Why must a loving soul be so alone...

[Lucrecio]

Someone suggested to ask as many women as possible for a date, not worrying about negative answers and doing it in a carefree way. Many people suggested this to me, but I've never been able to act like that (maybe I should lighten up...like you, Fru )


Any suggestions? Comments?

 

[Desdichado]

I have to agree that both guys and girls are both. I have dated/not dated? both men and women who have sent out the confusing signals and I will frankly say that after a short time of it I just walk away cause they diddin't know what they wanted, but I did I just didn't know that it wouldn't be with them.

In my experience, folks who send you all the signals and then deny that they mean anything are attention whores. They can work as friends, but I'd keep them at arm's length, or considerably farther, when it comes to any other kind of relationship. And I'd be wary of them as friends. That's a symptom of extremely high maintainence, and not in a good way.

 

[Desdichado]

Someone suggested to ask as many women as possible for a date, not worrying about negative answers and doing it in a carefree way. Many people suggested this to me, but I've never been able to act like that (maybe I should lighten up...like you, Fru )

Any suggestions? Comments?

Face to face social situations have always been relatively easy for me, so I don't know that I have too much practical advice. My wife used to be really shy in larger groups, though, prefering smaller gatherings, and she just kept forcing herself to do it anyway until she was more social.

I've heard, although I don't know that I can vouch for this, that if you do it as "an act" you can break yourself in. Psyche yourself up like an actor, and go out there and pretend to be carefree. After a while, you don't need to act anymore, you can do it, because you have done it.

That sounds a little flaky to me, personally, but I've heard it before, and it seems reasonable as a short term solution to shyness.

 

[KenM]

My social skill's suck. Part of the reason for my lack of skills in that area is that I have Asperger Syndrome. So I don't like large gathering's either.

 

[Darth K'Trava]

My social skill's suck. Part of the reason for my lack of skills in that area is that I have Asperger Syndrome. So I don't like large gathering's either.

My social skillz suck as well. But then I was introverted for much of my life, preferring to live in the "shadow" of my younger, wilder sister. It's only been in the past 6 years or so that I've begun to "branch out" and get out of that introverted stage. I'm still shy around some but there's others that I can talk like crazy to, both here and RL. It depends on the person and somehow I pick up that this person is good to talk to or that one isn't worth me saying more than a "hello" to.

 

[Xath]

Here's my advice for you. (and anyone, for that matter.)

There was a long while when I was completely uninterested in a relationship. But I still had an inner need to care for someone and make a difference in someone's life. So I started volunteering. I did both Habitat for Humanity and I worked in soup kitchens. It really helped fill the gap. At the soup kitchen, you can help hundreds of people in one day, but I really liked working for Habitat.

You spend quite a bit of time working with a family on one house, building a relationship with them, and realizing that you've helped them have a brighter future. It's a really amazing feeling when the house is finished and they walk through it for the first time. That's quite the sense of completion/accomplishment.

Also, it is a little known fact that women far outnumber men at these types of things. Since you (mostly) work with the same people on one house, there's ample opportunity to get to know people and build a good relationship along side the domicile.

 

[der_kluge]

You should hook up with Xath. She's cute, and single.

Or you could take a page from Lady Acoma's book, apparently she's bi. Who was it that said, "go bi, because you immediately double your chances for getting a date on Friday night."

 

[Lady_Acoma]

Sorry not bi, just didn't know or accept at least that I was a lesbian so for a long time I only dated guys. However were I bi, I honestly (this being if I weren't already committed) date Fru cause he's an awesome and funny guy.

 

[jdavis]

Someone suggested to ask as many women as possible for a date, not worrying about negative answers and doing it in a carefree way. Many people suggested this to me, but I've never been able to act like that (maybe I should lighten up...like you, Fru )


Any suggestions? Comments?

Well don't act like a moron doing it and things will work out fine. I think the big thing is to talk to a lot of women about a lot of things, just have conversations with them and then if you have any interest ask them out. Running up to women and blurting out "hey wanna date me?" won't make matters any better, but most people can use the practice just having a normal conversation with someone of the opposite sex. Besides if you have problems talking to women then how do you think a date will go? Besides if you don't talk to women your chances of ever dating one go way way down.

As far as shrugging of the "no" answers go, if you can have a normal conversation with somebody then chances are they aren't going to run off screaming or mace you when you ask them out. A casual or friendly "no" isn't something to loose any sleep over nor is it always the end of the story. One of the best friends I've ever had in my life is a woman who shot me down immediatly, we kept talking and became close friends, over the years her friendship helped me to get my life in order and became very important to me. Meeting new people is generally considered a good thing, even if they don't want to go out with you.

 

[Teflon Billy]

...The best thing to do is try to be friends without being desperate. Be yourself. Be funny and creative. Try to have fun. And see that she does as well. Make sure you make her feel like you actually care about her, instead of just caring about yourself and the only thing you'd really want: to get her into your bed to "score"...

Terrible advice. Truly terrible.

You will be placed on her "Good Friends" list in no time flat.

I post this to every thread like this, and it is always true: be a bit mean and indifferent towards her.

I have no idea why women go for it, but they do.

I'll post a quote from another thread by ..well...me

Women talk a good game about liking "nice guys with a sense of humour" and suchlike. But in my experience (and that of most every guy I know; inlcuding my Grandfather, my English Prof, a Professional Wrestler, a "Hairstylist to the Stars" and a Deacon, to give you some notion of the range of folks I'm describing here) there is no doubt that it was no accident that our culture developed the proverb Nice guys finish last.

Because they do.

And yes, there will always be a girl who post to a thread like this claiming that neither they, nor any girl they kow likes jerks at all. While I am certain that's true in their case(s), it is not statistically signifigant enough to offset the fact that nice guys finish last is a truism.

It just means that they and their friends are anomalies.

I'm entirely spoken for at the moment (and happily so), but back in the day I had no shortage of women (I was a Serial Monogamist; one girl at a atime, but no intention of settling down).

the women were there because I followed very simple advice. I have no idea why these rules work--they shouldn't-- but they do.

1) Deflate the girl a little. Don't agree with everything she says. Show her up in front of her friends.

2) Spend Money. Not necessarily on her. This one blows me away. if you spend a lot fo money on a girl, you are a mark. But buy drinks for yourself, your friends and--occassionally-- her, and you are in.

3) Don't take a lot of crap. Be ready to walk away from drama. This ones tough because you can easily get the the feeling that you are throwing away the relationship and that can make you cave. Don't. Stick to your guns and she will--inexpicably--be back.

4) Side iwith her against others. Girls constantly snipe, gossip and generally dig at one another, even (and maybe expecially) their friends. Join in on her side. eg...

[bq]

Her: "Molly is such a slut"
You: "Yeah well, that's not exactly news in my circles"
Her: "Really?"
You: "Oh yeah"[/bq]



...this is also a good opportunity to engage in rule 1 (deflating her a little)

[bq]
You: "I thought Molly was a friend of yours?"
Her: "well, she is"
You: *shrug*"I guess guys just treat their friends differently"[/bq]

5) Play to your masculine personality strengths. What is pretty simple stuff for men is just beyond the pale for a large percentage of women. Work on "Not treating every situation as a full-on crisis" and "Not sweating the small stuff". Your ability to not worry about everything imaginable is both attractive and aggravating to most women.

6) Be ready to fail: Most women you meet are not going to be all that into you (unless you already have a girl interested in you), this is just the way of things. it is a lot easier for an average girl to get an above average guy than vice-versa. You need to pick you battles. Meet a lot of women, work on the ones who show an interest. Be ready and willing to walk.

That's about it.