It has finally occurred to me that we might be dealing with different types of personal philosophies that go beyond D&D in general. If true, that would mean coming to a total understanding of different perspectives would be beyond the scope of a D&D discussion. So, I'll test that hypothesis.
The following scenarios are not analogies for D&D. These are intended to be viewed independently. (We already know it's in context of this thread, but forget about it for purposes of how you would respond.)
1. You are invited to a party. Your host and some of his/her friends don't <fill in the blank (smoke, drink, eat gluten, listen to rap, whatever)> and request that people not bring such things to the party.
Would you consider the that the host is being a jerk or out of line by not allowing certain things at his party?
2. You are invited to a themed-party (costume, birthday, Super Bowl, Star Trek, etc). The host asks you to bring your <fill in blank with appropriate implements of recreation>.
If it were a Star Trek party on Super Bowl Sunday, would you ask people to turn off Star Trek so you could watch the Super Bowl?
If it were a Super Bowl party, would you start DJing your "best of Star Trek" collection in the background? Would you feel the host was being a jerk if he asked you to stop?
3. You and a bunch of friends meet up "to hang out and have some fun." One of you is driving. The driver insist on going where he wants to go, and tells anyone who doesn't want to do it that he'll drop them off at their home, but it's his car and he's driving it to where he want to go.
Would you consider him to be being a jerk?
In which of those scenarios would you assume the host/driver was being selfish?
this is a lot to unpack...
1. You are invited to a party. Your host and some of his/her friends don't <fill in the blank (smoke, drink, eat gluten, listen to rap, whatever)> and request that people not bring such things to the party.
Would you consider the that the host is being a jerk or out of line by not allowing certain things at his party?
this is a big one in my group. My ex girlfriend and one of my best friends were big smokers (I have sense broken up with her and he has moved to another state for a job so it isn't a big deal anymore) and that friend was a drunk.
I on the other hand have asthma and so does another player. "hey don't make Ross fall down sick" was often told as "Hey I should be able to smoke"
We had a LARP Vampire game that had a smokeing area, but had a very hard no drinking alchoal and no drug policy. To the point that if the head story teller smelled alchoal on your breath you were asked to leave. We all thought it was a bit odd...
I don't really understand the gluten thing outside of jokes, because I don't know anyone, so I will skip that.
then the music thing I would say is crazy... listen to what you want, and if we are all listening we need to mix it up, a little of what you like a little of what I like a little of what kurt likes...
2. You are invited to a themed-party (costume, birthday, Super Bowl, Star Trek, etc). The host asks you to bring your <fill in blank with appropriate implements of recreation>.
If it were a Star Trek party on Super Bowl Sunday, would you ask people to turn off Star Trek so you could watch the Super Bowl?
If it were a Super Bowl party, would you start DJing your "best of Star Trek" collection in the background? Would you feel the host was being a jerk if he asked you to stop?
OK, so I go to the rennfair every year. The group I go with goes in costume, and 1 of the guys is a stage magician that does a whole renfair act. I don't wear a costume...almost ever. I have only dressed up 1 of the last 10 holloweens. If I am invited to a costume/theme party I am most likely not coming in any theme that is too out there. I did go to a slumber party at a bar a few years ago in my boxers and a tee shirt though...so maybe.
If I was invited to a star trek party on super bowl sunday I would check the scores on my phone, and might ask if we could check the game inbetween disks...
If I were at a super bowl party and the game wasn't fun to watch I would totally suggest a different bit of entertainment... a few years ago when the Jackson boob thing happened we had a party, and the game wasn't doing much for us, so we switched to D&D... we completely missed the whole thing...
3. You and a bunch of friends meet up "to hang out and have some fun." One of you is driving. The driver insist on going where he wants to go, and tells anyone who doesn't want to do it that he'll drop them off at their home, but it's his car and he's driving it to where he want to go.
Would you consider him to be being a jerk?
well 9 out of 10 times I am the driver... 1 friend is 40 and no has no licence, 1 friend didn't get his until into his 30's and even then bought a 2 seater car, and 1 friend drives a death trap that none of us are ever riding in.
This is also part of the issue with my saterday night game. there are either 5 or 6 of us depending on the night, but I drive 2 other players to game. If I 'sit out a game' that game can't happen because loosing me looses 2 other players. I got sick one saterday and we had to call game because it was already going to be a 5 person night, and if I don't go it's a 2 person night.
SO I think everyone gets a vote is the only right thing to do... and compromise. If someone was such a jerk as to say "Well I have the car so we do it my way" I would be pissed... so I don't do it.
edit: you know what this really reminds me of... Dominion. I have 1 friend that will only play if you randomize the cards, and another friend that will only play if you follow his idea of how cards should be used (If there is an attack there has to be a defense, you have to have atleast 1 2pt card and at least 1 6+ card in the game) the two of them can not play togather, the two are completely mutal exclusive. So when both are at a game night...we don't play DOminion.