To go or not to go....

[Dannyalcatraz]

Consider this a message from a possible future.

Speaking as someone who qualifies for MENSA and has 2 advanced degrees (Law & MBA)...

You did the right thing cancelling his pass.

I was what your kid is right now: I was reading college-level stuff by 2nd grade, so I was unchallenged in school for most of my life. I asked to go to a private school and succeeded there...but it was so tough that I coasted through college. A typical class notebook was 1 page of contact info, 2 pages of real notes, a few pages of "key words"...and page after page of sketches.

I still was on the honor roll every semester, qualified for one national honor society and missed out on another by 1/100th of a GPA point. But for 30 minutes of loss of concentration due to low blood sugar, I would have gotten a perfect score on my LSATS (all of my errors were in the last section of the test).

Those same study habits were used in law school- only my IQ got me through...barely.

Now, the second part of the question- should YOU go?

Yes. Once again, I'd say its all part of his (in)actions having consequences.

There were numerous times when I was excluded from family activities for a variety of reasons. "Variety" is the key word- I seldom made the same mistake twice because being excluded SUCKED!

On occasion, there was a carrot along with the stick. Sometimes, I was given a special memento of the activity I missed. I may not have been able to see a certain musician in concert, but I still have the "official concert tee."

Imagining what could have been made missing out a second time far less likely, and that souvenir was a constant physical reminder of that missed opportunity.

So...go to the Con, have fun, and bring him back Monte Cook.

 

[Rel]

So...go to the Con, have fun, and bring him back Monte Cook.

See, Dannyalcatraz, if you were really as smart as you claim to be, you'd have said, "bring him back Sue Cook." If she's not an incentive for an adolescent boy then I don't know what is.

 

[Henry]

An interesting point my wife made to me -- make sure you've ruled out any other problems first, as implausible as it may be, from alcohol or drug abuse, to depression behavior.

If there's no conceivable way those are possible, and it's just garden-variety plain slacking, then she's not for cancelling his trip, but I'm in agreement with the others that it's a good idea. Go and have fun!

 

[Treebore]

Definitely be sure about the depression and the possibility of drugs/alcohol. With my daughter depression is definitely a part of it, as well as the very real teenage hormone changes, but I was asuming you were like me, aware of "other" issues but realizing that they are no excuse at least in the sense that "life" has to be dealt with despite any other difficulties, such as depression.

So, like in the case of my daughter, she has "depression" and Aspergers to deal with. So she is being helped with those issues, but we also have to help her learn to deal with life despite these problems, because the real world doesn't care what "handicaps" she has, she has to know how to cope with everything and she won't learn if we don't force her too. So we force her too, now, while she has us around to help her learn to do it. If we ignore it and let her go on with her life she may very well end up suiciding because life will overwhelm her.

So if you have to be the bad guy, do it now where you can pay close attention and let your child know every day that everyone around them loves them. That way they will hopefully handle the "real world" and not be a risk for suicide or other self-destruction such as drugs or alcohol. Things they will do when they aren't with you, under conditions where you won't see what is going on until it is too late. The time to be the parent is when they are living under your roof, no matter how much the "bad guy" you have to be.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

See, Dannyalcatraz, if you were really as smart as you claim to be, you'd have said, "bring him back Sue Cook." If she's not an incentive for an adolescent boy then I don't know what is.

I may be smart, but I'm not omniscient. I have no idea who Sue Cook is.

Honestly!

 

[Teflon Billy]

Anyway... just venting.

First: one Dad to another, You did the right thing.

Second: If you cancel your ticket, you are lessening the "value" of what he is being deprived of (if you get me).

Third (and finally): When you come to Gen Con, I will buy you a drink and we can bitch about our academically lazy spawn

 

[Teflon Billy]

I say that you not only go, but buy someting for everyone in your family but him, let him know that this is part of the punishment as you sit back and watch the grades next year become straight A's so he could go next year.

That seems a bit extreme to me.

 

[Teflon Billy]

Man, I hadn;t read the thread all the way through before posting.

Looks like, if I add my drink to the pile, you will be dead from Alcohol poisoning

 

[Teflon Billy]

Covered.

And seriously, I've been to a Con without ENWorlders and I've been to GenCon WITH ENWorlders. It's not even apples and oranges. It's more like "Stale Graham Crackers" and "Chocolate Eclairs".

Yeah, it's uncanny, and frankly last year was some kind of paradigm shift.

EN World-Gen Con was always pretty fun, but last year was just...well...just insanely fun. It never let up. The conversation was great, the friends--old and new--were awesome, the gaming was above par. Everything clicked.

Go join up for TBR in Gen Con Planning forum. Tell them Billy sent you

 

[Teflon Billy]

DMC, I don't have kids, so I am hardly qualified to speak. However, I think what your son needs to understand is not the effect that his actions have on him, but the effect that his actions, OR INACTIONS, have on others.

I would not go to gencon. This lesson is so important. Right now he doesn't give a darned about his future. He could care less that his grades are low. He has an apathetic attitude. What he does not get is that he is not an island. He needs to see how much you are hurt by his actions. If you go, you appear as a tyrant. You are just the guy getting him down. If you stay, and he asks why, you can tell him that you wouldn't have any fun at GenCon because you would constantly be thinking about how he was missing out. Then he might get it that his inaciton has hurt you. This should make him understand that doing nothing is oftentimes worse than doing somthing.

I would encourage you to stay home. GenCon is very fun with the ENW crew. It is really the only reason I go when I go. But if your son understands that you don't get to see your friends, because he is being a slacker, I wouldn't trade that for all the free drinks at GenCon.

Respectfully,

I love you Aaron, but this places way too much control in the hands of the kid. At age 12 they don;t have a lot of understanding of "cause and effect" yet. DMC needs to show his kid a simple lesson: Rewards come from Meeting Obligations.

That message will serve the boy much better (and be much easier for a 12 year old mind to get) than "I can spoil things for my Dad" would