D&D 5E Dealing with a trouble player and a major blow up

[Uchawi]

I have seen and experienced fights or animosity at the table and assumed the opposing parties would never talk to each other again. But after a long break, as long as they were friends in every other aspect besides the game, it usually was resolved and we continued to game. Sometimes all you need is a break.

 

[Celtavian]

One, likely final, follow up to this thread. I finally made my decision and decided to bow out of my Sunday D&D game. I texted the guy's girlfriend since I figured she'd be more reasonable and said I wasn't coming because I felt that my presence at the table was causing problems and I didn't want to create any more issues for the D&D game.

She told me that I was fine to come on Sundays, it was only my defending of the structure of Adventurer's League that was the problem and calling them both Evil and if I really felt that way about them in real life I should stop talking to them permanently. They cancelled last week and she wanted me to understand that they didn't cancel it because of me, it was just because everyone had plans.

I told her that I never meant that to refer to them in real life and it was never meant to be an offense to them but my problem with showing up on Sunday is that my presence was causing problems and I didn't want to create any more blow ups so I was going to bow out.

She told me that the problem was that me and the other guy were both stubborn and we needed to learn to stay away from volatile topic especially when people around us were hinting about changing the subject.

I told her that my problem is that I had no idea that we were discussing a volatile subject since I was unaware that anyone would really take a silly conversation about D&D alignment seriously. And the last time he blew up I was just DMing a game and didn't realize I did anything wrong until he got up and left. I told her I understand that she has to stick up for him no matter what his behavior is and that I respect her because she'll stand up for him no matter what. I said that I just couldn't deal with it any more and felt it was best that I just no longer attend D&D.

She told me that she doesn't stick up for him because she has to but that she completely believes everything she says. She said that this means we can no longer hang out and said goodbye.

Now try to find reasonably sane people to play with because her responses were typical of a person that would justify any action they take regardless of the behavior. You'll be better off mentally in the long run finding a new group.

 

[TheDiceMustRoll]

Tell him to get out.

 

[Majoru Oakheart]

I quoted this because this is where your whole reconciliation attempt failed. Others have said you rolled a 20 but I think you rolled a 1. Here's why:

First point: When there's issues at the table, deal directly with the person you have the issue with. Talk about it over a slice, a cig, a beer...whatever. Friendly conversations grow friendships. But you missed it here.

Secondly, you dissed the girlfriend (not quoted here) without, likely, meaning to. You could have avoided that altogether had you adhered to my first point.

Thirdly, if you don't know your friend's thoughts and attitudes and how to handle them, you've failed to get in deep with that person. Try being deep with people. That usually starts with taking a genuine interest in their lives and their opinions. It doesn't mean you have to agree with them...you just need to be genuine when you ask about them.

I'm not saying this as a put down...just giving you my observations.

In the greater picture...you're out of the situation now. I hope you find a game that's amenable to your personality and tons of fun. Keep rolling the bones. Hope for 20's.

Dealing directly with him wouldn't have proven anything. He would have immediately blamed me for everything. On any normal day I direct my comments to her rather than him because I'm not generally his friend. I've learned over the years that directing comments to him usually ends up with him being angry. That's kind of the point of bowing out of the game. Dealing with him at all causes me constant frustration.

He is so negative about everything that he ruins my mood constantly when we play. I'll finish a fun session of Dnd and he'll end it by saying something like "that session was kind of stupid. I can't believe the mod author expected us to go out there and fight that guy one on one when he had a wall full of archers pointed at that guy. Why didn't the archers just fire and kill him? I understand he was holding on to hostages but who cares about the hostages? The leader of the enemies was in their sights. Let all the hostages die. They were dead anyways as soon as they were captured. I understand that one of them was the lords son. He's a lord. He has to make hard decisions. This entire situation is stupid. It's clear what the answer is. But the adventure is going to make one of us sacrifice ourselves to try to save to hostages. I ran up and down the walls yelling at the archers to ignore their stupid commander and fire but all of them were idiots and ignored me. That's stupid. You'd think at least one of them would have the common sense to do the right thing regardless of what their commander says. I'm not even sure I want to play this stupid adventure if this is the kind of thing we need to deal with. The adventure seems to think that saving the hostages is the Good thing to do. It isn't good, it's stupid. Besides, there a Dragon around. This adventure should be over already with us all dead. But for some reason it didn't kill us. " (Almost word for word his rant after the first session of Hoard of the Dragon Queen)

My only response was "I don't know. I had fun and I thought all of that was fine." To which he called me an idiot for liking stupid adventures.

That's the kind of thing that happens when I deal directly with him. Plus, after the way he treated me I had no intention of reconciling with him. I just wanted to quit D&D so I didn't have to see him often and maybe save my relationship with her. But she made her choice.

 

[Ohillion]

And so ends the saga. I think you'll find that there are going to be people like that in a good number of game groups. I'd like to reiterate: I hope you find a good group that's to your liking. Have fun on your adventures.

 

[Umbran]

I quoted this because this is where your whole reconciliation attempt failed. .

Unless he was being passive-aggressive, it wasn't a reconciliation attempt. He says he was simply explaining his departure, not trying to reconcile.

 

[Ohillion]

Unless he was being passive-aggressive, it wasn't a reconciliation attempt. He says he was simply explaining his departure, not trying to reconcile.

Ah, yes. I stand corrected. I do believe my points are valid just the same. Find friends that you can be real with and they'll be real friends. Deal directly and not through third parties. It's a mature way of handling adversity.

That you've made a decision now is admirable. I hope the best for your future gaming.

 

[Eminence_Grise]

I'm glad to see that you got rid of him. I hope you have a better life because of it.

Honestly, I feel sorry for the girlfriend. She might be into an abusive relationship and she doesn't realize it.

 

[S'mon]

Well done, now stay away from them! I think the woman thrives on drama and it is very likely that she will seek to make up with you fairly soon in order to re-establish the relationship, with a view to ultimately getting things back to how they were before, with the blow-ups & drama. You need to politely decline.

 

[the Jester]

I have seen and experienced fights or animosity at the table and assumed the opposing parties would never talk to each other again. But after a long break, as long as they were friends in every other aspect besides the game, it usually was resolved and we continued to game. Sometimes all you need is a break.

These people are not Majoru's friends, at least not by any measure I'd use.