Worst Public Restroom

[Barendd Nobeard]

The bathroom at Rennaisance Books in Milwaukee. It beat the gas station in the Little Rock (Arkansas) "suburbs" I once had to use.

I think Kevin Smith must have visited the Rennaisance Book bathroom at some time, for he placed an "Excremental" in his film Dogma.

Unfortunately, I had eaten something very unsettling for lunch and was forced to use the cursed room. I seem to recall seriously considering just crapping in my pants instead; the toilet was that disgusting. But I braved disease and parasites and used the facilities. And never went there--to the store itself or its hellish bathroom--again.

 

[Olaf the Stout]

True Restroom Hell (with traces of greek mythology, no less)...

Have you ever had one of those emergencies where you swear any moment you are going to cross over into a threshold of public humiliation the likes of which you've never experienced before? The kind of moment where you swear you won't make it at all?

I was driving cross country and suddenly had to find the nearest restroom I could. I had to drive another 20 miles after the initial moment of panic, and then I found one located in a separate building about a hundred feet from a gas station and convenience store. This convenience store was the only one for about 10 miles and the on-off ramp took a bit of time too.

I pulled in found the restoom and rushed towards it, really worried that I might not manage the 50' walt to the toilet. It was like that moment in Transpotters where he suddenly has to use the nearest facility available, no matter what. At such moments, you can hope but you know you will actually use the most disgusting rat-hole if that's what's there, because you just don't have a choice.

I wondered a bit why there was a lady and her husband standing outside the building, and it really looked like SHE was the one waiting to go in the men's room. But at that moment, I just don't care. I worry that maybe someone is in there.

I rush in to find the most beautiful, sparkling clean facility I have ever seen. I mean one would hope the men's room in heaven will be so well kept. It was gorgeous and I was so relieved. It was like hitting the lottery; it was empty; it was beautiful; and it was all MINE. As I head into the stall and see how wonderfully clean it is, the station attendant comes in...

...he proceeds to tell me that the restroom is closed for the moment as he hasn't finished cleaning it; he needs to get some toilet paper. There are others in line ahead of me too, he says, and I have to come back out. Now, I am staring right down at a clean roll of toilet paper as he speaks, and I mean it was perfect. It was about 2/3rds full and it was clean and fluffy, just like you would hope to have at home. Heck, it looked like something Madonna would be proud to place next to her toilet, or perhaps a shiek would set next to his golden throne. But this guy demands that I exit the facility and wait for him to restock the paper. So, I come out, pass the lady and her husband and find the women's restroom is also closed. (Yes, I could see it coming.) I check anyway, and this one really is out of toilet paper. It's just been cleaned, but the paper has not been restocked.

The guy heads off towards the main building, leaving myself and the couple to wait for him. I am in agony. The woman it turns out is also in dire straights and she delays the man to ask him about other facilities in the area. He tells her how far it is to the next gas station and lectures her on the need to wait, taking his sweet time about it. I mean, he is really taking his time about it, not as in thinking it through, just pausing for effect and making sure she realizes that he is serious. No-one is to enter the facility until he is done.

He then disappears into the main building at a perfectly casual pace. We wait...

And I stand there having seen heaven, or at least my vision of heaven at that particular moment and wonder where the hell that guy went. I thank the non-existent gods for every moment I manage to avert disaster while the woman and her husband discuss the prospect of making it to the next gass station. I know I won't make it if I have to wait for the guy to get back and then for her to do her thing, and I weigh the prospects of begging ahead of the woman who is obviously worried about exactly the same thing herself. Discretion aside, there is only one sit down toilet, and both of us are doing the still-footed-clench-and-hope dance. Where is that guy? She's stressed. I'm stressed, and the restroom Nazi is nowhere to be seen.

We wait...

A cliffhanger for a toilet tale! You sure know how to keep people hanging on Brimshack!

Is there an ending to this story? Is it even a true story?

Olaf the Stout

 

[Olaf the Stout]

"Aaaaagh, ghosts! Waitaminute...aaaaagh, I'm thirsty! (Sip, sip.) Aaaaaaagh, ghosts!"

Too funny Tewligan. I actually laughed out load at work reading this comment. I thought the original post on it was funny enough. This just topped it off.

Obviously thirst won out over fear the first time around.

Olaf the Stout

 

[Aurora]

True Restroom Hell (with traces of greek mythology, no less)...
<snip>

I have been there man. I have been there.

 

[WayneLigon]

The worst I've ever been in, some guy had laid a pipe that had to have been as long as my forearm. It couldn't fit into the bowl and was draped partially out, a peice the size of a man's hand having broken off and fell at the foot of the commode. I didn't know human beings could create such a thing.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Location: Don Carter's West bowling alley, Dallas, Texas

Time: After 7PM, during the late bowling league in which I was a participant.

Bathroom from Hell: Entire South Men's Room done Jackson Pollack style in diarreah- toilets, floor, sinks, mirrors...

(Someone obviously misunderstood "vacate the premises")

I did NOT take the time to look up.

 

[kenobi65]

The worst I've ever been in, some guy had laid a pipe that had to have been as long as my forearm. It couldn't fit into the bowl and was draped partially out, a peice the size of a man's hand having broken off and fell at the foot of the commode. I didn't know human beings could create such a thing.

"That's no poo....that's a space station!"

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

The worst I've ever been in, some guy had laid a pipe that had to have been as long as my forearm. It couldn't fit into the bowl and was draped partially out, a peice the size of a man's hand having broken off and fell at the foot of the commode. I didn't know human beings could create such a thing.

I've encountered a "human" capable of doing just that!

I was 17 years old and on a trip to Europe with 3 other guys and a chaparone. We were staying with a family in Budapest in a spare room and the first thing this guy did was head for the john (we all had to go, but he got there first).

Eventually, he comes out, laughing like Scooby Do, "Come take a look at this!"

Like fools, we all wandered in that general direction. The SOB had filled the bowl with something that was part Snake and part Yule-log.

(In retrospect, Ice Cube's "They got snakes out there that big?" quote from Anaconda would have been perfect- but that movie hadn't been made yet.)

It wouldn't flush- he had to go into their garden, find a stick, and break it up manually. It took half an hour.

Around here, we term such a thing an "Ass-Baby"- as in "I need an epidural, I'm going to have an Ass-Baby!"

 

[Angel Tarragon]

Well, it has been many many moons since I used a public restroom, but there is one that still haunts my memories. I was vacationing in Montana with my dad and I had to do a #1 really bad. I find the nearest restroom, which is in a McD's. There is mud all over the floor and all the have is one toilet, no urinal. Thatere was a mound of dookie so high that it piled up to the rim of the bowl, on top of which there was a god-awful yellow pus. In a corner of the restroom there was a wastebasket, which I swear had to have puke in it. Needless to say, I ran out of there like a bat out of hell and held my bladder for about three miles till I could use a different restroom.

WORST. BATHROOM. EVAR.

 

[kenobi65]

I've encountered a "human" capable of doing just that!

One of my cousins, when he was in junior high, had some weird psychological thing going on where he didn't want to go to the bathroom. He'd wind up finally "going #2" about once a week. "Mom, where's the Reader's Digest?" was a feared cry, because it meant he was going to be spending the next half-hour doing his business, and "Yule log" is a pretty reasonable description of the output.