Why I Hate Coca Cola

[dpdx]

Sweet! Soda rants!

Dr. Pepper is my drink of choice. It contains denatured rum and vanillin. I hope someday to make the pilgrimage to Waco (now that's a scary thought), where Dr. Pepper was born.

And whoever posted that Red Fusion is worse than Code Red, stupid ad campaign or no, has a tasting disorder. Code Red is carbonated koolaid made from the disclosing tablets your dentist gave you when you were little.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go open a can of Coke. It's time to clean the bathroom...

 

[Murrdox]

I hate to go against gamer convention here, but I can't stand Mountain Dew by itself. I have, however, successfully used it in the past as a mixer when drinking Alcohol Man Was Not Meant To Drink (tm), where it's overpowering hideousness was needed to drown out even more hideous grain alcohol taste sensations. However, by itself, it's like drinking ass in a bottle.

BAH! You just can't handle the Dew! It is mighty! If you can't drink Dew, then drinking coffee will prevent your eyes from melting on the Judgement Day.

Oh, and Mt. Dew and Tequila... frozen to a slush in the freezer. Trust me. Even people who hate Dew love this one.

 

[Moe Ronalds]

Outside fresh water (served between 1°C and 3°C) and applejuice, nothing is worth the drink. IMHO.

And about that Church of Moe Ronald, I don't want to join it. No way I'll be in a church of moron (no offense intented to the poster, see the "Origin of Your User-Name" thread in the archived forum).

Beh. Everyone knows that God does not exist. Your church of moe is a sham. There is but one beverage that leads to spiritual freedom and the Final Refreshment. Throw off the spritual oppression that is the way of Coke, and acheive both enlightenment and refreshment by worshiping at the altar of Pepsi!

Besides, its not a co-incidence that both Coke and Cancer start with the letter C!

END COMMUNICATION

BLASPHEMER!!! HERETIC!!! For such a heinous sin a fitting punishment will be delivered- For all eternity you will be fed nothing but salt and popcorn, but there will be not a glass of water for miles! *evil cackle*

 

[Lord Zardoz]

Another Fact!

IT is true that there have been studies that show that Coke is prefered over Pepsi. But as all of those who know real refreshment and enlightenment know, such studies are misleading.

Those studies were carried out with the populations of maximum security prisons!

Coke is the beverage of choice among Murderers, Sex Offenders, and Corporate Marketing Executives!

So those of you who leap at the chance to denounce the truly enlightened and socially progressive beverage known as Pepsi should know this: By displaying a preference for Coke, you are associating yourself with immoral degeneracy of socially deviant criminals of the worst sort, precicely the sort of biological waste that pretends to be human while failing to acheive that particular state of being.

Drink Pepsi, and insure the orderly continuation of civilization!

END COMMUNICATION

 

[Chauzu]

And Another Fact!

IT is true that there have been studies that show that Pepsi is prefered over Coke. But as all of those who know real refreshment and enlightenment know, such studies are misleading.

Those studies were carried out with the populations of banana slugs!

Pepsi is the beverage of choice among banana slug torturers! It is a proven fact among slug biologists that banana slugs' bodies shrivel up slower with Pepsi!

So those of you who leap at the chance to denounce the truly enlightened and socially progressive beverage known as Coke should know this: By displaying a preference for Pepsi, you are associating yourself with immoral degeneracy of socially deviant banana slug torturers of the worst sort, precicely the sort of biological waste that pretends to be human while failing to acheive that particular state of being.

Drink Coke, and insure the orderly continuation of banana slug civilization!

END COMMUNICATION

 

[Lord Zardoz]

You Mock Me

Are you insinuating that I should tolerate such diabolical insolence from you? Your insignifigant and sarcastic rantings are nothing compared to the truth of the one true refreshment!

Your foul mockery cannot obscure the truth!

Pepsi is the beverage of choice among banana slug torturers! It is a proven fact among slug biologists that banana slugs' bodies shrivel up slower with Pepsi!

And there you have it! Pepsi is not nearly so toxic as Coca Cola! Indeed, despite the fatal exposure of the slugs to that foul concoction, the infusion of Pepsi was nearly able to cure them of the Coke Poisoning.

And the reason that Slug torturers prefer Pepsi over coke is twofold. First, being human, they too acknowledge that Pepsi is a superior beverage offering unparalleled refreshment. In addition, they use Pepsi to prolong the dying agonies of Banana slugs exposed to Coca Cola.

END COMMUNICATION

 

[Malin Genie]

Of course, we all know that Diet Coke contains phenylketone, presumably as part of the sugar substitute. What most people don't realise is that, first, phenylkenote amino acids are the cause of a rare condition called phenylkenoturia, which is caused by the body's inability to process the substance; and secondly, that the sugar substitute has more calories that

Actually, it contains phenylalanine, one of the twenty essential amino acids.

Phenylketonurics ("those who have phenlketones in their urine") are unable to process phenylalanine due to a deficiency in phenyalalanine hydroxylase, an enzyme which catalyses the conversion of phenylalanine to tyrosine. The result is an excess of phenylalanine in the blood, phenylalanine and byproducts (phenylpyruvate, phenylacetate, phenyllactate, and phenylacetylglutamine - collectively "phenylketones") in the urine, and mental retardation if left untreated.

 

[Chauzu]

Re: You Mock Me

And there you have it! Pepsi is not nearly so toxic as Coca Cola! Indeed, despite the fatal exposure of the slugs to that foul concoction, the infusion of Pepsi was nearly able to cure them of the Coke Poisoning.

And the reason that Slug torturers prefer Pepsi over coke is twofold. First, being human, they too acknowledge that Pepsi is a superior beverage offering unparalleled refreshment. In addition, they use Pepsi to prolong the dying agonies of Banana slugs exposed to Coca Cola.

END COMMUNICATION

Ah, but you see, that is were the mind of a pepsi consumer is wrong!

Now listen to ME people, don't listen to HIM! The reason banana slug torturers prefer Pepsi over Coke is not for the foul taste of it, but the fact that it slowly tortures the slug with pain! Since Coke kills banana slugs swiftly, the freshingly wonderful taste of Coke is the prefered product of banana slug helpers!

Now listen to ME, not HIM: you see, banana slug torturers will sneak into a location inhabited by many banana slugs and ambush them, pouring Pepsi all over them. EVEN THE BANANA SLUG WOMEN AND CHILDREN!!! Then the cowardly banana slug torturers run away laughing. Evil. But then suddenly comes a banana slug helper, happily jogging through the woods, when he comes across the banana slugs. Seeing them in great shrivelled pain, the banana slug helpers pull out their last Coka Colas to help the banana slugs. By pouring it all over the banana slugs, it releases their slow torment caused by pepsi and kills them quickly.

Thank you Coke.

END COMMUNICATION

 

[Samnell]

Sprite and Syphilis.

YOU CAN GET THOSE TOGETHER NOW?! Sweet! No more making two trips to the store.

 

[GreyShadow]

I find that a size 12 boot works better on banana slugs.

Jolt is preferred, if I can find it.

Vodka is better. Thou a nice Cab Sav won't be turned down.

Not in the same glass .... I'm not that mad!