If nothing else, this thread has convinced me that if I ever end up recruiting strangers to play in a pick-up game I'm running, I'm going to audition both the players and their proposed characters before accepting anyone into the group.
It's how I am when it comes to our Sunday group. We're a small group but we all mesh well on our desired style of play, across the gaggle of games we do play, and I want to guard that jealously. And so it's very much a "request if you want someone to join the group" situation, and we do our best to vet if they will match our style of play. We have two players who will be joining soon, and we're ready to see how it goes and also have conversations if need be.
But that's only for my Sunday group. I also play monthly with a different group where it's it's a different vibe and over the years we've had several people join (and leave) the group. And I go with the flow there.
To which, zooming out to get some perspective I'd say it's always very much worth asking/remembering:
What kind of gaming group am I trying to put together? And then being up front about it with both yourself and with others. Because groups and playstyles have always been diverse, even in the supposed "old school" days.
Two, what are my expectations? Because running at a gaming store every Friday with a semi-revolving band of players it's best to come in with a different expectation than for a personal close-knit gaming group.
Three, when we put a call out for players these days, we're not only drawing from a wider pool of styles of play, but also from a wider geographical area. When I went to university, in a larger city, I was introduced to a handful of new styles of play . It was all the same edition of D&D, but compared to what I had seen "locally" there were other ways of approaching the game.
So when we go about seeking a new gaming group, whether joining others or putting up something in a gaming store or (especially) a call for players online, we should be ready that we will be presented with a wide variety. Some will match our preferences. Others will not. The err lies in thinking that everyone wants to play like me, enjoys the same stuff as me, and/or, as the ultimate double err,
should like and play the game (or games) the way as I do. An adjacent err is thinking that I won't have to do a bit of work to find those that match my preferences. An equally adjacent err might also be coming in with an all-or-nothing mindset, rather than going for close enough with the opportunity to invite and introduce them to games more to my specific preferences.
I have been fortunate in my RPG playing (but hence also why I'm really protective about it) to find a group that, over time, we've gotten to a place where we rock in a way I love to play. But as someone who, outside of RPGs, likes many things that are not all that popular, I get that it can feel like a somewhat lonely space. And that it feels tough to find my "tribe" of people who share my taste. Not diminishing that we may with it came with ultimate ease. But it doesn't always. Alas. Now, what's my next step?
(Somewhat tangentially, also want to add number four: worth remembering the broader context of games and media, where so much is a) tailored for instant gratification that, like drugs, people need extreme hits in order to feel anything, b) everything responds to you instantly (right there in the name, like itunes or youtube), c) the algorithm both caters to our every whim while also d) forcing us into specific buckets that it thinks is the most profitable where, e) it all comes together and we're not even sure we know what we actually like. And single-player computer games will also give a certain context of play. And free to play / loot drop games will do another. It's all the soup into which (new) players are marinating.)
