Once long ago, or maybe only yesterday, the goddess Hine lived with her husband, the eel god Te Tuna, in the land beneath the sea. Hine was not happy because her husband would not lie with her anymore. He would rather try to run the sea kingdom and tell the fish what to do.
One day Hine had enough – or rather, not enough -- and left Te Tuna. She traveled to the land of the Tane clan, who were famous for their lustfulness. When she got there she called, "Is there an eel-shaped one here? One who will come forth and satisfy me?"
But the men of the Tane clan did not show themselves. Instead they called back, "Hine, go home to your husband! Te Tuna will kill any man who touches you!"
Hine shrugged and went on. She came to the home of the Peka clan, where she called out, "Oh Peka men! Is there a brave man among you, who will come here and satisfy me?" But the Peka men, afraid of Te Tuna, hid in their mothers' houses and begged Hine to be gone.
Hine traveled on and came to the land of the Tu clan. The Tu men also refused to lie with her, but one Tu man had some advice. "Go to the Maui clan," he suggested, "and seek out the great chief Maui himself. All the women say Maui is the best lover in the world, because he is big and strong and brave, and his manhood is crooked at the tip. Perhaps he will satisfy you."
Encouraged, Hine came to Maui's home, and called out for Maui to come and satisfy her. Ah! This time she was successful. Maui came and took Hine as his wife. They lay together for a long time until even Hine was satisfied.
So Hine and Maui lived together, loving and satisfying each other, for an entire moon. But people began to gossip, and the gossip got back to Te Tuna. "Maui has stolen your wife," said the busybodies to Te Tuna. At first Te Tuna just shrugged. "He can have her," he said. "I'm too busy anyway." But eventually the gossip began to annoy him. People were whispering that Te Tuna was weak, because he let another steal his wife.
So Te Tuna traveled to the land of Maui, to kill Maui and reclaim Hine. When he reached Maui's village, Te Tuna caused a great tidal wave and rode the waves into the village, hoping to scare anyone who might try to help Maui.
But Maui watched the tidal wave calmly, and when the waves became so high it seemed they might crush his village, Maui simply parted his loincloth and showed his powerful, crooked manhood to the waves. The waves were cowed by the sight and immediately died down to a trickle.
Then Te Tuna roared and showed his entire eel-length to Maui. They men rushed at each other and fought fiercely. Both men were hot with passion – Te Tuna with the passion of vengeance and thwarted ownership, and Maui with the passion of love.
Well, as you know, love conquers all, even spurned husbands. Maui cut off the head of Te Tuna, and buried it in the sand. And the next moon, a sprout pushed its way up from the sand over Te Tuna's severed head. The sprout grew into a fine coconut tree, complete with hearty nuts that refreshed and nourished all the people of Maui's village.
And so it ends, or maybe it is just beginning.
