What is the cleverest thing you've done to get out of a bad situation?

From the annals of St. Eleador the Survivor. (Note: the following, while not greatly embellished by the author, may have a few details whitewashed):

When Eleador and his fellows investigated a gateway to another world, they came to a great port whose walls were lined with black banners, where theiir ship was beset by the powers of the local authority. Upon a display of the ship's powers, Eleador's companions realized they could not defeat the opponent, and to a man, all surrendered, save Eleador, who went into a trance and communed with his god. The great Pholtic power told his high priest that he could not surrender, so Eleador defied the local tyrants. Unamused, the captain struck down the great cleric, and cast him into the water to drown.

But Eleador survived. Supported by his god and his own inner strength, the cleric washed to shore, half-drowned but alive. Learning that his fellows were taken to the black capital of the empire to be slaves for the empress's amusement, Eleador donned the disguise of a mad dervish, whom no one in that world would touch.

Eleador's fellows were imprisoned, and his two closest friends, the paladin Dudley and the ranger Magnus, were forced to do battle in the arena as gladiatorial slaves. They annoyed the empress by exceeding her expectations (ie. they did not die), so the empress and her wizard brother proposed a crueler enemy - a giant hydra, whom they would not be able to slay. But Eleador came to the city, and when he learned of what the empress proposed, he vowed to stop it.

On the day of the combat, Magnus, Dudley led a rebellion of the gladiators, and instead of attacking the hydra, they hurled their weapons at the royal box. But this was to no avail, for the wizard had protected the box via a spell. But using his guile to sneak to the box, Eleador beheld the wizard as he commanded the hydra to attack and finish off his friends.

Then Eleador strove forward. and his wrath was apparent, and the Pholtic power waxed within him. On the authority of his Lord, St. Eleador shouted a single word at the wizard, a divine command that only the strongest of wills could resist.

"Dive!"

Compelled by the powers of sacred Elysium and the fires of the Celestial Crucible, wherein the darkness of the soul burns into impotence and ash, the wizard found his body seized by a compulsion that his malefic spirit could not contravene. Obeying the word of St. Eleador as readily as he had obeyed the sadistic impulses that had previously driven him in his worldly matters, the wizard dove from the balcony, landing with a sickening thud on the ground, forty feet below. The hydra immediately turned on the creature who had been controlling him, and in the panic of the crowd, Eleador snuck away. The Empress's guard, who hated their mistress but feared her brother's power, laid hands on her, and struck her down.

The gladiators fought their way to freedom and were soon reunited with the great high priest, who had brought down an evil empire with but a single word, though a greater evil would soon follow...
 
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What is the cleverest thing you've done to get out of a bad situation?

Blamed it on the dog.
 
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This was an old 1E game. It was my first night with this group of players, and most of them were around 11-12th level. In the kind of logic that was common in 1E games, I was made to start as a 6th level Druid. We were exploring a cave system, I don't remember why...

Lots of comments were being made about "that punk-ass no good worthless Druid..."

At one point, we had to cross a narrow stone bridge over a raging torrent. I missed my dex check, and some abysmal rolls later, got swept around a corner and out of sight of the rest of the party. At this point, the party puts together their rescue plan, DM figures out how long it will take, then takes me off to a separate room.

I get washed into a giant lake. Standing on a shore of the lake is a Drow female, and she's holding a conversation with a beholder. I figure I've got about 10 seconds before I'm dead, so I gamble...

I swim underneath the water, holding my breath, and getting as close to the shore as I dare. Touching the ground, I cast Stone Shape, and tunnel out a gigantic pyramid of stone in the ceiling above the beholder, connected by a thin thread of rock.

Gravity wins.

I surface, and see the Drow looking around for the source of the stonefall. I toss off a Heat Metal at her, and barely beat spell resistance - I seem to remember I rolled a 19 on the D20. She starts tearing off her armor, and I charge with my scimitar. It was a close thing, I think I had 3hp left by the end of the battle, but I came out victorious.

We go back into the main room, and the DM describes what they find when they come into the room:

A gigantic rock with a couple beholder eyeballs sticking out from underneath.
A dead Drow.
Me, cleaning my scimitar, looking up, and saying "What took you so long?"

I didn't any "worthless Druid" comments after that. I did get fireballed by the CN magic-user who forgot to check the AOE on his fireball before he tossed it... And that was all for that character.
 

So myself and two friends were playing in a campaign in a world with gunpowder, clockwork golems, guns and such. We were all gnomes: a fighter, a rogue/tinkerer, and a psioncist. Our team motto was "Hey man, we're just gnomes," since everyone seemed to underestimate us. Gnomes were well known in the world for being weak, but they were not very common, so we would commonly bedevil people with stange or rude behavior (stealing food, etc.) and claim it was "gnomish custom."

So at one point we have to steal this heavily guarded ship from the middle of this city's harbor. Luckily the guards did not know we were coming so could not identify us, but the ship was well guarded anyway. The ship was at the end of a sixty foot pier guarded by several times our number in soldiers, and we were not very high level at the time. Unfortunately our swiming skills were...lacking.

Our first plan was rather poorly thought out and involved a bunch of gunpowder wrapped in a spare chainmail shirt to create a shrapnel bomb that we stealthily dropped in front of the soldiers in the dead of night. While it did kill one soldier, it caused such a ruckus that we were not able to get on the ship. But then one of us had a plan.

We spent the next day buying all the oil we could find in town, a fifty foot roll of white cloth, some widgets that could be construed as holy symbols, and some robes. We show up at the docks claiming to be gnomish priests and ask the guards for permission to perform a gnomish funerary rite for the guard our bomb slew, saying that since gunpowder was a gnomish invention we felt responsible. After some fineagling they agree and all get at the land end of the pier. We begin at the base of the pier and two of us unroll the white cloth while the third gnome throws oil on it, chanting some gibberish and doing our best to look religious. After we cover forty feet of the dock in white oil soaked cloth the guards get suspicious and start yelling at us, so we throw a tinder twig down and light forty feet of oil soaked cloth on top of a wooden pier. Needless to say the guards did not chase us through the fire and we got away with the boat right before the pier collapsed.

And we sailed away, shrugging, saying "Hey man, we're just gnomes."
 

Lee Hammock said:
And we sailed away, shrugging, saying "Hey man, we're just gnomes."

Haha! I can totally see one of the bigger guards watching you sailing away and shouting "GNOOOOOOMES!" a la Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds.
 

so one time, we were outnumbered by a bunch of kobolds, and i took out my flasks of oil and just started lighting everything on fire. whew, did my quick thinking that time ever save the day.
 

So we're fighting some kind of sentient evil ice undead thing in some Frostburn adventure. I'm playing a wizard, and we're essentially getting slaughtered by it, and unless something was done now, we were never going to survive. We also didn't have the maneuvering room for me to cast any fireballs without killing all of us, either.

And then I had an idea.

Amy: "I cast silent image."
GM: "Okay, an image of what?"
Amy: "A wall of fire surrounding him from all sides."

And then it completely fails the Will disbelief save. Which gave us enough time to sprint out of there, flinging oil and fireballs behind us.
 

in Gurps, I had to get rid of someone, so I burnt down their house... and they left town to live with their brother. not bad for a spontaneus pyromaniac
 

Breaking the third wall.

Upon finding himself and his party with no hope of escape, surrounded by vast numbers of egregiously levelled bugbears, my character showed a brilliant display of outside-the-box thinking. He made a hasty, impassioned plea to me, his player, to deliver him from this desperate situation.

Stirred by his brilliant speech (diplomacy check 32), I quickly appraised the situation. Realizing that I didn't have much time, I leapt from my seat, dashed the DM's screen aside, seized his notes, crammed them into my mouth and washed them down my gullet with a quick swig of Mountain Dew.

The DM stared at me nonplussed, his mouth agape. Time stood still. Birds chirpped outside and all was silent in the basement until the cacophanous eruption of cheers and huzzahs from the jubliant PC's who suddenly found themselves liberated from certain doom.

I am still worshipped as a minor deity to this day. But I only manifest my divine presence in their plane when the odds look hopeless, the chips are down, the PC's backs are against the wall, and the restraining order is no longer in effect.
 

Playing a pre-gen 17th level wizard in a 2E one-shot, we encountered the BBEG, a creatue from the elemental plane of fire, and his minions. Following a prolonged battle, only the BBEG, myself and our 18th level cleric are still standing. We are both almost out of spells. I use a couple of illusion spells to create the image of a huge wall of water along with the needed sound effects. As the illusionary wave crashed over the BBEG, the cleric dropped a Create Water spell on the BBEGs head. The DM declared that the BBEG was sure the wave was only an illusion until he actually got wet - at which point he promptly gated himself out of there.
 

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