Upset over incompatible gaming styles?

[RedTonic]

Those who find that "rejected" players become rather hostile may be experiencing the result of the Five Geek Social Fallacies. It's not really your fault, as long as you're polite and clear, as you no doubt know. ("You" in this case is just the general audience "you," no one specific.)

Also, a lot of folks can't take anything that even resembles criticism without experiencing it as a direct and personal attack. Learning to handle criticism of one's work/art and separate that from criticism of one's person is something most people struggle with. Some folks just struggle with it more... Noisily... Than others.

 

[Janx]

You seem to be operating under the assumption that the rationale for rejection is forefront in their minds. That's frequently not a valid assumption. Assume, instead, that the *fact* of rejection is foremost in their minds - that you're operating less in the realm of logical choices, and more in the realm of human social dynamics. They aren't upset over gaming styles. They're upset over being told they can't play in your clique!

+ 1. I'd give XP but apparently I already agree with Umbran.

Point of fact, studies have shown that decisions are maded in the non-logical part of the brain before the logical part of the brain fires. so the person sees a situation and their gut tells them "X" and then they come up with reasons why "X" is the tactically correct course of action.

People don't work the way people think people work. There's a lot of goofy illogical stuff going on.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

People don't work the way people think people work.

IOW, it is illogical to think that people primarily think logically.

 

[Janx]

It's nothing weird or unusual. Some of it has to do with me no longer wanting to deal with certain playstyles that are quite common (but "controversial"). So I can understand if they were bummed out (but to be mad?). Mainly it just involved the typical differences between players.

I always wonder why some people choose to be so picky. Certainly there's things you just can't stand (I hate watermelon). But I will attend a watermelon eating event that my friend is having because all our friends are there.

I'm not fond of chineese food, but I will eat it when the group wants to go, because the majority wants to go and I want to be with my group more than I want to eat pizza by myself.


involuntarily using [MENTION=29434]Shaman[/MENTION] as an example (whom I do not personally know). He's expressed in threads that there are certain play styles that he won't play in and will politely excuse himself.

I don't understand his position. The style he cites doesn't sound horrible or extreme. But he doesn't like it and won't play it.

I don't think I like sandboxes, but if a friend was GMing one, I'd try it and try to fit in because that's what the group is doing.

to the OP's example, I suspect Shaman would politely excuse himself and really wouldn't have a problem over "style" differences.

I'd probably try to fit into the style, assuming the group is my friends.

One last though to ponder:
If you think she's cheating on you, she probably is
Corollary: if you always think she's cheating on you, you're probably a paranoid, jealous, controlling bastard.

The lesson: if you only have this issue once, where you think this one player you let go is mad, it's probably him, and you're probably right.
If you have this feeling EVERY time you let somebody go, then you're either imagining it, or you're doing dismissals badly (and they are all mad at you because you are the meany who thinks he's nice).

 

[Oryan77]

I always wonder why some people choose to be so picky.

As a player, I'm very easy going about the game. There isn't much that can happen to cause me to dislike the game.

As a DM though, there are some things that I simply don't want to deal with from players. Especially after DMing for so long and participating in other games that don't deal with what I deal with, it makes me even less tolerant. I see how those games run, how easy going & low-key the players are, and I yearn for that!

There are many reasons for being picky. A playstyle is annoying, or it may cause me more unnecessary work as DM (that I'm not interested in doing) to deal with it. It may make the game less fun for other players. Or it simply makes me enjoy the game less.

But even as a player, I can understand why people might be picky.

 

[Alan Shutko]

I don't understand his position. The style he cites doesn't sound horrible or extreme. But he doesn't like it and won't play it.

I don't think I like sandboxes, but if a friend was GMing one, I'd try it and try to fit in because that's what the group is doing.

I understand the position. I think there's a difference between "something I don't think I'll like" and "something I've tried, and I know I don't like."

With the former, I'll give it a shot. But if I've been there, done that, gotten the t-shirt, and been thoroughly unhappy, I'm not going to do it again unless there's some massive change there. If our group started up one of certain games, then despite the fact that I like to hang out with them, I'm not going to join the game, because I won't really enjoy myself and I'd bring the group down.

 

[Dumnbunny]

I'm not fond of chineese food, but I will eat it when the group wants to go, because the majority wants to go and I want to be with my group more than I want to eat pizza by myself.

Would you commit to eating Chinese food every week for months or years? Would you give up ever eating pizza during those months or years?

After more than three decades of gaming, I know what I like and what I don't. I know I don't like railroads. I know I don't like games with wall-to-wall combat and little or no opportunity for non-combat gaming.

And I know that not participating in a given campaign isn't the end of the world. A buddy has a Shadowrun game going on Saturdays. I didn't want to participate, so I didn't. We still participate in other games, get together for ad hoc board-game and card-game evenings, bar-b-ques and other non-gaming activities. Everyone doesn't need to participate in everything.

 

[Michael Silverbane]

Would you commit to eating Chinese food every week for months or years? Would you give up ever eating pizza during those months or years?

I absolutely would if the alternative was not eating at all...

Sure, I don't have to eat every time someone else does, but I'd like to eat sometimes. If the only way that I can do that is to eat Chinese food, then you can bet that's what I'll be doing.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

There are about 1.5 billion Chinese who will never eat anything except Chinese food their entire lives.

Just sayin'.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Double post.