Why is it so difficult to find good groups?

[Piratecat]

My strategy has always been to play in lots of different groups. I use game days, gaming conventions, and mutual friends to meet new players. Then I keep track of the ones who are incredible fun to play with. These are the folks I then try to gather for a campaign, or whom I share hotel rooms with at cons -- you have to game with a lot of different people to find the ones who become truly stellar friends, and you want to hang on to them.

For this same reason, I love having guest players in my games. We'll often invite someone over to sit in if there's an absent player or a convenient NPC.

 

[Ahnehnois]

D&D is different from, say, poker or pickup basketball in that there are so many ways to play it.

I play in a homebrewed world with a heavily houseruled game. I've never used established settings or published adventures. I don't use physical gaming aids like miniatures and battle maps; even geographic maps are rare. I play the game as an intellectual exercise devoted to creating an interesting story. Staying in character and playing a tactical wargame are secondary concerns. In short, my tastes are completely different than most people on these boards and probably most gamers anywhere. There are so many different (and perfectly good) styles of play it's hard to find people who are on board with yours regardless of how friendly you are.

There's also the stigma attached to playing D&D. It's always surprising the people who do, but it's not something many people feel comfortable talking about, including me. Personally, I'm not into social media either, so finding other gamers is hard.

 

[Insight]

When putting together a new group, especially when considering adding "strangers" to the group, you should probably find out WHY this new person is without a group. There is some truth to what a prior poster said about good groups remaining stable and not needing new players. They also don't tend to lose good players (except for the normal reasons, such as leaving gaming altogether, etc). Watch out for players who are looking for a new group because they were asked to leave a prior group or players who have a hard time maintaining a stable group.

 

[shadzar]

3) Get rid of those prejudices. Okay, so you hate 4e (or Pathfinder, whatever). But if the only game in town is 4e, then suck it up and play.

I would say ignore this one. There is no sense in playing a game you don't like for ANY reason. There are other ways to find a game you like, if you don't you just might be in an unlucky area for you for gaming, or those games aren't liked by others so do not frequent the same locations.

 

[francisca]

I dunno. I've never had trouble finding people to play 1e AD&D with. I've recruited my friends and lapsed players, and that has generated interest among friends of friends, some of whom became friends with me over time.....

I guess I'm just lucky.

 

[FunkBGR]

I would say ignore this one. There is no sense in playing a game you don't like for ANY reason. There are other ways to find a game you like, if you don't you just might be in an unlucky area for you for gaming, or those games aren't liked by others so do not frequent the same locations.

I can't agree to ignore this advice. If you're looking for a group and are desperate, sucking it up can help you meet some great people. Who knows, maybe you can then convert them to your favorite system, but don't miss out on an opportunity. Judge for yourself whether the game matters THAT much to you, or something else matters more.

 

[shadzar]

I can't agree to ignore this advice. If you're looking for a group and are desperate, sucking it up can help you meet some great people. Who knows, maybe you can then convert them to your favorite system, but don't miss out on an opportunity. Judge for yourself whether the game matters THAT much to you, or something else matters more.

I thought the idea was to find good groups. While they may be good people, you are not really going to help to make the group good if you start by lying about your dislike of a game to them or yourself.

I have some friends I wouldnt game with to save my life, because their style, not edition, is disagreeable to my own.

So I think the idea to to find a group for what you are looking for, not just a group in general, so a group for game X isn't exactly found by playing game Y with any group.

Meeting great people, doesn't mean they will be great for the game you are looking for. See the very first link at why that is a key factor in the "walk away" thread.

 

[Dausuul]

I would say ignore this one. There is no sense in playing a game you don't like for ANY reason. There are other ways to find a game you like, if you don't you just might be in an unlucky area for you for gaming, or those games aren't liked by others so do not frequent the same locations.

Well, there are degrees of "don't like." There are systems I'm not fond of, but I'll give almost anything a try on the player side; a sufficiently good and dedicated GM can make up for a multitude of sins. (When I'm the one GMing, I'm a lot pickier, but the GM has much more leeway to demand changes.)

If you really absolutely cannot stand a certain game, then I agree, don't play it. But take a good look at your own preferences first. More importantly, if you do decide to set aside your personal dislike and play whatever-it-is, don't complain about how whatever-it-is is the most awful system ever. Play cheerfully or not at all.

 

[Dausuul]

I dunno. I've never had trouble finding people to play 1e AD&D with. I've recruited my friends and lapsed players, and that has generated interest among friends of friends, some of whom became friends with me over time.....

I guess I'm just lucky.

Either that, or you're willing and able to DM. I suspect it's a lot harder for people who lack the talent, time, or inclination to step behind the screen.

 

[delericho]

I thought the idea was to find good groups. While they may be good people, you are not really going to help to make the group good if you start by lying about your dislike of a game to them or yourself.

I never said anything about lying. It's perfectly okay to express a preference. Just don't join their group and then spend your time bitching about the system; it's rude, and it will see you being uninvited.

As for whether you should join a group playing a game you don't like: it's about building a network.

If you join that 4e group, that gives you a handful of player contacts you didn't have before. Chances are, each of them knows a number of other gamers, giving you a link to yet more potential players for the game you do want to play, and so on.

If you don't join the 4e group, you lose out on both the players you would have met in that group, and also on any potential introduction to their "friend who plays Pathfinder".

Basically, the more specific and picky you are about your choice of game, the harder you will find it to join a group. Conversely, the more people you have in your network, the better your odds.

Edit: I forgot to say: of course, you might find yourself in a place where 4e is literally the only game in town. In that case, your choice is simple: learn to like the game they play, or don't play.