Upset over incompatible gaming styles?

[was]

The thing is, I always "interview" the person first. It's surprising how little most people want to know about the game/group. But as host/DM, I of course want to know as much as possible about the person. So I seem to be the one asking all the questions and pulling my hair out trying to get them to ask me questions.

Even if they do talk, they fail to mention their gaming habits that may need to be addressed, or they downplay it so I won't take issue. It's not until they join the game that one of us figures out it won't work.

If you've been up front and honest with them, then you shouldn't feel guilty about asking them to go. There are folks out there that will just walk into a game and expect it to conform to them. That kind of person just tends to ruin the game for everyone else anyways. By asking them to walk, you're perserving the integrity of your campaign and the enjoyment of the players you already have. IMO anyways

 

[Gronin]

I'm curious about how often "different gaming style" gets used to describe a situation that more closely models very self centered individuals with much to be desired in the social skills area.

You aren't trying to say that there are socially challenged people in the gaming community are you? Perish the thought.

 

[kitsune9]

I think it's a really good idea to meet and talk before doing any gaming whatsoever. My current GM posted a notice on Meetup and then put the group together over a period of a few weeks, casual "job interview" style. A few people got the "sorry it's me, not you" game-style rejection email, and then another player was asked to leave, primarily because of scheduling issues.

It's good you are thinking about other people as I think it indicates you are likely a decent person. But I think it's useless to worry about what they may or may not be saying to imaginary third parties. And I think it's also very dangerous to assume you are responsible for someone else's emotional state; if he's mad and trashing you, and you have been fair and clear, well, that's beyond your control and really, reflects more on him than you.

Very good advice.

 

[JiffyPopTart]

Oversensitive about what? I never said anything about my feelings or my emotional state.

In you opening post you said "I always feel like the person is mad at me". You literally state exactly how you feel, which in turn would qualify (in my book anyway) as saying SOMETHING about your feelings.

And to parrot what Pentius said but with even more armchair psychologist rolled in...if you really do ALWAYS feel like the person is mad at you then you are likely to be oversensitive.

Either that or they ALWAYS are mad at you...but Occam's razor says its probably you and not all of them.

DS

 

[Oryan77]

In you opening post you said "I always feel like the person is mad at me".

Well what do ya know, I guess I did use the word "feel". Maybe if I had said "It always seems...." then I wouldn't have been accused of being emotional and have my manhood challenged.

I don't think it's a far stretch to assume someone that argues with you over playstyles and then leaves your game, is mad. But I do think you threw the oversensitive comment at me for no other reason than to push my buttons.

I'm not saying that cause I'm being oversensitive. I'm saying that cause I know a BS comment when I see it.

but Occam's razor says its probably you and not all of them.

Let me guess, you learned that in your Psychology class and now you think you know me?

 

[Zelda Themelin]

Angry. Oh yes. To discover you have incompatible gaming styles usually means you have been in game at least one session, but usually more. In extreme case one is enough. Incocompatble usually doesn't IME mean there is just problem in game preferances, it might include actual personality clashes.

It usually is about personality first IME. Even those preferance issues might make people bit annoyed over very recent (in their opinion) waste of time/really bad playing experience. And that might give off negative feelng even while in that case it's nothing deep.

And people tend to get pissed when they are kicked out of anything. Hobby, work, bar etc. Even if you don't really want to stay with that hobby/social group it's not nice someone else noticing it and asking you to leave. Most people would rather be ones doing the leaving.

Plus there is this already meantioned person kicking someone out of game group might just have something against you.

I have 2 friends who still have sad memories about some stuff their old gaming group pulled at them in game, and then "forgotten mentions of game-sessions". And end of friendship.

 

[ACreepierFolklaw]

Its all terribly sad to me. I wish rpg could be used to bring people together rather than divide them...
can't we all just get along?

 

[Alan Shutko]

Let me guess, you learned that in your Psychology class and now you think you know me?

You're the common element in all these interactions. It's certainly possible that you are the cause or a contributing factor.

Is it possible that the way you deliver the "we have incompatible play styles" is confrontational or blaming? As an extreme reaction, "I think we're looking for two different things from the game, and you'd be happier with people who share your goals" is going to elicit a much different reaction than "Look, you're playing it wrong, so get out". Look at your own reaction to the term "oversensitive".

 

[Squire James]

Well, all I can say about quitting games is that you should try not to quit a game when you're angry at a player... the DM might think you were angry at him and get angry himself. Like said DM quitting my game without ever telling me. I'm not even sure he disliked my game - all this strikes me as pure revenge and I am very unhappy about the situation. I may have to go to his game one more time and explain things more calmly, more for the closure than to actually get him back as a player (though if he wants to come back he's welcome).

 

[Oryan77]

You're the common element in all these interactions. It's certainly possible that you are the cause or a contributing factor.

We're the common element in any interaction we have. So of course I would have to be either the cause or the contributing factor.

Is it possible that the way you deliver the "we have incompatible play styles" is confrontational or blaming?

I try to be nice & considerate to others as much as possible. Especially to new players that I don't know. I've always been civil when discussing play styles with players. If anyone felt I was being confrontational or blaming, that's on them. It's common for people to be defensive when they feel they are being challenged (as I did when accused of being oversensitive).

It has nothing to do with me being oversensitive (that's just stupid). Their actions, along with their words, makes me believe they left being "mad" at me. It's not like that's a far-fetched thing to think. But I do think it's ludicrous to think that it's all in my head. It's not like it is unheard of. You can close your eyes and point to a thread here and read about someone being mad at an old DM.