Things Said At The Gaming Table - Share Yours!!

this was just the other day,

Druid Anton: "Are there any wolves or bears around these parts?"

Ranger/Rogue Khamal: "Dunno, why."

Druid Anton: "I'm looking for a... companion."



The table bursts into laughter.

Ranger/Rogue Khamal: "Whatever gets you up in the morning, man."
 

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shadow said:
I a game I played a while back, there were two barbarians in the party (me and another player.) Naturally we would get into combat frequently. Whenever we raged, we had to yell the opening line from that Red Hot Chili Peppers song: "Despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in the cage!"
Smashing Pumpkins, actually.

Okay, so I'm not totally off topic, the phrase "Aaaw, that f****** (insert NPC name)!" often comes up at our table whenever we meet an NPC who has ever thwarted us.
And, of course, our cry of "To the books!" when everyone starts simultaneously hunting for rules minutea in our stacks of books.
 


Setting : Underground in a winding tunnel.
Large Knight wearing full platemail up in lead. Three warriors (barbarian, fighter, paladin) behind. A Monk and a thief in the middle with a cleric bring up there rear.

DM : Lord Ursus (Knight) begins to turn the corner and explodes, dashing everyone with bits of metal and flesh. Initiative...

Initiative is rolled...

Theon (Fighter) : What the hell? How?
DM : Your action is taken up by confusion...
Marcus (Thief) : Yeah right... I'm not going around there...
DM : You are stunned by seeing the near strongest fighter taken out instantly...
Benjiro (Monk) : Bye...
DM : Everyone sees Benjiro all out run the other direction...
Maccalus (Barbarian) : Where are you going your running the wrong way...
Benjiro (Monk) : F*ck that... I got the map...
 
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i had a character who was really high strung. his catch phrase was "blooming impressive!" and he said bloody alot. in the midst of a really tough fight, he combined the two into the word blooding (pronounced blue ding). it's just a little stupid slip of the tongue but i still take flak from those present 5 years later.
 

Well, the psionicist had just gotten through complaining to Onyx, his psi-crystal, about his (Onyx's) behavior. Onyx was a Meticulous psi-crystal, and he was starting to get on everyone's nerves.

Me (the DM, currently speaking in-character as Onyx): "You know, one would think that you'd be nicer to me. I'm a part of you, after all."

Ryan (in-character as the psionicist): "You're the part of me I didn't want. That's why I put you in a rock."
 

Context: PCs are going to send whores onto a ship in port in order to distract the crew and allow them to sneak on.

PC Bard (female): I'm looking for the brothel.

NPC Brothel Owner: You're hired!
 


kenaustin said:


"...It was your honor I was thinking about."
"I can take care of my own honor," I told him, and something cold and powerful suddenly gripped me and answered, "for he was mine to kill, not yours, had I chosen," and a sense of outrage filled me.


Nine Princes in Amber, by Roger Zelazny! My favorite series ever :) .
 

These are really morals rather than things said, but they all were directly inspired by events at the Gaming Table.

1- Don't flash money
2- Don't believe or trust the waiters
3- Don't do KYO or Kumatei
4- Look before you drink
5- Look before you sit down
6- Don't hum along with Demons
7- Don't buy insurance from the duck
8- Don't Kill Halflings on Whiteford
9- Don't wrestle with 1,500 lbs creatures or Liches
10- Be very very very very very very very very very very careful what you ask for
11- The Ethereal plane is bad
12- Don't interupt a typing duck
13- Don't have Phallic conversations
14- Don't say "I'M INVINCIBLE!!!"
15- The Higher source is not always benevolent
16- Don't fire guns while ridding Kanks
17- Don't open a parachute in mid flight
18- Don't host a bachelor party for the most hated man on your world
19- Paranoia is a virtue
20- Insist on proof of ownership before purchase
21- There is no escape, the GM wil find you and kill your pets, that's what he does, that's all he does
22- NPC's will always spill their guts to PC's
23- Check behind the pillars
24- Don't taunt the GM's wife
25- Remember your Ammo Capacity
26- Check your partner before debauching
27- Magic is inheritly dangerous
28- Don't leave survivors
29- Don't use magic openly on Athas
30- The weakest PC will always be pinned under the Heaviest object
31- Swords parry daggers, seldom the reverse
32- Criticals aren't always the best rolls
33- Check the want ads before planning an attack
34- Poodles have suicide charges
35- Don't ask a horse for directions
36- Don't reason with a poodle
37- Golem's have the intelligence of a braindead frat boy
38- Carefully place the sentries
40- Don't cross the streams ray
41- Dress the pion like the boss
42- Don't hire an assassin when the assassin's guild has a contract out on you
39- Dave can not count nor spell
43- Honesty works every once and awhile
44- Try Puritainism, just might help
45- Loose di-ks sink missions
46- Waking up naked at the bottom of a glass bottom pool overlooking the dining room is not the best way to wake up
47- Don't have conversations with Mind Flayers
48- When do the living guard the crypts of the dead?
49- Spam is does not make an effective door stop
50- containment fields are there for a reason
51- Look for the obvious traps
52- Don't drink 2 different potions at once
53- Pions are the dangerous ones
54- Amok Amok Amok Amok Amok
55- 99's can be a good role
56- Don't tell the GM it's your last day at the game
57- When choosing an area to be hit in, don't take the vital one
58- Check for Piranha before bathing
59- Don't piss off Rockshillman
60- Toilet humor can go to far (really)
61- Make sure you have back up
62- Beat the woman get a luck point
63- Don't mess with religion on Whiteford
64- I'm warm and fuzzy, come to me!
65- There is a nipple in my eye slit
66- Only you can prevent Rhorhirrim fires
67- I'm talking in this voice, how do you think its going?
68- I didn't marry him, you stick it up his butt
69- Masturbating during an autopsy is in bad form
70- It's time for a little game we call "Roll the Troll", give me the belly jewel bitch!
 

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