Tip about getting female gamers...

[Buttercup]

Because lets face it, the stereotype of the overweight, smelly, bad mannered gamer who can barely stammer out five coherent words to a female (gamer or not) is pretty common. And it wouldn't be a stereotype if there were not some truth to it.

Amen, brother. That's what scared me away for 25 years. All the gamers I met, except one, fit the above stereotype to a T. And that one played with a group of guys that scared me. I thought he was a fluke. I'm glad I know lots of nice, normal, hygenic gamers now, male and female.

 

[Trepelano]

Let me say up front that I mean no offense to anyone by what I say. I always find these conversations interesting, and a bit bizarre, because they presuppose that women are somehow more elusive, or unfathomable.

Well, of course they aren't elusive or unfathomable to you - you ARE one!

It is a well-documented and scientific fact that men find women elusive and unfathomable. That goes way beyond RPGs.

That skinny guy didn't sell several million copies of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus because it had a cute cover.

I think the problem is that men who play RPG's, like all other men, really want to find a woman they have something in common with. So, despite their best intentions, they have a hard time not being attracted to a woman who is cool enough to also be a gamer.

Believe me, to most male gamers, any woman who plays RPGs gains like 100 points on the "Dig" scale. I am sure that the same can be said of most hobbies (women who like hunting probably attract men who like hunting, women who like football probably attract men who like football, women who like housecleaning probably attract men who still live with their mother, ect.)

For myself - I a married to a non-gamer. Fortunately we share other hobbies, but I can't help but be a bit jealous of guys I know who are married to gamers. They get to geek out with thier wives, not in spite of them.

 

[Psion]

For myself - I a married to a non-gamer. Fortunately we share other hobbies, but I can't help but be a bit jealous of guys I know who are married to gamers. They get to geek out with thier wives, not in spite of them.

Hope springs eternal. Back in college when we gamed, my (then non-gaming) wife didn't care for many of the players I played with on a personal level, so didn't feel much of a draw to get involved.

However, the group I am with now is very friendly and we are friends "beyond the table", and my wife feels comfortable with them. Further, Harry Potter and LotR got her a little more interested in Fantasy. So, a few weeks back, she expressed the desire to get involved. This week will be her fourth game!

For tales of these (and other) expoits of wives of gamers "making the jump", see:
http://enworld.cyberstreet.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=18394&highlight=wife

 

[alsih2o]

because they presuppose that women are somehow more elusive, or unfathomable. ...............But if they get treated like specimens of some rare gourmet food,

my wife (who doesn't game) was reading over my shoulder and asked that i point out these are tips for gamer friends NOT girlfriends she would like it reiterated that "elusive, rare and gourmet" is exactly how the courting process should go (not to be confused with the RECRUITMENT process

 

[Gothmog]

Yep, its definitely good to be able to "geek out" with your significant other. Before I met her, my girlfriend had not ever gamed (had some bad experiences with the nasty gamer types), but she was into horror, fantasy and sci-fi movies (and hates girly movies and tear-jerkers), she was an avid Lovecraft, Howard, Leiber, and Tolkein fan. It took a little work on my part to get her to try it for the first time due to past bad experiences, but once she did, she loved it. We try to game 2-4 hours every weekend (we only get to see each other on the weekends due to distance and work), and she is one of the more unusual players I have ever gamed with (doesn't like to kill, tries to outwit rather than kill all opponents, etc). And not to brag too much, but she makes all of those GenCon booth babes look rather plain.

 

[CaptainCalico]

I was at a seminar dealing with this topic at GenCon (Girl Geeks and Gamer Widows). We had a nice mix of female gamers with different levels of experience and different areas of interest. In general everyone felt that this year’s GC experience was really positive and several people commented on how gentlemanly the male gamers at the con were. (Someone described the atmosphere as being reminiscent of the Old West – women are at such a premium that nobody wants to do anything to scare us off. )

Quite a few of us had stories of bad experiences when we were just starting out in gaming, ranging from simply being dismissed to GMs using gaming to act out …..issues they had with women. In general though the prevailing attitude was “we are here, we game, it’s great.”

Kudos to the three male gamers who showed up to share their experiences and ask for tips on attracting (and retaining) female players for their groups. We were thinking of changing the seminar next year to focus on that aspect of things. (Any ideas for a catchy name?)

 

[Buttercup]

she would like it reiterated that "elusive, rare and gourmet" is exactly how the courting process should go (not to be confused with the RECRUITMENT process

When I said female potential gamers don't want to be treated like some rare gourmet food, I was thinking of a guy looking at a plate of escargot with horrified fascination, thinking 'do I eat it, or run from it?'

But of course if said guy likes gourmet food, then your wife is right. His reaction would be more akin to courtship behavior.

 

[Seule]

The people I play with are almost half female. I don't tend to see many female GMs, more's the pity, but, for example:
The Tuesday game has 3 female and 2 male players, and a male GM.
The Thursday game has 2 female and around 4 male players and a male GM.
The friday game has 3 female and 3 male players and a male GM (me).

The grand total players among those is 4 female gamers and about 7 males. And one of the women is my wife, who I met at a convention. I feel very lucky, as female gamers don't seem to remain unattached long. Plus, once you've gamed with someone for a while, you find out a whole lot more about them than you would have otherwise. I suspect that gamers who date gamers tend to have better relationships because of this. I wonder if someone could do a study on this.

 

[alsih2o]

When I said female potential gamers don't want to be treated like some rare gourmet food, I was thinking of a guy looking at a plate of escargot with horrified fascination, thinking 'do I eat it, or run from it?'

But of course if said guy likes gourmet food, then your wife is right. His reaction would be more akin to courtship behavior.

lol, buttercup, my wife and i are both big eaters (but thin people) and really enjoy the odd taste sensation!

i DEFINITELY misunderstood you!

 

[Arravis]

Copying my post from: http://enworld.cyberstreet.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=20489

**Personally, I have noticed a huge increase in the number of women gamers since my early gaming days. Perhaps it's just from my point of view since I was "retired" from gaming for over six years until I returned to it two years ago. Maybe it was gradual... regardless, alot of women seem to play now. I'm into two groups, both are nearly 50% women. I have been thinking gathering up some of the things I've put together that seem to appeal to my female gamers and release them as either a large article in Asgard magazine or look for an online publisher of some sort. This is all in the early stages though.

As a DM I have noticed a substantial gap between what my female gamers want out of the game and what's supported in the D&D system. 75% of the time they are looking for the same thing guys are (action, adventure, etc), but there are some things that don't overlap as much.

I'd love to see more resources for NPC interactions, reactions, formulas for creating backgrounds for them, etc. More things that go into details when it comes to clothing, goods, etc (find me a single magical dress in the DMG). More details for dancing, etc, or anything else that tends to interests men more then women. I just feel like the D&D seems to support mostly guy's "interest" and for female's interest things, I have to create on my own from scratch. I am aware of the demographics and that companies make money by catering to their customers desires, but I think WoTC could benefit by expanding their customer base a bit.

Anyway... sorry if that came across as a rant, it's mostly just personal observations (apologies also for my vast politcal incorrectness).**

Now a couple of additional comments from reading the above posts...

Women ARE mysterious, at least to most guys. Just the way it is for the most part.

I definately agree that the gaming table is not the place for hitting on someone, I don't think it should be a dating service. Now, that doesn't mean you can't look for a potential mate who games, etc... Everyone looks for a mate that they have things in common with, but the flirting should be done before and after the game, not during (unless it's in-character, but that should be done VERY carefully and only if everyone is comfortable with that and agreed to it).


I do think that RPG's have the potential to easily gain alot of fans among women, but more needs to be done in the publisher's and developer's side to pull that off.