Way to get girls (?!): the new column for the new Dragon.

[Philotomy Jurament]

Valley Elf,
He's a Valley Elf,
Valley Elf,
He's a Valley Elf...

So cool, so fair,
With chartreuse hair,
So young, secure --

"Fer sure, fer sure,
like, oh, man, I was really down today,
like, sooo down,
I almost flunked archery today,
I was blitzed totally, it was
wrong. Like, I wore my elven cloak
into the dungeon, y'know, and it got all
grody with, wow, like
spider webs and green slime all over it,
like yucko, like
when I saw it when we got out I thought, oh,
gag me with a wand,
it was grody to the max, just psionic, like,
and I had to clean it, oh,
gross me out, man.
Totally awesome. I hate to go in dungeons,
they are so rank, and some of the monsters just like
freak me out, man, like, totally
disgusting, barf city man, it was so gross
that I thought, like, Hey, keep away from me, man!
Like no way I'm gonna ever even use my sword
on you, I just waxed it, y'know, like
gag me with a mace."

Valley Elf,
He's a Valley Elf,
Valley Elf,
He's a Valley Elf...

North of Geoff, South of Ket,
By the River Javan wet,
Living with the stubby gnomes,
The Valley Elves do make their homes.

"Sure, totally, y'know, I had a dog, man,
a cooshee, like he was special,
a Gucci cooshee poochie,
he had designer genes, like, really rare,
he was just awesome, but not too housebroken.
I had to clean up after him, and that was like grody,
just gross to the max, but, wow,
like, no biggie, cuz he was my
dog, y'know, but he's gone now, totally, see,
I met the mage the other day, and, wow, man,
the mage has got like no,
totally no sense of humor. Like, I made a joke,
y'know, I thought it was super,
like, I saw the mage and said like, hey,
we're in the Valley of the Jolly,
like, Ho Ho Ho, Green Valley Mage,
just like the freakin' commercials,
but he just looked at me, like wow,
he must have really been out of it, man,
like he was so out of it he threw
one of those, like, meteor swarms at me, it was just
awesome, I mean it was just, oh wow man, it was
astral, and it missed me and hit my dog,
my designer dog, like,
crispy critter city,
I was really bummed out, really bad like."

Valley Elf,
He's just a Valley Elf,
Valley Elf,
He's just a Valley Elf...

He's a super Valley Elf,
So chaotic, sure of self,
Tall and thin and fair of face,
His brain is lost in outer space.

"Oh, super, like I live in the
good part of the Valley,
y'know, where we're all into, like,
real ethereal things, like
I got a set of designer ring mail
for my birthday, I was totally
freaked out, like, my old set was getting
full of wrinkles and it had
blood on it from where I cut myself
with my short sword, yeah, really, like
agony, man. I was in total agony
for an hour. Really,
but now I'm together, like,
fer sure, no problem.
That was close, man,
like I was so sure I was gonna
pass out fer sure,
I lucked totally.
Good thing."



(Totally written by some gamers
in, like, Kentucky, man,
who don't want their names used.
Fer sure.)

 

[Rechan]

Also, just for those who don't grok the article:

It's long winded. The first half of the article isn't related except in one aspect: a personal anecdote that taught the author "Change happens". It supplies a sense of context of "Someone important to me went away, and was replaced by someone new, but who wasn't the same". Which relates to her losing her first DM. Which ties into her getting a new DM.

 

[Cadfan]

That article was adorable.

 

[Philotomy Jurament]

They'll have me at "Sex and the City-State."

 

[JeffB]

Paizo lost the license for this?

 

[Lonely Tylenol]

Meh. Definitely not to my taste. Literate enough, but the style reminds me of first-year essays: all over the damn place with no indication of what the point is or why so many words are needed to get there.

 

[mhacdebhandia]

Paizo lost the license for this?

For God's sake.

 

[Masquerade]

I really enjoyed reading that. It's not the kind of article I would expect to find in Dragon, but I could see myself reading this feature for as long as Shelly continues to write it.

 

[Varianor Abroad]

Amazing. Someone writes an article about playing D&D and because there's something about the style not to everyone's taste, there's mockery.

 

[Lonely Tylenol]

Amazing. Someone writes an article about playing D&D and because there's something about the style not to everyone's taste, there's mockery.

Are we not allowed to dislike their offerings? Give me Erik Mona's editorials, in which he talks about playing D&D, and usually makes a good point using an anecdote from his gaming history. Stylistically, this article is pretty novel. Experimental, even. Sloppy, in my opinion. I understand why they might want to include it, but I'm not going to read it. If people like it, fine. They can read it. It's not my job to decide whether it stays. But I do have a right to say whether I think it's a good way to write an article.