Three Characteristic Behaviors Per Monster

[hong]

Word. But your universal theorem of monster motivation falls apart at one particular juncture, hong: what about undead?

Ghouls only score 1 out of 3. Vampires slightly better; 1, maybe 2 out of 3. Most of the rest aren't interested in eating, crapping, or bonking. Thus, while your hypothesis shows promise, I suggest that it needs revision and further analysis. Might be a good topic for a thesis.

Hmph. Some people are never satisfied.

How about:


1) Sex
2) Drugs and
3) Rock 'n Roll


Now while it's true that undead don't _need_ to have sex, we're not talking about behaviours that are absolutely necessary to survival here. It's entirely conceivable that undead, being appreciative of the finer things in life, would want to have sex for its own sake. For example, consider the aforesaid Count Dracula, who seems to have had a thing for cute young English chyxx0rs, in spite of being one of the living dead. Or consider any recent Anne Rice novel. 'nuff said, wouldn't you think?

As for drugs, that's clearly a metaphor for the many unholy substances that go into powering an undead being's actions. You don't become a slavering unliving horror just by eating your greens at dinner, after all. No, certain dubious substances have to be involved, and I see no contradiction at all in considering these substances to be the fantasy equivalent of modern-day narcotics. In fact, if we again think of Anne Rice's vampires, these guys seemed to consume an entire South American country's output of pharmaceuticals every month.

And rock 'n roll is surely a no-brainer. Go to any goth nightclub, and you will see hordes of pale, pallid creatures of the night, grooving the night away to the strains of the most chic music. Anne Rice is truly the queen of the vampires!


Hong "why, I'll even forgive her writing _Atlas Shrugged_" Ooi

 

[mmadsen]

Giant Owls -- Eat Were-Rats and Ratmen. Regurgitate giant pellets (maybe with treasure). Always looking around -- turning their heads 180 degrees.

 

[Hakkenshi]

I'm suddenly terrified at the idea of witnessing a Gelatinous Cube do anything but the first of hong's "3 essentials".

Athach - Does any number of obscene gestures, possibly including scratching in odd places; braces itself on third arm, pretending to be a flying dragon; crosses its arms in an intimidating (and impossible-seeming) manner.

Gibbering Mouther - Gibbers; mouths; mouths gibberingly.

Mind Flayer - Ties a braid in its tentacles; makes shadow-puppets with said tentacles using psionic powers as a light source ("Okay, now here's a Tarrasque!"); challenges PCs to impossibly difficult tongue-twister competitions.

Sorry, can't think of any serious ones right now

 

[mmadsen]

Treants -- (In tradition of Tolkien's Ents...) Live in geologic time. Speak slowly and laboriously, never succinctly. Remember ancient history.

 

[dreamthief]

Blink Dogs

Blink Dogs - Wag their tails before 'blinking'; like to stand on their hind legs; love to drive normal dogs crazy by blinking in and out.

 

[mmadsen]

Hags -- Offer tasty treats. Very maternal and sweet -- until upset. Hate beauty.

 

[hong]

1) Left foot in
2) Right foot out
3) Left foot in, and shake it all about



Not all monsters in D&D fit the generic paradigm of being nasty, brutish and short. Many are nasty, graceful and slim. Such monsters could easily dance circles around their opponents, but are prevented from doing so by lack of DM creativity. This results in such monsters being deprived of the most vital requirement for a dramatic performance, namely background music. If only a DM could provide suitable background music, ideally with two steel guitars and a good punching bluegrass rhythm, all would be well. Such is the fate of a monster consigned to a tune-deaf DM.

 

[Olive]

Now while it's true that undead don't _need_ to have sex, we're not talking about behaviours that are absolutely necessary to survival here. It's entirely conceivable that undead, being appreciative of the finer things in life, would want to have sex for its own sake. For example, consider the aforesaid Count Dracula, who seems to have had a thing for cute young English chyxx0rs, in spite of being one of the living dead. Or consider any recent Anne Rice novel. 'nuff said, wouldn't you think?

talking of undead sex, everone should really see the peter jackson movie 'brain dead' (in the states its called 'dead/alive' i think...) for the zombie priest/nun sex scene, at the very least.

back to topic now...

 

[Heap Thaumaturgist]

DeadAlive was quite possibly the worst movie we've ever seen. That isn't to say you shouldn't watch it ... there is bad ... and then there is so bad, it crosses the threshold into Good again.

Undead Sex reminds me of the conversation we had while watching Resident Evil ... the Red Queen says the dead have only the most basic of urges anymore and somebody yells: "Holy Crap the dead are looking to get laid!!"

Needless to say, it started alot of Zombie impressions and none of them were: "Braaaaaaiiiiiiins".

--HT

 

[mmadsen]

Celestials -- Speak in riddles. Only make formal declarations, no small talk. Look through people.