Upset over incompatible gaming styles?

[Oryan77]

People here seem to recognize that there are different gaming styles among players.

But in my experience, it seems like any time I encounter a new player and for whatever reason things don't work out between us because we approach the game differently, I always feel like the person is mad at me. Then I wonder if the person goes around town and bad mouths me whenever he/she joins another group.

I have no idea if that is true. But it definitely always seems like the person is ticked off cause I don't want to DM them or I won't do what they want to please their gaming style. If people have different gaming styles, then why would they get mad when they clash with another player as if it is the other persons fault?

Does it still annoy you when you run into this with a DM and things don't work out with the group? If so, why?

 

[saskganesh]

I think it's a really good idea to meet and talk before doing any gaming whatsoever. My current GM posted a notice on Meetup and then put the group together over a period of a few weeks, casual "job interview" style. A few people got the "sorry it's me, not you" game-style rejection email, and then another player was asked to leave, primarily because of scheduling issues.

It's good you are thinking about other people as I think it indicates you are likely a decent person. But I think it's useless to worry about what they may or may not be saying to imaginary third parties. And I think it's also very dangerous to assume you are responsible for someone else's emotional state; if he's mad and trashing you, and you have been fair and clear, well, that's beyond your control and really, reflects more on him than you.

 

[Nagol]

Not really.

Last year, a person I find to be a good fit style-wise started a game so I joined. The game went in a direction I didn't like (massive in-game changes from expressed campaign expectation and there was no indication I would enjoy future sessions) so I bowed out at a plot convenient place. No hard feelings, no recriminations.

Though a couple of other players were miffed I didn't want to continue.

 

[Traveon Wyvernspur]

I think it's a really good idea to meet and talk before doing any gaming whatsoever. My current GM posted a notice on Meetup and then put the group together over a period of a few weeks, casual "job interview" style. A few people got the "sorry it's me, not you" game-style rejection email, and then another player was asked to leave, primarily because of scheduling issues.

It's good you are thinking about other people as I think it indicates you are likely a decent person. But I think it's useless to worry about what they may or may not be saying to imaginary third parties. And I think it's also very dangerous to assume you are responsible for someone else's emotional state; if he's mad and trashing you, and you have been fair and clear, well, that's beyond your control and really, reflects more on him than you.

This is exactly how I found my current group. The GM posted on a few of the gaming meetup sites and we filled up pretty quick. This Saturday is our 5th session and we game every two weeks.

 

[Pentius]

People here seem to recognize that there are different gaming styles among players.

But in my experience, it seems like any time I encounter a new player and for whatever reason things don't work out between us because we approach the game differently, I always feel like the person is mad at me. Then I wonder if the person goes around town and bad mouths me whenever he/she joins another group.

I have no idea if that is true. But it definitely always seems like the person is ticked off cause I don't want to DM them or I won't do what they want to please their gaming style. If people have different gaming styles, then why would they get mad when they clash with another player as if it is the other persons fault?

Does it still annoy you when you run into this with a DM and things don't work out with the group? If so, why?

A. You might be oversensitive.

However,

B. There are many people who judge others for having different tastes than they do.

 

[ExploderWizard]

I'm curious about how often "different gaming style" gets used to describe a situation that more closely models very self centered individuals with much to be desired in the social skills area.

If not getting everything the way you like it all the time means leaving the group and badmouthing someone then perhaps the problem isn't the group.

Getting along in a gaming group means allowing for everyone to have a good time in equal measure. If a person can't understand that there are other members of the group that might have different favorite aspects of play and everything won't revolve solely around what he/she finds most interesting at all times then it would appear to be a social problem.

If finding the right style of play involves finding a group thats only interested in doing what you want all the time then its no wonder that finding a "compatible" group is such a chore.

 

[olshanski]

I always use the "different gaming style" defense.

It is much easier than "You give women players the willies", or "You need to bathe", or "you are a racist homophobe", or "I am not running a game for sociopaths", or "you don't seem to care about the other players", or "I don't want you in my home."

Basically, when someone tells you that they don't want you to play because of different gaming styles, they are probably actually saying "I think you are a bozo."

I've had it said about me though, because I had a player that wanted a very immersive game with tons of backstory, while I wanted to run a pre-published adventures, have some laughs, and drink beer.

 

[Oryan77]

A. You might be oversensitive.

Oversensitive about what? I never said anything about my feelings or my emotional state. I did mention how others seem to be mad. That's not really an assumption either, their actions and words show that they are upset or annoyed with me. Which is what made me think to post this thread.

B. There are many people who judge others for having different tastes than they do.

I agree with that.

I'm curious about how often "different gaming style" gets used to describe a situation that more closely models very self centered individuals with much to be desired in the social skills area.

A lot of the people I encountered have very good social skills. The self centered part might be spot on though. But then, maybe I'm being self centered also for not wanting to deal with their style or change the way I DM.

 

[RedTonic]

I always use the "different gaming style" defense.

It is much easier than "You give women players the willies", or "You need to bathe", or "you are a racist homophobe", or "I am not running a game for sociopaths", or "you don't seem to care about the other players", or "I don't want you in my home."

There was a topic about the stinky gamer around here earlier this summer or spring, I think.

This topic brings to mind an experience one of my friends had recently. His group finally kicked out a player who had been with them for about 20 years--just an all around troubled guy who often behaved disrespectfully and made female players and spouses very uncomfortable. His disrespect to the game's regular hosts (dropping things on tables all the time and gouging them, damaging stuff, making messes and not cleaning them, etc. and then not stopping any of this stuff after being asked to repeatedly) finally got them to kick him out of the game.

I think a lot of the maladjusted players have the same problems as "Nice Guys." No, not actually nice guys. But you know... Nice Guys.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

They took 20 years? And people say I have the patience of Job!

His ass would have been booted after about 4 or 5 complaints.

Re: odors- occasional BO is unavoidable for some, especially if they're coming directly from work. Persistent BO is unacceptable. (Farts are a different story.)

Re: creepy- nope- don't hang out with people who creep me out. If they can tone it down, they can stay. Otherwise, "GOODBYE!"

Re: disrespect of the host & his possessions- no excuses for this, you're gone.

Re: racists- I'm black...but I did game in a group with one player who was a racist. That was HIS problem (everyone else liked me).

Re: homophobes- don't like 'em, but here in the Bible Belt, they're almost inescapable. How much I tolerate them depends upon their vitriol. Guys who just don't care for homosexuality? I see that as politics/religion. Those who actively advocate hate? I don't hang with you anymore.

Re: playstyle- it can cause friction, but I see it as dynamic potential. I'll never kick someone out for having a variant playstyle, and I won't leave a group over it either.