Why the gnome must survive....

[Christian]

*Apologies to Pratchett

Did you consider apologizing to everyone?

 

[Darkthorne]

Theme Song

Oh, give me a Gnome where the beholders roam
The bard and the illusionist he’ll play
His tales are heard, with every eloquent word
Misty eyes are in the crowds all day

My gnome, gnome with mange
The bard and the illusionist he’ll play
His tales are heard, with every eloquent word
Misty eyes are in the crowds all day

When in a fight and no sword is in sight
He evokes the his prismatic spray
I stood there amazed with my eyes completely glazed
His glory even exceeds that of ours

My gnome, gnome with mange
The bard and the illusionist he’ll play
His tales are heard, with every eloquent word
Misty eyes are in the crowds all day

Where his motives are pure, and spells cast with glee
But his hair is slight and covered with mites?
Even I would not exchange my Gnome with mange
(Yes, those are lesions in sight)

My gnome, gnome with mange
The bard and the illusionist he’ll play
His tales are heard, with every eloquent word
Misty eyes are in the crowds all day

Oh, you can hear the huzzahs, from all the centaurs
His victims, I love to hear scream
And while we battle Vrocks, he checks his snuffbox
As they spew their deathspores of green

My gnome, gnome with mange
The bard and the illusionist he’ll play
His tales are heard, with every eloquent word
Misty eyes are in the crowds all day



[Who knew there were so many lines in the original song ]

 

[Goobermunch]

Well, this isn't really punny. It's more filky.

Gnomish Space Marines
(to the tune of Yellow Submarine)

In the sphere where I was born,
Lived the oldest gnome I've seen,
And he told us of his life
In the Gnomish Space Marines.
So we jammed up to the sun
In our fine well-built machine,
And we joined the stately ranks
Of the Gnomish Space Marines.

[chorus]
Wee all part of the Gnomish Space Marines,
The Gnomish Space Marines, the Gnomish Space Marines.
Yes, we're all part of the Gnomish Space Marines,
The Gnomish Space Marines, the Gnomish Space Marines.
Got our tinkers all aboard,
All the ones we could afford.
Our kazoo band likes to play. . .
[musical interlude]

We're all part of the Gnomish Space Marines,
The Gnomish Space Marines, the Gnomish Space Marines.
Yes, we're all part of the Gnomish Space Marines,
The Gnomish Space Marines, the Gnomish Space Marines.

Giant hamsters move the wheels,
And they drive our great machine.
They give us spaham for all our meals,
And bite us only when they're mean.

We're all part of the Gnomish Space Marines,
The Gnomish Space Marines, the Gnomish Space Marines.
Yes, we're all part of the Gnomish Space Marines,
The Gnomish Space Marines, the Gnomish Space Marines.

[repeat chorus; note that in actual practice, gnomes constantly
add new verses to this song, extending its length ad infinitum]
(From Dragon 192)

Thank you, thank you. I'm here all week, and enjoy the veal.

-Static

Taken from: http://oracle.wizards.com/scripts/wa.exe?A2=ind0403b&L=spelljammer-l&D=1&P=706

--G

 

[CleverNickName]

Gnome Sweet Gnome

(with apologies to Motley Crue)

They say he's a dreamer,
but his idiom's gotten old.
He had to run away and hide,
or the 4E books would go unsold.
Just when the bard felt right,
and the illusionist was gold,
they kicked him out, now these classes feel
empty and alone.


Play him as your bard,
Play him as a rogue,
Just one more year,
and he's comin' down that
long and winding road.

He's on his way,
he's on his wa-a-ay,
gnome sweet gnome!
In PHB two,
he's on his way,
he's on his way,
gnome sweet gnome!

You know that I've seen,
Too many lame races in 4E:
dragonborn and tieflings
right out of an-i-me.
My 3.5E PHB is my chosen book
for gnomes to shine and dream,
Sometimes it is the only thing
that keeps my campaign together at the seams

He's on his way,
He's on his wa-a-ay,
Gnome sweet gnome!
On DDI, DDI,
he's on his way,
Just houserule him in,
gnome sweet gnome
gnome sweet gnome
gnome sweet gnome
gnome sweet gnome

He's on his way,
he's on his way,
gnome sweet gnome
Yeah
He's on his way
Just wait and see,
gnome sweet gnome!

 

[Serensius]

If halflings are a river-faring folk, I don't see why our beloved illusionists can't be their gnomead cousins..

 

[TheLordWinter]

If halflings are a river-faring folk, I don't see why our beloved illusionists can't be their gnomead cousins..

Because then they'd be gnomeless, and that's what we're rallying against!

 

[grimslade]

Not gnomeless, but forever wandering the gnome-ans land of an appendix in the MM.
Besides, halfling is just a gnome de plume.

 

[Bugaboo]

Heh! I get it now: Gnomes are short. That's very funny.
( <-- Laughing like my cat does when she sees the dog poop on the floor. )

 

[Daemonicious]

I can't. I tried, but all I can think is that magic users hailing from parts near the sea are attacking a town in Alaska.