Things Said At The Gaming Table - Share Yours!!

[SpuneDagr]

I once had a halfling (were-rat) thief in a 2nd edition campaign. He was a bit of a kleptomaniac and the other characters were always trying to make sure he didn't go out stealing stuff every night.

One night they spent in a town and Dahrm (my character) said he was going out for a drink. They believed him for some reason. He went out to a tavern, spotted a big fancy trader's wagon and started to poke around it, looking for goodies. A guard came over to see what he was up to so Dahrm told him he was looking for the owner of the wagon. he guard escorted him to the suite of a Mr. Burgiss Drimm.

He ended up hiring Dahrm to kill a troupe of dwarves out on the road somewhere. Dahrm got him to pay half up front (he had no intention of going through with the deal).

So about a half hour later, Dahrm bursts into the PC's room, carrying a huge bag of gold.
"OK guys, we half to leave town right now!"

I love that image!!!

 

[Illumisar]

Maaaany years ago I was running my first homebrew FRP game in the dorms. The party had been approached by a fairly wealthy merchant type who wanted the PC s to wander up into troll country to look for his daughter who he feared had been abducted (or worse) during a raid on an upland trading post. The poor guy was fairly distraught and the PC were trying to go pretty light on him even thought they thought it was likely the girl was dead. (They had dealt with these hill trolls before...) Anyway, the party spent a little while politely dancing around the topic of what would happen, payment wise, if the girl was in fact found dead. Then, in a moment of pure anecdotal gold, Cat, the party's thiefy-type asks just a soothingly and sympathetically as you could imagine, "Would you like us to bring the body back if it's not too badly mutilated?" After blinking at Alison, the gal running Cat, for a few moments, of course we all broke in gales of laughter. Now, more than twenty years later, when one of the old crowd makes a faux pass we will look at them and smirk, "And would you like us to bring the body back if it's not too badly mutilated?" . . .

 

[Henry]

Well, the "Big Gizz" story is always a personal favorite (one which I won't tell here), but last week we had a lot of fun with two players who decided to go off on their own to fight an Umber Hulk.

Two 2nd level PC's have decided to go off on their own to fight an Umber hulk, hoping that they will get lucky, and score huge amounts of treasure and XP for themselves, for fighting such a marvelous beast.

The first PC (a rogue) is taken down in one hit. He lies, bleeding and dying. The second PC, a Ranger, manages to hit it with a lesser potion of flame breaht, and has damaged it somewhat. Then, the creature, enraged, turns on him.

He has all the time and ability necessary to retreat and save himself.

I ask him:

"The creature turns on you, hot fury and multifaceted eyes twitching. It looks like you are next to be attacked by its enormous digging claws and mandibles. You have a moment (one round) before he is upon you. The path to retreat is clear. What do you wish to do?"

Player (cringing):"Does a critical hit for 28 damage kill him?"

The PC was damaged by all three hits, and recieved enough damage to be cut in half.

Ironically, he was taken for food first, and the other members of the party managed to rescue the first PC (he had stabilized and was found lying on the stone floor of the Warren while the Umber hulk was taking his first meal to storage.

 

[Xastalask]

"Hear me, for I am Ardneh! Ardneh, who rides the Elephant, who wields the lightning, who rends fortifications as the rushing passage of time consumes cheap cloth. You slay me in this avatar, but I live on in other human beings. I am Ardneh, an in the end I will slay thee, and thou wilt not live on."

Been years since I read them but this is from Fred Saberhagen's series "Empire of the East" can't remember the other books in that series though.

Good series

 

[Steve Conan Trustrum]

These happened in the first session of a Champions game last night, both instances involving a character made of nanites that allow him to assume any shape and one of the groups two fliers.

Instance #1:

Flyer A: "I can fly you around if you turn into a pair of pants and I wear you."
Nanite Hero: "How tight do you want me to be?"
Flyer A: "Tight enough that you won't slip off but not tight enough to be considered flirting."

Instance #2:
Flyer B gives of an electrical aura while flying that causes minor damage and the nanite guy, to make this worse, is vulnerable to electricity, but they still had to fly to help their friends who were getting their butts handed to them.

Flyer B: "How will I carry you there? Man, remind me to buy rubber pants so I can hide you in my pockets."
Nanite Hero: "Don't worry about that now. How about I hide in the leather bowling bag - leather's a good insulator, right?" (last bit directed at me)
Me, the GM (not knowing): "Ummm... sure, that will work."

Nanite Hero gets in bag and they fly across city to help their buds. The flyer drops the bag with the Nanite Hero in it at the villain's feet, just as the latter flambe's one of the other heros.

Nanite Hero: "I punch through the bag and uppercut him with my stretching!"
Me: "Okay, you hit and cause enough damage to send him flying through the air. He's out cold."
Nanite Hero: "Woohoo, how's that for a punch, baby?"
Flyer B: "Never mind that, how's my bag?"

Never mind the fact that the player of Flyer B was more worried about his bowling ball bag, but it took him about 5 minutes to realise why the rest of us were laughing

 

[Umbran]

My personal favorite is a comment that fits nearly any genre, and needs little explanation:

"It's a different canoe, but it looks like I'm up the same old creek again."

 

[kenaustin]

Been years since I read them but this is from Fred Saberhagen's series "Empire of the East" can't remember the other books in that series though.

Good series

We have a winner!

It was from "The Broken Lands", the first book of the series.

 

[Banoc the Worm]

Recently heard from one of the players in my group "Gnoll 4 skins"

 

[tburdett]

That's not right!

DM: Everybody make a Fortitude save, DC 20.

Player (with much emphasis): THAT'S NOT RIGHT! NO! OH, MAN!

DM: Huh? (Looking up.) Should it be a ... (Notices a stream of urine arcing from the kitten the player is holding into the newly formed puddle in the players lap.) No, that's definitely NOT right.

All: (Laughter)

 

[shadow]

I a game I played a while back, there were two barbarians in the party (me and another player.) Naturally we would get into combat frequently. Whenever we raged, we had to yell the opening line from that Red Hot Chili Peppers song: "Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in the cage!"