Wulf's Collected Story Hour -- FINAL UPDATE 12/25
- Thread starter Wulf Ratbane
- Start date
JacktheRabbit
Explorer
What?
Its the man's name after all.
BTW, shouldnt you be busy writing a story hour right now?
Its the man's name after all.
BTW, shouldnt you be busy writing a story hour right now?
Piratecat said:
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Wulf Ratbane
Adventurer
DocMoriartty said:
And this differs from Wulf... how?
Wulf
JacktheRabbit
Explorer
Well at least Wulf admits to it and is probably the first to tell you that not only does his you know what stinks but that it probably stinks worse than most peoples.
Marcinko on the other hand is a walking ego balloon. The man writes fiction with himself as the super spy main character. If that is not overinflated ego then I don't know what is.
Marcinko on the other hand is a walking ego balloon. The man writes fiction with himself as the super spy main character. If that is not overinflated ego then I don't know what is.
Wulf Ratbane said:
Wulf Ratbane
Adventurer
DocMoriartty said:
Err... and this differs from me... how?
EDIT: Nevermind, I figured it out. The difference is, Marcinko's expert-level ranks in Hide and Move Silently actually friggin' work.
Wulf
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Wulf Ratbane
Adventurer
LORD OF THE IRON FORTRESS-- Part IV (cont.)
One of the smaller predators leapt on Wulf again, pinning him to the ground. Thanks to Dorn, Wulf wasn’t in any great danger, and he didn’t even flinch when Keldas burped up an acid breath over his predator and the den mother.
Satisfied that Wulf could take care of himself, Dorn whipped out his carpet of flying and zipped off to the back of the cave to deal with the sorcerer-- one good whack with Syrius and a promise of more where that came from. The melee was a mess, good guys and bad guys mixing it up all over the cave. Wulf was actually pretty happy to be pinned under one of the smaller predators.
The den mother ordered one of its minions to attack Keldas, but its jaws closed around a mirror image and Keldas was unscathed. The den mother responded by roaring at Keldas, who counted himself fortunate not to be deafened by the sonic blast despite the fact that his guts felt like they’d been scrambled with an egg-beater. Keldas stepped back and fired two bolts of conjuring at the smaller predator, finally finishing it off.
Dorn had backed the sorcerer up with his great-axe, but he was having trouble slicing through all the magical protections. He cast a dispel magic onto the sorcerer with limited success-- he couldn’t tell what he’d dispelled, but apparently it was enough that the sorcerer cried out for help. The huge den mother turned and dashed to the back of the cave to deal with Dorn.
As the huge predator turned, it finally dropped the portable hole. Keldas reached down and unrolled the hole with one hand, while simultaneously casting a greater dispelling on the sorcerer. Protective spells melted away just in time for Karak to come bounding out of the hole.
“Glad yer finally decided to join the party…” Wulf muttered from beneath the snapping jaws of his predator opponent.
Karak took only the briefest of moments to size up the situation before charging the sorcerer, smiting him full force. The sorcerer was sorely wounded but scoffed arrogantly.
“Sorry to leave you,” he said. “One haste, one teleport, and we’ll meet some other time.” He stepped back from Karak and began to re-cast his haste spell.
“You’re not going anywhere.” Keldas whispered. There was menace in his monotone. The sorcerer’s haste spell fizzled as Keldas reacted to counter-spell it. There would be no teleport follow-up, either: Dorn stepped up and in two strokes had seperated the sorcerer into three parts.
They weren’t out of the water yet, unfortunately; there were still two predators left, including the big one. Keldas saw Wulf still struggling with his and shouted out, “Wulf, you know I can’t do this!”
“What the hell are yer talking abou—“ Wulf began, as a fireball exploded around his ears. If it was an illusion, it was a damn painful one, and the predator seemed to think so, too. Wulf put a boot against its chest and popped himself free of its clutches. He rolled to his feet with his weapons ready, slashed the thing four or five times, and finally dropped it in a heap on the ground.
Dorn and Karak had teamed up on the den mother, but the thing seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of energy. Ignoring Karak, it turned and clamped its huge jaws on Dorn, engulfing him from the top down and settling its razor-sharp teeth around his waist. Wulf grimaced and turned aside, leaving a single eye open to witness a repeat of what the thing had done to Alliane.
But Dorn was Haela’s special guy. At the last moment Dorn’s banded mail slipped through the predator’s jaws, which chomped down unsatisfactorily on Dorn’s shoulder. It was still a bad wound, but not nearly as bad as it should have been.
“Yer lucky bastard!” Wulf cheered.
Dorn didn’t feel so lucky at the moment. The predator didn’t miss a beat, grabbing Dorn with its claws and dragging him in where its hind legs could rake him over. Wulf charged up and slammed Taranak into its side. The distraction worked; Dorn managed to wriggle free, and Wulf got back-handed with another paw for his trouble.
Wulf noticed with some concern that he, Dorn, and Karak had the creature blocked in on three sides—and unfortunately, it was he who was standing between the critter and the exit. He skipped back a few steps to give the predator room to run without having to go through him first. Sure enough, the den mother took the bait and bolted for the exit. Karak and Dorn slashed at its flanks as it fled, but it kept its feet and blasted past Wulf like a bullet train.
Good riddance, Wulf thought.
Dorn was not so easily deterred. He kicked his flying carpet into high gear and chased off after it, out of the cave, through the valley entrance, and off onto the vast iron plain of the cube, all the while calling down flame strike after flame strike. Soon enough, he’d blasted it into oblivion. He returned, satisfied at last, to the rest of the group.
Wulf was using the tip of his boot to roll Alliane’s remains unceremoniously into the portable hole. Noting Keldas’ scowl, Wulf crossed himself and said a quick prayer for her soul. “Benedice, benedictus… ahh… ipso facto an’ habeus corpus…”
Wulf looked up at Dorn. “Reckon yer can bring her back tomorrow?”
Dorn shrugged. “No problem.”
“No,” Keldas said.
“What yer mean, No?”
“Alliane did not wish to be brought back again. She has earned a rest: a graceful, innocent follower, always getting yanked into terrible danger by people she should know better than to trust.”
“But I need her,” Wulf said. “We all need her.”
“What’s done is done,” said Keldas.
**
They grabbed the den mother’s head on their way back to the formian lair, and as soon as they were spotted by the colony, the formians raised a mighty cheer. For some reason, Wulf was in no mood for celebration; while he sulked in the back, Keldas stepped forward to lead a delegation to the formian Queen, and to handle any negotiations.
When it was all said and done, Keldas returned to the group with a magic necklace, given as a gift from the Queen for their help against the steel predators.
“Just great,” Wulf said. “Yer lost Alliane, but, hey, at least yer got a pretty bauble for yer trouble.”
Keldas scowled, but let it go. “Well, it allows us to see through illusions; it could be very useful.”
“What would be useful is some allies against Imperagon. How’d that go?”
Keldas frowned. “The Queen will grant us safe haven here, but assures me that if we bring trouble down on them, she’ll hand us over.”
“Mighty utilitarian of her.”
“Best she can do. So what now?”
“I don’t care, ask the Oracle over there.” Wulf nodded towards Dorn. “Or is today a Templar day?”
“Tomorrow I will commune with Haela Brightaxe. She’ll see us on our way, right enough,” said Dorn. “Start thinkin’ of questions to ask. Serious questions, Wulf.”
The next day, as soon as Dorn was ready, Wulf guided him through the questions he wanted answered. Tactical questions. Strategic questions. Serious questions. Wulf had a little over half a dozen questions written down, and figured he’d fill out the rest as the answers to the previous questions inspired him.
What are the names of the three blue dragons who have allied with Imperagon?
INDRAZAR, HUNDRAZI, KHALATAIC.
Do the dragons have any allies besides Imperagon?
IMPERAGON’S ALLIES.
“Ohh, that was some friggin’ useful info,” Wulf said. “Very timely, very helpful.”
As if to annoy Wulf further, Dorn deviated from Wulf’s questions:
Is Haela happy with my work so far?
There was no answer, but Dorn felt a strange sensation.
“Waste of a question…” Wulf said. “Yer big momma’s boy.”
“I got a warm fuzzy feelin’.” Dorn smiled.
“That so? Hell, if I’d ha’ known I could have got a mystical hummer from Haela herself, I woulda been a priest, too.” Wulf said. “Now can we get back on track?"
Will killing the dragons assist us against Imperagon?
YES
What kind of dragon cross-breed is Imperagon?
RED
Is Verachus planning to double-cross us?
NO
Is Imperagon making preparations specifically against us?
YES
Is the hobgoblin sniper a threat to us in our crusade against Imperagon?
NO
Is Imperagon a psionics user?
NO
Karak was waving his hand wildly in the air. “Ooh! Ooh! I have a good one! Ask her what weaknesses we can exploit!”
Wulf started at him like the idiot he was. “It doesn’t work that way. Yer have to ask questions with simple answers, and besides…”
Dorn asked the question:
What weaknesses does Imperagon’s fortress have that we can exploit?
There was no answer.
Wulf shut his eyes and tried to control his temper. He found it easier if he just reminded himself that he was surrounded by fools. “And besides, I was sayin’, the gods don’t work that way. It’s never that simple. Haela wants us to throw our asses on the line, don’t yer get it? Yer think she’s just gonna roll Imperagon up in a neat package for us?”
“Keep the questions comin, then,” said Dorn. “If ya slow down, it’s no wonder the paladin’s gonna jump in.”
Are Imperagon’s blue dragon allies making preparations specifically against us?
YES
If we wait for the dragons, will they come to us?
NO
If we attack the dragons right now, what allies can we expect them to have?
STEEL CATS.
“That’s it,” said Dorn. He was visibly drained from the communion with his goddess, but he seemed game for more-- as ever. “So?”
“Well," Wulf said, stroking his beard. "I reckon we leave now and go kick the sh-- out of some dragons.”
One of the smaller predators leapt on Wulf again, pinning him to the ground. Thanks to Dorn, Wulf wasn’t in any great danger, and he didn’t even flinch when Keldas burped up an acid breath over his predator and the den mother.
Satisfied that Wulf could take care of himself, Dorn whipped out his carpet of flying and zipped off to the back of the cave to deal with the sorcerer-- one good whack with Syrius and a promise of more where that came from. The melee was a mess, good guys and bad guys mixing it up all over the cave. Wulf was actually pretty happy to be pinned under one of the smaller predators.
The den mother ordered one of its minions to attack Keldas, but its jaws closed around a mirror image and Keldas was unscathed. The den mother responded by roaring at Keldas, who counted himself fortunate not to be deafened by the sonic blast despite the fact that his guts felt like they’d been scrambled with an egg-beater. Keldas stepped back and fired two bolts of conjuring at the smaller predator, finally finishing it off.
Dorn had backed the sorcerer up with his great-axe, but he was having trouble slicing through all the magical protections. He cast a dispel magic onto the sorcerer with limited success-- he couldn’t tell what he’d dispelled, but apparently it was enough that the sorcerer cried out for help. The huge den mother turned and dashed to the back of the cave to deal with Dorn.
As the huge predator turned, it finally dropped the portable hole. Keldas reached down and unrolled the hole with one hand, while simultaneously casting a greater dispelling on the sorcerer. Protective spells melted away just in time for Karak to come bounding out of the hole.
“Glad yer finally decided to join the party…” Wulf muttered from beneath the snapping jaws of his predator opponent.
Karak took only the briefest of moments to size up the situation before charging the sorcerer, smiting him full force. The sorcerer was sorely wounded but scoffed arrogantly.
“Sorry to leave you,” he said. “One haste, one teleport, and we’ll meet some other time.” He stepped back from Karak and began to re-cast his haste spell.
“You’re not going anywhere.” Keldas whispered. There was menace in his monotone. The sorcerer’s haste spell fizzled as Keldas reacted to counter-spell it. There would be no teleport follow-up, either: Dorn stepped up and in two strokes had seperated the sorcerer into three parts.
They weren’t out of the water yet, unfortunately; there were still two predators left, including the big one. Keldas saw Wulf still struggling with his and shouted out, “Wulf, you know I can’t do this!”
“What the hell are yer talking abou—“ Wulf began, as a fireball exploded around his ears. If it was an illusion, it was a damn painful one, and the predator seemed to think so, too. Wulf put a boot against its chest and popped himself free of its clutches. He rolled to his feet with his weapons ready, slashed the thing four or five times, and finally dropped it in a heap on the ground.
Dorn and Karak had teamed up on the den mother, but the thing seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of energy. Ignoring Karak, it turned and clamped its huge jaws on Dorn, engulfing him from the top down and settling its razor-sharp teeth around his waist. Wulf grimaced and turned aside, leaving a single eye open to witness a repeat of what the thing had done to Alliane.
But Dorn was Haela’s special guy. At the last moment Dorn’s banded mail slipped through the predator’s jaws, which chomped down unsatisfactorily on Dorn’s shoulder. It was still a bad wound, but not nearly as bad as it should have been.
“Yer lucky bastard!” Wulf cheered.
Dorn didn’t feel so lucky at the moment. The predator didn’t miss a beat, grabbing Dorn with its claws and dragging him in where its hind legs could rake him over. Wulf charged up and slammed Taranak into its side. The distraction worked; Dorn managed to wriggle free, and Wulf got back-handed with another paw for his trouble.
Wulf noticed with some concern that he, Dorn, and Karak had the creature blocked in on three sides—and unfortunately, it was he who was standing between the critter and the exit. He skipped back a few steps to give the predator room to run without having to go through him first. Sure enough, the den mother took the bait and bolted for the exit. Karak and Dorn slashed at its flanks as it fled, but it kept its feet and blasted past Wulf like a bullet train.
Good riddance, Wulf thought.
Dorn was not so easily deterred. He kicked his flying carpet into high gear and chased off after it, out of the cave, through the valley entrance, and off onto the vast iron plain of the cube, all the while calling down flame strike after flame strike. Soon enough, he’d blasted it into oblivion. He returned, satisfied at last, to the rest of the group.
Wulf was using the tip of his boot to roll Alliane’s remains unceremoniously into the portable hole. Noting Keldas’ scowl, Wulf crossed himself and said a quick prayer for her soul. “Benedice, benedictus… ahh… ipso facto an’ habeus corpus…”
Wulf looked up at Dorn. “Reckon yer can bring her back tomorrow?”
Dorn shrugged. “No problem.”
“No,” Keldas said.
“What yer mean, No?”
“Alliane did not wish to be brought back again. She has earned a rest: a graceful, innocent follower, always getting yanked into terrible danger by people she should know better than to trust.”
“But I need her,” Wulf said. “We all need her.”
“What’s done is done,” said Keldas.
**
They grabbed the den mother’s head on their way back to the formian lair, and as soon as they were spotted by the colony, the formians raised a mighty cheer. For some reason, Wulf was in no mood for celebration; while he sulked in the back, Keldas stepped forward to lead a delegation to the formian Queen, and to handle any negotiations.
When it was all said and done, Keldas returned to the group with a magic necklace, given as a gift from the Queen for their help against the steel predators.
“Just great,” Wulf said. “Yer lost Alliane, but, hey, at least yer got a pretty bauble for yer trouble.”
Keldas scowled, but let it go. “Well, it allows us to see through illusions; it could be very useful.”
“What would be useful is some allies against Imperagon. How’d that go?”
Keldas frowned. “The Queen will grant us safe haven here, but assures me that if we bring trouble down on them, she’ll hand us over.”
“Mighty utilitarian of her.”
“Best she can do. So what now?”
“I don’t care, ask the Oracle over there.” Wulf nodded towards Dorn. “Or is today a Templar day?”
“Tomorrow I will commune with Haela Brightaxe. She’ll see us on our way, right enough,” said Dorn. “Start thinkin’ of questions to ask. Serious questions, Wulf.”
The next day, as soon as Dorn was ready, Wulf guided him through the questions he wanted answered. Tactical questions. Strategic questions. Serious questions. Wulf had a little over half a dozen questions written down, and figured he’d fill out the rest as the answers to the previous questions inspired him.
What are the names of the three blue dragons who have allied with Imperagon?
INDRAZAR, HUNDRAZI, KHALATAIC.
Do the dragons have any allies besides Imperagon?
IMPERAGON’S ALLIES.
“Ohh, that was some friggin’ useful info,” Wulf said. “Very timely, very helpful.”
As if to annoy Wulf further, Dorn deviated from Wulf’s questions:
Is Haela happy with my work so far?
There was no answer, but Dorn felt a strange sensation.
“Waste of a question…” Wulf said. “Yer big momma’s boy.”
“I got a warm fuzzy feelin’.” Dorn smiled.
“That so? Hell, if I’d ha’ known I could have got a mystical hummer from Haela herself, I woulda been a priest, too.” Wulf said. “Now can we get back on track?"
Will killing the dragons assist us against Imperagon?
YES
What kind of dragon cross-breed is Imperagon?
RED
Is Verachus planning to double-cross us?
NO
Is Imperagon making preparations specifically against us?
YES
Is the hobgoblin sniper a threat to us in our crusade against Imperagon?
NO
Is Imperagon a psionics user?
NO
Karak was waving his hand wildly in the air. “Ooh! Ooh! I have a good one! Ask her what weaknesses we can exploit!”
Wulf started at him like the idiot he was. “It doesn’t work that way. Yer have to ask questions with simple answers, and besides…”
Dorn asked the question:
What weaknesses does Imperagon’s fortress have that we can exploit?
There was no answer.
Wulf shut his eyes and tried to control his temper. He found it easier if he just reminded himself that he was surrounded by fools. “And besides, I was sayin’, the gods don’t work that way. It’s never that simple. Haela wants us to throw our asses on the line, don’t yer get it? Yer think she’s just gonna roll Imperagon up in a neat package for us?”
“Keep the questions comin, then,” said Dorn. “If ya slow down, it’s no wonder the paladin’s gonna jump in.”
Are Imperagon’s blue dragon allies making preparations specifically against us?
YES
If we wait for the dragons, will they come to us?
NO
If we attack the dragons right now, what allies can we expect them to have?
STEEL CATS.
“That’s it,” said Dorn. He was visibly drained from the communion with his goddess, but he seemed game for more-- as ever. “So?”
“Well," Wulf said, stroking his beard. "I reckon we leave now and go kick the sh-- out of some dragons.”
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