Paul_Klein
Explorer
...
Last edited:
(Totally-OT) I really need some advice... bad!
shilsen
Adventurer
Hoo boy!
Talk about dilemmas! Anyway, here's my advice (and I'm sure everyone here will disagree with me). Tell both Ann and Morgan about it. Preferably Morgan first. Just tell him that you love Ann and can't keep it bottled up, and feel it's only fair as a friend that both of them should know about it. And then tell Ann how you feel. Don't forget to mention to both of them that if she's not the least bit interested, you'll deal with it.
What the upshot of it will be, I obviously can't say. Maybe Ann will tell you to take a hike, maybe Morgan will try to Smite you, maybe Ann will tell you she's been in love with you for years. Be prepared for some embarrassment, awkwardness, and probably some hurt feelings. But I'd argue that a little honesty will be better in the long run.
Talk about dilemmas! Anyway, here's my advice (and I'm sure everyone here will disagree with me). Tell both Ann and Morgan about it. Preferably Morgan first. Just tell him that you love Ann and can't keep it bottled up, and feel it's only fair as a friend that both of them should know about it. And then tell Ann how you feel. Don't forget to mention to both of them that if she's not the least bit interested, you'll deal with it.
What the upshot of it will be, I obviously can't say. Maybe Ann will tell you to take a hike, maybe Morgan will try to Smite you, maybe Ann will tell you she's been in love with you for years. Be prepared for some embarrassment, awkwardness, and probably some hurt feelings. But I'd argue that a little honesty will be better in the long run.
dvvega
Explorer
Shilsen: you're right ... I don't agree with your advice.
Paul: here's the scoop ... if you really love her then you will let her be with her boyfriend and remain the friend that you are to her now. You will be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, or someone to hang out with. You can't make her love you and by telling them both, it will cause hurt. The reason? Men react very directly and jealously. If Morgan sees you as a threat to his relationship he will ensure you are nowhere near his girlfriend.
As a wise man said "if you love someone set them free if they come back then they're yours, if they don't then let them be". Although Ann is not yours, if it was meant to be it will be.
Paul: here's the scoop ... if you really love her then you will let her be with her boyfriend and remain the friend that you are to her now. You will be there for her when she needs someone to talk to, or someone to hang out with. You can't make her love you and by telling them both, it will cause hurt. The reason? Men react very directly and jealously. If Morgan sees you as a threat to his relationship he will ensure you are nowhere near his girlfriend.
As a wise man said "if you love someone set them free if they come back then they're yours, if they don't then let them be". Although Ann is not yours, if it was meant to be it will be.
SableWyvern
Adventurer
My suggestion: Let Morgan know, and find out how serious he is about the whole thing. If he is serious about Ann, than let it go. If he's not - then maybe something can come of it. Although, to me, it sounds like the beginings of a great, big, huge, giant mess in which no-one wins.
I had my brother destroy any chance of getting back a girl I should have married, and while the blame for the relationship originally failing lies with me, I still can't believe he did what he did. You just don't do stuff like that.
Love sucks. Get a dog instead.
I had my brother destroy any chance of getting back a girl I should have married, and while the blame for the relationship originally failing lies with me, I still can't believe he did what he did. You just don't do stuff like that.
Love sucks. Get a dog instead.
arwink
Clockwork Golem
My 2c
1) Make sure you really, really want to go through with this if you're even contemplating it. It's a big call, and it's the kind of thing that break's friendships for good.
2) Be sure you really care about the person, not the relationship between two people. It's hard to be around really happy, long term couples when your single, and sometimes that subconscious jealosy you feel about their happiness leads you to thinking that you could be just that happy, if only you were with whoever instead of whoever. This is not to completely disparage your feelings, just a gentle urging to examine them as closely as possible.
3) The best peice of advice I was ever given when I was in the same situation: Do you really want to be with someone who will happily break up a happy relationship to be with you? What makes you think it'll be any different with you, and can you handle the subconsious suspicion that your happiness can be over at any moment, if one of your friends/colleagues/complete strangers suddenly finds themselves in the same situation you're facing right now? There's really no easy way to start a relationship like this. Someone always feels like their being cheated, and usually you feel like you're cheating someone else. Big, bad and viscious circle. I went through this once. I thought I could handle it, and I was wrong. No friend, no girlfriend, loooots of guilt, hate and suspicion.
1) Make sure you really, really want to go through with this if you're even contemplating it. It's a big call, and it's the kind of thing that break's friendships for good.
2) Be sure you really care about the person, not the relationship between two people. It's hard to be around really happy, long term couples when your single, and sometimes that subconscious jealosy you feel about their happiness leads you to thinking that you could be just that happy, if only you were with whoever instead of whoever. This is not to completely disparage your feelings, just a gentle urging to examine them as closely as possible.
3) The best peice of advice I was ever given when I was in the same situation: Do you really want to be with someone who will happily break up a happy relationship to be with you? What makes you think it'll be any different with you, and can you handle the subconsious suspicion that your happiness can be over at any moment, if one of your friends/colleagues/complete strangers suddenly finds themselves in the same situation you're facing right now? There's really no easy way to start a relationship like this. Someone always feels like their being cheated, and usually you feel like you're cheating someone else. Big, bad and viscious circle. I went through this once. I thought I could handle it, and I was wrong. No friend, no girlfriend, loooots of guilt, hate and suspicion.
Wolfspider
Explorer
I can't count the friendships I've ruined by confessing my love. The thing I've come to realize is that you DO fall in love with your best friends, but it's not romantic love. In my own experience I've found that it's best just to keep quiet and love your friends as friends. Be happy for them. Don't be selfish.
I'm really luck that my best friend Amy didn't overreact when I told her that I loved her. I think she understood what was really going on in my heart. Sure, it was hard when she got married a year after I revealed my feelings to her, but as time went on I realized that Amy and I had a relationship that was truly something special. Amy could share thoughts and feelings with me that she couldn't with her spouse. Everyone needs a confidant.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. The bottom line: I advise you to ignore these feelings of love, because they may not be what they seem to be. Be a friend to both of these people. It'll get easier.
That being said, I can't count the friendships I've ruined by confessing my love....
I'm really luck that my best friend Amy didn't overreact when I told her that I loved her. I think she understood what was really going on in my heart. Sure, it was hard when she got married a year after I revealed my feelings to her, but as time went on I realized that Amy and I had a relationship that was truly something special. Amy could share thoughts and feelings with me that she couldn't with her spouse. Everyone needs a confidant.
Anyway, sorry for rambling. The bottom line: I advise you to ignore these feelings of love, because they may not be what they seem to be. Be a friend to both of these people. It'll get easier.
That being said, I can't count the friendships I've ruined by confessing my love....
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
This is a strange first post. 
You didn't say what her dex was, but I advise that you try to get a surprise round off. If you can, blanket the area with fireballs and then send in your front line fighters to flank. If your rogue can maneuver around, you should be all set.
Good luck!
You didn't say what her dex was, but I advise that you try to get a surprise round off. If you can, blanket the area with fireballs and then send in your front line fighters to flank. If your rogue can maneuver around, you should be all set.
Good luck!
Tanager
Registered User
Yup, I've been there. From both sides. And it bites anyway you look at it.
I'd advise you to keep quiet it really isn't worth the grief to everyone involved.
Put the shoe on the other foot, if Morgan did this to you, how would you feel? What kind of a person would you think him to be afterwards? Do you want to be that person?
Part and parsel of the course of long term relationships. Particularly at around the one/1.5 year mark, when the mystique of someone new has worn off and parts of the relationship has become a somewhat routine. It's never "happily ever after", but that doesn't mean it won't last.
Be happy that Morgan found somebody special.
Be happy for Ann that she found somebody special (after all, he's your best friend, so you must think he's a good guy).
I know it seems like that now, but you can, and will get over it. It takes time and hurts like a b***h in the meantime. But it does get better.
[quore]I can get Ann and possibly lose Morgan...[/quote]
There is a third possibility you haven't brought up. You could lose them both, and other friends who get caught in crossfire.
Ultimately, my advice, for what it's worth, would be to give yourself a little space. Don't stop hanging with them, but start something new in your own life. Meet some new people.
Easier said than done, I know.
David
BiggusGeekus
That's Latin for "cool"
Paul,
Tell your friend your feelings and that you are having a hard time coping. If you don't say anything it will just build up pressure inside of you and you'll do something dumb. Trust me. Been there, done that.
This will, incidentally, probably hinder your friendship. But belive me, the friendship is already in jepordy and this way you'll have at least established a dialogue.
Good luck.
Tell your friend your feelings and that you are having a hard time coping. If you don't say anything it will just build up pressure inside of you and you'll do something dumb. Trust me. Been there, done that.
This will, incidentally, probably hinder your friendship. But belive me, the friendship is already in jepordy and this way you'll have at least established a dialogue.
Good luck.
