a clear path leads to a set of stairs desceding into eerie darkness (what other kinds of darkness are there?).

Felix begins the descent while Endrin follows cautiously behind- they are five feet down when the stairs turn into a slide and the two descend rather more rapidly (and with much less dignity).

“Arrrrggggghhhhh.”
“Ditttttttttttto.”

They shoot out of the er… shoot (damn) into a room lit by Endrin's guttering torch which spills onto the floor, out of reach. Immediately they realise they are trapped, held in some extremely sticky white threads, as tough as steel.

“Do something Felix, use your Underground abilities to save the day.”
The Dwarf looks around a bit…
“HELP. HELP. Bloody HELP. You BAZTUD’s, don’t leave me down here to die- I’m scared of the dark. HELP.”
Soon they have a chorus going, after a while they remember to stop shouting to listen for any reply, they hear from above…

“Are you all right?”
“Why would we be shouting HELP, if we were all right Bob?”
It goes silent for a bit as Bob tries to work through this new information.
Eventually, “I don’t know why would…”
And then in chorus “GET US OUT.”

Xeolus tries to push past Bob to get to the slope-
“I’ll go Bob.”
Bob bar’s his way- he’s taking charge of the situation.
“Hang on… Is there anything dangerous down there?”
“YES.”
“What?”
“ME- NOW GET FOOKIN DOWN HERE.”
“Oh ok, just finding a way.”

Felix and Endrin begin to relax and stretch back as best they can on the cold stone floor. Endrin struggles out of his backpack and uses it as a pillar. Felix begins scratching his name into the stone, with his fingernail.

“What made this stuff then Felix?” Endrin attempts to break free of his bonds once again, indicating the sticky stuff that holds them.
“Spiders.”
“What lotsa little Spiders?”
“Yep… probably.”
“Probably?”
“Well… yeah. Lotsa little spiders. Probably.”
“Or?”
“I’m not thinking about the ‘or’ Endrin, it’s best you don’t either… understand?”
“Wha…”

There is a sudden slurping splat sound a sticky mass of strands thumps into Felix’s head and chest.

“Wor, wit wood bwe a bwig spwider.”
Felix is lifted a foot or so into the air, the only thing keeping him on the floor is the mass of sticky webs that he fell into initially.

“BOB.”
“BWOB.”

They both follow the light of the torch craning their necks back to see a huge (6 feet circumference) Spider, which descends from a single thread. Their screams begin, Felix does a fair impression of a break-dancing Dwarf trying to keep himself from being pulled up towards the creature.

Endrin observes beyond the Spider the twitching cocoon of a previous victim- looking into the darkness he begins to make out many more similar packages attached to the ceiling.

“Heeeeelllllppppp SSSSSppppiiiidddeeerr”

And then the cavalry arrive (too late to save Endrin’s underwear). Xeolus salutes Bob and slides down the slope on his arse, at the bottom he performs a perfect tumble and comes up on his knees crossbow loaded and pointing at the spider.

“ThwooonngG”

The bolt lodges deep into the Spiders abdomen, the creature begins to descend eager to get at the feisty Xeolus. Seconds later with slightly less élan- slipping, sliding and falling Bob arrives. He leaps as he lands at the bottom of the slope and with his Longsword in two hands delivers a hideous blow to the creature (natural ‘20’- of course). The Spider is split almost in two- it jumps, twitches and shudders like some freaky Disco dancer, in slow motion it sinks to the hard cold floor deflated and defeated.

Short work is made of the webs and soon Endrin & Felix are free, as is the Monk- Daniel-san, spotted earlier by Endrin entombed in silk and attached to the ceiling. Also discovered is Mixu Paateleinnen- Emmawyn Rowanleaf, Amberdales Gnome schoolmistresses, lost cat- Endrin recognizes the creature. A few other trinkets are taken and with a little help from Xeolus the party eventually move back up the slope and out of MITCH (the door has re-appeared) and from there into the light.

Outside Mr. Muyagi leaps from one foot to the other with joy- replicating, as closely as possible, the sound of one hand clapping (the other).

The group takes a moment, Felix makes his excuses and heads off to investigate some Feldspar and Agate deposits he saw a way back- he feels he has let the group down and needs to reassess his situation. The party leave him be as he gets a bit sticky when he sees a good ore, having saved themselves from a fate worse than death- double Geology with the half-pint, the intrepid explorers return to Amberdale and specifically the Birchwhistle Inn.

Mr. Muyagi and Daniel-san ensure that the rest of the day and the night pass in a fug of alcohol and herbal medication- although Xeolus is somewhat stand-offish, seemingly wishing to preserve his dignity (odd?). Much later Felix turns up after a wander through the woods in a better mood.

This concludes the scenarios taken from “An Introduction to Amberdale” a free download from PDabble Games- the Dabbleverse Campaign. PDabble website is www.Pdabblegames.com- go there, they’re nice people.

Next week… Getch ya filthy stinkin’ hands off my frogs, boy.
 

The Wednesday Knights
SESSION III- Part 2.

Woodnesday 5th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Getch ya filthy stinkin’ hands off my frogs, boy.

Dramatis Personae
Bob Human Ranger 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Endrin Human Bard 1
Liandri Elven Rogue 1

Early the next day in the Birchwhistle Inn supping a quiet beer Liandri looks down at his meagre pile of coppers and silvers on the bar counter, then over at the larger pile being counted by Xeolus the youth of 16 summers, with his milksop smile and bum-fluff moustache. Xeolus smiles at him and then for good measure waves- the two are less then 5 feet apart, Xeolus’ happiness is infectious like a disease.

Then next sound is a whistle like a whisper and the coins are gone and instead a like number of small frogs appear on the bar top- there are sudden cries elsewhere in the bar as several other patrons make similar discoveries. Xeolus quickly steps back from the bar-

“The work of the Devil.”

All of Xeolus' frogs hop off the counter. Liandri quickly scoops his own into a sack and heads off on a treasure hunt of sorts. Confusion ensues with Xeolus chasing a single copper coloured frog around the bar, all the time timidly billing and cooing hoping the frog will jump into his cupped hands. Liandri employs a less subtle approach-

“STOMp…STOMp…STOMp STOMp.”

Fifteen minutes later the bar patrons have caught all the frogs and are forging their way out of the Birchwhistle, it seems a Town meeting has suddenly been called. In the bar Xeolus carefully cleans the few frogs that he has collected, wiping each with a hanky before offering them a peanut and then placing them in his pouch. Liandri meanwhile is doing a fair impression of the chest-burster from Alien, except from all angles. Frogs leap from a myriad of pockets, pouches, sacks, socks, shoes and also from his hat. He grins foolishly-

“Give over that tickles.”

His pockets hold flattened frogs and the slivers of the same- he seems to have inadvertently invented folding money. The Rogue started with around 20 coins of various denominations and now possess’ over a hundred dead or partially alive frogs.

The two head out of the bar and follow the crowd to the cottage of Birinth the local seer, wizard and chip shop owner (only kidding), a dozen or so of the villagers alternatively clasp their pockets and bang at the door. From inside a complex game of leapfrog can be heard. Eventually after much shouting the grizzled wizard opens the door.

“I know…”
“fucfrogWHATyoudamnmonkeyArghWhat’stobedoneWhyIoughtaFROGS”
“I know… I know… I know. NOW SHUT UP!”
The crowd silences.
“The Magic Bowl has been taken…”
Collective in drawing of breath.

Birinth spots Endrin at the front of the crowd, the Bard is always the first on the scene- he grabs him by his arm and pulls him into the cottage indicating to the other members of the party that they should enter too.

Birinth then by gesture silences the grumbling crowd.
“The bowl is gone- we must find out where, Captain Jarrek will you please also enter- I suggest we send these hardy adventurers to rescue the bowl, and thereby save the village, for without the Super Bowl we are lost.”

Birinth turns back into the kitchen of his cottage, in which the group stands, open mouthed- “no pressure lads, no pressure”, and winks at them.

Captain Jarrek enters and the sounds of the crowd outside slowly fades as they wander off to see what is going to happen next.

The adults talk and tell the story of the bowl- of how the village has made its money, quite literally, for years. The bowls’ ability to turn counters carved of the same wood as the bowl into copper, silver or gold coins- or as it now seems, anything else that is placed within the bowl. Amberdale had used the bowl extensively at first, under Birinth’s instruction, to pay for the labourers hired to create the walls of the Town. The Bowl had also paid for the Guard and allowed the Town to set such a low rate of taxes that Guildsmen, Merchants, Craftsmen and Labourers had all flocked to the area. But now the Bowl is missing and it is up to the party with the help of Captain Jarrek to see it returned. However Jarrek will be short of men as Birinth is about to explain.

“Captain Jarrek, I would like you to mount a 24-hour guard on the area just down from the Mill Pond, and further more to tell the citizens of Amberdale to avoid the area under penalty of arrest.”
“Very good, sir- could you tell me why?”
“Tadpoles, Captain Jarrek. Tadpoles.”

With that Jarrek stamps on the floor a few times in a pretty pattern and makes an orderly retreat. Birinth roots around in a desk draw, eventually locating a 6 inch long gnarled twig- “here take this”, to Endrin. “It’s a wand of Detect Magic- it’s got plenty of charges. House to house, street by street- it’s going to be a long day. I want you to check everywhere for the Bowl, it must be found.”

The party head off into the Town- there follows several hours of the Party going from heroes to zeroes, basically pissing off the natives-

“What’s under that cushion, check under that cushion Endrin?"
“It’s a ball of wool Liandri.”
“Wool aye. You got a license for this.”

Mid way through the afternoon the party head back to Birinth’s none the wiser, Xeolus is on the case however.

“Do you have an apprentice, Mr. Birinth?”
“Yes, yes I do as a matter of fact. Why?”
“Where was he or she on the night of the murder in question?”
“What murder, nobodies been murdered?”
“I put it you Mr. Birinth that it was you that killed little Tommy- witness’ have confirmed that we are looking for a man with a pointy hat either that or… a pointy… err… head?”
“Oh I see what you mean- you’re suggesting that one of the disgruntled villagers that auditioned for the vacancy of Wizards Apprentice, and failed to get the gig, must have come back and stolen the Bowl. Very clever Mr. Xeolus, very clever.”
“Yes… aren’t I.” He puffs his sparrow chest out.
“So all you have to do”, Birinth continues, “is to track down the failed apprentices- ingenious, I take my hat off to you.”
“Look, LOOK, the pointy head it was him…”

Some time rather than now (later) the party accuses two burly young farm labourers of having stolen the Bowl and are attacked in the street (can be painful) by the farmers boys Mum. Bob is told that his ‘father will here about this’ and Endrin ends up with a black eye. The Oerth turns slowly on its axis- nobody of note falls off.

At the end of the day there is only one name left on the list of possibly jealous apprentices- Billy Purbeck of Purbeck Farm, famous locally for being the only Purbeck to “learn his letters.”

Late afternoon and the group have travelled most of the way to the Purbeck Farm, they take the fork off the main Travensford road only to see a little way down the track, at the bridge, a group of three four-foot tall ugly humanoids, “Goblins” hisses Liandri, Bob nods. The creatures are wazzing (urinating) over the side of the bridge and giggling furiously. The party cautiously approaches, the Goblins spot them and quickly shuck up their pants and shuffle to the centre of the bridge. They form a short wall of spears, the most ferocious looking of them edges forward.

“A Dollar or die.”

The creature spits over his own shoulder and attempts to wipe away the saliva trail while retaining a cold hard killer look (DC 40 Bluff- failed).

Needless to say a fight ensues, someone pushes Liandri, Liandri stabs them through the face, you know the usual “I was provoked”, approach. The fight is made more interesting when two much larger vicious looking (Hob)Goblins emerge from their hiding places beneath the bridge- the group however is more than a match for them and the creatures are slaughtered- one tries to escape to Purbeck Farm but is brought down by Bob’s bow.

"Something's up at the Farm."
The entire group look at Bob who now points toward the farm house.
"Ya think?"

Liandri and Xeolus take the long route to the farm, taking advantage of ditches and hedges to arrive there unmolested and unseen. Bob chooses to hang back awhile- bow ready, Endrin undoes any good work by choosing to charge at the farmhouse screaming (to this day we’re still not sure why- he may have been drunk). From the building emerge (at pace) about 12-15 figures mainly Goblins but including three Hobgoblins- melee is joined. Endrin launches into the fight singing an inspiring little number “you’re going home in the back of an ambulance.” Liandri and Xeolus emerge from their hiding places and join the fray, backstabbing and kick-boxing there way through the creatures. Bob is a killing machine however, each round he draws his bow aims and fires, and each round another Goblin bites the dirt- he never misses. Soon the creatures are fleeing, scattered they head for the woods the whistle of Bob’s arrows of death still fresh in their ears.

A thorough investigation of the now almost ruined farm uncovers Farmer Purbeck- Billy Purbeck’s father tied up in the root cellar (popular places), he is unconscious and looks to have been beaten. There’s no sign of the Super Bowl, or Billy for that matter. The group return him to town where Brother Mendel, Priest of Pelor, does his best to heal his wounds.

The above was cobbled together from “A Quick Look”, a very short scenario available as a free download and written by D.A. Walsh, god bless you Mr. Walsh. The scenario in all its glory (4 pages) can be downloaded from www.3rdedition.org who, I know, are great cat lovers.

An hour or so later Birinth returns to the party with news that “Billy Purbeck is missing, his father doesn’t know where he is. The Goblins attacked the farm and tortured him- they were also looking for the Bowl. Also, of note, Mr. Purbeck caught Billy talking to a Toad last week.“ Birinth looks at each of you expectantly, however it is Captain Jarrek that is first to speak, he helpfully describes this latest piece of news as, “not normal talking to a Toad, strange. Saving present company.” He looks at Birinth who has a worried looking Lemming (his familiar) on his shoulder, the creature morbidly stares at the ground.

Birinth politely asks the Captain to leave and then ushers the party into his office “where I will summon the spirits to see where on Oerth the Bowl lies.”

“Couldn’t you have just done that before?” Endrin asks.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 3.

Next time Arse a friend in need.
 

Do your players begin the session a couple of sheets to the wind or do they start sober and get progressively more "tired and emotional" as the evening goes on?
 

robberbaron said:
Do your players begin the session a couple of sheets to the wind or do they start sober and get progressively more "tired and emotional" as the evening goes on?

It's a heady mix of the two- during the early sessions there are often players missing. Usually an hour or two into the game there's a phone call from Kev M (Liandri) saying "I'm in the pub- is there anything good need killing...". Wayne (Endrin) however favours turning up drunk- "it saves time", during these early sessions I also instigated a kill a Kobold (or whatever) and drink a mystery shot- Vanilla Stoli. Apple Schnapps, Orange Absolut, Coffee Schnapps, Pepper Vodka and others- all colourless so you don't know what you're getting. It certainly went some way to spicing up proceedings at times.

Kev H (Xeolus) is not a big drinker and approached the thing with an earnest sensible attitude, Emma (Bob) is not in it for the mental agility she just likes the sound of rolling dice- no need for booze. Dave (Felix) indulges in moderation but with no visible effect, while Tomo (Mallaria) really has no need- although he always brings a bottle of Old Noggins Weasel Poacher Abbey (real ale), a prediliction for chaos and mayhem, and the honest desire to see everyone else suffer are a way of life for him (he works in IT).

Parting is such sweet sorrow
 

Goonalan said:
... during these early sessions I also instigated a kill a Kobold (or whatever) and drink a mystery shot- Vanilla Stoli. Apple Schnapps, Orange Absolut, Coffee Schnapps, Pepper Vodka and others- all colourless so you don't know what you're getting. It certainly went some way to spicing up proceedings at times.

Heh, heh, sounds like a good plan for softening up the party, although I think I would have to take a shot myself, in memory of said "Kobold".
During our occasional all-day sessions I feel obliged to at least keep up with the players.

Goonalan said:
... and the honest desire to see everyone else suffer are a way of life for him (he works in IT).

Ah. I am in IT as well and completely understand his outlook.

Keep up the good work.
 

The Wednesday Knights
SESSION IV- Part 1.

Woodnesday 5th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

The Old Abandoned Mine- Scooby.

Dramatis Personae-
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1
Endrin Human Bard 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Bob Human Ranger 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1

Mallaria is back, Mallaria is back- death and destruction to follow.

After a brief ring-a-ring-a-roses, led by Birinth, the 60-Watt Crystal Ball flickers into life. Birinth steps forward and adjusts the horizontal hold- an image appears. The Super Bowl lies intact upon a rough floor of partially worked stone. Within a foot of the Bowl is the open outstretched hand of, probably, Billy Purbeck- although it’s hard to tell- the hand is unmoving. The only other thing in the picture of note is a single metal rail- possibly one of a pair, possibly a railway track somewhere- Endrin gasps “The Old Abandoned Mine- who would have thought it?”

Deathly silence around the gaming table, tumbleweed blows by.

“Jeez”
“What the fu…”
“Christ couldn’t you think of anywhere better to set it?”
“What’s this Scooby Doo?”

The players look at the DM with a mixture of awe and wonder, or it could have been sadness and bitter disappointment, I forget which. The DM shuffles in his seat and looks uncomfortable.

Birinth suddenly breaks the deadlock.

“Notice- we can see the Bowl?”
“Wha…”
“There must be light there- there’s something or someone in the Old Abandoned Mine.”

Dun Dun Derr

“Nutter, come on let’s get off then.”
“Abandoned Mine… tsk, bloody amateurs.”

The group files out of Birinth’s and on into the night- the journey to the Old Abandoned Mine goes without hitch in the dusk.

The mine itself is at the North end of an old Chalk Quarry that has long been abandoned. The circular depression is surrounded on all sides by trees and shrubs- the south side has an easy slope, a scree leading down into the centre.

The players circle around the depression to the scree area, in the centre of the quarry they spy a fire with a number of short ugly humanoids (Goblins) standing around it. The group rest up a while and observe a, now identified, Goblin chanting and making gestures towards a number of other Goblins stood to attention. The lead Goblin seems to be addressing each one individually, after which the lesser Goblin bows and then salutes. Behind them two other (larger) Goblins wrestle with something unseen.

What happens next is Felix the Dwarf, who’s a bit racialist when it comes to Goblins, builds up a head of steam. He creeps in a bit down the scree then abandons all pretence and charges into the Goblins attempting to batter them to death with his staff. This catches the rest of the adventurers off guard.

“Pelor, who’s that nutter running down there.”
“Ha ha I wouldn’t like to be him.”
“They’re gonna murder him.”
“Hey it’s a little fat Dwarf, like Fe…”
“FELIX.”

The group charge towards the haphazard melee.

However there are over a dozen of the creatures and even though ten of them are pre-pubescent teenage Goblins undergoing an initiation ceremony- there are still enough bodies to do the dirty on Felix. Also the two larger Goblins are trained Warriors, while the third conducting the ceremony is a Shaman/Witch Doctor type.

The rest of the party catch up with events and go postal.

In a matter of seconds Felix finds himself unconscious on the floor getting in some quality stargazing time. The Shaman type is being a pain in the arse and not dying, every five or ten seconds he disappears only to re-appear 5-10 feet away. Of more concern is his ability to Spit Acid- Felix being the first victim of this, his armour is ruined.

Eventually the tide turns and while a few Goblins run screaming most, including the Shaman type, are despatched. Felix is tended to, a Potion of Healing is shoved down him and he returns to consciousness, although still slightly the worse for wear.

“What was that about Dwarf?”
Mallaria is perturbed, being out crazied by Felix.
“Goblins are bad, I dunt likes ‘em…”
Felix begins to drip a toothpaste like foam- Mallaria backs off.

However things pick up when Felix wanders over to the now growling bundle that Mallaria has just uncovered (she was about to kill it) - a young wolf cub, destined to be sacrificed no doubt. Felix takes the time to calm the creature and himself, he smoothes down the wolf’s hackles, the beast is soon untied and reciprocating, making a fuss of the now smiling Dwarf- barking and generally chasing its tail.

Felix uses his Animal Companion skill to adopt the creature and decides to call the Wolf “Ace”, the DM mishears him and decides to refer to the creature as “Arse”.

The above scenario was taken from a free download called “Rites of Passage- The Unkindest Cut of All” written by Osvaldo Oyola Ortega, or the triple ‘O’ as he’s known around the office. The sample interlude is available from Midgard at the following address www.matantisi.com/aquerra/midgard/midgard.htm enjoy.

Next time, the Beetle Crushers… Aceeed, spray it again.
 

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