So...I posit that this may be the problem. Of course, if you don't get annoyed with their non-op'ed characters and are quite happy to play with them and their characters...uh...I give up. I don't know.
Sorry, you'll have to give up.
My reaction is to other people complaining about my characters being too well-made. Although I will offer suggestions and advice if I see major flaws in a character, I never push it past the point of the offer. And if I see that the first offer isn't taken very well (which it normally isn't, which is another reason why I'm posting), then I don't offer any more suggestions. I don't roll my eyes at people or make comments about their characters and if they're happy to play their characters next to mine, I'm just as happy to play mine next to theirs.
But that doesn't mean internally I'm not frustrated when the 20 int mage with 8 strength chooses all strength-based skills and we fail at skill challenges constantly because of him, or when the 12 strength fighter never hits anything so our strikers, leaders and controllers are always dying and fights take twice as long as they have to, or our controllers specialise in single-target attacks and their rider bonuses are from their dump stat, or any other trillion situations which make the game run slower and be more frustrating for everyone at the table.
Kzach, you have said you spend hours making up characters, that you "trawl" the character builder looking for options. You use the word "casual", but your words say that it somewhat more than that.
Hell yeah it's casual. I'm sure there are people out there who don't have a couple of hours to spare once a week to make up a character, but then if they can't spare that much time, how they are playing D&D in the first place? In addition, I offer my time and experience freely and almost universally it's rejected because of this attitude that optimising is badwrongfun, or that I'm stepping on precious toes by even making the offer.
Besides which, 90% of the choices I make are exceedingly obvious. 18 minimum in a primary stat, choose skills with a good ability bonus on them and with racial synergies, choose a background that offers a synergy on a skill you want to excel at, make sure your power choices have riders associated with an ability bonus, choose feats that enhance your role or compensate for weaknesses. That really isn't hard to do and nor does it take boat-loads of time with the Character Builder and Compendium. And truly, if you can't entwine your imagination with the mechanics, then I have to ask why are you playing a game of the imagination?
Again, it's really just about making logical and intelligent decisions in character creation. If you can't invest the time in doing so, then again, why are you playing a game that REQUIRES a pretty hefty investment of time?
One of the ironies of the reactions I experience is that a lot of it comes from groups who don't even roleplay. I was in a group over a month ago in a gaming store and every time I tried to roleplay anything, it was shut-down almost immediately by the actions and demands of other players. And so the end result was that we only really played a miniatures skirmish game. Yet even here I did a couple of things and people went, "How did you do that? Can I have a look at your character sheet? OMG! It's so min-maxed!"
What's even more ironic is that I don't generally min-max that much. I tend to specialise in one area, usually leaving one or even two glaring holes in the character, which is the exact opposite of min/maxing.