What Were They Thinking? Worst Comic Ideas.
- Thread starter Villano
- Start date
Villano
First Post
WizarDru said:
You can also check out Barnes & Noble if you have one nearby. They're releasing softcover versions of the Marvel Masterworks books for $12.95 each. The first 2 volumes of Spider-Man and the first volumes of Hulk, Daredevil, Avengers, Fantastic Four, Silver Surfer, X-Men, and Uncanny X-Men (which features the new team with Wolverine, Colossus, Storm and the others) are all out. I've heard that Thor is supposed to be released at some point, but I'm not sure when.
I can't speak for Daredevil since I don't own it, but the 2 Spidey books are definitely kid friendly, and the art by Ditko gives it that simplistic "animated" look. The others, especially, Avengers and FF, are also pretty good (although, you may have to explain why Storm is running around naked on and off in Uncanny X-Men
).The Hulk might be confusing, though, since, in his first appearances which this volume covers, he's kind of mean...and grey. He's not at all like the Hulk your child may be used to.
Viking Bastard
Adventurer
No they weren't. Most of LotDK is in continuity, just not 'current' continuity.Kesh said:
Basically, they take place sometime during his career (mostly early on), but
free from whatever is happening in the main titles at the moment. They are
still 'canon'.
Still, some of the LotDK stories have been Elseworlds, But a very small minority,
and more often than not, have been retconned from 'canon' rather then been
thought of as such from the beginning. Whether 'Venom' was or not, I don't
know.
CrusaderX
First Post
We have a new contender for "worst story ever", and once again it's an Uncanny X-Men issue written by the absolutely talentless Chuck Austen.
The X-Axis review of Uncanny X-Men #433
The nice thing about having more than one title for the X-Men is that readers are offered an alternative. For example, on New X-Men, Grant Morrison writes intelligent, entertaining stories that have reinvigorated the characters. And on Uncanny X-Men, Chuck Austen offers an alternative.
"The Draco" has three separate plotlines, all very loosely linked by the idea of parents - the Juggernaut visits Sammy Pare in Canada, Polaris continues to bitch, and Nightcrawler meets his father Azazel. With two issues to go, Austen belatedly realises that only the first of those three arcs was heading anywhere remotely resembling a climax - and the Polaris arc wasn't heading anywhere at all - and finally sets about explaining what Azazel is up to.
Now, pay attention, because this doesn't make any sense.
Azazel gives the usual explanation that the references to Satan in the Bible are all actually about him. Quite why we're meant to care about any of this is beyond me. Austen seems to be setting up the idea that Christianity is wrong and all the angels and demons are actually just mutants. This isn't a desperately interesting idea to start with, and even if it was, it has nothing to do with the plot.
According to Azazel, he used to rule the world, but was banished to another universe by mutants who resembled angels. Fortunately for Austen's imagery system, his dimension of banishment happens to resemble Hell. How desperately convenient. Anyhow, Azazel is looking for "the means to return." According to Azazel, his aim was to open a portal back to earth so that he could go home and rule the place. But it's not possible to open a portal from his dimension, since you need somebody on the other side as well. With me so far?
Now, here's where it gets really stupid.
Azazel needs people on Earth, right? Right. So he breeds with human women, and gives birth to a load of mutant teleporters. Then he can control them from the Hell dimension, "through our genetic connection", and make them gather together to open the portal from the other side. Which is what he was trying to do at the beginning of the storyline.
The astute among you will immediately spot the logical hole. How does Azazel breed with the human women? Quite simple - as we saw back in the Prologue, he travels to earth.
WELL, IF HE CAN TRAVEL TO EARTH TO BREED WITH THE WOMEN, WHAT DOES HE NEED THE F*CKING PORTAL FOR?
Given the number of teleporters who turned up at the beginning of this arc, and the fact that Azazel had a working cover identity in the Prologue, it's clear that he's been making a string of regular visits to Earth. Which means that he's not trapped at all. Which means that he doesn't need to open some ridiculously elaborate portal to get back. Which makes his entire scheme pointless. Is anyone actually reading this nonsense before sending it on to the artist?
I'm reminded of something which, I think, was one of the Baron Munchausen stories. The Baron is going out hiking. He's fully equipped for the mountains. But alas, he's so busy looking at the mountains that he doesn't see where he's going, and he falls down a well.
He tries to get out by throwing his grappling hook up to the top of the well, but the well is too deep and the hook won't reach. He tries to climb the walls, but they're too slippery. And he cries for help, but nobody hears. Finally, having exhausted every other option, he goes home and gets a ladder.
That, in substance, is the plot of "The Draco." Except the Draco isn't supposed to be funny.
Utterly dreadful. If you like this comic, you are objectively wrong. I can prove it with graphs.
The X-Axis review of Uncanny X-Men #433
The nice thing about having more than one title for the X-Men is that readers are offered an alternative. For example, on New X-Men, Grant Morrison writes intelligent, entertaining stories that have reinvigorated the characters. And on Uncanny X-Men, Chuck Austen offers an alternative.
"The Draco" has three separate plotlines, all very loosely linked by the idea of parents - the Juggernaut visits Sammy Pare in Canada, Polaris continues to bitch, and Nightcrawler meets his father Azazel. With two issues to go, Austen belatedly realises that only the first of those three arcs was heading anywhere remotely resembling a climax - and the Polaris arc wasn't heading anywhere at all - and finally sets about explaining what Azazel is up to.
Now, pay attention, because this doesn't make any sense.
Azazel gives the usual explanation that the references to Satan in the Bible are all actually about him. Quite why we're meant to care about any of this is beyond me. Austen seems to be setting up the idea that Christianity is wrong and all the angels and demons are actually just mutants. This isn't a desperately interesting idea to start with, and even if it was, it has nothing to do with the plot.
According to Azazel, he used to rule the world, but was banished to another universe by mutants who resembled angels. Fortunately for Austen's imagery system, his dimension of banishment happens to resemble Hell. How desperately convenient. Anyhow, Azazel is looking for "the means to return." According to Azazel, his aim was to open a portal back to earth so that he could go home and rule the place. But it's not possible to open a portal from his dimension, since you need somebody on the other side as well. With me so far?
Now, here's where it gets really stupid.
Azazel needs people on Earth, right? Right. So he breeds with human women, and gives birth to a load of mutant teleporters. Then he can control them from the Hell dimension, "through our genetic connection", and make them gather together to open the portal from the other side. Which is what he was trying to do at the beginning of the storyline.
The astute among you will immediately spot the logical hole. How does Azazel breed with the human women? Quite simple - as we saw back in the Prologue, he travels to earth.
WELL, IF HE CAN TRAVEL TO EARTH TO BREED WITH THE WOMEN, WHAT DOES HE NEED THE F*CKING PORTAL FOR?
Given the number of teleporters who turned up at the beginning of this arc, and the fact that Azazel had a working cover identity in the Prologue, it's clear that he's been making a string of regular visits to Earth. Which means that he's not trapped at all. Which means that he doesn't need to open some ridiculously elaborate portal to get back. Which makes his entire scheme pointless. Is anyone actually reading this nonsense before sending it on to the artist?
I'm reminded of something which, I think, was one of the Baron Munchausen stories. The Baron is going out hiking. He's fully equipped for the mountains. But alas, he's so busy looking at the mountains that he doesn't see where he's going, and he falls down a well.
He tries to get out by throwing his grappling hook up to the top of the well, but the well is too deep and the hook won't reach. He tries to climb the walls, but they're too slippery. And he cries for help, but nobody hears. Finally, having exhausted every other option, he goes home and gets a ladder.
That, in substance, is the plot of "The Draco." Except the Draco isn't supposed to be funny.
Utterly dreadful. If you like this comic, you are objectively wrong. I can prove it with graphs.
WizarDru
Adventurer
It gets worse. My wife and I just sat down last night and watched X2. Immediately after the movie, we browsed the extras disc, to see what goodies were there. One of them was 'Nightcrawler REBORN!'. Since Nightcrawler has always been one of my favorite characters, I immediately made a beeline for it....to get a long, LONG interview with Chuck Austen. No history of the character, no discussion of the difference between comic and film versions, and no analysis of challenges of bringing him to film. Instead, the interview primarily focused on Austen's Nightcrawler movie-prelude comic and Austen being 'the writer on the X-men'. He was quite proud of how he was 'fixing' Nightcrawler and 'bringing him back to his roots'.Aaron L said:
Interspersed with the interview are twirling, constantly rotating pictures of the line art from the comic...mostly scanned pictures of Cockrum and Byrne art, clearly scanned from the Marvel Masterpiece collections...and all evoking memories of much better writers and stories, when they aren't giving you motion sickness. He explains how "they" made Nightcrawler more and more involved in his faith, eventually making him a priest, and how he got him away from all that. Ironic comments, considering how Brian Singer emphasizes all that in the movie. The glimpses of the comic that we do see don't seem to even notice or mention Nightcrawlers tattoos, or really have much to do with anything, other than a weak connection to the movie.
Feh. Who knew a time would come when a movie adaption would be more faithful than the comics, themselves?
Kesh
First Post
Viking Bastard said:
Originally, they weren't supposed to be canon. The entire point was that writers could put Batman in any story they wanted, regardless of when it happened, or even if it was possible according to canon. Venom got dragged into canon, as did the issue with the origin of the Joker. It wasn't until after that when the series was retconned into true continuity.
Still, my favorites would fit rather easily into canon. Venom, Prey and Heat are some of the best Batman stories I've ever read.
Scarbonac
Not An Evil Twin
CrusaderX said:
I so desperately want someone to hit Chuck Austen in the face with a large, blunt object.
I know that someone in this thread has mentioned Valiant, but I don't think that anyone has brought up the ill-considered "rebooting" of the Valiant Universe...y'know, where Turok is a college student with a magic Bag Of Holding Anything That I Want, and Magnus comes from a future time where there's a creepy robot religion, some of the robots "eat" human flesh and 1-A is named The Good Shepherd"...?
I didn't read the other books that they did that to, but I rather imagine that they were just as feculent...
Scarbonac said:
Ugh, thank god I didn't read any of those. I remember when the Valiant line first came out. People were spending huge amounts of money for the early issues of Harbinger and Magnus. I read a couple of newer issues and while the stories weren't bad, the art was extremely lame. And then the stories suddenly stopped being quite so interesting as well, yet every week a new Valiant book would come out, sell out, and then suddenly reappear in stores with a $10 price tag.
There was a vast amount of absurdity being spread around in the early 90's when it came to comics.
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