The party has no character capable of healing magic, so naturally they recruit an NPC cleric. That clerics happpened to be a worshiper of the god of commerce. So when the party gets into a tough fight and half of the party is bleeding to death after the fight the NPC Cleric says, "now would be a good time to discuss the prices of my healing spells."
What's the most rat bastard thing you've ever done as a DM?
- Thread starter Piratecat
- Start date
The party was traveling with a devil and suspected he was. Long story, doesn't matter for this topic. One of the players character touched something he shouldn't have and got infected. The only way to save him was for the party to cut off his arm. So the character's brother(another PC) stunned him and proceed to cut his arm off. Well, the now one armed character attacked the party when he awoke to be knocked out again.
He calmer when he awoke, but now he only had one arm and he was a rogue which made his breaking into things much more difficult. After a couple days he was approached by said devil, yes I was getting to that part, and the devil offered him a new arm, if he would do ONE task for him that would not be against his beliefs as they now stand. The rogue signed and the demon regrew him a metal arm. Anyways, the devil later forced the rogue to backstab and kill his brother, since he was ready to kill him before when he lost the arm...
He calmer when he awoke, but now he only had one arm and he was a rogue which made his breaking into things much more difficult. After a couple days he was approached by said devil, yes I was getting to that part, and the devil offered him a new arm, if he would do ONE task for him that would not be against his beliefs as they now stand. The rogue signed and the demon regrew him a metal arm. Anyways, the devil later forced the rogue to backstab and kill his brother, since he was ready to kill him before when he lost the arm...
Sir Osis of Liver
Explorer
I set up a room with a cat walk going across the the upper half. The lower section was conceiled in darkness spells. The "test subjuect" moved ahead of the party to see if it was safe. He tried to find out what was down underneath the cat walk by dropping a torch down. I said it disapears without a trace, envolped by the darkness. He asks if he headr it land, i tell him yes and now that you stop and listen for a second, you here something moving down there too. The player proptly says, ok i walk across the cat walk. 
I say ok, half way across several serpintine form raise up out of the darkness and look at you for a split second before belching forth streams of fire on you.
Ever sence when ever the subject of mean DMing comes up i hear about the darkness room and the Pyro-hydra.
I say ok, half way across several serpintine form raise up out of the darkness and look at you for a split second before belching forth streams of fire on you.
Ever sence when ever the subject of mean DMing comes up i hear about the darkness room and the Pyro-hydra.
Kugar
First Post
You got to let the players do it to themselves.
1) The party tank was complaining that he had no where to buy weapons and such. He was upset that he could not convert his gold to loot. Mind you this was only the third session or so into the game.
2) The party comes across a orc caravan they find various goods and some strange rocks that a note said they were going to barter for weapons.
3) Party makes rendezvous, and meets said weapons dealer. He assured them that he knew nothing of the orcs but would be willing to trade for the rocks
4) Party continues to deal with said NPC feeding both equipment and gold to their enemies.
5) Strange rock is changed into an anti-magic syrup that is then added to poison and various important clergy and leaders.
6) In the end the PCs break up the assassins, but do not bother to account for all the "silverrock"
7) When the party went epic it was discovered that the whole plot was orchestrated by a big pig demon with a wand to kill gods
They could have broken it all up at third level, but for their greed and a +2 axe. Gotta love regret.
This was slightly more RB than the time I had them responsible for creating the Red Wizard lich, but that is a different story.
1) The party tank was complaining that he had no where to buy weapons and such. He was upset that he could not convert his gold to loot. Mind you this was only the third session or so into the game.
2) The party comes across a orc caravan they find various goods and some strange rocks that a note said they were going to barter for weapons.
3) Party makes rendezvous, and meets said weapons dealer. He assured them that he knew nothing of the orcs but would be willing to trade for the rocks
4) Party continues to deal with said NPC feeding both equipment and gold to their enemies.
5) Strange rock is changed into an anti-magic syrup that is then added to poison and various important clergy and leaders.
6) In the end the PCs break up the assassins, but do not bother to account for all the "silverrock"
7) When the party went epic it was discovered that the whole plot was orchestrated by a big pig demon with a wand to kill gods
They could have broken it all up at third level, but for their greed and a +2 axe. Gotta love regret.This was slightly more RB than the time I had them responsible for creating the Red Wizard lich, but that is a different story.
MarauderX
Explorer
Reading a few of these reminded me of another episode of paranioa inflicted on my poor players a while back.
I set up a home adventure for the high level PCs that dealt with a fiendish foe they had foiled before and he was now going to make the PCs pay him back. After subduing them, the demon wisked them away to a grand crystal citadel that is 10 times their scale for them to retrieve an artifact for the BBEG. So the PCs warily enter, seeing dusty tracks of all sorts of other beings they can't identify and cautiously start to explore their way through the place.
One at a time the two NPCs disappear when they aren't paying attention, and for some reason they weren't too worried as they go back to look for them. The last one they lost is a fighter that just stands in front of a random crystal wall, peering into it and grinning. They can't get his attention, nor can they move him as he is frozen like a statue and anchored to the floor and the wall. So one of them peers into the wall... and sees themselves as the center of attention, with many accomplishments behind them and ruling an empire, with family, etc... essentially all of their characters dreams coming true, with them living in the middle of it all.
I moved that player to another room and I asked for one save the first time, and if they missed it they had to make 2 successful saves, and for every one they missed they had to make 2 more. The first PC thought the dream was great and didn't ask to make any other saves as he thought he already did. Then it dawned on him that he might be in heaven. Another PC did the same thing and missed his save, so I moved the player to the other room too. I didn't feel bad since there were 2 in each room now, and I went back and forth DMing what each was doing. So for the ones in the 'dream state' they thought they were transported into another body somehow and now doing whatever they wanted with their empire/monastary to make it fully believeable to the players.
Well the other 2 PCs, now seeing that the rest of their comrads is staring blankly at the wall, decide to avoid looking at all the walls. So they make it along a good way and discover a citadel that is appropriate to their scale and go in. As soon as they enter and look around for direction I have them make a save, so they decide to close their eyes and proceed along the same path they did before. I still ask for an occassional save, and when 1 PC missed it I had the 'dream' grab him and lead him inside where a mistress led his hands over her so that he didn't have to open his eyes if he didn't want to. He missed the next 2 saves, so he thought 'i can't get much worse, I open my eyes' to which he sees a succubus before him.
The last player makes it all the way to the top and finds a large perfectly spherical crystal ball in the middle of the room with a chunk missing from it. The BBEG shows up, they battle, the PC loses and starts cursing like crazy when the other PC (with the succubus) shows up to save him by snatching the missing chunk from the BBEG and making the sphere whole again. The two PCs become aware of the universe, gods, etc. for a moment and wish to be returned back to where they were, along with all of their comrads.
So that's when I brought the other two players back in and explained to all of them that they were back safe in their home town like nothing had happened. The two players that had sat out for the ending decided they didn't believe one word of it, and wanted to make another saving throw to disbelieve. I think they thought I was RB enough for leaving them out, but they liked the role playing on the side with ruling an empire and such.
During the rest of that campaign the players would randomly ask to make a check to disbelieve what they are seeing.
I set up a home adventure for the high level PCs that dealt with a fiendish foe they had foiled before and he was now going to make the PCs pay him back. After subduing them, the demon wisked them away to a grand crystal citadel that is 10 times their scale for them to retrieve an artifact for the BBEG. So the PCs warily enter, seeing dusty tracks of all sorts of other beings they can't identify and cautiously start to explore their way through the place.
One at a time the two NPCs disappear when they aren't paying attention, and for some reason they weren't too worried as they go back to look for them. The last one they lost is a fighter that just stands in front of a random crystal wall, peering into it and grinning. They can't get his attention, nor can they move him as he is frozen like a statue and anchored to the floor and the wall. So one of them peers into the wall... and sees themselves as the center of attention, with many accomplishments behind them and ruling an empire, with family, etc... essentially all of their characters dreams coming true, with them living in the middle of it all.
I moved that player to another room and I asked for one save the first time, and if they missed it they had to make 2 successful saves, and for every one they missed they had to make 2 more. The first PC thought the dream was great and didn't ask to make any other saves as he thought he already did. Then it dawned on him that he might be in heaven. Another PC did the same thing and missed his save, so I moved the player to the other room too. I didn't feel bad since there were 2 in each room now, and I went back and forth DMing what each was doing. So for the ones in the 'dream state' they thought they were transported into another body somehow and now doing whatever they wanted with their empire/monastary to make it fully believeable to the players.
Well the other 2 PCs, now seeing that the rest of their comrads is staring blankly at the wall, decide to avoid looking at all the walls. So they make it along a good way and discover a citadel that is appropriate to their scale and go in. As soon as they enter and look around for direction I have them make a save, so they decide to close their eyes and proceed along the same path they did before. I still ask for an occassional save, and when 1 PC missed it I had the 'dream' grab him and lead him inside where a mistress led his hands over her so that he didn't have to open his eyes if he didn't want to. He missed the next 2 saves, so he thought 'i can't get much worse, I open my eyes' to which he sees a succubus before him.
The last player makes it all the way to the top and finds a large perfectly spherical crystal ball in the middle of the room with a chunk missing from it. The BBEG shows up, they battle, the PC loses and starts cursing like crazy when the other PC (with the succubus) shows up to save him by snatching the missing chunk from the BBEG and making the sphere whole again. The two PCs become aware of the universe, gods, etc. for a moment and wish to be returned back to where they were, along with all of their comrads.
So that's when I brought the other two players back in and explained to all of them that they were back safe in their home town like nothing had happened. The two players that had sat out for the ending decided they didn't believe one word of it, and wanted to make another saving throw to disbelieve. I think they thought I was RB enough for leaving them out, but they liked the role playing on the side with ruling an empire and such.
During the rest of that campaign the players would randomly ask to make a check to disbelieve what they are seeing.
the Jester
Legend
Well, the pcs in my game are nigh-epic level, and they've been making a few Epic-level enemies. One of those enemies has created an Epic spell that teleports a mithral golem and three other willing individuals (Bile Lords, if you're interested) to attack the party when at least half of them are incapacitated or all of them are below half hp.
I posted the Epic spell here, if you wanna check it out.
I posted the Epic spell here, if you wanna check it out.
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I've posted this one a few times, but it was still darn fun:
1) BBEG, a Lawful Evil wizard who is one of the ruling caste from an evil town, shows up at the party's home, unguarded and unprotected.
2) Party drags him inside, prepares to kill him.
3) BBEG begs them to hear him out -- and shows them a special amulet he's wearing. It's set to send out a signal at midnight to a matching amulet in the assassin's guild. If he's alive, it sends out a "no worries" signal. If he's dead, it sends out a signal that tells the assassin to order and carry out the horrific torture and mutilation and execution of someone close to each member of the party -- family member, girlfriend, link to forgotten past, etc.
4) Party swears and hears BBEG out.
5) BBEG begins talking about a NEW evil that is coming, and how the party and the BBEG need to team up to stop it, because it's worse than either of them.
6) BBEG mentions the name of the new evil, which the party has heard once or twice but not in any meaningful way.
7) BBEG pauses as if lost in thought, coughs twice, keels over, and then explodes in a gigantic fireball.
8) Party begins adventuring in real time (1 minute game == 1 minute real life) to get to the assassin's guild and stop the executions from being sent (they're sent magically to the distant towns where these people live).
9) A lot of death and destruction later, the party reaches the head of the guild with one minute left, orders him to destroy those orders and not carry out the assassinations.
10) Assassin says, "What are you talking about? I don't have any orders like that."
The BBEG had been bluffing. He faked his own death in order to get them to take out the assassin's guild.
Oh, how they laughed...
- - - - -
In a followup story, I recently used the BBEG again -- he had actually died, but had a simulacrum prepared. A lot of adventuring later, he had seemed to atone and turn good, helping the party against the new evil -- which was indeed very evil and worse than the BBEG himself.
As the party prepares to head out and confront an evil menace with a powrful magical artifact, the BBEG announces that he's leading a team to take back his city -- this time, for the power of good. The Lawful Evil hierarchy has been moving towards Neutral Evil, and he has seen the error of his ways and is now Lawful Good. The party wishes him luck, and the BBEG sets out with some of the party's friends to take his town back.
The party heads out to confront the big evil. They get there and team up with a whole mess of allies. While waiting for the big evil, they talk with one of their friends, who tells them that he's found out, via scrying, that the former BBEG wizard has taken back his town -- in an enormous bloody combat that killed hundreds of innocent citizens. He has also apparently sacrificed all of the party's friends to his dark god in atonement and has crowned himself emperor of the world.
The party grinds their teeth and promises to take him down as soon as they're done fighting the evil menace.
Evil menace arrives. Combat ensues. The party can't beat the evil menace themselves, but they manage to get close to the magical artifact, the key to the evil menace's power.
As they close in to destroy the artifact, they hear the voice of the BBEG in their heads, telling them that they MUST not destroy the artifact, that it would be VERY BAD to destroy it.
"Right, screw you, we know you're evil again," says the party, and destroys the artifact -- which could only be destroyed by forces of good. Its destruction gives the evil menace a huge amount of power and new abilities. He laughs and departs.
The BBEG had indeed taken over the city, but without killing innocents. He was still good. He didn't sacrifice anyone. The friend that they'd learned all this from was a minion of the evil menace, feeding them disinformation.
Oh, how they laughed...
-Tacky
1) BBEG, a Lawful Evil wizard who is one of the ruling caste from an evil town, shows up at the party's home, unguarded and unprotected.
2) Party drags him inside, prepares to kill him.
3) BBEG begs them to hear him out -- and shows them a special amulet he's wearing. It's set to send out a signal at midnight to a matching amulet in the assassin's guild. If he's alive, it sends out a "no worries" signal. If he's dead, it sends out a signal that tells the assassin to order and carry out the horrific torture and mutilation and execution of someone close to each member of the party -- family member, girlfriend, link to forgotten past, etc.
4) Party swears and hears BBEG out.
5) BBEG begins talking about a NEW evil that is coming, and how the party and the BBEG need to team up to stop it, because it's worse than either of them.
6) BBEG mentions the name of the new evil, which the party has heard once or twice but not in any meaningful way.
7) BBEG pauses as if lost in thought, coughs twice, keels over, and then explodes in a gigantic fireball.
8) Party begins adventuring in real time (1 minute game == 1 minute real life) to get to the assassin's guild and stop the executions from being sent (they're sent magically to the distant towns where these people live).
9) A lot of death and destruction later, the party reaches the head of the guild with one minute left, orders him to destroy those orders and not carry out the assassinations.
10) Assassin says, "What are you talking about? I don't have any orders like that."
The BBEG had been bluffing. He faked his own death in order to get them to take out the assassin's guild.
Oh, how they laughed...
- - - - -
In a followup story, I recently used the BBEG again -- he had actually died, but had a simulacrum prepared. A lot of adventuring later, he had seemed to atone and turn good, helping the party against the new evil -- which was indeed very evil and worse than the BBEG himself.
As the party prepares to head out and confront an evil menace with a powrful magical artifact, the BBEG announces that he's leading a team to take back his city -- this time, for the power of good. The Lawful Evil hierarchy has been moving towards Neutral Evil, and he has seen the error of his ways and is now Lawful Good. The party wishes him luck, and the BBEG sets out with some of the party's friends to take his town back.
The party heads out to confront the big evil. They get there and team up with a whole mess of allies. While waiting for the big evil, they talk with one of their friends, who tells them that he's found out, via scrying, that the former BBEG wizard has taken back his town -- in an enormous bloody combat that killed hundreds of innocent citizens. He has also apparently sacrificed all of the party's friends to his dark god in atonement and has crowned himself emperor of the world.
The party grinds their teeth and promises to take him down as soon as they're done fighting the evil menace.
Evil menace arrives. Combat ensues. The party can't beat the evil menace themselves, but they manage to get close to the magical artifact, the key to the evil menace's power.
As they close in to destroy the artifact, they hear the voice of the BBEG in their heads, telling them that they MUST not destroy the artifact, that it would be VERY BAD to destroy it.
"Right, screw you, we know you're evil again," says the party, and destroys the artifact -- which could only be destroyed by forces of good. Its destruction gives the evil menace a huge amount of power and new abilities. He laughs and departs.
The BBEG had indeed taken over the city, but without killing innocents. He was still good. He didn't sacrifice anyone. The friend that they'd learned all this from was a minion of the evil menace, feeding them disinformation.
Oh, how they laughed...
-Tacky
barsoomcore
Unattainable Ideal
Sometimes it's the little things...
The party at last teams up with the Demon Goddess, the scariest, hairiest, baddest and prettiest bad girl you ever did see, to help take down her mortal enemy, the twisted sorcerer Matai Shang, on account of he's just ever so slightly worse than she is.
So the day of the final battle dawns. The Demon Goddess steps up to the party tanks and says, "Here, this'll help" and gives each of them a portion of her divine essence. Making each of them demigods. So we spend twenty minutes revising everyone's stats as I list off all the divine qualities they now possess.
At first everyone's all thrilled. Bonus to AC, right on. Damage Resistance, sweet! But as the list of buffs increases they actually start to get very, very nervous. They start to realise that the Demon Goddess thinks they'll NEED all this just to survive long enough to help her out. They start thinking this is going to be very, very bad.
My players are convinced that this is going to be the end of the campaign. They honestly truly believe that they might lose it all right here.
So there they are, standing with the Demon Goddess, protected by their infusions of her divine energy, when Matai Shang shows up right on cue.
And smacks their erstwhile ally with a bad-news bear that STRIPS HER OF HER DIVINE NATURE.
All those necessary buffs they'd just received from her go poof. The Demon Goddess falls to the ground.
And Matai Shang just laughs at them.
Wow they were scared. The entire nine-hour session consisted solely of the battle with Shang -- in the end our heroes triumphed, but the look on their faces when those divine abilities disappeared still warms the cockles of my heart.
The party at last teams up with the Demon Goddess, the scariest, hairiest, baddest and prettiest bad girl you ever did see, to help take down her mortal enemy, the twisted sorcerer Matai Shang, on account of he's just ever so slightly worse than she is.
So the day of the final battle dawns. The Demon Goddess steps up to the party tanks and says, "Here, this'll help" and gives each of them a portion of her divine essence. Making each of them demigods. So we spend twenty minutes revising everyone's stats as I list off all the divine qualities they now possess.
At first everyone's all thrilled. Bonus to AC, right on. Damage Resistance, sweet! But as the list of buffs increases they actually start to get very, very nervous. They start to realise that the Demon Goddess thinks they'll NEED all this just to survive long enough to help her out. They start thinking this is going to be very, very bad.
My players are convinced that this is going to be the end of the campaign. They honestly truly believe that they might lose it all right here.
So there they are, standing with the Demon Goddess, protected by their infusions of her divine energy, when Matai Shang shows up right on cue.
And smacks their erstwhile ally with a bad-news bear that STRIPS HER OF HER DIVINE NATURE.
All those necessary buffs they'd just received from her go poof. The Demon Goddess falls to the ground.
And Matai Shang just laughs at them.
Wow they were scared. The entire nine-hour session consisted solely of the battle with Shang -- in the end our heroes triumphed, but the look on their faces when those divine abilities disappeared still warms the cockles of my heart.
jasper
Rotten DM
One player bought release from slavery a female winged folk. Then he married her. Drops her off in Saltmarsh mansion, which the party had cleared. He then goes to hang out in City of Invincible OverLord. He stays there for a month. Not one mention of sending money, letters, help etc, the reality of it he forgot he was married. In the middle of a typhoon hitting the city he remembers. He drags the party back to Saltmarsh. The house is dark. He opens the door sees darkness. He sees two sets of glowing eyes on the stairs. He is attack by a St Bernard name Cool Joe. And the Dogs wife a black cat . As he rolls clear he takes a crossbow bolt to shoulder. When the light comes on, the one other player remember he had a Continual Light pebble. He is looking at his wife with a reloaded crossbow. The dog is really a polymorph paladin. And the cat is polymorph wizard. All three of NPCs are mad at his character.
Same player different character. Ranger has rescued a mountain lion cub from the bad guy. Enters combat later that day. Gets hit with a crit. Open chest wound immediate death. Mountain cub starts playing patty cake with dead ranger’s heart. The ranger was raised later that day.
Same group and same player. Yes Robert caught a lot of grief but he could handle it.
Clear out part of Temple of Elemental Evil. Go to nearest big city for to raise dead. While at the city, they buy the deed to moathouse they had cleared. One or two problems. The king did not own the land the moathouse was on, the great druid did. King 5,000 g.p. richer. Players learn to ask townspeople about borders.
Same group of gamers. They had clear out the temple of elemental evil and swore they never go back. The party had looted all coins and stuff except for the gems in the throne room. But they left all the weapons armour and equipment. The npc cleric hired towns people and wagons. They pick up the party leftovers. When they return to Hommlet, the npc cleric is part owner of most of town. Is everyone buddy. And some of towns people have better armour than what the party originally started with.
Same player different character. Ranger has rescued a mountain lion cub from the bad guy. Enters combat later that day. Gets hit with a crit. Open chest wound immediate death. Mountain cub starts playing patty cake with dead ranger’s heart. The ranger was raised later that day.
Same group and same player. Yes Robert caught a lot of grief but he could handle it.
Clear out part of Temple of Elemental Evil. Go to nearest big city for to raise dead. While at the city, they buy the deed to moathouse they had cleared. One or two problems. The king did not own the land the moathouse was on, the great druid did. King 5,000 g.p. richer. Players learn to ask townspeople about borders.
Same group of gamers. They had clear out the temple of elemental evil and swore they never go back. The party had looted all coins and stuff except for the gems in the throne room. But they left all the weapons armour and equipment. The npc cleric hired towns people and wagons. They pick up the party leftovers. When they return to Hommlet, the npc cleric is part owner of most of town. Is everyone buddy. And some of towns people have better armour than what the party originally started with.
phoamslinger
Explorer
one of my best went something like this,
the party arrived in a new town (in Ravenloft), strangers but their money bought them some respect.
shortly thereafter, a series of grisly murders began taking place. the party was questioned, but cleared of charges.
one of the players began getting friendly with a couple of the local girls. later he's found at the scene of the next murder, covered in blood with no memory of what happened. he's imprisoned and the killings stop. (I then isolated the player from the rest of the group.)
while the party scrambled to find the true killer, the PC is tried, convicted, and sentenced to death. the town erected a gallows outside his cell.
on the night before his hanging, as the rest of the group set a trap for the killer, the killer (who was essentially the local sheriff) stopped by the jail and offered the convicted player a small vial.
"I can't help you in this, but I can offer you a Gentleman's Honor." a vial of poison.
then he left.
having given up hope of a rescue or to have his sentence cleared,
the player wrestled around for almost an hour with a roleplaying dilemma trying to decide if his character would take the poison to avoid the disgrace of a public hanging.
he was |-| this close to actually doing it when the group finally beat the villain and cleared his name.
the party arrived in a new town (in Ravenloft), strangers but their money bought them some respect.
shortly thereafter, a series of grisly murders began taking place. the party was questioned, but cleared of charges.
one of the players began getting friendly with a couple of the local girls. later he's found at the scene of the next murder, covered in blood with no memory of what happened. he's imprisoned and the killings stop. (I then isolated the player from the rest of the group.)
while the party scrambled to find the true killer, the PC is tried, convicted, and sentenced to death. the town erected a gallows outside his cell.
on the night before his hanging, as the rest of the group set a trap for the killer, the killer (who was essentially the local sheriff) stopped by the jail and offered the convicted player a small vial.
"I can't help you in this, but I can offer you a Gentleman's Honor." a vial of poison.
then he left.
having given up hope of a rescue or to have his sentence cleared,
the player wrestled around for almost an hour with a roleplaying dilemma trying to decide if his character would take the poison to avoid the disgrace of a public hanging.
he was |-| this close to actually doing it when the group finally beat the villain and cleared his name.
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