For D&D 3 to D&D 4, we're going from
- Player decides what his characters wants to do given the circumstances as described, and then rolls the dice to see if it succeeds. The decision the player makes is usually also a decision made by the player.
- Player decides that the circumstances allow the character (party/enemy) to do something, and then rolls the dice to see if he succeeds. In the game world, the character sure didn't decide the circumstances, he just decided to try it, and it was the players influence to change the circumstances so that the character could try what he tried.
Until you understand (probably easy) and accept (not so easy, since it's also a question of preferences) this shift, 4E will be hard to swallow. These two approaches / paradigms are different, and what makes sense under the first might not make sense under the second, or vice versa.
You can discuss whether this shift is good or bad, but one shouldn't try to use the "old" paradigm to understand or explain game effects that are created under the second paradigm. (But one surely can discuss them using the second paradigm...)