When players clash

[AeroDm]

To preface, our gaming group has been the same core people for four years of weekly gaming.

One of our players has always been something of a problem gamer, but for the last year or so it has intensified a great deal. He has been overly critical of DMs at the table when events conspire against him, he frequently starts arguments with other players that have lasted several hours and ruined entire sessions, he throws fits when his characters die and will leave the gaming site entirely, and after four years of gaming he is basically still a novice at the rules. These things have pretty much always been present.

Lately, however, he has had to leave the game for months at a time. Currently, he is ‘attending’ but has only shown up to one of the last eight weeks. When we ask him if he will attend he always assures us he will, sometimes even promising, but when the session comes around there isn’t so much as a phone call.

Finally, half of the group (2 players) actively dislike him and have always disliked him. The other half (2 players) sway between casual like and casual dislike. That said, he is a friend outside of the game (although this has greatly weakened as of late as well), and fills a seat at the table. Filling a seat at the table is very important to our group.

We don’t beguile ourselves into thinking that we are mature or immune from fault. We are all college age (20-21) males who are as cocky as can be. We take it as a personal insult that he is so willing to lie to our faces when earnest effort is going into these campaigns, and it has been FREQUENTLY remarked that we would be better off without him.

The dilemma is that ending a gaming friendship largely ends the non-gaming friendship. We assume that we are jaded from our position, and would greatly appreciate feedback from the boards. I’ve seen a great many of these threads cross the boards, but have always ignored them because I had no experience in the situation. Irony.

 

[Harmon]

I can understand completely.

Talk to him first off, over a beer or tea or whatever your flavor is- ask him why he's been late (hell you might know).

ask to hold onto his characters and for him to name an alternate.

After you have heard from him on his take then tell him what is going on and what you know of the other people thoughts without saying names that could cause more friction then its worth.

If he plans to continue then let him know that his character will not be recieving a share of the loot and only a three quarters share of the xps when he is not present and he says he will be.

Good luck, I hope yours turns out better then mine.

 

[WayneLigon]

If half the group has actively disliked him from the start, I'm surprised it's taken this long to come to a head. If he's only gaming once every couple of months, then he's basically already removed himself from the game. Find someone else.

You might ask him 'what's up, man?' if you see him outside of the game on a much more regular basis. But I'd assume he knows the other people dislike him after four years unless he's dense as a board.

Sounds like he's not having any fun, and you'd all be better off without him if there are no extenunating circumstances.

 

[Psychic Warrior]

He hardly ever shows up, is rude and obnoxious to others and his biggest contribution to the group is taking up space ('filling a chair' as you put it). Heck you have 4 players already - that's an average sized group as it is. Why, I fear to ask, do you feel the need to try and inculde him anymore. It is painfully obvious that he doesn't want to play (but may still want to do stuff outside of gaming).

 

[Parlan]

Ditto to Psy Warrior.

For whatever reason, this player has DECIDED that he doesn't want to play. If half of your other players don't like him, it's not a big loss. I don't think you need to say anything, just recognize the fact that he wants to do something else with his time (which is totally acceptable) retire his character and move on without him.

If he really wants to come back offer to re-introduce the character, but I wouldn't offer this unless he really wanted to come back.

 

[Rabelais]

The secret number is 86.

I've been in that situation on both sides. He needs to understand that it's no fun for anybody when the expectation is that he's going to show up. It's difficult to fill a chair, but not impossible. Fill that chair, the next time he shows up he's going to realize that gaming isn't much fun when you're forced to stand, and that the world doesn't necessarily revolve around him.

I don't game with people I don't like, and I wouldn't want to game with people that don't like me.

 

[Crothian]

if he doesn't show up much at all, just start talking to him about why he doesn't show up. And when he just gives excuses just mention that it is obvious he has more important things then gaming and maybe he'll see that to and agree to just stop. If not, politely dump him out of the group

 

[Jdvn1]

If he's not having fun, why is here there? Do him a favor and 86 him.

 

[AeroDm]

It seems the mature thing to do is always the least enjoyable... confrontation is not enjoyable. It would be one thing if the player simply never showed up, but his MO is to disapear for a few weeks and then return and act as though nothing happened. For us, then, it is either confront him or let it slide. Confronting someone at the start of the session puts such a damper on it that we usually let it slide, and the horror continues.

We'll have to discuss as a group and probably figure out something ... mature...
Thanks-

 

[Inconsequenti-AL]

Rather than mucking up a game session... sounds like you see him outside of the RPG environment, so why not have this conversation elsewhere?

Don't envy you this situation. Not a lot of fun.


If you still want him to game, you could give him an 'occasional' character. My group tends to have guest players from time to time, so keep a couple of spare characters the guests can use. When no-one is playing them the characters slink off into the background. DM does the paperwork for them and keeps them levelled up.

We bought this in for two of our players. 1 is an out of town student and is back sometimes during the holidays. Another has a complicated personal life and his attendance was much like your player. We liked both of them and enjoyed roleplaying with them a lot. It was our method of accomodating their patchy attendance without spoiling gaming for the rest of us.


Having said that, your player sounds like a pain in the butt. Might be best to get them out of the game altogether.