When will my group ever accept me?

[Raven Wintervale]

My group doesn't really accept me for the most part. I'm the newest member in a six member, all girl group of gamers. The DM, my friend and classmate, brought me into the group about a year ago. Now I've only started playing the last year and a half of High School so I have the least amount of experience but still, I've constantly had to put up with comments like "noob" or "normie" and the like.

The comments got worse when they found out I hadn't told my boyfriend or roommate that I play RPGs and had no plans to. After that one of the girls kept calling me "the face" or "nerdabee"(the meaning of which I still not sure of). Now I know some of you will probably say I should find a new group but frankly for the most part I don't want a new group. Despite all the name calling I actually like them. Also the girl with the biggest problem with me, the one who does most of the name calling (okay I don't really like her either) is the one who's place we all game at.

Now our DM has had a few talks with her and she has stopped for the most part. But I can still tell she doesn't think that I belong there and I know some of the other girls share that feeling (although they are nowhere near as rude about). They think that I'm just playing because I was roped into it or something. How can I convince them that I really am into to role-playing and that they shouldn't think otherwise just because I don't fit into their definition of a girl gamer?

 

[Crothian]

I suggest becomeing a better player. Know the rules really well, not just those that concern you. Become a better role playing, or tactical player depending on what style of game your group plays. Become more invbolved in the game, ask question away from the gaming table through e-mail and just become more attentive.

I've been in your shoes and it can be tough. I worked harder then everyone else and really helped shape the game in ways the benifited everyone.

 

[smootrk]

Sounds like everyone needs to learn a bit about the game, not just you. Playing RPG's is a social event, and they don't sound very social. Like most groups (not just roleplay groups), it takes a while to fit in, regardless of your knowledge level.

BTW... what kind of games does an all girl group run?

 

[Raven Wintervale]

I suggest becomeing a better player. Know the rules really well, not just those that concern you. Become a better role playing, or tactical player depending on what style of game your group plays. Become more invbolved in the game, ask question away from the gaming table through e-mail and just become more attentive.

I've been in your shoes and it can be tough. I worked harder then everyone else and really helped shape the game in ways the benifited everyone.

I've been trying to do that. I've tagged all the important sections in my player's handbook and for my newest PC, I've even written out my spells on index cards for quick reference and to help me plan out my spell casting order in combat. I don't think that the group has problems with my playing, more with what I do when I not with the group, if that makes any sense.

 

[Raven Wintervale]

Sounds like everyone needs to learn a bit about the game, not just you. Playing RPG's is a social event, and they don't sound very social. Like most groups (not just roleplay groups), it takes a while to fit in, regardless of your knowledge level.

BTW... what kind of games does an all girl group run?

Well some of the girls are very social, while others... I don't want to use any offensive terms but most of them were the type of people I wouldn't have been caught dead with back when I was in High School. For the most part we really don't socialize with each other outside of gaming. Our DM has us try to do things outside of gaming as group but those are few a far between.

As to your question. We done some Vampire LARP (started to get a little too weird so we stopped) Ravenloft, Legends of the Five Rings and Witchcraft. As for the type of adventures it's usually a mix of story based adventures or hack and slash adventures.

 

[Anax]

It sounds to me like your group has issues. (I take "nerdabee" to be "nerd wannabe".)

I think you'll mainly have to grin and bear it, or if it becomes un-fun to play any more, look for a new group. (Though this one sounds pretty unique!)

I have to say that this sort of cliquishness is just as reprehensible from the side of the more traditional "social outcasts" as it is from the debutantes. (Hooray for geek pride and all, but Jesus, they should get a grip.) If you just deal with it and keep playing, I have to hope they'll realise that you really do like playing, and back off. (Especially as it seems your DM has got things straight.)

In the end, it's all about having fun, of course. So--don't stress about it, and just do your thing.

 

[Crothian]

I've been trying to do that. I've tagged all the important sections in my player's handbook and for my newest PC, I've even written out my spells on index cards for quick reference and to help me plan out my spell casting order in combat. I don't think that the group has problems with my playing, more with what I do when I not with the group, if that makes any sense.

Ya, that does make sense. This will depend on how you usually handle things. You can just treat your social life as none of their concern. Or you can put your social life in their face and bascially confronty them on it and challenge them when they complain or make comments about it. Lots of times when people are confronted like this they back of.

One qwuestion though, is there a reason why you are keeping your gaming secret?

 

[Tewligan]

BTW... what kind of games does an all girl group run?

Really SEXY ones.

 

[smootrk]

Really SEXY ones.

That was on my mind, but I opted to be a little more subtle.

 

[DonTadow]

This is an odd topic because something simliar has happened in my group, and I was just wondering about it today. I have four women in my campaign, the newest woman joined a month ago. The one woman seems ok with her being there but the other two have trained their characters to be aweful catty with her in game and in our ICC chat forum. The three of us guys kinda sit back when the claw fest begins. As DM, I've talked to the players about their behavior to her but they have "assured me" that it is the way their characters would handle the situation.

The woman's pretty much in your situation, trying to figure out how to fit in more with the group. Just being an observer, I always say kill them with kindness so that they look like hte idiots. In game and out of game.

The woman started bringing cookies and cheesecakes to game, how silly did hte other women look making snibe comments muching on her oatmeal raisins.