Everything bagels are an unsubtle, overrated lie. At many places they are awash in the seasoning to a ridiculous amount that is reminiscent of the lack of restraint shown by of an amateur hophead experimenting with brewing IPAs or the powdered sugar in a bag of beignets at Cafe du Monde, they are clearly not as good as Jalapeno bagels, and they don't even have everything (see previously mentioned Jalapenos and, say, blueberries) because that would be gross.
That being said, they're still probably in my top 3 once I brush some of it off.
I guess I am just grateful that I don't think there are Pineapple or Anchovy bagels.So what I understand you to be arguing is that Everything Bagels should actually be Jalapeno & Blueberry Bagels.
You are a monster.
Sure but Lox and Capers are definitely a thing and that's getting you most of the way there.At least it looks like that Anchovy related toppings are a thing, but I didn't see any recipes that actually had them in the bagel. (This is not a challenge to invent it).

(Dungeons & Dragons)
Rulebook featuring "high magic" options, including a host of new spells.