Joking aside, how far apart would these bodies have to be to not be tidally locked?
Tidal locking is not merely a function of distance from the primary. It depends strongly upon the composition of the satellite, its internal structure, its initial rate of spin, the mass of the primary, and so on.
As a broad generalization, it isn't a question of whether the bodies will be tidally locked, but how long it takes to reach a tidally locked state. Eventually, given enough time, every orbiting object is apt to become locked. Mind you, for many objects/situations the time required may be longer than the lifetime of the solar system in which they live.