Worst Boxed Text EVER.

[Scribble]

I thought it would be fun for everyone to come up with their best horrible "boxed text" and post it. See if you can make the best... err worst one.

The creature in front of you angrily growls in a fearful way. It's tendrils lashing out like skinny arms, almost as if to kill you with its death. You realize in horror that a horrible invisible creature like this will be a hard fight to fight.

 

[BOZ]

is that Engrish?

 

[eris404]

Darn! I was hoping you meant finding published examples. I remember one adventure where some of the boxed text had been botched and stuff that was supposed to be boxed wasn't and text that was not supposed to be boxed was...

So my example is:

When the party gets within 10 feet of the beautiful woman in the cell, they will discover she is actually a medusa.

 

[Slife]

Someone should dig up the old "worst module ever" creation thread.

 

[Scribble]

Darn! I was hoping you meant finding published examples. I remember one adventure where some of the boxed text had been botched and stuff that was supposed to be boxed wasn't and text that was not supposed to be boxed was...

So my example is:

Shrug... That works too! I just want this thread filled with TERRIBLE Boxed text.

 

[Henry]

The small room measures 30 foot by 30 feet long. On a dresser 50 feet away stands a small bowl full of wax watermelons.

Now, as for ACTUALLY PUBLISHED bad boxed text, didn't Quasqueton have a thread once about the world's worst published module (IHHO)? Something about some ludicrous bandit highwaymen ancounter or something...

 

[jmucchiello]

Anything that starts

You enter the room and touch the macguffin.

Followed by the dire consequences of touching the macguffin.

 

[Jefe Bergenstein]

My vote for worst boxed text is anything that states NPC's are performing actions that seems to leave the PC's unable to respond.

IE: "The dirty old woman shambles closer from across the courtyard. As she coughs, you see red specks on her lips. Wailing, she falls to her knees near you, wrapping her arms around your legs"

Or something to that effect.

Wow, so I was paralyzed and grappled by this diseased old hag without a single roll?

IMO, boxed text should usually describe more static scenes, not actions.

 

[Crothian]

Now, as for ACTUALLY PUBLISHED bad boxed text, didn't Quasqueton have a thread once about the world's worst published module (IHHO)? Something about some ludicrous bandit highwaymen ancounter or something...

Ya, the Forest Oracle discussions.

 

[eris404]

IMO, boxed text should usually describe more static scenes, not actions.

Yeah! I remember tons of boxed text like that back in the day. I remember reading stuff like that to players and having them say "Nuh-uh! I don't let that hag anywhere near me!"

The other thing that makes me roll my eyes is text that is way too overdone:

You see a hauntingly beautiful woman with long, flowing golden hair. Her eyes are a bright and lumnious green with small flecks of gold, perfectly complemented by her form-fitting green silk dress, embroidered with tiny white daisies at the neckline and hem. She sighes deeply, showing a hint of sadness and perfectly white teeth. A single tear forms at the corner of her eye and rolls down the hill of her flawless, fair cheek.