Why must a loving soul be so alone...

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

Not to mention adding, "Please get out of my Van Halen T-Shirt before you jinx the band and they break up!"

*laughs* My thoughts exactly, Torm. You made my day!

 

[Lady_Acoma]

I'd be more apt to sleep with a friend than a stranger. I'd like to KNOW the guy I'm gonna sleep with!

Frankly, you guys need to get your brains out of your Levi's and actually THINK for once! We women would like to have more than just sex, ya know.

I'm with Darth K'Trava here, I only dated guys when I did that I already had as friends or knew I could be friends with. That part was VERY important to me. However I also made it clear to all of them that I didn't want sex, this was because of a promise (which I now know was so easy to keep because I just didn't want sex with guys :\ ). This did not mean that lust was not a big factor, and that fun was not had by all. But I know I don't really lust for someone till I know them a bit. That makes them more attractive, sexy, and just plan turns me on. It has been the same with women now, I am friends first. I would assume that this sort of avenue with his own twists would be more what Fru wants because he is not in it for the sex, he is looking for more. More comes with friendship I believe. How can one marry someone they are not friends with truly?

 

[reveal]

How can one marry someone they are not friends with truly?

Because you're a stupid 21 year old about to leave the state and you and your stupid 19 year old girlfriend can't bear to be apart? Getting married simply because of that reason is stupid, as I have already mentioned.

That's what happened to me. But we got lucky and have become great, great friends and are still madly in love after 9 years of marriage.

 

[Kastil]

Finding someone does not guarantee you'll never be lonely again. It sometimes happens that you become too comfortable in a relationship that you forget to lavish the one you love with attention. Of course, love must work both ways and a mutual respect must be there. I know what it feels like to be alone and lost even when you are surrounded by people who love you dearly. Its what happens when life doesn't exactly work out like to dreamed. Reality is cold and cruel but I keep to the path I have chosen in life. No one can bring you down but yourself.

Besides, IMO, love just happens. My husband and I used to tell each other ((before we even dated)) how much we hated each other. Two stubborn people who wouldn't know love if it bit them in the backside. 14 years later and enough turbulence to bring down a sizeable jet liner, we're still together. He is been my only love in this world and always will be. Love hurts sometimes but I think that's when you know it's real.

Always be true to who you are and don't change or compromise for anyone. Faults make us human.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Terrible advice. Truly terrible.

You will be placed on her "Good Friends" list in no time flat.

I post this to every thread like this, and it is always true: be a bit mean and indifferent towards her.

I have no idea why women go for it, but they do.

I understand what you are getting at, and there are definitely some women that applies to perfectly, but I think in most cases you are just slightly off the mark.

I think most women want a guy who is nice, but not too nice (this from first hand experience - tons of female friends in college - literally not one date, just "too nice" to date). Don't be mean, but have a spine. Feel free to disagree with her (but don't be an a-hat about it). Don't just do what she wants. Don't let her take complete advantage of you.

When I finally figured that out, I had a lot more success in dating and I would never have managed to snare my wife had I continued being the "nice guy" that I was in college.

 

[Teflon Billy]

She was in on of my tshirts and panties, not just panties. I did try and go for it, but she kept moving my hands to "safe" places. I did not want to be a total ass because she told me in the past she was assulted a few times, so I had to be real careful. I did not want her to think i was doing the same thing and then get in legal trouble, ect.. Maybe I was too much of a nice guy in that way.

No, it sounds like you handled it perfectly.

The message was there (to your eyes), You made your play, she rebuffed you, and you let it go.

Seriously man; perfectly.

I would call her on it if she crawled into my bed again mind you. Something along the lines of "look, what are you doing? You know I'm into you, I don't think you are into me...and this is not the way "friends" act. Ask (insert male friend) he'll confirm for you"

 

[Teflon Billy]

It's better than the "enemies" list...

Not to me. If I am looking for a girlfriend, being dowgraded (and it is a downgrade) to "friend" is not something I would be interested in.

And being friends is not bad... that way if a relationship doesn't work out, then hopefully, you two can remain friends afterwards.

A "freindship" where one friend has romantic designs on the other (who doesn't) is not a friendship it is a recipe for disaster.

But I feel that it should be friends first, lovers second. Only because it'd be nice to have them still be friends no matter how the relationship turns out.

It's not going to work that way. Friends first/then lovers is ideal...downgrade back to "friends" (in quotes, which it will be from that point on) is soul-destroying for the "freind" who still has romantic feelings.

If it gets serious, then COOL, but if it doesn't, then there's being friends. Which is alot better than hating one another. Life's too short to hate people.

I don't need hate. I'll take indifference over that much of a power imbalance in the relationship though.

 

[Teflon Billy]

I agree this works in a great many instances, but not all.

Well, nothing works 100% of the time man but as you say yourself above, this is the way to play it for greatest success.

In my single days, I played the nice guy card, and consequently dated a LOT. The relationships started out as "he's such a nice guy to be friends with" and the majority of those ended up being "friends with benefits". I had a friend who was a big proponent of TB's approach (which is not a wrong or bad approach, mind you) and he used to gripe that I dated 3 girls to his one.

Nice! Sounds like you had your game working

However, your way is not what is going o work the majority of the time. You are an anomaly you lucky dog

So in the end, just use the approach that you are most comfortable with. It will pay off in the end, and whatever you want the "pay off" to be (platonic or something else) it will be worth it.

The apporach he is most comfortable with (leaving it in God's hands) is getting him nothing. Rethink that advice.

 

[Teflon Billy]

Frankly, you guys need to get your brains out of your Levi's and actually THINK for once! We women would like to have more than just sex, ya know.

I've thought about it plenty, and put my theories to the test. Your example only works for one isntance (you).

 

[Tewligan]

Who was it that said, "go bi, because you immediately double your chances for getting a date on Friday night."

I do believe that was Woody Allen.

Oh, and just so I'm contributing more than an answer to an incidental question asked a couple of days ago, I'm going to say that I've had some luck in the Personals section at theonion.com. I've met some smart, funny people there, and had some very good dates through them. The clientele seems less, well, dumb than at match.com and other services. I giv 'em a thumbs up! Of course, the first woman I went out with through them apparently hated me within, oh, 5 minutes of meeting me, so results will vary...