Worst Boxed Text EVER.

[Scribble]

Aha!!!

Standing in front of you is a dwarf! He is short like most dwarves and looks like he is angry and lusting for gold! Better hide your gold! "Arrrg!" Screams the angry dwarf. "Why did you kill my friend the halfling from room seven!?!" Stepping in front of the chest that is in front of him on the ground, the dwarf attacks with a two handed axe!

 

[tahsin]

Let's see:

Awwwwwesome! LOL!

 

[Simplicity]

"The dungeon room is 20 by 20 feet, with a young elf maiden chained to the wall. She has a forlorn look, as if she has recently said good-bye to her only true love as she embarked on a train to Peoria. His name was Robbie, a carpenter from a cattle-ranch in Oklahoma. Times were tough, back then, during the depression. Herbert Hoover worked hard to fix things, but you couldn't say that to a resident of any of the 'Hooverville's' that sprung up around California at the time. No, sirree, Bob. A tear falls from your eye as you sadly ponder the socio-economic ramifications of the Great Depression and its effects on young elven maidens.

There are also five orcs in the room. Roll initiative."

Nice. I also love it when RPG writers decide to tackle dungeon room descriptions. All usefulness goes out the window and I'm forced to read a novel of fancy crap to my players.

It was the best of rooms. It was the worst of rooms. The lush languid lillies lay lapdashedly loose on the layers of liquid. Amber teardrops glisten on their petals, and a stilted silence covers the room. Meanwhile, I am forced to write yet another dungeon room description for my low-paying job. God, I hate my life. An orc attacks.

 

[hafrogman]

Could be worse.

Winter here. Ice cavern.
You see an orc. It attacks.
Roll initiative.

Actually, no. . . now that I think about it I WANT to play in the haiku adventure.

The Poem of Death
An Adventure for Levels
Five to Seven - Five.

 

[Sejs]

Sorrowful maiden,
languishing, chained. Release her?
Eat level drain, chump.

 

[Sejs]

As an aside, I'd like to point out the fact that this thread has made me realize just how truly awesome a user name Boxed Text would be.

And your sig practically writes itself!

 

[Simplicity]

Could be worse.



Actually, no. . . now that I think about it I WANT to play in the haiku adventure.

The Poem of Death
An Adventure for Levels
Five to Seven - Five.

I agree, this could be awesome. Especially if the players had to speak in haikus as well...

In a tiny room,
A snarling orc charges while
Steaming pie beckons.

 

[Evilhalfling]

by necessity it just gets worse:
Room 3

at bridge, a troll waits
"Five gold each, ten for a goat "
cash or CHARGE !

 

[awayfarer]

I loved the original WotC "Adventure Path" (Sunless Citadel, et al.) but this was the thing that bothered me most when I started The Forge of Fury. Every other sentence in the boxed text had an exclamation mark!

"What sort of person," said Salzella patiently, "sits down and writes a maniacal laugh? And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.

The latter quote is from the Discworld book Maskerade