Worst Boxed Text EVER.

Scribble

Villager
I thought it would be fun for everyone to come up with their best horrible "boxed text" and post it. See if you can make the best... err worst one.

The creature in front of you angrily growls in a fearful way. It's tendrils lashing out like skinny arms, almost as if to kill you with its death. You realize in horror that a horrible invisible creature like this will be a hard fight to fight.
 

eris404

Explorer
Darn! I was hoping you meant finding published examples. I remember one adventure where some of the boxed text had been botched and stuff that was supposed to be boxed wasn't and text that was not supposed to be boxed was...

So my example is:

When the party gets within 10 feet of the beautiful woman in the cell, they will discover she is actually a medusa.
 

Scribble

Villager
eris404 said:
Darn! I was hoping you meant finding published examples. I remember one adventure where some of the boxed text had been botched and stuff that was supposed to be boxed wasn't and text that was not supposed to be boxed was...

So my example is:
Shrug... That works too! :p I just want this thread filled with TERRIBLE Boxed text. :p
 

Henry

Autoexreginated
The small room measures 30 foot by 30 feet long. On a dresser 50 feet away stands a small bowl full of wax watermelons.

Now, as for ACTUALLY PUBLISHED bad boxed text, didn't Quasqueton have a thread once about the world's worst published module (IHHO)? Something about some ludicrous bandit highwaymen ancounter or something...
 

ehren37

Villager
My vote for worst boxed text is anything that states NPC's are performing actions that seems to leave the PC's unable to respond.

IE: "The dirty old woman shambles closer from across the courtyard. As she coughs, you see red specks on her lips. Wailing, she falls to her knees near you, wrapping her arms around your legs"

Or something to that effect.

Wow, so I was paralyzed and grappled by this diseased old hag without a single roll?

IMO, boxed text should usually describe more static scenes, not actions.
 

Crothian

Villager
Henry said:
Now, as for ACTUALLY PUBLISHED bad boxed text, didn't Quasqueton have a thread once about the world's worst published module (IHHO)? Something about some ludicrous bandit highwaymen ancounter or something...
Ya, the Forest Oracle discussions. :D
 

eris404

Explorer
ehren37 said:
IMO, boxed text should usually describe more static scenes, not actions.
Yeah! I remember tons of boxed text like that back in the day. I remember reading stuff like that to players and having them say "Nuh-uh! I don't let that hag anywhere near me!"

The other thing that makes me roll my eyes is text that is way too overdone:

You see a hauntingly beautiful woman with long, flowing golden hair. Her eyes are a bright and lumnious green with small flecks of gold, perfectly complemented by her form-fitting green silk dress, embroidered with tiny white daisies at the neckline and hem. She sighes deeply, showing a hint of sadness and perfectly white teeth. A single tear forms at the corner of her eye and rolls down the hill of her flawless, fair cheek.
 

Numion

Villager
Some of the 2nd ed adventures started with a boxed text that was friggin one and a half pages long! I thought that was pretty terrible ..

I game in finnish though, so the boxed texts aren't that important.
 

ThirdWizard

Villager
Crothian said:
Ya, the Forest Oracle discussions. :D
http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=148566

Simplicity won that thread on the first page.

Simplicity said:
A group of men head by. They are not tarrying or running. Nor are they singing. They don't seem to be making apple pies. As far as you can tell, they're not talking about sports. They neither have sombreros nor stilts. These men are not acrobats. They have no expression as they don't dally to the west.
:D:):D
 

tahsin

Villager
Take this!

As you step through the dungeon door, the smell of a dungeon greets you. Many many years must have gone by without anything entering this dungeon. Ahead, a dark corridor greets you which darkvision shows to hold cobwebs and skeletons. There are also torches lit in sconces in the dungeon hall. At the end of the 50' dungeon hall is a fair elven maiden chained to the wall. It looks like she is a 13th level paladin. She has red horns growing from her head. She greets you: "Well met. Rescue me and I shall join thee."
 

BOZ

Creature Cataloguer
she looks like a 13th-level paladin? specifically? is she wearing rank bars like in the military?
 

hafrogman

Villager
I'm thinking more that if she's got blood red horns growing out of her head she looks a LOT more like a level 13 blackguard.
 

JonMonster

Villager
This room is approximately 32.5 feet long and 46.2 feet wide. It is filled with an oddly assorted collection of sundries like crates and barrels and other broken things. A large broken stone fireplace is on one side of the room, the floor of it is covered with a thick layer of ash that has gem-sized lumps buried withinit. As you enter, a permanent darkness spell makes your light source wink out so that you can't see anything.
 

Sir Brennen

Villager
eris404 said:
So my example is:
When the party gets within 10 feet of the beautiful woman in the cell, they will discover she is actually a medusa.
Was that Keep on the Borderlands? Or are you referring to some other beautiful-maiden-in-a-cell-who's-actually-a-medusa?
 

hafrogman

Villager
My person favorite part is the way in which they prioritize the information.

DM:
You enter a large chamber, roughly 50' square lit by a brazier in the center. Lines of columns stand near the east and west walls, casting shadowy pools of darkness. The floor is tiled in a mosaic, broken in places but clearly depicting a great hero of a long forgotten people. High above the floor, the ceiling is festooned with curtains, faded but still intact. On the north wall there are two doors in the corners of heavy oaken construction, with brass fillegre around the handles. Inbetween them hangs a great tapestry depicting the same hero from the floor mosaic, but this time engaged in a great battle against an opposing army.
Players:
Let's take a closer look at the tapestry.

DM:
Hold on, I wasn't finished.
Standing around the brazier you see a dozen orcs wielding crude weaponry and roasting meat over the fire. Their leader looks up at your entrance and barks some orders.
Roll initiative.
 

Advertisement

Top