Heh.. well I was avoiding details because I didn't want this to be a "long rambling complaint" thread.
But a basic idea (an example of before, during, and after play)--
Situation 1: He joined us two days prior to the start of my campaign. Within those 2 days, I had roughly 30 emails from me (average 2 page length each).
My Immediate Instinct: He must be very bored and/or very excited
My response: His last D&D experience was 2ed/AD&D so a lot changed and he's unfamiliar with character creation. I'll grant him that. But once it got close to 20 emails, my response was simply "These are all great questions but it seems like it might be easier to explain all this in person when we meet tomorrow" (note he did continue to email after i said that, but i didn't respond to them since I had an adventure to finish preparing). His remaining questions were answered at the game by myself or other players when I was busy.
Situation 2: During the game, he was fidgety and anytime focus wasn't on him, he had to keep interjecting "What's happening now for me?" While other characters were researching or talking to nobles to get info about what was going on, he wanted to go to the bar. At first I thought to do streetwise/gather info type stuff; but it turned out to flirt, drink, gamble. I thought this wasn't task-focused but figured it was okay since it is not unreasonable to say he did not want to be part of the "boring noble talk" or "sitting at the library reading about prophecy" (I have zero problem with it up to this point). But then, despite wanting to flirt and drink at the bar, he wanted constant updates as to what was happening to him at the bar.
My Initial Instinct: Goodness he has no attention span and is borderline disruptive for what is supposed to be a cooperative game, it seems to be as much the "player" as it is "the character"
My Response: Whenever he interrupted what I was in the middle of saying to the other PCs, I calmly/casually just said to him "let me finish this sentence and then I'll let you know." Then after every 2-3 rounds of question/response between the noble and other PCs, I just turned to him, said a variety of "you're still talking to that attractive lady" or "you just finished that game of poker, you got (roll dice for effect behind the screen) 2 sp as your winnings"
Situation 3: It has been less than 48 hours since we had that first game. Already I have no fewer than 40 emails from him. Each of them is asking for things like "What are the names, occupations, and descriptions for the 20 guys and 30 girls I would have talked to in the bar. Are they all good contacts for my future business work that my PC has as a goal? Can one of them be a jeweler? I am hoping to get some good jewelry made ...."
My Immediate Instinct: H!*@#% No
My Response: Emailed him back only once despite his number of emails:
"It's great to try and make contacts for the business your character wants to start up as his goal.
How does this sound, every time you want your character to go to the bar to be social and make more contacts, we'll call that his "Regular Social Activity" that way you can just tell me that phrase at the game and we won't need to go in to so much detail at the table.
Add a section to your character sheet for "Casual Acquaintances" and if I say okay, after every regular social activity you can add a +4 woman and +2 men to your casual acquaintance total. Will they pull strings for you and be your best friends? No, but they will be a good starting point for people to talk to when you want to run your businesses later on.
As for names and occupations and descriptions of each, it seems like a lot of work for both of us to keep track of since no one else in the group will be able to participate in this. But if you want to make up your one best friend or your one best contact, sure we can detail that person.
Remember that you have 30 levels over which time to build up your wealth and contacts for your business goal, you're only level 1 now. So be sure to pace yourself and expectations accordingly or else you will run out of reasons to be with the rest of the party way too soon."
Followed by hitting my forehead against my desk, taking a few deep breaths, then coming to ENWorld to sympathize with every DM that has ever had to deal with attention-dependent players
I could go on.. that but that's just 3 examples of what I have been dealing with for 5 days (2 days before game, day of game, and 2 days after game)
Again, I want to emphasize that he is a nice person and part of this is that he truly was excited by being part of the game (and he is/was bored). I should also point out that he was fully participative and part of stuff like combat and was helpful in the noncombat group activities that he took part in - so it isn't as though he avoided all group-focused activities. Plus he stayed focused on the game (no rambling off-topic conversations) and stayed in character. And he sent me a very long (and well done) character background -- based on something he said, I have a feeling it is the first character background he's ever bothered to write (ever). So he does get points for enthusiasm.
This was my first time DMing in over ten years (giving our regular DM for this group a break) so I was just trying to get through it without f-ing everything up.. but I have to say, this new player being there for my first DM session really made me more nervous than I already was and I lost focus a couple times because of it.
I was hoping to make it through a bit smoother than I did.
Reactions from 3 other players: All three realized what was going on.
One told me in an email that I handled the new guy with a lot of grace and patience and that i did an "excellent job" of keeping the game flowing while still giving the new guy some attention.
The second player did not specifically mention the situation with the new player (although he knew since he gave me "that look" at the table a couple times) but he did email me saying it was one of the best times he's ever had as a player and he hopes I will consider DMing again when the regular DM wants a break.
The third player didn't say anything one way or the other (with regard to the new player) but he sent his usual "Good game" -type response that is normal for him after any game
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Anyway, just sharing details because a couple people asked.
My point was not to lynch mob the player. Just to vent and to share my sympathy with every DM that has ever had to deal with something similar.
But a basic idea (an example of before, during, and after play)--
Situation 1: He joined us two days prior to the start of my campaign. Within those 2 days, I had roughly 30 emails from me (average 2 page length each).
My Immediate Instinct: He must be very bored and/or very excited
My response: His last D&D experience was 2ed/AD&D so a lot changed and he's unfamiliar with character creation. I'll grant him that. But once it got close to 20 emails, my response was simply "These are all great questions but it seems like it might be easier to explain all this in person when we meet tomorrow" (note he did continue to email after i said that, but i didn't respond to them since I had an adventure to finish preparing). His remaining questions were answered at the game by myself or other players when I was busy.
Situation 2: During the game, he was fidgety and anytime focus wasn't on him, he had to keep interjecting "What's happening now for me?" While other characters were researching or talking to nobles to get info about what was going on, he wanted to go to the bar. At first I thought to do streetwise/gather info type stuff; but it turned out to flirt, drink, gamble. I thought this wasn't task-focused but figured it was okay since it is not unreasonable to say he did not want to be part of the "boring noble talk" or "sitting at the library reading about prophecy" (I have zero problem with it up to this point). But then, despite wanting to flirt and drink at the bar, he wanted constant updates as to what was happening to him at the bar.
My Initial Instinct: Goodness he has no attention span and is borderline disruptive for what is supposed to be a cooperative game, it seems to be as much the "player" as it is "the character"
My Response: Whenever he interrupted what I was in the middle of saying to the other PCs, I calmly/casually just said to him "let me finish this sentence and then I'll let you know." Then after every 2-3 rounds of question/response between the noble and other PCs, I just turned to him, said a variety of "you're still talking to that attractive lady" or "you just finished that game of poker, you got (roll dice for effect behind the screen) 2 sp as your winnings"
Situation 3: It has been less than 48 hours since we had that first game. Already I have no fewer than 40 emails from him. Each of them is asking for things like "What are the names, occupations, and descriptions for the 20 guys and 30 girls I would have talked to in the bar. Are they all good contacts for my future business work that my PC has as a goal? Can one of them be a jeweler? I am hoping to get some good jewelry made ...."
My Immediate Instinct: H!*@#% No
My Response: Emailed him back only once despite his number of emails:
"It's great to try and make contacts for the business your character wants to start up as his goal.
How does this sound, every time you want your character to go to the bar to be social and make more contacts, we'll call that his "Regular Social Activity" that way you can just tell me that phrase at the game and we won't need to go in to so much detail at the table.
Add a section to your character sheet for "Casual Acquaintances" and if I say okay, after every regular social activity you can add a +4 woman and +2 men to your casual acquaintance total. Will they pull strings for you and be your best friends? No, but they will be a good starting point for people to talk to when you want to run your businesses later on.
As for names and occupations and descriptions of each, it seems like a lot of work for both of us to keep track of since no one else in the group will be able to participate in this. But if you want to make up your one best friend or your one best contact, sure we can detail that person.
Remember that you have 30 levels over which time to build up your wealth and contacts for your business goal, you're only level 1 now. So be sure to pace yourself and expectations accordingly or else you will run out of reasons to be with the rest of the party way too soon."
Followed by hitting my forehead against my desk, taking a few deep breaths, then coming to ENWorld to sympathize with every DM that has ever had to deal with attention-dependent players
I could go on.. that but that's just 3 examples of what I have been dealing with for 5 days (2 days before game, day of game, and 2 days after game)
Again, I want to emphasize that he is a nice person and part of this is that he truly was excited by being part of the game (and he is/was bored). I should also point out that he was fully participative and part of stuff like combat and was helpful in the noncombat group activities that he took part in - so it isn't as though he avoided all group-focused activities. Plus he stayed focused on the game (no rambling off-topic conversations) and stayed in character. And he sent me a very long (and well done) character background -- based on something he said, I have a feeling it is the first character background he's ever bothered to write (ever). So he does get points for enthusiasm.
This was my first time DMing in over ten years (giving our regular DM for this group a break) so I was just trying to get through it without f-ing everything up.. but I have to say, this new player being there for my first DM session really made me more nervous than I already was and I lost focus a couple times because of it.
I was hoping to make it through a bit smoother than I did.Reactions from 3 other players: All three realized what was going on.
One told me in an email that I handled the new guy with a lot of grace and patience and that i did an "excellent job" of keeping the game flowing while still giving the new guy some attention.
The second player did not specifically mention the situation with the new player (although he knew since he gave me "that look" at the table a couple times) but he did email me saying it was one of the best times he's ever had as a player and he hopes I will consider DMing again when the regular DM wants a break.
The third player didn't say anything one way or the other (with regard to the new player) but he sent his usual "Good game" -type response that is normal for him after any game
--------
Anyway, just sharing details because a couple people asked.
My point was not to lynch mob the player. Just to vent and to share my sympathy with every DM that has ever had to deal with something similar.
