Update -- Gaming wives, the ongoing saga!

[Psion]

Edit: This is the post originally entitled "Wife is taking the plunge!" For my update, see the post on the second page.


I have a non-gaming wife who actually wants to give it a try!

Occasionally my wife listens in on the games we have, and she gets along with most of our gaming group (we are sort of a close knit group.) The other day, she actually suggested getting involved in a game. I didn't know what to think at first... she had expressed interest in what we were doing in the past, but never really seemed to indicate she wanted to play. I didn't really think about encouraging her to do so at those earlier junctures, as we have children and it can be a bit of a hassle for two parents to game.

But now that I am given the time to think about it, I am really sort of excited about the idea. Some recent events in our marriage got me to thinking that more shared activities we have, the better.

She's not a total virgin to gaming, but close enough... she played MSH with some guys in high school, but never got to stay over at their little gaming parties. I guess it's sort of the gaming equivalent to "I didn't inhale." She does like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.

She says she would like to play some sort of magic-using class and that she is more keep to exploration aspects of the game. I am thinking about involving her in our upcoming 1st level game. I am thinking of running Of Sound Mind followed by NeMoren's Vault.

I really want to get her interested, and let her see what excites us about gaming. I think it would be good for her. But I am really nervous pulling it off... I feel the pressure in a way that I am not used to.

Any thoughts/recommendations/experiences?

 

[Garmorn]

That's Great!

Let her try either a bard or sorcerer so she can concentrate more on the action and less on trying to pick her spells.

Since my wife has been gaming with me for over 20 years, there is nothing better then being able to share a mutal hobby. Specialy one that you can spend hours together playing, and hours more talking about it.

Next step the childern.

There is nothing better then sitting down to a family only campain. Not only does it help with family bonding but it is a relaxed time to talk about every day things, and family stuff.

 

[Gospog]

I think starting at 1st level is smart. Magic-using characters can be a bit complicated for new players. (and, of course, the most attractive to new players)

Gaming with my wife has had nothing but good results, for both of us!!

Jump in with both feet and have a blast!

 

[Shiv]

Hey there,

I was in a similar situation when my girlfriend wanted to join my game. Here's some thoughts from my experience.

All of the gamers in the group I DM and in the group I play in are friends outside of gaming. Sounds like you and your group are the same way. But to be safe, I recommend making it clear to your wife and to your players that she will not be receiving preferential treatment. Help in learning the game, sure. Benefit of the doubt when it comes to helping her do things in-game (where a lack of knowledge of the rules might lead her astray), by all means. But don't pull punches with her character. And make sure everyone realizes that will be the case. And stick to that.

If she's really willing to put in the extra time, then a spellcaster of some sort is not out of the question, but I would suggest that she starts with a character type that only requires basic rules knowledge (combat, skill use, etc.). She can always move into the "other rules" by multi-classing or changing characters after she's gotten the basic rules down. But, if she's willing to dive into everything right away, then let her. Just make sure she realizes that she'll have more "catch-up" work to do to get up to speed on the system.

Have her not sit next to you at the table/living room floor/whatever. When my girlfriend got involved, she'd sit right near me. I found myself very tempted to constantly help her and this started to come off as coddling, which none of the players (herself included) liked. Make sure she identifies herself as one of the players, not as the wife of the DM.

Make sure to be a little more careful putting your planning/notes/write-ups away when you're not working on things. Not that she'd cheat, but she may just happen upon a map or somesuch without realizing it was there. Probably wouldn't be a big deal, but there's always the chance that something she sees spoils some part of the game.

That's it for now. If I think of anything else, I'll chime back in.

 

[Balsamic Dragon]

Cool!

Some advice, since you asked

Let her make up her character however she wants to. Make sure all the options are clear, but also accomodate anything that might not be a totally easy fit within the rules. Example, a friend of mine who was a complete newbie to gaming wanted her character to have a mirror that she thought would show her the future, but actually it was a fairy who was pretending to be her familiar and casting illusions on the mirror to confuse her. _don't_ say, but you would know that the fairy wasn't your familiar. Instead, say fine, and roleplay accordingly!

Make sure that she has her own PH to use during the game. Provide helpful bookmarks as necessary, especially if she is playing a spellcaster.

When running, make sure that you address her specifically and ask what her character is doing from time to time. New players often feel that they don't want to interrupt the rest of the group and can feel lost in the crowd. Also, gamers are really damn noisy folk, which can be surprising to people who are used to conversations at a normal tone and level of speaking.

Warn her when she is about to incur an attack of opportunity and suggest ways to avoid it. This is something that takes new players a while to figure out, so she might need some help at first. On the other hand, don't suggest alternative courses of action because of things that a typical player would know about D&D (i.e., monsters, items, spell descriptions) or because you think it isn't a smart thing to do. ONLY use this for attacks of opportunity or other rules that are difficult for new players to predict.

When introducing her to the rest of the group, DON'T have an NPC introduce her. Let her find the group on her own. Give her a plot hook or a reason to approach them. Make this something that will make it plausable for the PCs to want to include her in the group.

That's probably more advice than you need! Sorry

Balsamic Dragon

 

[kengar]

My wife starting gaming with us when we fired up the 3e campaigns almost two years ago. It's been nothing but good. Of course, we have no children as yet. The other two guys in my gaming group (both married) were initially quite surprised at her joining in, but everyone is friends with everyone else so it's worked out great.

 

[Samothdm]

Good luck, Psion.

My wife (at the time, my fiance) started gaming with me just a little over a year ago. I started up a game to showcase the world that I had created (been working on for 12+ years) to some of my friends. My wife joined the group as a way to understand a little better the world that I had created.

She actually doesn't like to game all that much, but she likes the people in the group. She did a pretty good job coming up with a background for her character, a female half-elf rogue who masquerades as a man while searching for her elven mother whom she has never met. I thought that was a pretty good story for a first-time role-player. Of course, I have to fudge some of her disguise rolls once in awhile so that she can keep up her gender-switching pretext!

 

[Henry]

In response to one of your comments, it's ALWAYS good to have a shared hobby with your spouse. It's a remarkable point of commonality, allows you to share more conversation, and also to encourage more levels of friendship to a marriage or relationship. To love your spouse is one level; to be best friends with them is another totally.

Oddly enough, my own wife has recently expressed an interest in getting more involved in RPG's (D&D in particular), mainly because she's interested in trying out some events at Gencon next year (We already have plans to go to Gencon in 2003). I will be soon putting something together to try solo, or perhaps with her sister. (My wife's sister already plays, and LARPS quite a bit ever since she's been in college.) If she likes it, I will see if she is interested enough to join our regular gaming group. If she still feels funny about that (currently only males in the group), then we can still have something to do together as a regular activity.

Good luck, Alan!

 

[BigFreekinGoblinoid]

Great News! I would probably reccomend a few things:

1) Consider skipping Psionics for now ( and thus "of Sound Mind " ) . She will probably have her hands full learning the capabilities of her spells and the concept of priestly magic etc... without dealing with the enigmatic and often controversial Psionics.

2) Sometimes starting newbies out at 3rd level or so might help keep them interested as they will may not die so quickly, and will have a few more capabilities. Make sure that she knows that starting at a level beyond first is standard ( avoid making her feel like she is getting any special breaks beyond anyone else ).

3) Try and engineer a "Role-Playing" encounter before a combat encounter so she can get a feel for her character's personality and role.

4) Have the first combat be relatively simple ( Low EL, and/or a foe without magic or too many special abilities ) so she can ease into the complicated process that is combat in D&D. This first combat should allow her to use an ability that really makes a difference to boost confidence and bond her to her charachter.

5) Hmmm - Perhaps marking her spell descriptions in the PHB ( or other sources ) with Post-It-Notes so she can easily read/find the specifics would be helpful too.

That is all that immediately comes to mind. I'm sure you will get some other suggestions that will help too. Let us know how it turns out!

J

 

[Arcane Runes Press]

Three bits of recommendation.

1) Don't Shorthand Anything- The longer a gamer games, the more he begins to handwave over certain elements of the game. What gets handwoven changes from player to player and game to game, but it always seems to be there. For example: "You stop at the inn for the night. It costs two gold but the beds are comfortable" or "You cast detect magic and the ring glows blue". I'm not advocating that every little thing get the full descriptive treatment everytime, but remember that the first time she sits down in the inn's commons is the first time she has ever sat down in an inn's commons. It's the same with everything else. The first time she casts a spell, it should be given the full movie treatment. The first time she opens a dungeon door, it should be a full cinematic moment.

2) Emphasize the wonder- This ties in to #1, but is more far reaching. Plan for a few truly fantastic moments/visuals in her first session and adventure. Give her something equivalent to the dining room in Hogwarts, or the moment when Gandalf's staff banishes the darkness in Moria, revealing a chamber of truly mammoth scope. Now, it doesn't need to be so grand, but it should be wonderous. That, to me, does more to show the possibilities of role-playing than anything else.

3) Minimize the combat and bookkeeping- 3E is a great system, but it, like any rpg, can be a bit overwhelming at first. Keep combat and other "bookkeeping" elements of the game at a bare minimum. When your wife makes a character, ask her to describe it, then do the work for her- that's what I do with any first timer. Then, when it's done, I sit down and go over the basics of the completed character, showing places where the game mechanics are used to represent the character they wanted.

For example: "Ok. You said you wanted to make a scruffy con man who could creep through the alleyways in absolute silence, so I focused your skills that way. You have Hide and Move Silently skill checks of +8 each. That's really good."

Patrick Y.