The Wednesday Knights Story Hour

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION IV- Part 2.

Woodnesday 5th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

The Beetle Crushers… Aceeeeed, spray it again.

Dramatis Personae-
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1
Endrin Human Bard 1
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Bob Human Ranger 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1

The group heal themselves as best they can and after a brief chat and a fag break drag themselves on into the cave/mine itself- a ten foot high/wide cavern with a pair of rails for mine carts leading in. Ahead a large cavern, they soon spot a myriad of small lights on the walls and floor. Moving into the main chamber they find over a dozen small beetles each one a foot or so long, glow wands at the tail of each of their shiny carapaces, the light reflected on the beetle’s mirrored shell. The effect is quite settling and not in the least bit intimidating.

“Prit-eee.”
“Ahhh.”

They are just getting to like this natural wonder when the shuffling sound of a much larger creature approaching is heard- from the far side of the cavern, with a ponderous gate, comes a much, much, larger beetle. The Giant Beetle is around about seven feet long, four to five feet wide and four feet high- like an overturned lifeboat, the smaller fire beetles skitter out of the way. The group are unsure of exactly how to react- except for Mallaria who winks at Felix and then rushes the thing with her Two-handed sword waving overhead. Alas the cavern is not tall enough “THUNK” her weapon breaks on the low ceiling. The Beetle spits a long stream of Acid at the nearest party members Xeolus and Endrin (more Acid!). Endrin drops his torch into a puddle of the stuff and it ignites- Endrin does a brief impression of Torchy the human torch and then flumps to the floor. One down. Xeolus dives upon him and beats out the flames and in doing so slips into unconsciousness, later Xeolus will also be gnawed and crushed by the Beetle for good measure. Two down. For now the two of them lie there in a cold, but singed, embrace- it would be a touching moment if it wasn't for the chaos that surrounds them. The Beetle lurches forward into Felix, who has he hands out telling the beetle to “calm down.” Alas he is knocked down and trampled- he too hits the floor, and after a brief struggle is ground into unconsciosness. Three down.

“RUN”, shouts Bob… at Malaria the only other person standing- actually Malaria is thumping the beetles carapace with her now truncated weapon.

She waves her broken sword once or twice and screams in frustration at the beetle and then thinks better of it and scarpers.

Mallaria and Bob escape the Beetle by jumping down a hole in the rocky cavern floor, well actually Bob does, Mallaria in attempting the jump strikes her head on the side of the hole and is X-marks-the-spot on the floor. Four down. Every now and then Bob pops up and takes a pot shot at the creature. But after missing a couple of times decides better of it and climbs back out of the hole- while the beetle chews on Xeolus. He then uses what cover there is along with the Beetles slow turning ability to attack the creature from all angles, skipping around the lumbering beetle avoiding its attack. Twenty seconds later the creature is despatched.

Bob stands alone except for the reappearing twinkling lights of the Fire Beetles that scurry to take advantage of the plentiful carrion. He kicks them away and drags the unconscious forms of his fellow adventurers down into the hole he and Malaria found earlier. Malaria doesn’t have to far to go. Bob then sits on the pile and eats his sandwiches a mad glint in his eye, his hand never too far from his bow.

Half an hour later a group of Amberdale guards led by Rodney Dirt and Birinth himself appear outside of the cave and cautiously enter- the scene within is pure carnage- Bob is still wide eyed and set to kill.

“Who’s there? WHO’S THERE?”
“It’s us Bob… It’s us… Now, just put the bow down.”

The bowl and the body of Billy Purbeck are found down a side tunnel next to a rusted rail track, the boy is badly wounded but he will survive. The players are revived as best as possible and are taken, half-dragged half-carried, back to Amberdale.

As usual they are applauded as local heroes, or rather they will be once they have emerged from their respective comas and/or bottles.

Captain Jarrek fills in the details for Bob, while the remainder of the group rest up.

“It seems that Billy Purbeck had been receiving some magic lessons from a local Goblin Shaman.”
Bob nods.
“The payment you ask, a simple wooden bowl owned by the wizard, Birinth.”
Captain Jarrek smirks.
Bob nods.
“And you know which bowl that was, eh Bob.”
Bob nods.
“But little Billy’s curiosity got the better of him didn’t it.”
Bob nods.
“Waiting for the Goblins he couldn't resist taking a look inside the Old Mine. And there he met your old friend.”
Bob nods.
“He he… aye.”
The wily Captain nods and shuffles his feet.
Bob nods, “Felix?”
The Captain stares hard at the ranger, looking for any signs of recognition.
“You haven’t understood a word I’ve said have you, Bob?”
Bob smiles knowingly, and then nods.
Jarrek shakes his head and walks away.

This part of the scenario- the Magic/Super Bowl was half-inched from Citizen Games Adventure Pack Three a free download- don’t I just love them. It's entitled “Brinthal’s Treasury”- I forgot the wizards name, hence Birinth (nearly right, I had been drinking though). It was written by Gabriel Falcon and can be downloaded at www.citizengames.com as can many other fine works.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 4.

Next time Into the Valley of the Kobolds.
 

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robberbaron said:
Why is it that when someone shouts "Run!", everyone else immediately finds something to fight?

It's always the way- when one of them shouts "Run" the others seem to think that they're job is to fend off the bad guys while the lesser characters that can't hack it scarper. Usually even the character that shouted "Run" thinks this- by and large the only character that runs is the one that's nearly dead and is beginning to feel it (Felix/Liandri), they usually grab one of the other characters- preferably an uninjured character that is surrounded by a pile of enemy bodies (and hasn't yet broken sweat) and "rescues" them (Mallaria). At this point everyone else runs (Endrin/Bob). A little later they remember the unconscious character they've left behind (Xeolus).

Roger and out.
 

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION V- Part 1.

Woodnesday 12th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 1.

Dramatis Personae
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Liandri Elven Rogue 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 1

After a week spent in a semiconscious state, mostly through intense inebriation training, the Wednesday Knights regroup and meet with Captain Jarrek who, with Rodney Dirt, has an offer for them. Jarrek with the help of a blackboard, a pointer and a multitude of coloured chalks draws a map to a valley “some two days hence.”

Rodney explains that the valley is a dry riverbed; “could be glacial” comments Felix- everybody looks at him for a while, and then remembers they are to ignore him. Rodney continues outlining the valley and alluding to the fact that there are a number of caverns in the area- he feels there is at least one Kobold tribe within the valley, maybe more.

Finally we hand back to Captain Jarrek who while promising to pay $50/person states that the money can earned by either destroying the Kobold menace or by driving the tribe/s away. The Knights are quick to agree to the proposition- $200 between the four of them will be the most money that they have ever seen.

The group decide to provision and then head out in the morning for the two-day journey- Rodney states that he will be in the area and explains the various methods by which Bob, who will be following on next session, can contact him.

The group also learn that this information has come courtesy of the Kobold bounder they captured in the Potato Bandit attack- who has been persuaded to come clean by the use of Rodney's magic wand- a pick axe handle.

Thorsday 13th Jankers 2000

The journey to the valley is fairly uneventful- the only encounter over the two days is with a few Kobold stragglers- eight or so of the creatures who look to be out on patrol. The Kobolds are decimated by the Knights initial attack- an ambush from the trees, the party loose missiles and then rush to melee. Arse the Wolf rips the throat out of two of the little tinkers. The plan works perfectly- odd that, although they of course forget to take a prisoner to find out what awaits them.

Fryday 14th Jankers 2000

Finally into the Valley, creeping along the right hand side of the Valley, in the shadows and out of the bright sunlight the Knights espy a cave entrance set some 20 feet up a scree slope.

While the sun is still shining, the Party head up the slope and very cautiously enter the cave- figuring they can flee the same way as Kobolds are creatures of the dark and hate sunlight. My God the buggers are actually thinking about stuff now- wonders will never cease.

The Kobold Cave No.1.

The alternative title would be “Kobold Kock-up No.1”, the party led by Liandri, the cautious Thief, enter the cave- all the time checking for traps, eyes peeled etc. At this point Arse begins to growl and hangs around in the entrance chamber- Felix translates for the Wolf “there’s a bad smell here.” Everyone looks at Felix who still has bits of egg in his beard from breakfast, three days ago- he has probably not washed for two weeks. “Yeah, something does smell funny,” remarks Liandri. Within 20 feet of the entrance they encounter light resistance- six or so Kobolds from a passage to the right, there is another passage to the left.

The Kobolds make such a racket dying that within seconds the sound of approaching armies is heard- the group forms a defensive wall trying to block off both passages. A tide of Dire Rats, nine in all, rush out from the left hand passage- squeezing through the parties defences and getting in behind them, chaos ensues. After the Rats the Kobolds come again, from the right hand passage, and this time in numbers. The left hand passage is abandoned by the party- while heading back to the cavern entrance, a tactical withdrawal, Liandri discovers a pit trap the hard way.

“WhooshFucccKThud”

Liandri tumbles to avoid damage and comes up smiling only to have the grin wiped from his face as Dire Rats leap down into the pit- soon he is fighting three of the creatures in extremely cramped conditions.

Back up top things are not going well- Xeolus has been bitten twice and now lies on the floor, unconscious, being dragged away, out of the cavern, by Felix the Druid. Felix himself is less than happy- he too has a Rat bite and has taken a couple of blows from the Kobolds, he feels woozy and is dying (literally) for a lie down. Arse bites at the Rats as they attempt to get to Felix- tossing the dead and the living alike into the cavern walls or down the pit in which Liandri resides. Endrin is fighting valiantly while singing his happy victory song, all the time eyeing the exit.

“Brave Sir Endrin he ran away, ran away,
filled his pants, cacked his trews
Ran off fearing he would lose…”

Liandri, having killed two of the Rats in the pit, and leaving the third eating one of its compatriots, leaps out and rallies the group with his battle cry.

“Run like Feck- we’re done for.”

There follows a mass evacuation (not dissimilar to Liandri’s in Session 1.) the results of which sees Felix with the Monk over his shoulder tanking over the valley floor as fast as his dumpy little legs can propel him. Arse all the time snapping at his heels running back and forth clearly excited by this new game. Liandri is about 20-30 yards ahead of them all, while Endrin who exits the cave last with a final flourish and en garde, trips and makes the 20-foot journey down the scree on his front- using his face as a braking device. The Kobolds trickle out into the sunlight and give a token response, which tails off into cheering and dancing- and generally rude gesticulating.

The group head out of the valley and run to the tree line where they break for rest and recuperation. Xeolus is soon brought round and the healing is shared out- a brief meeting takes place.

Xeolus “What happened?”
Liandri “You’re cack.”
Endrin “You fell down the sodding hole.”
Liandri “Cook you.”
Endrin “Cook you, you filthy Cooksucker”
Felix “Calm do…”
Endrin & Liandri (together) “Oh Cook you.”
Liandri “You stumpy twat.”
Xeolus “I really think you should all…”
Endrin punches Xeolus. Hard, or at least as hard as he can.
Felix “Right do you feel better for that?”
Endrin “Yep.”
Liandri “Yeah- that was funny.”
Xeolus “Gno Gnot Greally”, holding his nose.
Felix “Right I’ll just fix Xeolus’ nose and then we’re going back.”

Endrin and Liandri chortle and wander off to the tree line to observe the cave.

Felix sidles over to Xeolus and puts his arm around his shoulder (Xeolus is sitting down), “that was very honourable of you Xeolus- without you the Wednesday Knights would fall apart.”
Xeolus “Greally”
Felix “Yes. Greally”
Xeolus looks a whole lot happier, he smiles and then winces.

After fixing Xeolus’ broken nose the four head off back into the Valley- this time hugging the left hand side of the rift- giving the Kobold Cave No.1. a wide berth.

Next time, Kobold Cave No.2.
 

The Wednesday Knights

SESSION V- Part 2.

Fryday 14th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 2.

The Kobold Cave No.2.

The cave is much the same as the last one, this time set only 10 feet up a scree slope, once again the entrance is unguarded, and once again Arse balks at entering. The Knight’s follow a long passage and left at a fork- there is the noise of construction ahead, Felix’s ears prick up. Seeing this as an ideal opportunity for retribution the Knights creep up on a gang of Kobold miners- ten or so of them, and massacre them all bar one, which Felix sits on till the fighting is done.

“Hello sonny?” Liandri taps the creature on the head- hard.
“We’re gonna ask you some questions.”
The Kobold looks up at Liandri bemused.
“What’s the capital of Peru?”
“?”
“No?”
“?”
“LEE”, slap, “MA”, slap.
“?”
“Where’s the tresure?”
“Tresh-urr.”
“That’s it.”
“Tresh-urr.”

Five minutes later Terry Kobold (he picked up a moniker along the way) has learnt the words “tresh-urr”, “lump-un-prow-lee-teary-at”, and the opening lines of the Sulean Folk Trio, Sticky Berry Paste’s, number one hit- “Going Underground.”

“Gow-in hunder-grownd,
Gow-in hunder-grownd,
Wer Endrin slays,
Go-a pow-wow-wow.”

Having had there fun, Xeolus breaks up the party-

“I don’t think he knows anything, we ought to let him go.”
After the other three have stopped laughing it becomes apparent that Xeolus’ remarks are without irony- he means it.
“Yes.”
“Ok.”
“I’ll take him out. Shall I?”
“Yes, that would be a good idea Liandri.”
“Yes. It would be for the best Endrin.”

Liandri winks at Terry, grabs his arm and drags the smiling Kobold towards the cave entrance.

“What a cheery little fellow”, Xeolus states to odd looks and general bemusement.

Liandri gets to the entrance- scoops Terry up and with a flick of his wrist draws a dagger and plunges it into the creatures’ throat, hand clamped over its mouth he watches it die. He tosses the remains into a dark corner, wipes himself and his blade, and mooches back into the cave and the Knights.

“Did you see him off.”
“Yep.”
Liandri beams.
“It feels good doesn’t it Liandri.”
“It feels great Xeolus.”
Xeolus beams back and pats the Elf on the arm in passing.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 5.

Next time the gang’s all here.
 
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The Wednesday Knights

SESSION VI- Part 1.

Fryday 14th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 3.

Dramatis Personae
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Liandri Elven Rogue 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Bob Human Ranger 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1

The Kobold Cave No.2. - Part 2.

Before the Knights can venture further noises are heard from the entrance to the cavern- slinking forward Liandri spy’s creatures entering the cave. Before he can ready his bow he realises that the lead character is Bob then Mallaria with Rodney Dirt in close company, a strange bloke in a headdress also tags along. He curses himself- and makes a mental note to shoot first next time.

The two groups meet in the entrance chamber and hold a hushed conversation, basically explaining what has gone on so far. The party are then introduced to “Whirlwind.”

“Who the hell’s he?”
“Which one?”
“The nutter in the feathered head-dress”
“That’s ‘The Whirlwind’ as he likes to be known, a warrior from the Amedio Jungle, he specialises in a death dance of whirling axes.”
Endrin looks at Liandri- the two begin to giggle and are finally bent double with laughter.
“Nice.”
“I’ll give him a week.”

‘The Whirlwind’ stands unruffled fingering the blade of his axe, a cold hard look, possibly hatred, in his eyes. Mallaria takes notice.

Back to the action- Rodney heads to the exit to keep guard, while the reinforced party- more like an army heads further into the cave.

The unexplored passage leads to a long thin cavern with an exit at the far end- there are a number of manacles attached to the walls, as if the area has been used in the past to hold prisoners. The strange thing however is the swirling, rolling mist that spills from the far exit. Whirlwind approaches cautiously, Mallaria not too far behind. Slowly a fiery figure forms from the coalescing fog- Xeolus crosses himself and gulps like they do in films. Whirlwind looks back at the party, opens his mouth to reveal a huge grin, and tugging at Mallaria’s shoulder walks quickly into the mist disappearing from sight, and ignoring the fiery figure altogether. Mallaria is suddenly aware that she has found a friend and likewise trots into the mist, the party hears nothing until Mallaria’s battle cry.

“Death to role-playing.”

The two warriors struggle through a narrow corridor- bouncing off the walls to guide them through, appearing from the mist into a larger chamber. In the centre of which stands a small and particularly weedy looking Kobold, who is obviously a spell caster- he wears a robe with silver foil stars attached to it. Whirlwind grins at Mallaria- they both heft their axes and advance upon the Kobold- who, strangely, smiles back- Whirlwind suddenly feels very tired-

“I think I’ll have a little snooze”, says Whirlwind and slumps to the floor- Mallaria is stunned and for a moment is unsure of what to do.

The Kobold Sorcerer grins mischievously and advances to attack Mallaria as Felix lurches into the room- followed soon after by the other members of the party, the fight is made more difficult by the fact that some sort of magic field protects the Sorcerer. The Kobold screams for help but to no avail- it is cut down in short time- Felix delivers the killing blow.

Seconds later shouts are heard from the main entrance and the Knights rush off to see what is happening, except for Liandri, of course. They find Rodney Dirt about to be overrun- fighting a rear guard action against a dozen or so Kobold warriors.

Back in the Sorcerer’s chamber Liandri rifles the dead Sorcerer and comes away with a magic scroll and coin, he completes his mission by robbing Whirlwind, as he snoozes.

“Welcome to the Wednesday Knights.”

Back at the main entrance the fight turns in favour of the Knights and a half-dozen Kobold survivors flee leaving another eight dead, the party watch the survivors cross the valley floor back to Kobold Cave No.1.

Cave No.3. - The Mausoleum.

Thirty minutes later Whirlwind is all better and Rodney Dirt has departed his job done, with Arse in tow- he doesn’t like the smell of the caves.

The intrepid explorers head further into the valley and away from the now deserted Kobold Cave No.2. and the far too dangerous Kobold Cave No.1. Another cavern thirty-five feet up the side of the valley wall- the Knights make their way up the slope and into the cave, cautiously- three sarcophagi each with their lids pushed aside. As per Trading Standards- Skeleton Menace Section, three bonies duly appear and attack the group, a couple of them get hits in but they are efficiently despatched- with Endrin recovering a reasonable breastplate from one of the opened tombs- nice.

Cave No.4. - The Empty Cave.

A bit further down the valley the Knights find another cave, on the valley floor this time, however the cave is empty- the adventurers mooch around for a bit before eating lunch.

“How do you think it’s going Felix?”
“GRRR.”
“Don’t talk to him while he’s eating.”
“And don’t put your fingers near his mouth.”
To emphasise the point the surly burly Dwarf snaps once or twice.

Continuing down the valley, not so much creeping as sauntering, the next cave they espy has a Kobold sentry who on seeing them runs within, Mallaria and Whirlwind rush to the attack, the others lumbering behind.

“Bloody hell- here we go again, can’t the buggers stop running everywhere?” Felix puffs and pants but waddles on.

Cave No.5. - The Third Kobold Cave.

Rushing after the sentry Mallaria and Whirlwind run through several empty chambers into a much, much larger cavern. In which Kobold families- females and their young cower and try to hide. A small number of Kobold warriors attempt some form of brief resistance- five or six are quickly killed by the duo before the rest throw down their weapons and surrender. The others catch up. Mallaria orders Xeolus to the cave entrance to stand watch while they “interrogate er… sorry question” the Kobolds.

Xeolus nods helpfully and stalks off, if he had a tail it would be wagging.

Mallaria “Who scored the winning goal in the 1978 World Cup Final?”
The Kobold merely stares at the strange looking Half-Elf.
Whirlwind prods the creature around the chest area with a dagger.
“Come on… come on… Mario… come on this is an easy one.”
Eventually Whirlwind stabs the thing in the heart, or thereabouts- he’s not that fussy.

While Xeolus whistles a happy tune, Mallaria and Whirlwind slay the remaining warrior Kobolds, and a few of the women and children for good measure, in an explosion of bloodletting. The slaughter is only brought to an end when Felix, Endrin and Bob physically intercede, Liandri mooches off giggling, ostensibly “to check for traps.” There follows a heated debate, the backdrop a cacophony of screaming and crying Kobolds.

Felix “They are all creatures under the Oerth, sure I don’t like them but I can’t kill the women and children in cold-blood”
<SSSsslliiittt>
Mallaria “I can.”
Endrin “Pelor- you’re an animal.”
Mallaria picks up a kid and flings it at a wall- the Kobolds are screaming and wailing, yammering for mercy.
Bob “Mallaria. Leave them be.”
Mallaria “Or else?” Mallaria hefts her great axe, the ranger saunters over his hand on his longsword.
Felix “Leave her Bob she’s not worth it.”
Whirlwind stands behind Mallaria, a wall of silence hits the cavern, even the Kobolds have worked out what’s going on.

Suddenly Felix begins to flap his hands and herds the women and kids out, toward the exit; Endrin joins in- trying to move them on before the storm breaks again- the warrior tableau remains in place.

At the entrance Xeolus stands aside to allow the screaming Kobolds to exit, “bye… bye… nice to have met you.” He finishes off his apple and strides back to the central cave. “That was nice letting them go”, nobody knows where to look except Mallaria and Whirlwind who relax and smile, “I suppose you found out what’s in the rest of the caverns- particularly that first one. You know I’m quite surprised really- I’d have thought you would have used them as hostages, I suppose you thought I would have been a bit ticked off. Well I would- you did the right thing.”

“Oh Pelor- we didn’t ask them anything.” Endrin states, the others shake their heads while Mallaria and Whirlwind continue to grin.

Next time... more mischief in the Kobold Caves.
 
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The Wednesday Knights

SESSION VI- Part 2.

Fryday 14th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 4.

Cave No.6. - The Abandoned Bandit Hideout.

The Knights have reached the end of the valley, turned the corner, and are heading back down the right hand side- the last cave in this direction will be the Kobold Cave No.1. However they first enter this fairly small cave more of a cut through, once inside Liandri discovers a secret passage and the group explore what looks to be an abandoned hideout, or something similar. The Knights manage to upset a few traps which are fortunately well past their sell-by-dates, before Whirlwind finds a shagged, but ultimately salvageable, suit of half-plate armour.

Cave No.7. - Tentacles of Doom- nearly.

Once again 35 feet up the side of the valley is another walk through- although the last member of the Knights to make the journey through the cave does not think so. In the central chamber of the cave, Endrin spots something glinting on the floor and picks up a handful of coins- when he straightens up to examine them, he realises that the other members of the group, with the torches, have left the room. He is about to call out to them when something flops down onto his shoulder and with lightning speed coils around his neck. He is soon on tiptoes a rubbery tentacle attempting to lift him up to the ceiling, grappling hard he manages to loose the tentacle enough to shout for help. Liandri is the first on the scene; he rushes over and begins to climb Endrin, who is brought back to Oerth with Liandri’s added body weight, Liandri stabs at the tentacle, there is a squelching noise followed by a high pitched scream.

The creature on the ceiling takes a deep blow and the tentacle uncoils as rapidly as it attached itself- something on the ceiling moves swiftly away from the area. Felix and Mallaria study the ceiling as Endrin and Liandri quickly flee the chamber.

The Knights nick off sharpish, another confrontation successfully run away from.

Cave No.8. - The Spin Cycle.

Another cave, quite small this time and only 10 feet up the valley wall, Bob discovers the tracks of several wild animals, possibly wolves- the party is pre-warned, they enter cautiously, reduced to single file in the narrow passage.

The cave is straight and narrow and ends in a single small chamber that is completely flooded; the chamber is no more than 15 feet in circumference. Liandri enters the pool and has a splash about- the water at the edge is only a foot or so deep, he discovers however that it drops off sharply towards the centre; Mallaria likewise takes to the waves.

In a matter of moments the two become aware of a steadily growing undercurrent that whips at their feet attempting to knock them over. The force of the water grows exponentially with Mallaria soon washed off her feet and careering round in the mini-whirlpool that is being formed. Whirlwind wades into the water holding onto Bob, who is likewise gripped by the other members of the party; they attempt to grab at Mallaria, as she washes round on the spin cycle. Liandri, now trying to get out also discovers he is in jeopardy. The water gathers him up, the duo are being sucked in to the centre of the whirlpool and are suffering cuts and bruises from the scratches and scrapes caused by the buffeting. Eventually, after several attempts, the two are hooked and dragged towards safety- the whirlpool suddenly loses its energy and moments later a small squat creature formed entirely of water rises from the centre of the pool. There is a sudden explosion of spray towards the group, now on dry land, and all the torches go out, Mallaria’s perm also suffers terribly. Whirlwind shouts, “Run” (DM’s note- he’s getting the hang of it very quickly), and the Knights run, stagger and lurch towards the exit.

The group now a little shaken and the worse for wear head back to Cave 6- The Abandoned Bandit Hideout and decide to rest up for the evening.

The Knights decide to entertain themselves- Whirlwind delivers a lecture on the benefit of eating “Long Pig”, Mallaria tries her hand at stand-up.

“What do you tell a Dwarf with two black eyes?”
“Dunno.”
“Nothing you’ve already told him twice.”

Eventually the evening ends with a game of eye-spy; Whirlwind gives a clue to his secret observation- he points at Bob.

“Bob?”
“Ranger?”
“Woodsman?”
“Turnip farmer?” Offers Liandri, “I know moron?”
Whirlwind shakes his head at each wrong answer.

Eventually the others surrender.

“Go on, what was it?”
“Long Pig.” Whirlwind rubs his stomach and smacks his lips.

In summary the Wednesday Knights have had the following "run-in's" so far vs. Kobolds- lost one (ran away badly injured), drawn one (allowed the Kobolds to run off), and won one (miners and a Sorcerer despatched). Of the other caves- one empty hideout, now home; one empty cave- lunch taken; one skeleton menace overcome; one rubbery tentacled horror- ran off; one water elemental- ran off. This adventuring lark is proving to be hard work- Felix has never ran so much.

The players head off home to their domiciles where they will participate in the hollow charade that is life.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 6.

Next time- it's us or them, Kobold style.
 
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The Wednesday Knights

SESSION VII.

Satyrday 15th Jankers 2000
Year of the Dark

Into the Valley of the Kobolds- Part 5.

Dramatis Personae
Xeolus Human Monk 1
Liandri Elven Rogue 1
Felix Dwarven Deep Druid 1 with Arse the Wolf
Endrin Human Bard 1
Mallaria Half-Elven Barbarian 1
Bob Human Ranger 1
Whirlwind Human Fighter 1

Around the ol’ campfire.

The Knights spend a restless night holed up in the Abandoned Hideout- particularly Bob who, four hours later wakes in a cold sweat after working out Whirlwind’s Long Pig comment, “’umans!”. There are two guard posts, one at each of the cave entrances. At about 2 A.M. Felix comes to life as a couple of Kobolds approach the opening he is guarding- Arse is roused and sent into the fray, “fetch”, a few screams later and Arse returns dragging a dead Kobold, there follows sounds of frantic fleeing, “who’s a good boy.”

Later still both entrances are attacked by much larger groups of Kobolds, the party can hear the sounds of orders being issued- the attack is much better co-ordinated. The first entrance is being alternatively bombarded with spears and rushed by small groups of Kobold guerrilla’s- the party leave Endrin alone guarding the second entrance with his lute.

Endrin strumming quietly whispering the song-

“Should I stay or should I go?
If I go there will be trouble
An' if I stay it will be double
So come on and let me know... “

A spear suddenly grows out of the centre of his chest…

“I’ll be off then… FELIX.”

Endrin flees- lit torches are thrown into the cave, they fail to ignite anything and soon burn out, however the cave becomes increasingly smoky and difficult to manoeuvre in. During a lull the Knights hold a rushed meeting.

Liandri “If we stay here we’re dead.”
Felix <Cough Cough> “What the feck do you suggest.”
Mallaria “They’re fecking Kobolds, hobbits with attitude that’s all- lets rush them and kick the :):):):) out of them. What’s Endrin doing, he looks like a huge cocktail sausage lying there?”
Endrin “I’m dyin’, leave me be, I’ll be alright.”
Felix “Either you’re dying or you’re alright- you can’t be both. Anyway there’s no dying on my shift.”
Felix’s healing hands set to work and soon Endrin is back on his feet, Mallaria helps him up by the spear.
Endrin “Ow. Ow. Ow. MALLARIA, are you sure we can’t remove it Felix?”
THWOP
Endrin falls to the ground again holding his chest and screams for a while, “we’re all doomed I tell ya, doomed.”
Felix <Cough Cough> “How do you know- I can’t see anything?”
Mallaria “Come on, ignore him… let’s get ‘em.”

There follows a brief readying of arms and general preparation for combat.

Endrin “Ow, aaaarrrgghhh, oh, eh eh eh eh, Gnnnnaaaaar. MY EYES. IT BURNSSSSSS US.”

Alas Endrin’s perform role is only a “6” he eventually gets up and readies himself- everyone else is ignoring him.

The Big Fight.

The players come rushing out of the cave, it’s fair to say the Kobolds were not expecting this sudden counter attack; the rest of the session is spent in a dice rolling frenzy.

In the initial charge Endrin once again makes a complete fool of himself, he trips and forward rolls down the scree into the midst of the Kobolds, Felix is also caught momentarily off balance. The rest of the party are forced to double speed down the slope in order to catch up with their tumbling compatriots.

The fight kicks off with the entire group in close combat- there are easily a dozen Kobolds surrounding them with more joining all the time. Xeolus is quickly surrounded and is swiftly beaten unconscious (does this sound familiar to anyone), Endrin too is quickly surrounded and knocked out, grasping the dirt. However Felix comes to the rescue and in the midst of the fighting, with Bob holding the Kobolds off, Endrin and Xeolus are brought round and made well enough to defend themselves from attack.

Bob and Mallaria once again are at the fore, with Mallaria going crazy ape bonkers- killing everything that comes close to her.

At one point the seven adventurers are being attacked by nearly twenty Kobolds co-ordinated by a spell casting chief.

The players are worried, they spur each other on with their valiant battle cries.

Endrin “For Amberdale, Captain Jarrek and the Wednesday Knights. For Honour, Hope, Charity and Tumescence. For all the girls I’ve lurvved before…”

Bob “GRUNT Tek that varmit.”

Whirlwind “SNARL dead… dead… AAAARRRGGGHHHH… dead… dead.”

Felix “For Thorin Ironpants, who died at the Gate of MooooorDoooor.”

Liandri “-“, not participating.

Xeolus “Spiritual Father, Hieroneous- Valour and Courage be my shield against these heathen foes allow your countenance to shine forth upon this valley. Bless my staff, and Bob’s, what’ve you got Bob- is that a Long <OW>. Take that, yes Bless his Longsword, Shield-Father and Bless Felix’s <OW> bloody, bloody <OW> <THUMP> Stop that ya bugger.”

Mallaria “hahahabloodyfeckin’arsewipetreestreesinmyeyescanyouhearthevoicesinmyheadoneforthenmoneytwoforthesnowIamtheWALRUSKOO-KooAitchoosomemysayI’madreamerbutI’mnottheonlyoneibelieveinmiraclesboiledsweetsinthehandbagofloveOOBLADEEOOBLADAAmutherfecker.”

The Kobolds fighting spirit cannot withstand the aural onslaught, particularly when Endrin breaks off into the Dwarven ballad made famous by Jhoni Masssif “Feelings”, a tear jerker about a romance between a young dwarf and three pound ingot of pure gold.

The Kobold cohesion does not last and soon elements of the rabble are breaking off to throw spears into the mix, some of which strike their compatriots, before running away sharp-ish. Xeolus has found a new way of killing the creatures he picks one of the creatures up and dunks it in a burning bush. The party having previously thrown their torches into the sparse vegetation, igniting the bushes, so as to light the battleground. Liandri has enough sense to duck out of combat when the melee is thinning out and circle round to the Kobold chief. Once in place he delivers a mighty blow and the chief flees savagely wounded, many of the Kobolds warriors do likewise, the last half-dozen that remain are cut down with Arse chasing after those fleeing the scene.

The Knights however are all bruised and bloodied and pursuit is not an option- they return to the Abandoned Bandit Hideout, which is now much clearer, and hunker down for the few hours that remain till morning. A token watch is set- Arse stands guard at one entrance, while Mallaria still hyper guards the other.

Sunday 16th Jankers 2000

At first light the group re-assemble only to decide to continue resting for the day- it seems they are without any form of healing (other than rest) until Felix gets his spells back. The day passes in idle pursuit; nobody leaves the cave except to whiz (meaning to pee), which they do from the main entrance to the cave- soon a competition begins, involving height, distance and style. Mallaria wins- the manner of her victory is too obscene to tell, those that were there have been sworn to silence- needless to say the scroll tube was thrown away soon after.

After a fairly fitful nights sleep the group head off the next morning to Kobold Cave No.1. only to find the place abandoned- a thorough search reveals little of interest, only half-forgotten items of little or no value- the Kobolds have departed.

With glad hearts the Knights head off back through the woods to Amberdale, a day into the journey Xeolus and Endrin begin to show signs of fever, to make matters worse Arse has become disorientated and is having to be carried at a much reduced pace by Felix. Xeolus and Endrin are able to continue but they are taking a long time to cover any great distance- the pace slows and an extra day is spent getting home.

Fortunately encounters during this time are scarce- only a Wild Boar, which is scared of by the entire group shouting and waving at it, except for Felix who runs after it shouting “Sage & Onion”.

Thawsday 20th Jankers 2000

The Knights arrive back at Amberdale and immediately book Xeolus and Endrin into Brother Mendel’s care- the two have Filth Fever, a disease that comes from rat bites, Arse also suffers from the same- over the next two weeks they recover from the disease.

Endrin also visits Birchwhistle the landlord of the Inn of the same name and trains, the first character to reach second level. Liandri in the meantime searches out Birinth, the wizard, and convinces the old man to teach him something of the wizardy ways.

The above dungeon “The Valley of the Kobolds”, was a combination of “Shades of Yesterday” a download from Agatha Blades www.agathablades.com which just isn’t working any more, and The Kobold Cave (B3, I think “The Caves of Chaos”) from Eric Noah/ENWorld conversions page (although I don’t think it’s there anymore). Do however try www.d20reviews.com.

And so endeth the SESSION that is numbered 7.

Next time Gorgoldand’s Caravan of Love.
 


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